My Valentine

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This is a simple subject — but important to me. I am blessed to have someone who I can call “my valentine” and it is with pleasure that I will surprise him later today when we both get home from our respective places of work. I have prepared some nice treats, selected a card that says just the right words, and will keep this darned computer turned off tonight while I sit by his side.  Holding hands.  Being close.

If anything in my life goes nuts, occupies my attention, and causes me to become upset with … whatever … I step back and remember what’s most important to me.  The answer?  My funny valentine. My lover. My best friend.

Happy Valentines Day!  May you share joy with the one you love.

Riding to Clear the Head

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I just got out for my first ride of the season when the temperatures climbed to the low 50s (F — 11C).  I spent time checking out my Harley since I have not ridden it since before I had my hernia surgery in November. The controls, lights, cables, brakes, and tires all were fine, though I double-checked the air pressure in the tires to be sure. The trickle charger that I kept on my bike all winter maintained the battery so the bike’s engine started on the first try, and rumbled to life with its throaty Harley roar.

I donned my Dehner Field Boots to break them in with a pair of lightweight CHP leather breeches (and I have to admit, I wore longjohns underneath!), and my Taylor’s Cop Jacket, gloves, and full-face helmet.

Riding alone is a good thing when you need some “me time.”  It gave me a chance to think about my aunt who recently passed away and enjoy the scenery, as stark as it was (grey, snow mounds still on the side of the road.)  But it was GREAT to get out!

Sorry, good friend and fellow biker in New Hampshire (you know who you are), I do not mean to rub it in, but when we have that occasional warmish day in winter, I’ll get out and ride when I can.  I thought of you and had you with me in spirit (if that helps!)

Life is short:  RIDE!

A Shirt and Hat?

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Here is another one of those amusing internet searches that landed on my “wearing cowboy boots” page on my website:

What to wear with cowboy boots and jeans?

Well, …

… a shirt and hat would be nice. Not sure why someone from Bronx, New York (USA), would ask that, and as I frequently say in response to these things, “if you have to ask…” LOL!

Life is short:  wear boots with jeans and….

Working on the Relationship

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Someone asked me once, “have you ever become so angry with your partner that you’ve thought of breaking up and going your separate ways?”

The quick answer to this question is, “no, but…”

The longer answer:  my life with my partner is not all wine and roses.  Like all couples, we have our differences, and sometimes we argue.  I remain fairly calm and don’t yell.  Yelling doesn’t do anything for anyone.

We seldom argue, but when we do, we both feel very uncomfortable and in the past, we have said some things that we both have regretted.

These days, we hardly argue at all.  We both know what sets the other off, what bothers him, what makes him angry.  We both work hard to avoid having anything like that happen.  We avoid conflict as best we can.

Sometimes we avoid conflict by not doing something we want to do: for example, when my partner gets on a tear about spring gardening, I don’t even mention that I’m anxious to go for a motorcycle ride.  I just suck it up and work with him on the gardens until he’s happy. My partner also doesn’t do some things he wants to do when I want to do something else — it works both ways.

And I think that’s what makes our relationship work:  we understand each other well enough to know what not to do, and then don’t do it.

Further, when either of us senses that we are getting close to creating a tense situation, we stop and think.  We reform our thoughts and are careful about what we say.  This is an indication that we both work on our relationship every day.  We think about the other person in our life who means the most to us, and think about how we can avoid saying or doing anything that will cause the other to become upset or angry.  We work on ourselves, which makes our relationship solid and steadfast.

Some people get into relationships based on other factors.  In fact, a recent study showed that over 2/3 of all relationships begin with sex, and 1/3 of those relationships continue only with sex being the primary driver of staying together.  Then when sex hits the skids (for whatever reasons), couples realize that they have nothing else in common.  They begin to understand that they don’t really know the other person at all.  Then they do things that cause significant arguments and sometimes results in breaking up and divorce.

For my beloved partner and me, as different as we are and as quirky as we behave sometimes, we have taken a lot of time to listen, to understand, and to maintain our bond of friendship which forms the basis of our relationship.  Sure, sex is a part of what keeps us close, but never was and even today is not “the only thing.”

