Yearly Archives: 2011

Longest Day of the Year

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Today is the summer solstice up here in North America — it gives us the longest amount of daylight that we will enjoy in 2011. For us at 38° 53′ North and 77° 02′ West, that means that local sunrise will be at 05:43 and sunset will be at 20:37 with 14 hours and 53 minutes of daylight.

I will enjoy a long early morning walk in twilight (and not in the dark, as usual) then riding my Harley to work after the sun has risen, and then lingering with my partner in the evening, holding hands and watching the sun set. That’s our tradition on the eve of the summer solstice.

Nothing special, really, on this longest day of the year. Just enjoying it!

It’s not a problem, either, to go to bed before it is dark outside. Usually, I’m in bed before dark during the month of June and half of July. No biggie — fortunately, light doesn’t prevent me from getting to sleep.

Life is short: love it!

Lugged Fryes Go for a Ride

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I mentioned in a previous blog post that I was given a pair of new Frye campus boots by a cousin who thought that I coul weather them while riding my motorcycle. Well… after having Vibram 100 lug soles added to them, I could.

Sunday found me going on a motorcycle ride with a group of buds, wearing those new-to-me Frye boots with new-to-them deep lug soles. Unlike the leather you see on my legs in this photo, I wore these Frye boots with regular blue jeans and a t-shirt, as it was warm and humid, so it wasn’t leather weather.

We had a good ride. The boots enjoyed it, too. (Though, as usual, no one said a word about the boots. Seldom does that happen, especially to a biker. I mean, most people expect bikers to be wearing boots, so why would anyone say anything?)

Life is short: go for a ride!

Father’s Day

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Thinking of my Dad today; I sure miss him. I learned a lot from him in the 12 years that we shared together on this planet.

Those of you who still have Dads don’t know how lucky you are. Go give him a hug, or if you’re far away, at least give your Dad a call.

This past blog post explains a bit about my Dad if you care to read it.

Meanwhile, today will find me going on a motorcycle ride, and I think I just may find myself going to one of my Dad’s favorite places on my way home to sit, think, and smile in honor and memory of a wonderful man.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

Oops, Our Mistake

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This is one of those frustrations that gay couples encounter … a true story … just happened to us.

Many years ago, I set up a small company that handles my rental properties and the costs associated with renovating and maintaining them. When my partner and I became a couple, we went through the legal shenanigans to have him added on as a co-owner of the company, so that if anything should happen to me, he will have ownership rights without having to have the company’s assets go through probate.

Two weeks ago, I bought a small house to renovate and make available to a community hero. The company handled the transaction. However, late yesterday afternoon, I had to take care of some legal work related to it, and to make sure that my partner’s name was shown on the company’s filing for the title to the house. I went to the courthouse on what I thought would be a routine matter.

When I was filing that form, the clerk looked at it and said, “the company co-owner box can’t be marked “male” if the owner’s box is marked “male.”

Huh?

Turns out that old habits die hard, and when computer systems are set up for defaults, it presumes that properties cannot be owned by a same-sex couple if the primary “owner” is an entity like a small business.

I know this is complicated, but it points out that there still are some old assumptions that pervade computer systems — and as we all know, “garbage in = garbage out.”

The clerk was very good about it, apologized, and called a supervisor over who looked at it, apologized again, and promised to get an I.T. tech to fix it permanently. I just wonder how I could be the first person to encounter this situation.

Oh well, no harm, no foul. It’s all legal. Now, to move on to get the renovations completed so I can concentrate on my partner’s well-being and care.

Life is short: make sure legal matters are accurate.

Preparing

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When one has a major medical issue, such as my partner’s brain tumor, one has to hope for the best while preparing for the worst. We’ll know on Monday when he and I go to see a neurosurgeon who will interpret results of an MRI and biopsy, and advise next steps.

Meanwhile, we’re taking all preparedness actions that we have to take, which includes little things like having access to on-line banking for personal accounts to big things like legal matters — updating a will and stuff like that which we don’t want to think about, but must….

Having legal docs in place is so incredibly important, especially for gay couples who are seen as strangers to each other by the law. Medical proxies, Advanced Directives, Powers of Attorney, and a will with a codicil is important for anyone to have, but especially for gay couples. We have those documents in place, but my partner wants to update his will, which we will do this weekend.

Gosh, this is an incredibly difficult time, as we hope for the best and prepare for the worst. That type of thinking comes from my professional background, but applies directly to our personal lives as well.

Life is short: think happy… but be prepared.

Suited and Booted

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Regular readers know that I abhor dressing up, but there are times when it becomes necessary for my job.  I had a major presentation to do for various big and bigger cheeses, including some international visitors.

So I broke out the suit — well, not really a suit because I do not own one — but I have a jacket and pants that match, though made by different manufacturers. The material in both the jacket and pants are the same, so it looks for all intents and purposes like a suit.

To appease my inner leather soul, I wore a blue leather tie.

To appease my feet (and my head, as I absolutely cannot wrap my head around the idea of wearing dress shoes), I wore some very nice, clean, well-shined, Lucchese Classic goatskin cowboy boots.

While you see me with a cowboy hat on in this photo, I didn’t wear it for the cheeses. Nope, my head was nekkid (giggle.)

So, it is possible for me to wear a suit. I am just thankful that I don’t have to wear one but once in a blue moon.

BTW, I had to attend a funeral of a friend the other day. What did I wear? A dress shirt, no tie, clean denim jeans and a different pair of cowboy boots. Why not a suit? I fear that the little old lady who I cared for — the deceased — would strike me with a bolt of lightning. She knew very well that I’m not a suit guy, and never saw me in anything other than shirt, jeans, and boots. Period.

