Monthly Archives: September 2010

Dozen Birthdays

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Today, September 20, marks the end of a string of a dozen birthdays in my family that began on my twin and my birthday, August 16, and ends today on my little sister’s birthday (as well as a niece’s birthday, too.) After all, a dozen of us are Christmas presents and New Year’s surprises.

It’s been one party after another for the past five weeks, but enjoyable each time I get to see my wonderful, robust, raucous brethren. It is truly special to be part of a family of 15 kids, zillions of nieces, nephews, and “greats.” Unlike so many drama drivel shows on TV, I can honestly say that we all love one another and care for each other. I am truly blessed that my family remains close, caring, and loving. I know there are families out there that are not, when some families make an issue of a sibling who is gay. I am glad I am not “the gay brother.” I am “the brother who happens to be gay.”

Pictured below is me with two of my sisters. See? Can’t tell that we’re related. The sister on the left had me convinced that my “real” father was the milkman.

Happy birthday, “little” sis! I love you, always.

Life is short: cherish your family.

Networking

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Networking is an old term. Some call it “shmoozing” and others call it other things, but the old axiom is true: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, that gets you a job (speaking of the profession in which I work).

I’m really not the social sort. If I had a choice of going to a reception at the end of a long day, I often would skip it and go home. I have attended hundreds of conferences, and again, at the end of a long day of conferencing, I’d go back to my hotel room and go to bed early rather than go out to a late dinner with other conference attendees and “network.”

However, there is power in developing a large circle of people who not only know you’re name, but also know your skills, abilities, and interests. Over many years, I would spend quality time with people in both professional settings (teaching, public speaking, collaborating on projects, etc.) and socially (off-times during conferences or training sessions, mostly.) They would get to know me and I would get to know them. We would keep in touch, though the frequency of contact varied.

Such was the case with me these past few months. I was laid off from my job on June 4. I saw it coming, and accepted it as a fait accompli. I felt that my calling had changed from working to earn an income at a job that simply was that — a job — to caring for my elderly aunt who needed a lot more help and attention and my “job” was to do everything in my power to enable her to live safely, comfortably, and well.

So throughout June, July, and August, I concentrated on helping my aunt get through a serious health crisis where she could have died. I spent many hours every day organizing a lot things required to enable her to live in her own home, yet have professional caregivers with her 24/7. Even though she has caregivers with her all the time now, it still requires lots of my time to keep her fridge and pantry stocked, meds updated, visiting and keeping her mind active, and to attend to minor but serious problems like skin infections and other things.

Throughout my layoff time, I would occasionally visit an on-line job board to see if there was something I was interested in doing. I applied for some jobs, but none of these positions would invoke my passions. If I were hired for one of these jobs, it would pay the bills, but I just would be going through the motions of doing what I had to do. Not much fun….

Well, anyway, I also kept up the networking through the summer. Posts on Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social networking sites, as well as direct email, telephone conversations, and so forth kept the word out that I wanted to return to my profession and do what I am recognized for on the national stage.

It was one of those people who led me to learning about a position that is perfect for me. A Facebook friend sent me a link to a description of my perfect job — on my birthday no less (great timing, huh?). The job description was posted on another social network, LinkedIn.

I submitted my resume, and got a call within an hour to set up an interview. The first interview led to a second. The second interview led to a real-time test of how I applied my skills during an exercise.

I had stiff competition for this position. I put out a call to my network for references, and was overwhelmed to receive over 70 thoughtful, thorough replies. I had four professional references from top-notch people written for me on request, as well. My references (also developed through years of networking) really pulled for me and helped convince them to make me an offer for what will be my dream job: in my field, and something about which I am exceptionally passionate about.

I begin my new job on Oct. 4 November 22 (changed, thanks to how slow bureaucracy is), and will be working with people who I have known professionally for years. Great thing about it is that it’s an absolutely perfect match for my skills and passions. It’s also right in my home town, so the commute will be simple.

So I am here to say that I was wrong — just a year ago I was writing here with a “bah-humbug” attitude about Facebook and social networking in general. But I acknowledge that without that contact, I probably wouldn’t have known about this job and wouldn’t have applied, been interviewed, or gotten such a generous offer.

Life is short: network! (including social networking, too!)

Posted in Job

Where to Wear Cowboy Boots?

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Another amusing question entered into Google and directed to my website: “Where to wear cowboy boots?” The person was from Connecticut, in the northeastern United States, where cowboy boots are seldom seen.