We both work on our relationship in little ways every day.  We trust and value the other’s opinion.  We think about what we do and say and how that may affect the other.  Truly, to have a good, long-lasting, fruitful and beneficial partnership as a couple, we both realize that our relationship takes work.  We invest in that work often.  The payoff is significant — together, forever, we make the bootprints of our journey.

By the way, I think this applies to both straight and gay couples.  I see my siblings in marriages of 30, 40, and (almost) 50 years.  Marriages that have lasted that long have to have been built on a very solid relationship that is made to last by continuing to work on it.

Life is short:  work on your relationship.

How Tall Should Motorcycle Boots Be?

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Another internet search landed a visitor to my Motorcycle Boot Guide.  In the search, he asks:

How tall should a motorcycle boot be for a cruiser?

For non-motorcyclists, a cruiser is a style of motorcycle designed for riding on the street. I owned and rode cruiser-style bikes for a number of years, and enjoyed the style and the ride.

I learned from my experience riding cruisers that knee function is essential — that is, you have to bend your knees a lot to operate the controls and when stopping and maneuvering.  Thus, the height of motorcycle boots is important — boots should not be higher than the back of the knee.  Otherwise, scraping and chafing of the skin on the back of the knee happens, and is painful.

That’s also why I do not own or wear boots that are higher than the back of my knee.  Some people enjoy what’s called “crotch-high” boots — that is, boots that are super-tall, and come way up on the leg.  Wesco Boots are available at that height, and are worn by boot fiends (fetishers) who present quite an appearance in them.  However, boots of that height are not practical for use when operating a motorcycle.  Boots that go well over the knee make the knee harder to bend, and especially for a cruiser, makes the boots unsafe to use while riding, in my opinion.

How tall should boots be when riding a cruiser, or for that matter, any motorcycle?  As tall as you want, but only up to but not above the back of the knee.  You will see boots in my motorcycle boot collection as high as 19″, which for my height and lower leg length, are as tall as I can wear them — up to but not above the back of the knee.

I also have motorcycle boots of various shorter lengths — 17″, 16″, 14″, 12″, and even “shorties” at 9″. My most comfortable motorcycle boots are “shorties” — Chippewa Firefighter boots.

I wear all of my motorcycle boots (one pair at a time — LOL!) for various reasons and choose which boots to wear based on weather and ride length.  If it is cold, boots that are tall and leather lined provide comfort, durability, protection, and warmth. Wesco boots fit that bill.

When the weather is moderate and I want to wear breeches, then I choose motorcycle patrol boots, from Dehners to All American to Chippewa to Hartt — all of ’em look great with leather or cloth breeches.

When the weather is warm to outrageously hot, then I choose shorter boots, such as my Chippewa Firefighter boots, as well as standard biker harness boots.  Harness boots have a bit wider calf circumference so they breathe and let my feet get some air so sweat evaporates.

In summary, I recommend that serious bikers have choices of boots to select from — for the weather, road conditions, and comfort.  But not taller than the back of the knee.

Life is short:  wear boots — especially when riding a motorcycle!

Blog Changes

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Every now and then, I check out other blogs and when I see something I like, I may make it happen on this blog.

I really like MC’s blog (motorcopblog.com) for its design as well as some interesting and witty posts from a cop’s perspective.  His friend, “Happy Medic”, is a whiz with geek-blog-stuff, and has helped MC create some interesting features on his blog.  That, in turn, has influenced my blog.

One feature that MC uses on his blog, Wibiya, which creates a bar on the bottom of his blog that enables connections with other social networks such as Facebook and Twitter, was something that I tried for a couple months.  However, I found that it was “blogging the blog” — that is, making it work slower.  I also got a complaint from a loyal reader that when he tried to view a post or two of mine, that it caused pop-ups for Facebook and eventually caused his computer to crash.

Wibiya was not bringing more visitors to my blog, but perhaps was making it more difficult for some visitors to view it, so I took that off.

Blogging is an ongoing thing, experimenting with features and functions that work — or in some cases, do not work as I had hoped. 

