Yearly Archives: 2009

Rules for Wearing Leather

Posted on by

This is the second of a series on “The Rules.” Recently, people have been using internet search engines by entering questions like, “how to do I wear leather?” or “should I wear leather in public” or “what leather do men wear in public” or just “leather in public.” I sense that there remain a number of people who want to, but may not have the courage, to wear something more than a leather jacket in public. Leather jeans, boots, shirt, and vest all look great, but cause some people to ask questions.

Here is my “take” on the “rules” for weather leather in public. These are my personal opinions, but based on experience. I wear leather a lot and not just at home.

Rules for wearing leather in public

1. Wear leather gear (jeans, shirt, jacket, boots) that fit you well. If the leather is baggy, saggy, or too tight (showing that it is being stretched or is being pulled), then it looks bad — just as bad as a poorly-fitting suit, shirt, or cloth pants.

2. Probably for your first forays into wearing leather in public, temper your choices and avoid going out as the compleat “Old Guard Leatherman.” For example, choose a pair of black leather jeans with a t-shirt or denim shirt, and a nice but subdued pair of black boots. Or, wear a leather shirt with a pair of bluejeans and boots. You may choose to wear a leather jacket if the weather requires it. While there are times that I have worn complete leather (shirt, vest, pants, boots, jacket, and Muir Cap) in public, I do not do that as often as this blog’s history may imply. Sure, I wear leather a lot, but I mix it up with complementary denim clothing (or often a dark flannel shirt.)

3. The “stop obsessing” rule applies here as well. If you are very worried about what someone else may say, then you need to work on building self-confidence.

Be ready if someone may say something when they observe you in leather gear:

Your primary response should be non-verbal.

  • Smile!
  • Stand up straight
  • Give a clear indication that you are pleased to be wearing leather.
  • Consider saying something like one of these comments:
    • Like the jeans? I think they’re cool!
    • My wife (or partner) gave this (pointing to the leather item) to me for my birthday. Doesn’t s/he have great taste?
    • I like how this vest looks with this shirt!
    • I haven’t been more comfortable in my life in a pair of jeans.
    • I thought these leather pants were stylish. They look great, and feel even better!
    • Thanks for noticing! Isn’t it (pointing to the leather garment you have on) nice looking?
    • Grrrr… those hoodlums might run in fear now when they see me (giving an evil grimace, of course, all in jest).
    • Just wait until you see the Harley I’ve picked out at the dealership!

    Life is short: wear your leather proudly!

    • Rules for Cowboy Boots

    Posted on by

    Someone used an internet search on “rules on wearing cowboy boots” (and ended up on the cowboy boot section of my website). Someone else asked, “what guidance can you provide when I wear cowboy boots? Are there rules?”

    I’m not sure why there seems to be an interest in “rules.” There aren’t any rules, per se, about wearing cowboy boots, but here are some suggestions based on my experience.

    Rules for wearing cowboy boots

    1. Wear what you like and what fits you and your lifestyle.

    2. Stand tall and proudly.

    3. Smile! Men appear more confident and self-assured when they smile (and wear boots!)

    4. Stop obsessing about what other people may say or think about you wearing cowboy boots. Seriously, get over it. If you’re worried that someone may say something because wearing boots is new to you or not common where you live, then make the choice not to wear them. But it is YOUR choice — not someone else’s.

    5. If you have nice boots that you want to show, tuck your jeans into them. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t. It’s your choice.

    6. Cowboy boots go well with dress clothes or a suit. Generally, it is wise to choose an all-leather boot or subtle alternate skin boots (such as smooth ostrich or Teju lizard) in black, brown, or black cherry and which have a rounded or semi-rounded toe and traditional heel height. Boots with more fanciful design, sharp X-toes, high heels, or made of unusual materials (Caiman alligator, rattlesnake, python, etc.) may be too ostentatious to wear to places where one might wear a suit, such as at an office, conference, wedding, funeral, or to a place of worship.

    7. Have at least two, if not more, pairs of cowboy boots if you will be wearing them regularly. It is a good idea to let boots “breathe” for at least one day between wearing them. The boots need to air out and allow time for sweat which may have been absorbed into the leather and insole to evaporate. (This is also sometimes called “rotating boots” but does not mean turning them around.)

