Hi, this is J, once again. I’m BHD’s twin brother. I occasionally write a guest post on my brother’s blog.

My wife and I have safely returned to our home in Italy, after an all-too-brief visit with my brother and our family last week for our birthday. We enjoyed our visit very much. Did I say it was too short?

We would have liked to have stayed longer, but my wife had to return to work and I have a field assignment coming up for my volunteer position, and I need to get ready for it. I’ll be out in the field for at least two months, hoping to reduce the suffering of war-torn people.

My brother gave me a pair of boots to wear for my field work — a pair of very sturdy and comfortable boots by Belleville. He has a pair and had me try them on when I visited. I liked them a lot, so he went to a local store and bought me a pair for my birthday. Very thoughtful, indeed. This field work requires a much different choice of clothing — no suits! My brother is happy about that. He always had a comment or two about my attire and dress shoes. I must say, I am much more comfortable now in cargo pants and boots. (Ha, you’d never think you would hear me say that, brother, would you!)

I could opine about my feelings for my brother and what he’s going through in assisting his partner to deal with and recover from that persistent, long-term infection caused by a spirochete transmitted by a tick, but I won’t. My previous post was edited — rightly so — as I revealed a bit too much personal detail.

I just worry. I worry a lot. While my brother is out there saving the world, one senior and one partner at a time, no one is really looking after him. Sure, our family reaches out through phone calls and email, but do not visit. His partner does not want anyone around while he is feeling so lousy. I saw that for myself. I love him, but out of respect for his wishes to be left alone, I did not stay in their home nor visit there very much.

My brother sustains himself through deep faith. I know people who say that they are faithful — to God or through their religion. The spiritual and religious aspects are difficult for my brother to resolve, as much hateful and hurtful crap comes from some organized religions just because my brother is gay and committed to a man.

Nonetheless, my brother has deep faith upon which he calls a reserve to sustain his work to help his partner at every tick of the clock, every minute of every hour of every day, day after day, night after night. It’s been rough — he has even said that caring for his partner has been harder than caring for our elderly aunt who passed away last year, but for whom he was the primary caregiver for many years during her Alzheimer’s-induced decline.

What does my brother do to care for himself? He realizes that he requires breaks from the intensity of care. When his partner is stable, which is most of the time, my brother will take a long, long walk with one or two senior pals. The exercise, fresh air, and conversation about anything other than his partner’s illness does him good. He still does repair work for a legion of seniors that he has adopted, or have adopted him (I’m not sure which is which, they are so intertwined.) Doing service for others allows my brother to put his skills to work and makes him feel better.

My brother also tries to get out and ride his Harley for pleasure. More than just commuting to work. Get out and ride. He has a great group of friends who are safe riders with whom he rides. From his smiles and discussion, I can tell that riding with this group of people brings much pleasure and diversion to my brother. He regrets that he cannot ride with them as often as he would like and as often as they schedule rides, but he does the best he can under the circumstances.

He says what he enjoys most about this group is that they “gay thing” is never an issue. Riders in this group are all straight, but accept and give friendship with my brother regardless of his sexual orientation. They accept and value his leadership, and give him good-natured ribbing about his lack of a sense of direction. It’s all good — and their relationship is a testament to the well-educated and well-rounded people he “hangs” with. I enjoyed a ride with that group last Saturday, and I can tell that they do wonders for my brother’s soul.

It has been a different visit this year for our birthday. Through tough times and good, he and I are in this together, as brothers, but best of all, as best friends.

Hi, I’m J, BHD’s twin brother. I hijacked his blog once again, learning a new system with WordPress no less. Happy to be here to celebrate the man I love as no other twin can — my very own “big” brother. Mind you, we have six other “bigger” brothers, but he is four minutes older than me, and will never let me forget it!

I made arrangements for my wife and me to travel to the U.S. and visit our family and my brother (in particular) for “our” birthday. This annual visit is becoming a tradition that I cannot live without. Why?

This guy, you know as BHD, is truly a wonderful spirit. How he finesses caring for his partner, his senior pals, and everyone else in his life while working, maintaining his house and all of his rental properties (for, as he says, community heroes who need a place to live in the county where they work)… I don’t know how he does it.

He has been under a lot of pressure with things going on at home and with his work. What they call a “life balance” has been out of whack for a long, long time. He tells me that he is managing because the people in his life give him so much to look forward to. His caregiver heart shines so brightly.

I have been worrying about him for months. I speak with him on the phone several times each week. I hear the stress in his voice and the bewilderment in his expression about his concern for his partner’s health. He can remain bright and positively spirited most of the time, but I know there’s more going on than he talks about, and I saw that for myself yesterday, on our birthday.

The day began on a bright note, revealing the quality of character of the brother I love. I came over to his house at 8am. Even by then, two of his senior pals had delivered a cake and cards for his birthday. Another one arrived soon after I did, and offered to pick up a prescription for his partner. “No trouble,” he says. “I’m going there anyway, and you have picked up so many prescriptions for me, it’s the least I can do.” Two sisters phoned, ostensibly to say hello to me, but clearly, they were checking up on their little brother.

My brother had to take his partner to a doctor’s appointment — on our birthday no less — but as he said, “we do what we need to do. NBD.” Meaning, “no big deal.”

While they were gone, I visited another sister who lives nearby. When they returned, my brother called me and said, “get your butt over here. A buddy is coming over and we’re going for a ride!” So yessir! I had rented a Harley and came to his house. His buddy and I enjoyed a fun ride to test the route that he is planning to take for a group ride on Saturday. Man, he’s so prepared — the route was loaded into his GPS. But due to his “geographic dysfunctionality,” we took a wrong turn anyway (quickly recoverable, thankfully). Here’s where we went (it’s on the West River in southern Maryland):
We returned by mid-day, and then I learned how the “voice” of his partner’s disease speaks.

[Note from BHD: I have edited this post and removed some content. Let’s just say that my partner’s disease was exhibiting awful symptoms, so plans for the remainder of the day got changed. J went back to our sister’s home and I changed into my caregiver role for the remainder of the afternoon and evening. No more birthday; it was done.]

Ore e sempre, bro. I love you very much. I’ll be right here.