Monthly Archives: August 2011

A Day In My Life

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I live a fairly ordinary life, but there are some people who wonder, “how do ‘gays’ live?” thinking somehow that our “lifestyle” affects how we live our lives. Well, that’s true — my partner and I enjoy a relaxed, easy, comfortable lifestyle in the home we built and in the town where I have lived my whole life.

But I digresss…. The Advocate magazine is sponsoring an event today titled, “Day in Gay America.”

Today begins the first day of a week’s “staycation” for me. Yeah, unlike many others, I do not travel somewhere else when I have time off. I love my home and the community where I live — so I take some time to enjoy it!

The weather is promising to be absolutely stunning: bright sunshine with warm but not hot air temperature, with a low dew point (meaning the humidity usually abundant this time of year will be noticeably absent.) My personal meteorologists (colleagues with whom I work) all advised, “take the day off — go ride your Harley and have fun!” (They all agreed that Sunday’s weather, when I have another ride planned, will not be good–more likely rain. My colleagues really look after me. They interpret the weather models specifically for me and my planned activities. I truly enjoy working with them.)

So that’s what I will do today … go take a ride with my brother and several of my friends. I will take some pictures and submit the best one to The Advocate that demonstrates what, to me, is representative of my day in Gay America. A guy out enjoying a ride with a group of friends. You know, bikers can be gay, too (or is it, “gay men can be bikers, too?”). Either way you say it, I are one (giggle.) My brother and buddies are not gay, but who cares? We genuinely like one another regardless of sexual orientation, and I am not one of those gay men who must hang out only with other gay men.

That will not be all of my day. I’ll begin by preparing a nice breakfast for my partner before he goes to work, doing some laundry, and other mundane but important chores. Then I’ll go for my ride. After I get home, I will visit some senior pals and help with some maintenance needs that they have. I’ll also get on the phone with several more senior pals who I check on every.single.day. Make sure they are safe.

Then in the early evening, my brother will take his wife in a car and I will ride my Harley to another brother’s home where the family will gather for our weekly dinner gathering. Partner will stay home — the family intimidates with noise and little monsters (smile)… but I love it, and love them. I’m not sure how many will be there… probably the usual 40 or so. Nice intimate gathering of a raucous group (LOL!).

I’ll come home early, but anticipate that my brother and his wife will stay longer to visit. When I get home, I will snuggle closely with my partner in a media-free zone, hold his hand, and do what I advise on this blog often: show those you love that you love them.

We’ll head to bed at the usual early hour, about 9:00. Snuggle close again, peacefully and happy.

Life is short: enjoy your day!

Sendra Boots Dismay

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Over the years, I had heard a lot about Sendra Boots, which are made in Spain. They are very well-made, attractive boots, but I have to say, at least for the three pairs of Sendras that I own, they are very uncomfortable. I cannot wear them for more than an hour without my feet aching. The footbed is hard, and the boots are sized in such a way that I cannot insert a gel insole to make them more comfortable. The boot shaft is narrow, so they squeeze my legs. Ouch!

Back in 2006, I bought my first pair of Sendra “Texan” cowboy boots. Black, traditional style, with a low heel (1″/2.5cm). I don’t like boots with that low of a heel. They looked good, but wearing them became a chore. Often, they would just sit in my boot closet taking up space.

In 2007, I received a gift of a pair of Sendra boots from some friends who visited Spain. The boots are shiny and very attractive. But like their black brothers, the shaft is narrow and the footbed is hard. They occupied a space in my boot closet next to their black brothers, gathering dust.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought a pair of 18″ tall brown Sendra harness boots a few months ago. They are very good-looking boots, and very well-made. However, the foot is small (despite ordering a whole size larger than I usually wear) so I cannot insert a cushion insole. The shaft is narrow. I stretched the shafts using a boot stretcher for several weeks. I can put them on, but I cannot wear them for more than an hour without the boots feeling hot on my legs and feeling sweaty.