    8. IMHO, do not wear cowboy boots that have smooth leather soles while operating a motorcycle. This is a safety precaution — smooth soles provide no traction! Same applies about wearing smooth-soled cowboy boots in places that may be slick with rain, snow or ice.

    Keep your boots clean and in good condition

    9. Mud will dry out leather. While sometimes it’s fun to get boots muddy, it is also important to clean it off when you’re done playing so the leather is not permanently damaged.

    10. If boots somehow get biological stains on them, wipe it off — don’t let it dry on. The most often-applied biological agent that somehow gets on boots dries out leather and may cause permanent damage.

    11. Avoid getting boots that are made of snakeskin or lizard wet. Scales on snakeskin boots will curl when they get wet, and they will not “uncurl” when they dry.

    12. Use a quality leather conditioner or reptile skin conditioner on your boots. Avoid using waxy shoe polish on boots (or parts of boots) that are made of materials other than leather — snake, lizard, alligator, etc. Waxy shoe polish can build up within the scales or fine creavases on boots and dull the finish or ruin the skin.

    13. Do not use a hair dryer on boots, put them in an oven, or place them near a source of heat such as a radiator or forced-air heat vent. That can cause leather or skins to shrink permanently. If boots are wet and you want to hasten the drying process, a trick I learned from Bamaboy is to put the boots on top of a water heater.

    14. Store boots so air can circulate around them. Keep them in a well-ventilated area. Keep them in the light — avoid storing boots in dark, damp places. That includes storing boots in a box when the boots may be wet. Mold and mildew love “dark and wet”. They “eat” fibrous products, and particularly have a “taste” for leather. To avoid having boots be destroyed by mold and mildew, keep them dry, in the light, and in a place where air circulates.

    Life is short: stand tall, walk confidently, and smile while wearing your cowboy boots!

    The Gift of Listening

    Posted on by

    It seems that these days, most people want to do all the talking. You see them all the time — yakking away on their cell phones while driving, walking down the street, or everywhere else. I was seated with a group at lunch on Friday, and watched a table of four next to me. Each person was talking — no one was listening. It seemed to me as if they were in a contest about who could outlast and “outtalk” the others. No one listened — they all blabbed away.

    I am fortunate to live with a man who is a superb listener. Among his many skills, he listens to what others say, and acts on what he hears. He is a man of few words. Often, he prefers that everyone else do the talking and he not say a word.

    I value that my partner is such a good listener. We went to visit my old friend yesterday. She lives about an hour’s drive away, so the visits are not as frequent as I might like them to be, but nonetheless, are good ones. He picked up and remembered that my friend gets cold, but because she must have daily intravenous medical treatments these days, she cannot wear a traditional sweater with sleeves. He found my friend a sleeveless fleece sweater/vest at our local KMart. He also remembered that my friend just loves a dairy treat that is sold by a fast-food restaurant. On our way to visit my dear old friend yesterday, we stopped by that restaurant and got the treat for her.

    I recall that this friend taught me so much as she mentored me when I was just learning about working in the non-profit field. She cared for me and listened to me back then. Now it’s my turn — to listen. During our visit, I sat, held her hand, and my partner held her other hand. We gave her the dairy treat which she loved. She was so thrilled with the vest that my partner found for her, she almost jumped for joy. Unfortunately, her jumping days are over, but her joy was quite palpable.

    I realize that I get so busy doing so many things, that I have to depend on my partner to help me keep focused on priorities, remember what and who are important, and to slow down and listen. Yeah, I am kinda verbal, but I credit my partner for continuing to teach me that all-important lesson especially when it comes to relating to older people. “Shut up and listen. Just listen. Hold their hand and listen.” He is so right. Just having someone to listen to them — even if it is stories one has heard before — helps an older person feel that someone else is interested in them, cares about them, and loves them.

    I thank my partner for helping me to remember this very important lesson. I am so blessed in so many ways — for having him keep me focused. For having close family and friends support and love me, lead me, and guide me along life’s highway. But most of all, for the faith that so many others have in me. I guess I learned that by listening.

    Life is short: listen. You will be amazed at what you hear.

