Is It Gay to Wear Boots Without Jeans?

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Here we go again: someone searched, “is it gay to wear boots without jeans?”

Hmmm… this could be taken a number of ways. Possibilities:

1. Ignorant child who uses the term “gay” to mean “lame”. Answer: no, it is not lame to wear boots with other types of clothing, such as breeches (ask a cop), khaki or other “dress casual” pants for work (ask an office worker in the summer), BDUs (ask anyone in the military), or leather (ask a biker.)

2. You are homophobic, and are afraid that someone else might call you “gay” because you may choose to wear boots with different types of pants (such as listed in #1). Answer: there isn’t much I can do for your troubled soul other than to pray that you will grow up some day.

3. You might be considering wearing boots with no other clothing. Answer: please don’t. I don’t want to see you naked in boots any more than you want to see me that way.

Life is short: wear boots with pants (including jeans, khakis, suits, breeches, BDUs… you get the point. Anything but your bare butt and you’ll be fine.)

Significant Server Outage

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I am dismayed and extend apologies to visitors of my “bootedman.com” website because it has endured significant outages due to problems of some sort at the host, Hurricane Electric. My site was not available for over eight hours on the night of August 30 through the morning of August 31, then again on September 4 it became unavailable at 5am (my time) and is STILL DOWN on Monday! Worst friggin’ outage I have observed, ever.

It seems like Hurricane Electric has had minor outages happen every now and then, but nothing this long. Short outages of a couple hours have happened to me before and I have grumbled about it to the extend that they migrated me to another server.

I know I am sharing a server with other accounts, but this duration of unavailability of my website is truly a sad reflection on Hurricane Electric’s claims of reliability and up-time. I cannot afford nor want to pay for a dedicated server — heck, this is just a hobby site, after all. I am just disappointed and know that it is frustrating for visitors to get a “not found” or “timeout” error when they try to visit my website.

Again, I’m sorry this happened. It is beyond my control. Hopefully, H.E. will get get the problem fixed for the benefit of others who share that server. I regret that I have lost all faith and confidence in this web host, and have searched and found another one. I will move my site and reconfigure required files. What a pain in the ass.

Life is short: If you are looking for web hosting, I suggest looking elsewhere.

Why Are Biker Boots So Tall?

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Google directed a question to my website that asks, “why are biker boots so tall?”

It is a rather simple answer: for safety. Tall boots that bikers wear come from a long tradition where men want their legs protected from two main hazards — heat from the engine and exhaust pipes, as well as from stuff that comes flying at the legs from the road. It’s amazing how much junk gets kicked up from the front tire, striking the legs at high speed. Gravel and rocks really hurt and can do a lot of damage when they strike the lower leg through thin cloth of denim jeans. (That’s also why many bikers wear chaps or leather — to protect the legs). The lower leg has a rather thin layer of skin over the shin bone. That thin skin is easily damaged and injured when struck by even a small piece of gravel, pebble, or stone that comes flying at you from the front tire.

Plus, in my opinion, tall boots look cool.

So that’s your answer to this question — tall boots provide protection to the fragile skin of the lower leg, and they also look cool on a biker.

Life is short: real bikers wear boots (not sneakers, sandals, or flip-flops).

Show Those You Love That You Love Them

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Hands2I frequently end this blog with a phrase, “Life is short: show those you love that you love them.” Whether it be familial love, spousal love, sibling love, neighborly love, or friendly love, there are people in your life who you care about, and doing things to demonstrate that you care about them in return is so incredibly important.

Why? Because life is short.
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Where Are the Leatherdudes?

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I received a message via Recon, which is a site that I seldom check any more, but have a profile there to maintain my “BHD” identity and to prevent others from using that identity and cause confusion.

Anyway, I was asked, “can you help me find someone who likes leather and help me to learn about the leather scene?”

Gosh, it’s been so long that I’ve engaged in that realm, I had to reply that I really don’t know.

These days, there are very few leather-oriented venues where guys gather on a social and frequent basis. Back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, bars were the prime location to find other guys into this. These days, bars have been replaced by the internet, which comes with a completely different set of “rules” and methods of meeting other people. I’ve said before, I met my partner through traditional means — joining a club — long before the Internet was available to the masses.

