I continue to support this blog, but I still have trouble coming up with new content.

Today’s update is what I call “Re-Emergence.” I title this “Re-Emergence” because I truly feel like an adult emerging from a chrysalis. My chrysalis was a protective shell in which I encased myself during what was the worst part of my life.

In case you missed it, my husband died in January, 2021, after a six-month battle with treatments for pancreatic cancer. The chemotherapy treatments administered two years ago (this month), could not be tolerated. Chemo intolerance led to getting an infection and resulted in multiple organ failure.

Since his death, I went into an extended period of grieving. I had a lot of support from my family and close friends, as well as opportunities to serve my community as a volunteer to keep busy and do things to honor my husband.

The process of grief…
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These photos were taken in our back yard just five years ago today.

I miss my husband, my “leatherhunk,” my leather soul(mate), my man. I march forward with purpose in my life, but I still miss him a lot and always will have very fond memories of the man who completed me.
Life is short: enjoy fond memories.

Today, February 5, it has been one month since my beloved husband let go on January 5th. I stayed the night with him the night before at the Hospice, holding his hand all.night.long. They kept telling me all day the 4th that “your husband is ‘close’ and not to expect him to live much longer.”

But as usual, my testadura — the ever stubborn — defied prognostications. He lived through the night, and died the next morning when I had to let go when the nurses needed to adjust him in his bed.

Today, one month on, how am I doing?
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One month ago, Thursday, December 31, which is usually during non-pandemic times a festive party time, instead, I arrived at the hospital at 7am to be with my husband. He had been hospitalized since the Sunday before with a nasty internal bacterial infection. I finally broke through the “Covid no visitor” policy since my husband was close to death.

I found him in really bad shape, even worse than when I left him the night before. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and he had a nasogastric (NG) tube in his nose, down his throat.

Where did that come from? Why was that there? Thus began a terribly difficult and fateful day of decision-making.
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As I mentioned on my January 1 blog entry, Spouse was terminally ill. And not with Covid — his kidneys were irreparably damaged by medical treatment, and then he contracted an infection that was too overwhelming and he could not survive.

I brought him to …
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I have not been blogging here for a long time because…
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