Life is short: do what you have to do, even if you don’t like it.

P.S.: please do not write to me and tell me that I look good this way. One may put on appearances, but the real guy is not that guy. Not me. Not suits. No way.

Are There Any Normal Masculine Gay Men?

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A question like the one shown above drive occasional visitors to this blog. “Are there any normal masculine gay men?”

Hmmm… what’s “normal?” I wonder if the person asking the Internet this question has met masculine gay men who behave strangely, or what? I don’t know. Without context, I will refrain from over-analyzing the question.

Look, gay men are all different, as straight men are. Some are calm, cool, collected, have a sense of purpose, work for a living (or are retired), care for loved-ones, and “have a life.” Doesn’t matter, gay or straight.

It is hard not to let television shows, movies, and gazillions of websites affect one’s thoughts and judgments. Often, as far as “gay things” go, the flamboyant, radical, loud, frilly-froo-froo gay men are more visible in these media. Think about it — if a regular, down-to-earth guy with good style sense remodeled a room in someone’s home using moderate colors and casual furnishings — would he get as much attention compared with the gay guys who have TV shows that feature wild colors and oddball choices for furnishings and accessories? Not…

And I won’t go into what results when one enters anything related to being gay into an internet search. The vast majority of results demonstrate the extremes of gay culture.

Well, anyway, to answer this question: YES! There are “normal” masculine gay men. They don’t wear a sign; they don’t have websites or TV shows or blogs (for the most part, myself being an exception). I have already described where one will find masculine gay men — that is, not in typical places that gay people go to (bars and restaurants that cater to the LGBT community, and Pride events). Nope, you will find “normal” masculine gay men intermixed with the rest of the population — at church, in the grocery store, at the office, watching or playing sports, enjoying clubs and activities. Just anywhere. Trouble is, these guys blend in with anyone else, because they are secure in themselves and their masculinity.

Granted, some masculine-behaving gay men are living solidly in the closet. These guys have various reasons for not wanting other people to know about their sexual orientation. I will not judge. I’ve been there. I know what that is like and why some men make that choice. I’m glad, now, that I don’t have to live in the closet. As I often say, “those who know me know, but I don’t wave a flag or wear a sign.” My life and my business are my own, and I abhor quidnuncs.

Judging what is “normal” or not is a completely different issue. As I am not a shrink, I will refrain from further commentary (giggle.)

Previous blog posts that relate to this topic:

Life is short: relax and be who you are.

Caring for the One I Love Redux

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I’m having trouble keeping up with email and tons of love shown on Facebook, so let me give a quick update: my partner’s initial diagnosis indicates a non-cancerous brain tumor. We meet with a neurosurgeon next week to determine next steps, which probably means surgery.

I am looking on the bright side: it’s not cancer, and he is not in pain. In fact, he asked for some of my famous homemade chicken soup for dinner — a recipe that one of our family’s favorite uncles was well-known for.

The hospital staff and physicians were very good to both of us. While we have legal paperwork in place so that I could formally advocate for him if I had to, we didn’t have to produce that. They treated me as his spouse and consulted with me that way.

More to come… but pardon me for a break, as I’m caring for the one I love. Each minute is precious.

Remember: life is short … show those you love that you love them.

Caring for the One I Love

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My beloved partner hasn’t been well … long story, and I don’t want to get into much detail, but today perhaps we will find out what’s going on as he has exploratory brain surgery to explore what’s up. Mood swings, left ear deafness, severe tinnitus — all indicators of a brain tumor. A CT scan picked up a shadow. Blood tests reveal nothing related to cancer, thank goodness.

An MRI-led biopsy will be performed today. We don’t expect to get the results until he sees his doctor later this week. Meanwhile, we’re hoping and praying that a resolution can be found for this severe health crisis.

I’ll post again when we know what’s up. Meanwhile, your kind thoughts and prayers will be appreciated.

As I often say: life is short; show those you love that you love them. Each day with the one you love is a precious gift.

No Cop Boots?

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Someone wrote an email to me to ask what boots I was wearing when I went on a police-escorted motorcycle ride on Sunday.  “Must have been hard to choose between your Dehner, Wesco, All American, Enforcer, Chippewa, and Intapol boots,” he remarked.

First of all, I am impressed that the writer of the message was thorough enough to have reviewed my website (or this blog) and knows the variety of makers of tall police patrol boots that I own.

But let me burst a bubble: I didn’t wear patrol boots on Sunday. Why? I wanted to wear lightweight khaki BDUs, because it was darned hot and humid out. These BDUs wick away sweat and keep me cool. I tucked the BDUs into my Chippewa Firefighter boots, which still remain a frequent choice to wear when riding in hot weather. Great boots: comfortable, durable, and the lug soles provide great traction.

It is very uncomfortable to wear boots that hold breeches close to the legs on a hot day. I don’t know how some cops can stand it. Plus, I am sensitive to the fact that cops take a dim view of non-cops who dress like they do — even if we have no insignia on a shirt or stripes down the leg — there are some who take second-looks and make judgments. In my civic life, I work with some of the cops who led the ride for us yesterday, and didn’t want to have conversations take a diversion to discussions about what I was wearing — I had other things that I wanted to speak with them about.

Sure, I’ll wear breeches and patrol boots when tooling around the ‘hood in pleasant weather, and even wear leather breeches and patrol boots when the weather is cold. But I refrain from making a statement around people who are sensitive to fetish issues. Cops, military (including vets) and bikers with whom I ride regularly are generally sensitive about this matter for various reasons, so I don’t “push it.” Plus, overall, I prefer to be comfortable, particularly on a longer ride. Now ‘ya know.

Life is short: be comfortable. (And wear boots when riding a motorcycle!)