I received a message recently from someone who told me that he and a family member have been following this blog for a long time, and said,
I wanted to reach out to let you know how much I appreciate your blog and the way you embrace and celebrate leather culture. Your passion for wearing leather with pride and purpose has been truly inspiring to me.
I am grateful for the way your writing has helped us bond and discuss various topics related to kink, fetish and leather in a more open and understanding way.
Thank you for the work you do and for being such a positive role model. It means a lot to both of us.
Wow… I honestly had no idea of the impact this lil’ ol’ blog could have. While I do not think of myself as a typical example of a gay Leatherman, I guess I have shared enough about my fetish interests that it has had some impact.
I titled this post “my authentic leather self” to describe how I have evolved to…
… understanding myself at this age and stage of my life.
Brief background (so you don’t have to plow through thousands of posts)…
* I did not know I was gay until I was in college. Even then, I was so busy, I did not have time for a social life. I knew, however, that men attracted my eye, especially if they wore boots (cowboys) and leather (bikers before I knew what a “leatherman” was.)
* I worked in positions of public service to both the United States and Canada for my entire working career. I kept my private life separate from my public life on purpose.
* I bought my first motorcycle when I was 22 years old, which ostensibly served as a reason to wear leather, head-to-toe (boots!)
* I was also very involved in the community where I grew up, lived, and built my life. I served on (and led) many Boards and even held public office for four years. I always maintained myself as “the guy who knows about (you name the topic)… and who also shows up at meetings on a motorcycle in full leather … and who just happens to be gay.”
==> it is these things that made me my authentic self — a man who knows his stuff and happens to enjoy wearing leather and is gay. (NOT: “that gay guy in leather.”)
* I met the man who completed me as a person, champion, lover, and best friend in 1993. We lived “as married” (monogamously) and finally were legally married in our home state as soon as we legally could do so in 2013.
* My man and I built our “forever home” together in 1998. In fact, I actually built it (with the help of labor crews I hired)!
* My husband and I led solid lives of service to our nation, caring for our home, and (of course), caring for each other.
* Yeah, we had fun, traveled the world, and went to some leather-related events (IML, MAL, Folsom).
But mostly, we did not lead a life of debauchery or go too far with some of what some called, “that leather stuff.” While some enjoy kink, BDSM, and other types of ‘more active’ encounters, my husband and I chose “more vanilla” as our leather life. We were always monogamous. That’s okay — it is what both of us wanted. What you want may be different.
==> my beloved husband died in January 2021 after only six months past diagnosis with pancreatic cancer.
What is my authentic life these days?
* I retired in December 2019. I spent 2020 caring for my husband during his darkest times of his illness. I grieved most of 2021.
* It took me a while to find my feet after the loss of the man who completed me. I am grateful to family, close friends, and a community that loves and supports me. 2022 to now, however…
* I split my time these ways —
– when in Maryland (home):
> volunteer 2 or 3 days/week in a medical setting as a supervisor. I get to use my Spanish, in which I am fluent.
> spend time where I put my funds — I support many activities at my alma mater.
> do creative photography (hobby but gaining skill).
> work on my website for fun and to keep it up. I have many fetishes that I enjoy and use the website to share them. And heck yeah — when it is cool, off with the shoes & suits and on with the boots & leather!
– when in Canada (2nd home; I am a dual national)
> travel coast-to-coast, mostly for photography and to see old friends.
> more “tbd” as it will become a decision pending the outcome of the U.S. Presidential election as to whether I will spend most of my time in the U.S. or in Canada. Check back after November 5th!
– when in Puerto Rico (professional surfer* )
> I am blessed to have friends who give me their home to live in for 4 to 6 weeks during winter holidays. I speak the language fluently, so I enjoy traveling for photography and to visit mis amigos who live on the island.
> * professional surfer — no, I can not surf on a surfboard. Rather, I float from friend’s couch to friend’s couch. Now THAT is being a professional surfer — couch-surfer that is!
Hopefully this catches you up on who I am — an authentic-to-self, confident, community volunteer who just happens to…
* enjoy fetish leather gear, boots, business suits, and dress shoes.
Life is short: be your authentic self!