I’m so old, stable, monogamous, community-oriented, and established in my suburban lifestyle that I have not gone out to a bar or attended events like IML, MAL, or Folsom in years. I have no intention of attending these events again. Been there, done that. Want some old t-shirts?

I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with going to IML, MAL, or Folsom. Fine for single guys or guys in relationships that they call “open”. My relationship is absolutely closed, including any potential for going out by myself to such events. I wouldn’t think of it. My partner is my life, and if he doesn’t want to go, and I’m too tired to go, then we don’t. That’s just how it is as a monogamous gay couple ages.

To try to answer this guy’s legitimate question, I suggested that he try to attend one of these events to meet other guys and perhaps attend workshops that may be offered. I’m not a fan of trying to find someone on-line, because there are so many posers out there who aren’t who they claim to be. You never really know who someone is until you meet them in person. (And if you do, be safe and meet in a public place. By all means, don’t invite someone you have not met to your home the first time you may meet!)

Where are all the leatherdudes? Well, in my humble opinion, there are three answers:

1. Like me, they have “aged out” of being interested any more in attending social events and don’t go. Unlike me, they probably have closets full of gear that they don’t wear any more. I wear my leathers regularly in my off-time as I go about my daily life. Heck, I’ve made such an investment in it, I don’t want it gathering dust in the closet or in a trunk, never used again. What a waste.

2. Some attend events like IML, MAL, Folsom, and a few other, smaller, lesser-known “runs” or gatherings. Check around. There may be one that you can attend.

3. The younger ones have morphed from buying and wearing leather to other types of fetish gear such as rubber, latex, etc. I don’t know much about that, as I’m not into that kind of gear or play. Face it, I’m an old-fashioned leatherdude and am not interested in less expensive alternatives to fetish interests.

I know this post hasn’t been much help to those seeking someone who can help them learn about the leather life in the gay community. I have been out of it for so long, I just don’t know.

Life is short: know who you are now and be okay with that.

Cowboy Boots for School

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It is (or has been) back-to-school time. Traffic is heavier as all the families with children have returned from summer vacations and school buses are back on the roads.

Over the last week or so, I have noticed that some people from high schools (that’s what their servers show) have entered into a search engine, “Can you wear cowboy boots to school?” or “is it cool to wear cowboy boots to school?” or “How can I wear cowboy boots to school.”

I won’t bother correcting the English — of course you “can” wear cowboy boots “to” school but the real questions remain, “do you want to wear them all day while in school?” as well as how you perceive what others may think about you wearing cowboy boots.

Here’s the deal — second issue first.

High school students continue to be exceptionally concerned with the clothes that they wear, including footwear. They notice what other classmates are wearing and usually choose to wear what is popular and considered the current style. Seldom (while there is a lot of talk about it), high school students cannot assert independent choices in the matter of clothing and footwear. They get all wrapped up in worrying about what other people will think of them.

Consider this a lesson of high school: as you become older and more mature, you will learn that worrying about current fashion and style, as well as what other people think about what you are wearing, is kiddie stuff. Seriously, it really doesn’t matter.

Now, on the matter of whether you want to wear cowboy boots all day while in school — that has a lot to do with how far you have to walk and how much you have to stand. Generally, well-made cowboy boots have well-constructed footbeds and insoles, meaning that they are comfortable to walk in and to stand in, such as in lines for various things. But walking miles in cowboy boots or standing for hours can take its toll on your feet. Consider that.

Also, let me warn you — pay less than US$100 for a pair of cowboy boots, and you probably will be very sorry about buying them. Cheap boots are usually very uncomfortable. They are usually made in China by machine, assembled with glue instead of stitching, and the materials and craftsmanship are awful. You’ll be sorry — so if you can’t afford to get a decent pair of cowboy boots on the entry-level (US$150 – $200), such as made by Justin, Dan Post, or Tony Lama, for example, then continue wearing sneakers.

A lot of guys choose roper-style cowboy boots, rather than traditional 13″ cowboy boots. And that’s of any age, not just younger guys. Personally, I’m old-fashioned and like the traditional cowboy boots instead of ropers, but that is a personal opinion and is not a reflection on the style of boot itself.

