I continue to support this blog, but I still have trouble coming up with new content.

Today’s update is what I call “Re-Emergence.” I title this “Re-Emergence” because I truly feel like an adult emerging from a chrysalis. My chrysalis was a protective shell in which I encased myself during what was the worst part of my life.

In case you missed it, my husband died in January, 2021, after a six-month battle with treatments for pancreatic cancer. The chemotherapy treatments administered two years ago (this month), could not be tolerated. Chemo intolerance led to getting an infection and resulted in multiple organ failure.

Since his death, I went into an extended period of grieving. I had a lot of support from my family and close friends, as well as opportunities to serve my community as a volunteer to keep busy and do things to honor my husband.

The process of grief…
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My LeatherHunk

These photos were taken in our back yard just five years ago today.

I miss my husband, my “leatherhunk,” my leather soul(mate), my man. I march forward with purpose in my life, but I still miss him a lot and always will have very fond memories of the man who completed me.
Life is short: enjoy fond memories.

Honoring Complete

My beloved husband let go one year ago, January 5, due to complications from pancreatic cancer. I honored his last wishes today, one year later. He asked me to scatter his ashes upon the Caribbean Sea off the west coast of Puerto Rico because he said it “was the only ocean I can swim in.”

Instead of using a boat, I had to change plans due to a covid-caused complication. I was okay with that, and actually, I thought…
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One Year Ago

One year ago this week, I brought my beloved husband back to my very favorite Caribbean island, Puerto Rico, to enjoy a 25th anniversary return to la isla del encanto. I had retired at the end of 2019, and Spouse and I planned lots of travel during 2020 with the new free time I was going to have.

Back in the 80s, 90s, and 2000s, I traveled a LOT to this island for…
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One Month On

Holding his hand

Today, February 5, it has been one month since my beloved husband let go on January 5th. I stayed the night with him the night before at the Hospice, holding his hand all.night.long. They kept telling me all day the 4th that “your husband is ‘close’ and not to expect him to live much longer.”

But as usual, my testadura — the ever stubborn — defied prognostications. He lived through the night, and died the next morning when I had to let go when the nurses needed to adjust him in his bed.

Today, one month on, how am I doing?
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Most Courageous Demonstration of Love

One month ago, Thursday, December 31, which is usually during non-pandemic times a festive party time, instead, I arrived at the hospital at 7am to be with my husband. He had been hospitalized since the Sunday before with a nasty internal bacterial infection. I finally broke through the “Covid no visitor” policy since my husband was close to death.

I found him in really bad shape, even worse than when I left him the night before. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and he had a nasogastric (NG) tube in his nose, down his throat.

Where did that come from? Why was that there? Thus began a terribly difficult and fateful day of decision-making.
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Credit to Differences

I have had several regular readers of this blog reach out to extend their condolences on the recent death of my beloved husband. I appreciate that.

Some people also offered information on how they handled similar situations when their husband or long-time partner died.

Concerns described to me about “trigger points” for grief made me realize just how I am benefiting, oddly, by…
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Community & Family Embrace

I have to admit, these last couple weeks since my sweet husband let go, I have been grieving. Some readers of this blog have sent me email of condolences and suggestions on self-care.

Here is more of the story of what happened, and how I am being cared for in the worst time of personal grief…
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