Enjoy the slight redesign that you see — with a new feature, “slideshow.”  You’ll see that on MC’s blog, too — and his slideshow includes an image of me with a motor officer friend of mine who serves the county where I live.

Life is short:  happy blogging!

Scents of a Leatherman

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Here is another internet search that landed on my website, on my Complete Guide to Leather Gear:

“Do all leather men not use deodorant?”

To clarify, this is what I said on my Guide to Leather Gear:

Real men don’t wear scents. Leathermen prefer the smell of leather and other men — not smelly stuff from a bottle. Do not wear after-shave or cologne with leather. Before you go out, take a shower with unscented soap, and if you use deodorant, use an unscented variety. Men like how clean men smell — not dirt or grunge, either.

I did NOT say that leathermen should not use deodorant — I just said that men in leather prefer other men in leather not to smell like after shave or cologne, and they don’t like the smell of grunge, either.  If your sweat stinks, by all means, use deodorant.  Just use the unscented variety.

Life is short:  when you wear leather, let that be your scent.

Why Do Bikers Wear Boots?

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Sometimes the most fundamental questions entered into a search engine land here on this blog.

Someone from Olathe, Kansas (USA), searched:

Why do bikers wear boots?

I will share my opinions.  I am a biker, having ridden motorcycles for over 30 years, with hundreds of thousands of miles on highways, byways, and back roads.  As a biker, I truly feel that operators of motorcycles need to wear boots.  Here is why I wear boots when I ride, and why my smart fellow riders do, as well:

1.  Strength and stability for fragile feet and ankles.  The foot and ankle are easily injured by the stresses and strains of motorcycle operation. Maneuvering a bike while stopping, moving into a parking space, or just in and out of a driveway puts enormous forces on the ankle.  The bones in the ankle are fragile — believe me, I know!  Boots provide more strength to the foot and ankle, reducing the possibility of injury by bending or flexing those bones in directions that they were not made to go.

2.  Protection.  Motorcycles produce heat.  Stuff flies up from the road.  Skin on feet, ankles, and legs is thin.  That skin is easily injured by heat from hot pipes and the engine, as well as road hazards.  It is not uncommon for rocks, glass, or sticks to get kicked up by the front tire and hit your lower leg with strong force.  Boots will protect the leg from those things, as well as provide insulation from pipes that can cause a second-degree burn on contact.

3.  Appearance.  You know, Marlon Brando and James Dean weren’t outfitted in boots when they were riding motorcycles just for fun.  They looked cool.  Bikers in boots look cool.  Bikers in tennis shoes (sneakers, trainers) look (in my opinion), dorky — like the wife expects you home at any time to do chores, or take the kids to the park.  You get it — it’s fine to wear sneakers when you’re not riding a motorcycle, but it’s dorky-looking, not to mention stupid, if you do wear sneakers while riding a motorcycle.  Sneakers provide no protection to a biker’s feet, ankles, and legs while riding.  And don’t even get me started on even the thought of wearing flip-flops, crocs, or other open-toed footwear on a motorcycle.  There must be a word in English that I coin from the Italian, “dorkissimo!” 

4.  Function.  Each type of footwear has its function.  Dress shoes function with a suit (for guys who wear them).  Sneakers provide function when playing sports, running, or walking.  Motorcycle boots provide function, as well.  A good tread on a motorcycle boot will afford better control of the bike.  Period.

If one has to ask, “why do bikers wear boots?” … then I wonder if it is a research question at an institution of higher education, or a general question out of curiosity, or to enjoy the various results that come up from such search engine entries.  Now this blog post is part of that mix.

Life is short:  wear boots when riding a motorcycle.

Is It Hard for Gay Men to Socialize with Straight Men?

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This is an interesting question that was entered into a search engine:

“I am a gay man and find it hard to socialize with straight men.”

While I am continuing my series on what interesting searches end up on this blog, I’ll depart from my previous line of being bemused to address an issue that, to me, is a a serious concern.