When I was in high school, I wore boots every day (except in gym class, when I had to wear sneakers.) That was back in the ’70s, so the most popular boot style for guys was Frye harness or campus boots. But I also switched out and wore several pairs of cowboy boots throughout my high school years.

I admit, sometimes some other kids would make a wisecrack. At first I was way too sensitive and their comments hurt my feelings. Kids can be very cruel to each other. But I continued to wear boots because I liked them. Eventually my classmates stopped making wisecracks and remarks because I stopped responding to them. Plus, at least in the 70s, Frye boots were the “cool boots” to wear, and lots of other guys were wearing them.

These days, particularly on the U.S. East Coast where I live, few high school boys wear boots. But I have noticed at least one exception — a student who lives down the street from me. I have seen him wear cowboy boots to school a lot — I see him as he is walking home while I am returning from work. Sometimes I stop and give him a ride, particularly in bad weather. He has asked me about boots and told me that he likes to wear them. He thinks his classmates give a nod of approval, because he said that others have called the boots “cool.” He also said that a few of his friends have begun to wear boots to school because he started the trend. Good for him!

In summary, some independent-minded, free-spirited, “I could-care-less-what-others-think” guys will choose to wear cowboy boots to school. I just recommend that if you do that, get good quality boots so they will be comfortable. I think you will be pleased at the compliments you’ll get from others by wearing boots to school.

Life is short: wear boots!

Leather About Town

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It has been incredibly cool and pleasant after the visit by the tropical storm last weekend.  In fact, it’s been downright “coolish” in the morning and early evening. It is so pleasant to have the windows open and have fresh air circulate through the house.

It also means that I am breaking out the leathers again. In the mornings when I saddle up on my Harley to ride to work at oh-dark-30, I have been choosing my thick “Retro Chaps” that I bought last summer. These chaps are made of heavyweight (8-9oz) drum-dyed leather. They have outside zips so the zippers won’t scratch the paint on the Harley. They are a perfect choice to wear over my regular pants that I wear to work when the temperatures are in the upper 50s (F — 14C).

These past two evenings, I have had some meetings to attend. Yeah, things are gearing back up after a summer of inactivity with my community groups. I use my Harley to ride to the meetings, but instead of wearing chaps over jeans, I have been wearing my new grey leather jeans instead. It is warm enough that I can ride with only one layer.

Wearing leather in public — in August??? Yep — no.big.deal. Nobody says anything. Probably because they know that I ride a motorcycle when I can and also they have often seen me wearing leather jeans, shirts, and vests over many years. The leather-wearing is just what makes up one of the quirks of my personality. And nobody cares. Really. They want to know what I think and have to say, which is what is most important, anyway, rather than obsessing about what I’m wearing.

Life is short: wear leather when the temperatures support it.

Gay and Lonely?

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Someone left a comment on my blog piece titled, “Is It Hard for Gay Men to Socialize with Straight Men?” where he said, “I know exactly what you mean and I personally have trouble making friends because I’m so uncomfortable or uninterested. It’s a thin line I guess. I don’t have any friends.”

Oh man, that’s sad. What I was trying to say in my blog piece is that it is hard, but not impossible, for a gay man to make friends — good friends — with straight guys. It takes three things: 1) a straight guy who is secure and open-minded enough to accept that his friend is gay; 2) the gay guy not having sexual interest in his straight friend; and 3) having something in common that they share.

I am a happy, confident, secure gay man. I am in a monogamous relationship with one man. I like other guys — for who they are and what we share in common interests — but not in a sexual manner.

I am fortunate that I live in the same area where I grew up. I have a number of friends who I have known since I was a child. I still see them regularly. I also have friends who I have met as an adult through various community activities. We help each other out — I help them with home repairs, ride motorcycles together, engage local elected officials about community issues important to the residents where we live, and even helping to coach some of my friends in dealing with their parents developing dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease. I’ve been through that with my lovely aunt and know how rough it can be to be a caregiver.

I never said that making new (straight) friends was easy, but as this website points out, a gay man who wants to make friends should get involved in activities where he shares common interests, and can use his talents for a cause or the greater good.

