I’m In Love

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Presenting the newest additions to my family, my twin Great Nephews. They are 22 days old in this photo. My brother and I enjoyed hours of cuddling and bonding with them on our birthday, August 16. Best birthday present ever. Ever!

I love and enjoy all of my family, from my nieces and nephews flung far and wide, to their children, my “greats,” who range in age from 22 days to 18 years — about the same age range between the youngest of my siblings (my twin brother) and our oldest sibling, who happens to be the grandfather of these two boys.

I’m in love, all over again. I think I can speak for my brother, too: the look in his eyes matched mine when we were cuddling these little guys — bliss, peace, and love. (Sorry, no photos of him. He retains internet anonymity).

We have much to share about twinship, but the most important lesson is how to raise twins as independent and different people. Our parents helped each of us achieve our best by nurturing our various talents and supporting our different interests. They established a firm foundation — truly, it was love at the base of our bond, from which great things emerged.

Funny, at age 22 days, these boys haven’t discovered that each other exist yet, but when one fusses, the other does. Such is the start of “that twin thing.” One knows when the other is happy, distressed, hungry, poopy, or sleepy. Their cycles are almost identical, even though they don’t know that they are communicating through a bond that cannot be described. It’s just there. My twin brother and I know how each other feel every minute of every day despite vast geographic distances or even when he’s just down the hall in the guest room. We know.

Life is short: cuddle with those you love, and fall in love all over again. (And being the Uncle-ing sort, when they get poopy, hand ’em over to their Mom! LOL!)

Diverted

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My usual happy-peppy-booted-and-leathered blog posts have been temporarily replaced today. As you read this, my partner is having a non-malignant brain tumor removed. He is at one of the world’s best facilities to have this procedure done, right here in our home state.

The doc said that it should be a simple and quick procedure, and will not require cutting bone or muscle tissue since he can access the tumor through the back of the neck. But it still is brain surgery… a very frightening thought.

Your well-wishes, thoughts, and prayers will be appreciated for my best half. I’ll post more later this week about how it went.

In the meantime, I have about a week’s worth of blog posts that will appear each day until I have time to get back to blogging. I am focusing on caring for the one I love.

As I often say: life is short — show those you love that you love them.

10:30am Update: writing from a computer in the hospital waiting room. Surgery is done, and was successful. Very tiny incision used to insert a laser knife. Blood vessels feeding the tumor were cut and cauterized. The tumor was not removed. Because it is non-malignant, it will shrink and be absorbed.

My partner looked okay, but obviously is groggy while still recovering from the anesthesia. But the best news — he nodded yes when the doc asked him, “is the ringing in your ears gone?” Yippie!

Headed back into the recovery room to hold his hand.

Happy Birthday to My Best Friend!

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Today is the birthday of my very best friend in the whole wide world: my twin brother. Yep, he turns another year older four minutes after I do! (LOL!)

He is wise, wonderful, athletically talented, smart, funny, and a warm & caring man. He is the best husband his wife could ever have; the best uncle and Great uncle the kiddos could ever have; and is the bestest twin that a brother could ever have!

I could pour out my heart with accolades, but I would probably suffer direct repercussions because he is staying with my partner and me this month. I fear a bonk on the noggin, or worse (giggle.)

Let me suffice to say that I am thrilled to have my twin as my best friend, my partner as my best half, and a family who loves us, cares for us, and helps us be the best men we can be. (Thanks, Mom and Dad! You led and taught us well!)

Happy birthday, bro’! I look forward to spending the day with you, and the crabfeast for dinner tonight!

My Birthday Wish List: PDA

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My birthday is tomorrow. I am following great leadership of a friend who published an inspiring birthday wish-list on Facebook. Here’s mine — please take a few minutes to read, and then act.

As one gets older, the desire for material goods is replaced by the desire for PDAs — and not what you think. I’m not into toys. I seek Personal Displays of Affection. Not for me, but for others.

These PDAs may be demonstrated by:

  • Visiting or calling a parent, grandparent, or other senior and listening. So many people talk-talk-talk, but we have much to learn if we shut up and listen to the wiser generation. Spend an hour listening and you will be amazed how good both of you feel.
  • Sharing your talents with others. Help with housecleaning, home repairs, mowing the lawn, taking folks grocery shopping, making a home-made meal, and just spending time with people who won’t ask for help, but who will benefit (and this applies to people of all ages.)
  • Making regular phone calls to house-bound family and friends. Your smile on the phone may be the only sunshine heard today. I truly wish for a reduction in the lonliness that seniors experience as they age and become less important in American’s lives. (Our culture has much to learn from Asia.)
  • turning off the computer, TV, and the gadget-du-juor (Blackberry, iPhone, etc.) Reach out and hold the hand of the one you love. Experience serenity without technological distractions. Do this for me. You will be surprised how delightful, energizing, and empowering this down-time can be.

This is what I want for my birthday: open your heart, listen with love, show you care. Show YOUR PDAs! As I regularly say, “show those you love that you love them.”

Thank you for making my birthday a happy one by doing one or more of these actions. I would dearly love to have you comment on this blog to describe what you did!