I am a gay man, and yeah — sometimes I find it difficult to socialize with straight men. What makes it difficult for me are these things:

1. The “rules of engagement” are different. Bro-hugs and handshakes aside, most straight men keep a firm physical distance from any other unrelated guy, and extend that distance into the lines of discussion. They will talk about mutual interests, such as sports, motorcycles, cars, politics, and so forth, but they will not talk about feelings or emotions (usually, though, tongue-loosening occurs in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed.)

2. What we have to talk about is more limited. Sure, I have a number of straight male friends, but our discussions are limited to what we do together or have in common: motorcycling, community activities, construction trades, and such. I am uncomfortable around straight guys who are watching or playing sports because I do not watch, follow, or enjoy sports like football, baseball, basketball, etc. If that’s all they talk about (because it is least threatening), then I’m bored silly and return to feeling like I did in grade school, that is, being chosen last to play the position of “left out.”

3. I don’t like what some of them say when their tongues get loosened by alcohol. At the risk of sounding like a prude, I have found that when straight guys drink alcohol, they are more likely to say things that are offensive to gay men — often without realizing it. I am beyond being “politically correct.” What I am referring to is two things: a) talking about women suggestively and sexually — I’m not interested and find that kind of talk degrading to women; and b) they use terms of expression that become pejorative about gay people.

Yes, to me, it is hard for gay men to socialize with straight men sometimes — BUT — it is harder for me as a monogamously partnered gay man to socialize with only gay men. I hate to say it, but in my experience, when you put a bunch of gay guys together, the conversation sometimes becomes catty, full of gossip, or goes into topics about things in which I have no interest, either (theater, arts, design, fashion, etc.)

Please understand, I am NOT saying that all gay men talk about the same things or that all straight men talk about the same things, either. Everyone is different. There are a number of gay guys who like sports, cars, motorcycling, etc. and can carry a conversation about those topics quite well, as there are straight guys who enjoy theater and so forth, too, and can handle a conversation well.

In my opinion, in the general mix of things, I find socializing with straight guys to be difficult sometimes, but not impossible. I am selective about what times and locations I may choose to do that. I try to avoid social occasions where alcohol is involved, to minimize the chances of the “tongue-loosening” problem to which I referred above. I do not hang out at sports bars or attend “super bowl” parties (such as with my family) because I get tired of feigning interest in something I am not interested in. My family becomes tired of trying to explain it all to me. It is best for me to stay away from such situations because it makes both me and my hosts uneasy.

I am uncertain where I am going with this, other than to commiserate with the person who searched this question.

For more information, Read this post “Conversation Topics for Gay and Straight Guys” on this blog.

Life is short: know your limitations.

Football Avoidance

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Today, February 6, is the date when a football game called the Super Bowl takes place.  This year, it will be held in Arlington, Texas, which is near Dallas and Fort Worth.  I am explaining this in such detail because over half of my daily blog visitors come from other countries (though I venture to say that many of them know about this game.)

What will I do today?  … well, I will be among the few in the U.S. who will not watch the game.  I honestly don’t care.  I do not understand it, and do not wish to try to figure it out.  Some watch the game to view new commercials, which are supposed to be funny.  Certainly, if a company will spend US$1,000,000 or more on one 30-second (or shorter) commercial, then it should be about the best there is.

Anyway, I have many other things to do to occupy my time.  Honestly, what will I do?  I have to go to my aunt’s apartment and meet some of her caregivers who are taking some of her furnishings.  I will also stop by some senior pals’ homes to collect info I need so I can prepare their income tax returns.  Later, I will try to catch up on some of my work, which is interesting to me and I have a lot to do before going on additional trips related to it.

If you are among those who enjoy the game, I hope you have fun.  If you drive to watch it at a friend’s or family member’s home, enjoy the camaraderie and the fun.  Watch, however, the amount of alcohol you drink.  Many law enforcement officers will be out looking for people driving under the influence.  National stats show that “Super Bowl Sunday” results in a huge number of arrests for drunk driving.  That is to prevent a worse outcome:  having a collision in which you and other people may be injured or killed.

‘Nuf of the gory stuff.  Just have fun, and be safe!

Life is short:  there is more to it than football.