I know other guys who love Sendra Boots and do not have any problems like I have had. They say that their Sendras feel comfortable and they can wear their boots all day. I can’t. Again: ouch!

Over the next few weeks or months, I will put my Sendra boots on eBay and hopefully find someone who would like to buy them — and enjoy them. Sendra boots do not work for me.

If you want to make me an offer to buy these boots (and you do not live in the U.K.), write to me here.

Life is short: realize that each boot manufacturer makes boots that have size issues for some guys.

Dehner Boots 3 Years Later

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I have mentioned before that I have a “love-hate” relationship with Dehner Patrol Boots.  I love how they look, fit, and feel, but I dislike that the shafts on stock patrol boots are made with plastic stuff that the Dehner Company calls “Dehcord.”

While it is possible to custom-order Dehner boots with leather shafts and feet, the cost is prohibitive. Seriously, few guys have over $800 to fork over for a custom pair of Dehner boots, despite how seriously beautiful they are.

Since Dehner makes stock boots with a 1″ wider calf circumference as a standard option, I have found that their stock boots fit me fine, and I don’t need (or want to pay) for custom boots. I have only ordered custom boots from other manufacturers when I have had a sizing issue.

Three years ago, I ordered and received this pair of stock bal-laced Dehner Patrol Boots. It was my objective to see how they would wear if I wore them fairly often and yet was careful with them. I never exposed these boots to heat, including the hot exhaust or engine of my motorcycle. But I have worn them — a lot. I wear them to work, I wear them while riding my Harley, and I wear them just around the neighborhood.

Every now-and-then, I spray the shafts with good quality furniture polish and buff them. Amazing how they shine up again. Also, about two or three times each year, I give the leather on these boots (feet and backstay) a good wax polish and buffing. I hate to polish boots, but in this case, I make an exception. They really do look good when they shine, though I don’t go all crazy about shining them like some other guys do.

So here they are after three years of cautious care but regular wear:

BTW, the dimpling on the back of the heels is caused by my bootjack — where it squeezes the back of the boot when I pull it off. The dimpling seems more pronounced in the photo than “in real life.”

Oh, and before you ask, how “regular” is “regular” in how often I wear these boots? I’d say I wear them to work 3 – 4 times each month; I wear them when riding the Harley when I ride to work and also 3 – 4 times each month just tooling around the ‘hood; and I wear them about 3 – 4 times each month otherwise. I’d say about 60 – 80 hours/month.

Life is short: enjoy your boots!

How Do I Make My Cowboy Boots Not Look Gay?

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Yep, here it goes again:

Another Google search landed this question, “How do I make my cowboy boots not look gay?” on the cowboy boots and jeans page on my website.

I feel very sorry for the guy who actually asked this question. Well, anyway, I will give a serious answer to this silly question:

Regular cowboy boots are worn by many men, and the vast majority of those men are straight. They wouldn’t wear boots if they thought the boots “looked gay” because the last thing a straight guy wants to have happen is to have anyone cast doubt on his “straightness” by what he is wearing on his feet.

Therefore, in my opinion, boots themselves do not “look” gay — this question relates a seriously misplaced concern. The misplaced concern is about the person — not the boots. The person is probably afraid that when he wears boots, he may display characteristics that sexual stereotyping cause people to believe someone is gay. I will not describe those characteristics, because as a gay man, I believe that my doing so could reaffirm that I believe those stereotypes are accurate and true, which they are not.

Back to the point: how do you make the wearer of cowboy boots not “look gay?”

1. Stand tall and have an outward appearance of a happy, relaxed, and confident man. SMILE! Nobody likes a sourpuss.

2. Look other people in the eye — not downward or away.

3. Make sure your boots look good with what you are wearing — polished smooth leather, clean exotic skins, or if you’re going for that bad-boy rough-and-tumble biker-look, then wear appropriate “biker clothing” like denim or leather jeans — not shorts.