So what if you don’t like sports and can’t hit a ball or catch one? There are a lot of other things you can do! Get out, meet people, share your skills, and learn new things. You don’t have to have only gay friends. Like the person who left the comment implied, he doesn’t have any friends because he is uncomfortable and disinterested in things that other guys may be interested in.

There are many, many ways to overcome lonliness as a gay man. But you have to take the step of getting involved in the straight world. Face it, there are many more straight people around than gay people. I have felt that having “only” gay friends is unhealthy because you get stuck with a singular world-view. You need to expand your horizons and do things that you enjoy together with other people (gay or straight) who enjoy those things, too.

An interesting side-note: in the three-plus years that I have been blogging, I have been contacted by and have developed good on-line friendships with more straight guys than gay guys. These guys learn pretty quickly that we have common interests — boots, leather, motorcycling, caregiving, community activism — and also learn by my style of communicating that I am interested in them as a person, and that’s it.

Life is short: you are only as lonely as you allow yourself to be.

Sales Resistance

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Man oh man, the ads and the offers keep coming. I’m good about throwing away advertisements that come in the mail — my recycling bin is right by my entry door, so I can easily discard “junk mail” before I enter the house and therefore have less clutter.

But the electronic forms of promoting items is increasingly insidious!

Should I receive unsolicited offers via email, I just delete them — I don’t even open the message. When I visit certain websites, I do not click on links that lead to on-line stores. I may visit those stores on-line sometimes, but only when I am looking for something in particular. I have learned to stop following links and looking around — because that’s how those companies get you to make “impulse buys.” I don’t buy on impulse.

Speaking of having sales resistance — you should observe my partner and me at the grocery store. We have a written list that we follow, and stick to it. We don’t buy anything we see on a shelf or an end-cap (end of aisle display) unless it is specifically on our list (and on sale.)

Should I receive a call on the phone trying to promote some product or service, I take the name and phone number of the caller, then report them as a violation of the U.S. Federal “Do Not Call” list, because companies are prohibited from making “cold calls” (with a few exceptions.) But I certainly do not buy anything that someone tries to sell me on the phone.

Should someone come to the door and knock — if I don’t know them, I don’t answer. And my partner doesn’t even bother to look in the video display to see who it is. He never answers the door or the phone (which when I am at the door or on the phone, his non-response is very annoying!)

And one final but very intrusive gimmick are the ads that are targeted to viewers of some websites. The ad sales read cookies on your computer, then target you for ads related to website that you may have visited in the past. For example, Sheplers (western clothing and boots) comes up in ads on certain other websites that I visit, and a bank that I now detest shows up on another website that I visit. Google ads show up on many YouTube videos… it goes on and on.

I try, as best I can, to reduce the clutter and avoid ads, delete, or discard them. I clear the cookies from my computer daily. But it all boils down to this: don’t click on the links on those ads, because they are indeed enticing, and the active marketing techniques that use high-end technology to target your weaknesses (in my case, boots), are used much more frequently now.

Life is short: have sales resistance!

We Are Okay

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The winds and rain from Irene visited us Saturday night into Sunday morning. My partner and I were prepared — I’d say, “very prepared,” and weathered the storm safely. We had better be prepared — that’s what I do for a living, and I practice what I preach.

Lots of debris everywhere (leaves, small tree limbs down, etc., but not much else). Fortunately at our home, no trees down. Power on — and I didn’t expect that! It went out sometime overnight, but got restored quickly.

I got a call at 4:30am from a senior pal who was frightened by a tree limb crashing through her bedroom window. I went over there (during a lull in the storm), picked her up and brought her to our house. Her sons arrived at daybreak and we went over to cover the broken window with a tarp and seal it until she can have it repaired by a professional later this week.

It could have been worse. But we’re okay. We will clean up the storm debris later after it dries out a bit here in Maryland. Hopefully, my brother’s flight back to Europe will take off tomorrow as scheduled. His wife has had enough with our hurricanes and earthquakes (smile), and is ready to return to her home. But all is well, quiet, and manageable.

Life is short: be prepared!