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What Footwear Do Guys Wear on a Motorcycle?

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I really can’t believe this, but some asked via Google Canada, “What Footwear Do Guys Wear on a Motorcycle?

Well, the footwear is called, “motorcycle boots.” These are nifty, cool-looking things that protect your legs and feet, while providing traction. They make a real biker look cool. Here is a recent blog post that gives an overall review of motorcycle boots.

There are many different styles of motorcycle boots. Harness boots are the most common boots worn by bikers, followed by engineer boots. Short tactical boots are also quite common, especially in warm weather.

What a biker needs is function — protection, security, and that “cool factor.” Motorcycle boots offer that.

Now, what footwear do some guys (going for the Darwin Award) wear sometimes on a motorcycle? — Sneakers (trainers), sandals, or (the worst), flip-flops. These things offer no protection from injury and heat, and are the most stupid footwear to consider wearing while operating a real motorcycle.

Okay, now you know (as if you had to ask.) What footwear do guys wear on a motorcycle? Motorcycle boots!

Life is short: wear boots on a motorcycle. Nothing less.

A Day in Gay America

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This is the photo I submitted to The Advocate representing my day (yesterday) in America.

I enjoyed a day off and went for a ride on my Harley, leading four friends through spectacularly gorgeous Maryland backroads and byways on a delightful day. Yep, we got slightly lost, but we turned around and found our destination. The ride back was uneventful and equally as stunning in the beauty of my home state’s green forests, farmlands, and countryside.

My brother didn’t join us. He couldn’t find a rental Harley that was available (not until next week). He thought it would not be safe for me to ride on unfamiliar, twisty and hilly roads with a passenger of his size and weight. I agreed with him, though I missed him.

Life is short: be out and open. Enjoy your day in America, gay or not.

A Day In My Life

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I live a fairly ordinary life, but there are some people who wonder, “how do ‘gays’ live?” thinking somehow that our “lifestyle” affects how we live our lives. Well, that’s true — my partner and I enjoy a relaxed, easy, comfortable lifestyle in the home we built and in the town where I have lived my whole life.

But I digresss…. The Advocate magazine is sponsoring an event today titled, “Day in Gay America.”

Today begins the first day of a week’s “staycation” for me. Yeah, unlike many others, I do not travel somewhere else when I have time off. I love my home and the community where I live — so I take some time to enjoy it!

The weather is promising to be absolutely stunning: bright sunshine with warm but not hot air temperature, with a low dew point (meaning the humidity usually abundant this time of year will be noticeably absent.) My personal meteorologists (colleagues with whom I work) all advised, “take the day off — go ride your Harley and have fun!” (They all agreed that Sunday’s weather, when I have another ride planned, will not be good–more likely rain. My colleagues really look after me. They interpret the weather models specifically for me and my planned activities. I truly enjoy working with them.)

So that’s what I will do today … go take a ride with my brother and several of my friends. I will take some pictures and submit the best one to The Advocate that demonstrates what, to me, is representative of my day in Gay America. A guy out enjoying a ride with a group of friends. You know, bikers can be gay, too (or is it, “gay men can be bikers, too?”). Either way you say it, I are one (giggle.) My brother and buddies are not gay, but who cares? We genuinely like one another regardless of sexual orientation, and I am not one of those gay men who must hang out only with other gay men.

That will not be all of my day. I’ll begin by preparing a nice breakfast for my partner before he goes to work, doing some laundry, and other mundane but important chores. Then I’ll go for my ride. After I get home, I will visit some senior pals and help with some maintenance needs that they have. I’ll also get on the phone with several more senior pals who I check on every.single.day. Make sure they are safe.

Then in the early evening, my brother will take his wife in a car and I will ride my Harley to another brother’s home where the family will gather for our weekly dinner gathering. Partner will stay home — the family intimidates with noise and little monsters (smile)… but I love it, and love them. I’m not sure how many will be there… probably the usual 40 or so. Nice intimate gathering of a raucous group (LOL!).

I’ll come home early, but anticipate that my brother and his wife will stay longer to visit. When I get home, I will snuggle closely with my partner in a media-free zone, hold his hand, and do what I advise on this blog often: show those you love that you love them.

We’ll head to bed at the usual early hour, about 9:00. Snuggle close again, peacefully and happy.

Life is short: enjoy your day!

Sendra Boots Dismay

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Over the years, I had heard a lot about Sendra Boots, which are made in Spain. They are very well-made, attractive boots, but I have to say, at least for the three pairs of Sendras that I own, they are very uncomfortable. I cannot wear them for more than an hour without my feet aching. The footbed is hard, and the boots are sized in such a way that I cannot insert a gel insole to make them more comfortable. The boot shaft is narrow, so they squeeze my legs. Ouch!

Back in 2006, I bought my first pair of Sendra “Texan” cowboy boots. Black, traditional style, with a low heel (1″/2.5cm). I don’t like boots with that low of a heel. They looked good, but wearing them became a chore. Often, they would just sit in my boot closet taking up space.