4. Make sure your boots fit properly. Boots that are too large make a guy walk oddly, which can be presumed to be one of those stereotypical behaviors that I referred to above.

5. Have a confident and secure stride. That is, walk normally. Don’t clunk your boot heels or tip-toe. If you are not accustomed to wearing boots, watch how you walk on stairs. It is very easy to trip up a set of stairs when wearing boots if you’re not used to them.

Boots unto themselves are not gay (this is a link) but if someone has to ask this question, then perhaps he should consider getting professional counseling. Seriously, I worry about people who think like that — it’s a sure sign of something else behind the curtain. The guy is trying to blame an inanimate object as a method of hiding repressed feelings. Go talk to a professional.

Life is short: wear boots confidently.

Bigger Isn’t Necessarily Better

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Harley has introduced its new 2012 lineup of motorcycles, and despite the hype wrapped around new motorcycles, I have some concerns.

The new touring class bikes, among a few others, will come standard with 103 cubic inch (1688cc) engines. They promote this engine as having more power and will cruise at lower rpm. What they also don’t say but another on-line article says that these engines will be water-cooled (for the first time) which means that they will have a small radiator.

I thought that the larger engine and radiator would mean that the new bikes would be heavier. So I did some sluething, comparing specifications of the 2012 Road King (812 pounds on-the-road weight) with my 2008 RK (775 pounds on-the-road weight). 37 pounds heavier. Hmmm…

Will 37 pounds make that much of a difference? Well… it could.

One of the first things that I noticed on my 2008 Road King when I brought it home was how much harder it was for me to handle — not while riding, but while trying to park it or even move it around in my garage. Its weight and physical size makes it a bear to move when it is not running. I worry that the newer, bigger engines (and radiator) will make the new bikes beyond my ability to handle.

Frankly, I had no trouble achieving cruising speed on my old Dyna Low Rider, which had an 88 cubic inch (1422cc) engine (and no radiator). That bike was sooooo much easier to handle when it was not running. Its on-the-road weight was 630 pounds — 145 pounds lighter than my current Harley. (Of course, it was a cruiser, not a touring bike, and that is a huge difference. I know that I am comparing apples and oranges.) However, my partner and I rode two-up on that Low Rider regularly and we rode cross-country three times (with a week’s worth of clothing packed aboard!) The bike did fine; a larger engine wasn’t needed (in my opinion.)

While I have no intentions of getting a new Harley any time soon — I’m happy with my 2008 Road King, and want to get the investment out of it that I put into it to make it fit me comfortably — when it comes time to consider a new bike, I’m not so sure I would get another touring-class Harley.

And who knows, by the time I get around to considering my options about another motorcycle, one of these things will happen: 1) I may consider another type of motorcycle, more suitable for how I will use it (which is pretty much just riding around where I live, not going on long trips), or 2) not get another motorcycle at all. As I age, I find that my riding skills are slowly getting worse, such as slower reaction time and fear of riding in the dark because I can’t see as well.

I am not ready to give up riding yet — but I am open to ideas of downsizing to a bike that I can manage more easily. I had dreams of touring which, unfortunately, cannot be met. I can’t ride more than 250 miles/day due to my chronic health condition, and my partner cannot ride as a passenger with me. I miss him so much, I find there are times that I choose not to go for a ride because I want to spend time with him.

uggh… listen-up Harley: not all of us want bigger, heavier, bikes. As we age, those things are harder and harder to handle. And no, I’m not ready for the ultimate “geezer-glide”: a trike.

Stay tuned….

Life is short: evaluate your options and know your limits, too.

Cowboy Boots with a Suit

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I see fairly frequent internet searches that direct visitors to this blog and my website asking, “can you wear cowboy boots with a suit?” I have blogged about this before.

The answer is, of course you “can” — as in, yes it is possible — but the real question is, do you want to? So many men worry about what other people think about what they wear on their feet. Men who are mature, confident, and enjoy boots wear them with suits regularly. While I rarely wear a suit, cowboy boots are my choice of footwear when I have to dress up.

