Men: Best Jeans for Boots

rp_Davemjeans3.jpgDenim jeans are the most popular pants in the world. Casual, comfortable, durable, easy to care for, and (some) quite affordable, denim jeans are the staple of a man’s wardrobe. Funny, I read a statistic somewhere that the average adult male in the United States owns five pairs of jeans and four pairs of dress slacks. More jeans than dresswear? Well, on average, maybe so. Certainly most guys prefer to wear casual, comfortable clothes rather than have to dress up (blechhh..)

In response to a friend’s suggestion (thanks, WC), following are my personal opinions on the best jeans for men who wear boots (and in general, because even though some guys may wear sneakers, we all know they envy those of us who wear boots every day.)
Continue reading

Taking Up Stamp Collecting

Thanks to a loyal blog reader for bringing this to my attention: come September, Finland will be releasing three new stamps using imagery from the famously iconic drawings of Touko Laaksonen, otherwise known as Tom of Finland.

According to the Finland Postal Service,

His emphatically masculine homoerotic drawings have attained iconic status in their genre and had an influence on, for instance, pop culture and fashion. In his works, Tom of Finland utilized the self-irony and humor typical of subcultures. During his career, Tom of Finland produced more than 3,500 drawings… The drawings on the stamp sheet represent strong and confident male figures typical of their designer.

As I said, I think I’ll take up stamp collecting again:
Continue reading

Manly Boots But Failed the Man Test

Early this morning, I went to a plumbing supplies store. This store caters to contractors who do plumbing for a living. I needed to buy a particular type and brand of toilet. Since I do a lot of home renovations, I have an account at this store and am considered eligible for contractor pricing, which allows me to buy plumbing fixtures and supplies at about 30% less than the big box orange or blue retailers charge for the same items.

There I am, in worn denim jeans, Chippewa logger boots, and a dull green parka. Topped off with a ballcap with “Wesco” printed on the front.

When I arrived, there were five other contractors at the parts counter, jocularly speaking with one another and the counter staff. Apparently they all know each other, which doesn’t surprise me.

A couple of the guys listened to me place my order, which was stated manly enough, and in the proper “contractor-speak.” That is, it was clear when I said, “one G-V toilet, complete, ADA compliant, enhanced enlongated rim, 12″ rough opening, a wax ring, and a 1/2-inch nominal compression valve” that I knew what I was talking about.

But I must have tripped the gaydar of these guys. While the counter clerk went to the back to get my order, they asked me,
Continue reading

Stereotyping Alpha Male Turns Boys Into Gays?

I was puzzled to find the following search that directed a visitor from Lidon, Utah, to a post on this blog titled, “Low Self Esteem, Insecurity, and Homosexuality.”

The search read, “sterotyping alpha male turns boys into gays.”
AlphamalegayThis search term can be interpreted several ways, but here is what I think, from the perspective of a married, masculine gay man —
Continue reading

Masculine Gay Men

If any one set of words is searched on the ‘net more than any others that lead to visitors to this blog, it is “masculine gay men.”

Yes, it is possible to behave in a masculine manner as an ordinary guy, and also be gay. Not all men behave the same way. Not all “gays” behave the same way, either. Unfortunately, social stereotyping portrays gay men (mostly in the media) as being swishy queens with high-pitched voices and who are completely unable to do anything other than fuss, get flustered, hang out at Starsucks in shorts and flip-flops playing with their mobile devices, or plan the next “fabulous” party. That stereotyping drives men like me crazy.
Continue reading

Optimism and Masculinity

I have written posts on this blog from time to time about various characteristics of a masculine man, and trying to diffuse wrongly-held stereotypes that all gay men are frilly-froo-froo queens with lispy high-pitched voices and limp wrists. Unfortunately, there are too many postings on the internet that portray that stereotype that it persists deeply among the less-educated and closed-minded among us.

Anyway, there is one behavioral trait that masculine men have about which I wish to write, and that is optimism. Masculine men are, for the most part, optimistic. Positive. Forward-looking.

Continue reading

Do Gay Men Want To Be Masculine?

Here is another take on this age-old conundrum about gay men and masculinity:

Someone from New Jersey searched “do gay men want to be masculine?” See the search here:

Let me point out one quick fallacy of logic in that question — it assumes that all gay men are not masculine, but perhaps some or all of them want to be.

What is masculinity in this context?

I have blogged a lot about masculinity before, but for purposes of keeping this post shorter, let’s just say that “being masculine” in this context is from observable characteristics of behavior.

I am admitting up front here that I am guessing that this question was asked by a straight man who is wondering about the gay culture, with which he has little experience. Just a guess on my part, and I could be totally wrong. But for purposes of this blog post, let’s assume this is the operating principle behind why this question was asked.

What I would like to say to this person is that he may have made assumptions that all gay men are the same and have the same interests or desires, and that those assumptions are incorrect.

There are some straight men who do not understand gay culture and make assumptions based on inputs from media, including entertainment television as well as the internet. Some straight guys assume that all gay men behave effeminately — and there may be some gay men who want to act more masculine.

I believe that by the time a male has reached adulthood, he has adopted and demonstrates his outward behavior patterns already. If a guy behaves in a masculine manner — that is, confident, secure, and strong — and he adopts what society dictates are masculine behaviors — such as protecting personal space, not showing emotions publicly, enjoying and engaging in sports, working out, and so forth — then he is who he is regardless if he is gay or straight.

Some guys behave in a masculine manner, and some guys behave more effeminately. Granted, there are more gay men who have effeminate mannerisms than straight men with such mannerisms, but that is not the case for all gay men. My partner and me being among them — we’re men, and behave as typical guys. But we also love each other and are not interested in women. Does our disinterest in women make us less masculine? IMHO, not.

This stuff is so hard for straight guys to figure out about us gay guys. I think they would like to have us all be the same and act the same and behave the same, and some have trouble dealing with the diversity of the gay culture. But the converse is true — straight guys aren’t all the same, either. Some behave with more masculine mannerisms than others. Some are open and accepting of gay men, and some reject us flat-out, as if they could “catch” our “gay gene.” (Thank goodness for my straight friends who are secure enough in themselves that they enjoy a friendship based on mutual interests, caring, and thoughtfulness — and nothing about the difference in our sexual orientation.)

Anyway, back to the focus of this post — do gay men want to be masculine?

Some gay men may prefer to behave differently — perhaps more masculine. Why? My partner and I think that some gay men may want to “be” masculine for two reasons:

1) to continue keeping their sexual identity a secret — that is, continue living in the closet. After all, the Grand Assumption is that men who behave in a masculine manner can’t be gay.

2) they are attracted to — and want to attract — gay men who behave in a masculine manner. This is truly a case where similar behaviors are attractive to one another.

In summary, my point is — by the time a guy reaches adulthood, he has adopted his mannerisms and behaviors that will not change (or change much if one tries). Does he “want” to behave differently? Yes, perhaps for some. “Will” he behave differently? Probably not.

Life is short: be who you are.

Sorry if I went on another academic tangent here, but that’s where my doctoral work comes out sometimes. But I hope you enjoyed the read — it was interesting to write!