In 2007, I received a gift of a pair of Sendra boots from some friends who visited Spain. The boots are shiny and very attractive. But like their black brothers, the shaft is narrow and the footbed is hard. They occupied a space in my boot closet next to their black brothers, gathering dust.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought a pair of 18″ tall brown Sendra harness boots a few months ago. They are very good-looking boots, and very well-made. However, the foot is small (despite ordering a whole size larger than I usually wear) so I cannot insert a cushion insole. The shaft is narrow. I stretched the shafts using a boot stretcher for several weeks. I can put them on, but I cannot wear them for more than an hour without the boots feeling hot on my legs and feeling sweaty.

I know other guys who love Sendra Boots and do not have any problems like I have had. They say that their Sendras feel comfortable and they can wear their boots all day. I can’t. Again: ouch!

Over the next few weeks or months, I will put my Sendra boots on eBay and hopefully find someone who would like to buy them — and enjoy them. Sendra boots do not work for me.

If you want to make me an offer to buy these boots (and you do not live in the U.K.), write to me here.

Life is short: realize that each boot manufacturer makes boots that have size issues for some guys.

Dehner Boots 3 Years Later

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I have mentioned before that I have a “love-hate” relationship with Dehner Patrol Boots.  I love how they look, fit, and feel, but I dislike that the shafts on stock patrol boots are made with plastic stuff that the Dehner Company calls “Dehcord.”

While it is possible to custom-order Dehner boots with leather shafts and feet, the cost is prohibitive. Seriously, few guys have over $800 to fork over for a custom pair of Dehner boots, despite how seriously beautiful they are.

Since Dehner makes stock boots with a 1″ wider calf circumference as a standard option, I have found that their stock boots fit me fine, and I don’t need (or want to pay) for custom boots. I have only ordered custom boots from other manufacturers when I have had a sizing issue.

Three years ago, I ordered and received this pair of stock bal-laced Dehner Patrol Boots. It was my objective to see how they would wear if I wore them fairly often and yet was careful with them. I never exposed these boots to heat, including the hot exhaust or engine of my motorcycle. But I have worn them — a lot. I wear them to work, I wear them while riding my Harley, and I wear them just around the neighborhood.

Every now-and-then, I spray the shafts with good quality furniture polish and buff them. Amazing how they shine up again. Also, about two or three times each year, I give the leather on these boots (feet and backstay) a good wax polish and buffing. I hate to polish boots, but in this case, I make an exception. They really do look good when they shine, though I don’t go all crazy about shining them like some other guys do.

So here they are after three years of cautious care but regular wear:

BTW, the dimpling on the back of the heels is caused by my bootjack — where it squeezes the back of the boot when I pull it off. The dimpling seems more pronounced in the photo than “in real life.”

Oh, and before you ask, how “regular” is “regular” in how often I wear these boots? I’d say I wear them to work 3 – 4 times each month; I wear them when riding the Harley when I ride to work and also 3 – 4 times each month just tooling around the ‘hood; and I wear them about 3 – 4 times each month otherwise. I’d say about 60 – 80 hours/month.

Life is short: enjoy your boots!

How Do I Make My Cowboy Boots Not Look Gay?

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Yep, here it goes again:

Another Google search landed this question, “How do I make my cowboy boots not look gay?” on the cowboy boots and jeans page on my website.

I feel very sorry for the guy who actually asked this question. Well, anyway, I will give a serious answer to this silly question:

Regular cowboy boots are worn by many men, and the vast majority of those men are straight. They wouldn’t wear boots if they thought the boots “looked gay” because the last thing a straight guy wants to have happen is to have anyone cast doubt on his “straightness” by what he is wearing on his feet.

Therefore, in my opinion, boots themselves do not “look” gay — this question relates a seriously misplaced concern. The misplaced concern is about the person — not the boots. The person is probably afraid that when he wears boots, he may display characteristics that sexual stereotyping cause people to believe someone is gay. I will not describe those characteristics, because as a gay man, I believe that my doing so could reaffirm that I believe those stereotypes are accurate and true, which they are not.

Back to the point: how do you make the wearer of cowboy boots not “look gay?”

1. Stand tall and have an outward appearance of a happy, relaxed, and confident man. SMILE! Nobody likes a sourpuss.

2. Look other people in the eye — not downward or away.

3. Make sure your boots look good with what you are wearing — polished smooth leather, clean exotic skins, or if you’re going for that bad-boy rough-and-tumble biker-look, then wear appropriate “biker clothing” like denim or leather jeans — not shorts.

4. Make sure your boots fit properly. Boots that are too large make a guy walk oddly, which can be presumed to be one of those stereotypical behaviors that I referred to above.

5. Have a confident and secure stride. That is, walk normally. Don’t clunk your boot heels or tip-toe. If you are not accustomed to wearing boots, watch how you walk on stairs. It is very easy to trip up a set of stairs when wearing boots if you’re not used to them.

Boots unto themselves are not gay (this is a link) but if someone has to ask this question, then perhaps he should consider getting professional counseling. Seriously, I worry about people who think like that — it’s a sure sign of something else behind the curtain. The guy is trying to blame an inanimate object as a method of hiding repressed feelings. Go talk to a professional.

Life is short: wear boots confidently.