My twin brother was born in a suit. Well, almost. But he has always enjoyed dressing up and his profession required that he wear a suit almost every day. Thankfully (from my perspective), he got the suit genes and I got the jeans genes. I am much more comfortable in blue jeans than a suit. In my profession, I do not have to dress up, and appreciate that. I think I’d die if I had to wear a suit every day.

But I digress… I had the pleasure of attending a formal reception in honor of my brother as he was retiring. He knew that he could get me to wear a suit, but the footwear always would be boots — I wore boots with a tux when I was Best Man for his wedding, and have worn boots at other formal occasions over the years, including receptions at the White House and various foreign embassies in Washington, D.C.

He and his wife are staying with me this month. Their home is in Europe, but they are here for him to go through the shenanigans of his retirement, and then spend significant time visiting family and friends in the area where we grew up (where I live.)

My brother bought me a pair of very nice black Lucchese Classic goatskin cowboy boots as a gift to thank me for hosting him, as well as for an early birthday present. He didn’t have to do that, but the boots are very much appreciated. They are comfortable, very good-looking, solid boots. I wore them at his retirement reception, and met and spoke with very high-ranking officials who came to present my brother an award and to wish him well.

There were hundreds of people there, and all the men wore suits. I am happy to say that I was not the only man in boots — there was another senior statesman in boots, too (that looked like my new boots — classy black dress cowboy boots).

No one said anything about what I had on my feet. No one. Honestly, nobody cares. All the fashion advisers who have tantrums about men wearing boots with a suit or formal wear should review their narrow thinking, because good-looking boots can look good on a confident man in a suit.

‘nuf said. Bro’, thanks for the boots; they’re great.

Larger and more photos of these boots are here (link).

Life is short: wear boots!

My Brother Is Now Officially Retired

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My twin brother, J, has been in town since 30 July, and he is staying with my partner and me in our home. It is great having him around again. All week this past week, though, he has been involved in a lot of meetings leading up to his official retirement, which was yesterday.

My partner and I were invited to attend a reception in his honor at his place of work yesterday afternoon. We knew this was going to be very special, so one of our sisters arranged a surprise for him. You see, he told his wife that he would be busy all week and that she should not plan to travel from their home in France and arrive in DC until tomorrow (Sunday), since he wouldn’t have time to spend with her during his last week of work. She bought a non-refundable air ticket that would bring her to DC on Sunday, 7 August.

Then we found out two weeks ago that his boss was going to have this reception, and a very, very special guest was going to attend it. Alas, my sister-in-law found that the cost to change her airline ticket would have been more than 500 Euro — waaaayyy too much.

However, one of our sisters arranges travel for VIP travelers in the same place where my brother works. She made some inquiries and pulled some strings, and arranged for my sister-in-law to travel on Thursday. Keeping her early visit a surprise was hard to do — but I kept my brother distracted on Thursday (so he wouldn’t phone his wife) and our sister picked up his wife at the airport and had her stay in her home that night.

Back to the reception — it was quite an affair. Several hundred people attended, which didn’t surprise me but I think my brother was in shock. We were mixing and mingling, then his boss got everyone’s attention. The boss said the usual pleasantries, then said, “and to present your award and official retirement certificate, we have some special guests. First, let’s ask someone special to you to be with you as you receive it…”

…then my sister-in-law stepped out from behind a curtain. My brother rushed to her, hugged her tightly, and I could tell that he was asking, “how did you get here? When did you arrive? Who arranged this?” … while I didn’t hear exactly what he said, my “twin thing” was communicating 100% of his feelings through me. I tell ‘ya, tears began to well up.

But the boss wasn’t done. He continued, “now let’s have our special guest make the official presentation….” and out walked one of the highest ranking officials in the entire U.S. Government. I can’t say who it was or the title, because I don’t want to attract media attention to this blog. But let me confirm, that person is impressive!