So, where do you wear cowboy boots? Wherever you please. Cowboy boots look good with Wranglers, especially. But they also work with business clothes. Even suits. Yes, men wear boots with a variety of attire, from casual to dressy.

As shown, I wore a pair of dress cowboy boots to an interview for a job. Yes, the boots were noticed, but in a nice way. The boss complimented me on them. But he and the interview team were much more concerned with what I brought to the company and how I would be able to do the job. They didn’t care what was on my feet. So if you have concerns what people would think about you wearing boots in the workplace: forget about it. It really doesn’t matter. Those type of concerns are in your head. Get over it.

Lots of guys in places other than the traditional locations where cowboy boots are worn more regularly by men — as in the U.S. Southwest — wear cowboy boots. That is if they are confident, secure, and don’t have hang-ups about other people’s perceptions.

As I so often say, issues about where to wear cowboy boots are more in the head of the one asking that question than actually among those who the person sees on a day-to-day basis.

Life is short: have confidence to be secure enough to wear boots where you like, and with clothing suited what you’re doing — going to work, out to eat, visiting friends, shopping, or whatever.

Put Off to Tomorrow…

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A biker buddy sent me the following quip at the end of an email:

Remember, put off to tomorrow what you should have done today and ride!

That’s a nice thought… just go for a ride and say, for a day, “to heck with responsibilities.”

…heh heh heh, … I wish. It’s just not within me to blow off caring for my aunt or getting other work done on a Saturday when my partner is available to help. Much as I would have enjoyed going for a ride instead of doing chores and caring for my aunt, as I so often do, I chose the latter instead of the former.

Life is short: do what you have to do, and dream:

My New Website Redesign

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I have had a form of my Bootedman.com website since late 2004, migrated it to its own server and domain in early 2006, and have been adding to it and maintaining it ever since. It’s a great hobby, as it keeps me challenged with new things to learn.

As the site has been growing, changing, and advancing with technology, I decided that the old tables from the HTML from long ago had to go, as today’s website technology uses cascading style sheets (CSS) and Hypertext Preprocessor (PHP) rather than straight-old HTML with code that was built for the earliest versions of web browsers.

I also had some comments that my home page appeared very “busy” with so many image icons leading to interior pages. Some users complained that the icons wouldn’t load, or would cause the site to bog down and stop when viewed.

I also have had other users tell me that they liked its simplicity, so they cautioned making it too fancy with lots of “bells and whistles.” The good thing about CSS and PHP is that it keeps a lot of the messy code away from view, and makes pages load faster and look cleaner. PHP also allows for added security to ward off potential hackers, as well as blocking bozos (you know, the brainless dolts who link to my website from forums where they post inane comments.)

This website redesign process has been ongoing for months. I learned these skills on my own. I really should have taken a class, but I challenged myself to learn how to do it “the hard way.” Sorta analogous learning how to do long division before using a calculator.

I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.

Life is short: refresh now-and-again!


What I Did on My Blog Vacation

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I can talk about it now, … now that the primary elections are over in my home state. Early last week, a candidate for whom I was volunteering went ballistically negative against his opponent by creating a website devoted to tearing his opponent down. I found out about it just about the time it hit the “blogwaves.”

All throughout the campaign, I told the candidate that I detest negative campaigning, and that many of my neighbors feel the same way. His primary political consultant, who doesn’t live in our area, is known for hitting hard, but (IMHO) is out of touch with the feelings of the residents of our area. My candidate’s actions became incredibly mean-spirited and awful, and literally made me lose my lunch. I didn’t sleep the night I found out about it. It hurt me that much… so I had to pull away from the ‘net and reduce exposure to sh*t like that. I resigned from his campaign, and “checked out.”

I put the paper recycling bin next to the mailbox, and instructed our friendly mail carrier to deposit *all* political mail in the box. I didn’t even want to see it. I had already voted (since early voting is finally allowed in our state) so the volume of political mail sent to me after I voted was a waste of trees.

While away from the ‘net, I spent joyful time caring for my beloved aunt. Some days, she just wanted to be held, so that’s what I did… for hours. I also had a chance to play Bocce with the Bocce boys in the retirement community nearby, chattering away in Italian.

My partner had minor oral surgery last Friday, and I made home-made chicken soup which cured him of any residual pain. We spent most of the day last Saturday working on the yard. When you use compost as fertilizer, it takes longer than spreading chemicals from a bag.