My brother went into shock. His jaw dropped to the floor (almost) and I could tell that he was shaking. Seriously nervous. The official was gracious, kind, and thoughtful. The official gave a very heartwarming speech and congratulated my brother on his 32 years of service to our country.

The room burst into applause. Then my brother was asked to speak. He stood before the group at the microphone and I could tell that he was struggling. He was still shaking. He looked at me, and I smiled warmly at him and gave him a hand signal which between us means, “go for it”.

He composed himself, and said, “my brother should be giving this speech. He’s the public speaker in the family and we never could shut him up.” That crack lightened the mood and caused everyone to laugh. My brother thanked everyone very graciously. Then he called me, my partner, and my five siblings who were there to join his wife at the front of the room, and gave an impassioned thanks to us for our support.

It was then that both he and I broke into tears. But good tears.

Now my brother turns the page on a new chapter in his life. His wife, me, and our wonderful family will be by his side, always.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

P.S.: I was wearing a suit (yuck), silk tie (double-yuck), and a new pair of very dressy black Lucchese goatskin cowboy boots (yea!) that my brother bought for me for our birthday that is coming up. I’ll feature photos on my website and this blog at a later date.

Cowboy Boots and Shorts

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I am not the only one who thinks that cowboy boots and shorts do not go together. I found this on a popular mainstream blog, linked from a Facebook friend. LOL!

If you wear shorts, then wear sneakers (and don’t ride a motorcycle). If you wear cowboy boots, then wear jeans or khakis or casual to dressy business clothes. Even a suit and boots go well together. But not shorts and cowboy boots! No no no no no!

Life is short: find your kindred spirits.

Do Men Wear Pants Inside Boots?

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More internet searches continue to come up with people entering the question, “do men wear pants inside boots?” or “tuck pants into boots?” or “do guys wear jeans inside boots?”

Okay, I have blogged on this matter ad naseum but this one summarizes it.

I really, really, I mean really wonder, why in the heck do so many people search that one question every day? For the past 30 days, over 200 people have search that question (or related) EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! They have been directed either to this blog or to my website from search results.

I am completely befuddled. Why do so many people ask that question? It’s like an obsession!

To save you the pain of clicking through this blog, I’ll address this issue once more:

1. In the United States, men who wear boots wear them with jeans or slacks or even business suits over their boots. Myself included. I wear boots every day, but only a few times, like when I am wearing breeches, do I choose to wear pants inside my boots. Breeches are made for that purpose — to have tall boots over them.

2. If pants (or breeches or leathers) are tucked into boots, it’s done with tall boots, like a cowboy’s buckaroo boots, or a biker’s tall engineer or harness boots. Civil War re-enactors and Renaissance Fair participants also show their tall boots with the clothes they are wearing, because that is how men wore their boots during the period they are recreating.

3. Most traditional cowboy boots and the majority of “biker boots” are short(er). Most cowboy boots are 12″ – 13″ tall. Many biker boots are 11″ to 12″ tall. One doesn’t have much boot to show, and pants tucked into shorter boots just doesn’t look right. So that’s why most men who wear boots wear them with pants over them, not tucked inside.

4. There are always exceptions — certain uniforms specify pants tucked into boots, like motorcycle police officers and military. Exceptions also extend to equestrian riders, doormen, and a few other professions.

That’s it. Ask the question, “do men wear pants inside boots?” — the answer is, “yes, sometimes… in the right setting with tall boots and the right clothing.”

Now you know.

Life is short: stop obsessing!

Even Cops Think Their Boots are Hypnotic

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As demonstrated by this brief exchange on Facebook, it’s evident that even motorcycle police officers like how their boots look.

There’s something about how the boots look with a uniform that attracts a lot of attention from many people — women and men, straight and gay, cops and non-cops alike. 

I’m glad to have my thoughts about the boots confirmed in writing by a Motor Officer. (giggle).

‘nuf said.

Life is short:  wear boots!  (Police patrol boots or otherwise!)