I caught up on taxes, with those dreaded estimated taxes due on the 15th for myself, my small business, my aunt, and 14 other senior buds.

I cleaned house, killing more dust bunnies than we have actual bunnies in our forest. I fixed a broken garden wall that suffered the consequences of freeze-and-thaw. Lots of stuff… but I stayed away from politics, and the people who go with it.

Oh, and I accepted an offer for my dream job. Yep, my lay-off is over. I go back to full-time work doing what I love in a couple weeks. The job is conveniently located in my home town, so the commute will be easy. I am anxious to begin a new chapter in my life, doing what I love to do, and for which I have won international recognition.

…and I watched my candidate lose … he shot himself in the foot and deserved what happened as a result. So sad, so very sad.

Great break: now back to blogging.

Life is short: remember the priorities, focus on the positive, and separate yourself from negativity.

Remembering

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Most people remember September 11 as a date in 2001. I remember it as a date in 1998, the day my Mom died. I’ve described it before, here and here. No need to repeat.

Part of my reason for taking a blog break is to remember a great woman who meant the world to me, who nurtured me, who loved me … regardless … and who let me make mistakes and learn from them. She taught me right from wrong, to be civil, caring, and loving. She led by example. She nourished my soul, and supported me as I grew up and became the man I am today.

At first she was bewildered about the fact that I am gay, but was determined to learn more about my sexual orientation and grew to understand… and continue her love. She never gave up on me, though I sure put her through some trials. She grew to love my partner, understanding that he would keep me safe, sane, and supported. That’s all she really wanted for me: to have a good life and to share it with someone I love and who loves me unconditionally.

I sure miss her… lots… today and every day I think, “what would Mom say?” and then use her gentle guidance to lead me in what I do, and to care for those I love. What a treasure it was to have her for the 41 years that I did, and to continue to have her spirit lead me toward my future.

Rest in peace, Mom. I always love you.

By the way, please remember that the date is September 11, 2001, not “nine-eleven.” That media shorthand term always bugs me. end-of-rant.

Blog Break

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Okay, the threatened blog break is now upon us. I described a week or two ago that I was preparing to take a break, and now it’s here.

I’ll get through our primary elections in my home state, and probably during that time, come up with some good bloggetory. Continue to send messages and I’ll find ways to turn it into something interesting (smile.)

Check back next week for another exciting episode of As the Blog Rolls.

Life is short: take a break every now and then.

Boots Look Gay

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Oh cripes, there goes Google again, directing visitors to this blog and my website when they enter phrases such as:

  • All motorcycle boots look gay
  • Is it gay to wear tall boots?
  • Dudes in boots look gay

All this indicates, to me, is that some guys have a lot to learn and have some serious “issues.” I mean, they are obsessed with perceptions. They do not want to be perceived as having anything to do with gay culture, and for some silly reason, they have connected boots with being gay.

Come on, guys, get a life. I know that a colloquial saying, “that’s gay” is a euphemism for a number of things, mostly negative. Straight people don’t want to be associated with “gay” things. But come on! Boots of all things? Sheesh…

There was a discussion on the “Boots on Line” board recently about that issue — how men in tall boots historically were perceived as powerful, commanding authority figures. Then it seemed to change in the ’60s as tall boots were made for women as fashion items. Fewer men wore tall boots, and those who did began to wear shorter boots, like tactical boots. About the only men and authority figures these days who wear tall boots are motor patrol officers, riders of horses (police, polo players, etc.), and palace guards.

Sneakers took over as the choice of personal footwear in relaxed settings, such as at home. The number of brands and varieties of sneakers boomed in the 80s and continues in huge production today. Many guys who wear sneakers like them because they are comfortable. As we age, any form of comfort is appreciated.

But back to the topic… as tall boots became a fashion statement for women, then tall boots became associated with feminine attire. Thus … the common misconception, especially among poorly educated men, that tall boots are “gay.” They associate anything feminine with “gay.”

Oh cripes, guys. There are masculine gay men and there are less masculine gay men. Some gay men wear boots, some do not. But associating the two — boots and being gay — does not make sense. It indicates fear of an association. Revisit your thinking: what do boots have to do with being gay? … nothing. If you believe that wearing boots, especially tall boots, would cause others to believe that you are gay, then really look at how you act and how you behave. It’s more mannerisms and behavior that others make judgments about; not what you have on your feet.

Life is short: wear tall boots (if you’re man enough!)