    Not Always Leather

    Posted on by

    Someone sent me an email which I found amusing. He asked, “do you always wear leather?”

    Ummm… no. I do wear it often, around the house and around the community on my own time, when I am riding my Harley, and when I just feel like it. It is warm and comfortable to me. However, I have to wear “business casual” clothes to work, and on occasion, even a dreaded jacket & tie. Fortunately, those occasions are rare.

    I always wear boots when awake: at work, at home, everywhere. I do not own a pair of shoes.

    But this picture attests, I do have comfortable clothes made of materials other than leather (LOL!) — Wranglers, flannel shirt, etc. This is typical attire I wear when I am doing construction, repair, and yard work, mostly.

    This photo was taken just before I took off to attend a public hearing in my community. Just normal comfy clothes for the community leader I am. Thank goodness I am a volunteer, so I do not have to conform to dress codes of the attorneys who testify along side me. They’re stuck in a confining suit & tie at these hearings — and dress shoes. Yuck.

    What boots am I wearing? These are my Chippewa non-steel toe engineer boots. So light on the feet and very comfortable. Mike got a special order of tall Chippewa Engineer Boots without steel toes. I wear my pair of these often, ’cause they make great work boots and don’t get hot and heavy.

    Life is short: Boot up!

    Wesco Boots — Gay?

    Posted on by

    Someone visited the post on this website titled, Wesco Boots and Gay Culture and attempted to leave a comment on that post. The post was written on December 27, 2008, but continues to rank high in Google searches.

    The person made a number of broad generalizations and asked a number of questions, so his statements fit best in an entire blog post rather than a comment on a post that is almost a year old. (By the way, the plural of “Wesco” is “Wescos” — in American English, one does NOT add an apostrophe to make a word plural.)

    I shared that guy’s message with several straight and gay friends varying in age from 23 to 68 who like to wear boots. Following are some things this commenter said, and the responses I received from my friends. Interestingly, there really was not a difference in response or reaction between straight and gay men. Below, “SG” means “straight guy” and “GG” means “gay guy.”

    I love these boots, but I don’t get a hard-on for ’em like all these gay fetishist that obsess over them.

    GG: He’s correct in observing, and reinforcing the statement from your original post that some gay men have a fetish interest in boots and like you he appreciates the boots because of their style, function and quality workmanship. It’s funny how easily we think that what we see on-line and via YouTube is highly representative of current thought and practice. It’s been my observation that those who take the time to create video do so not from the perspective of showing life as it exists, but from a creative or artistic eye that is meant to entertain more so than to be instructive. Extremes get the most attention and in a sea of millions of videos, it’s the extreme that allows your video to be seen and not overlooked or ignored.

    GG: He may see more gay men who have a fetish interest as the authors of the videos because by and large this demographic has been more exposed to role playing venues where the boots, leather, and Tom of Finland inspired scenes have been such a staple in gay culture. So, it’s easy to see how a creative medium like YouTube and web would have more gay men creating these images.

    GG: Interest in the power these boots may represent can’t only be confined to those with fetish interest. Wesco boots are sturdy and come with lug soles, for the most part, and harness and engineer boot styles were originally worn by men who worked in professions associated with strength. There is also the association of power produced by 50s icons like Brando and James Dean that has clearly left a mark on our society’s perception of the boots. The characters these men created spoke to the personal power of the rebel who called his own shots. Taken in this context, the boots were seen as highly masculine and it’s this concept that many masculine gay men found attractive. There are just as many, if not more, straight men who were inspired by this image. Unfortunately, they’re not the ones creating the on-line images, for the most part.

    My interest in these boots are for their function and style and quality workmanship.

    SG: Many guys wear them for protection for their jobs/hobbies etc. With those guys, their boots are just another piece of gear and thats all they are. They don’t think twice about them.

    I’ve never touched or seen a pair of these boss boots, only from the internet and your videos and everywhere I look, there are these “GG Allen” types licking them and being all gay with them.

    GG: Who is GG Allen? [I think he means GG Allin, who died in 1993. He was a punk rocker, and was rather perverse in his antics on stage. I had to look this up, because I didn’t know who he was, either.]

    SG: His past observations about one crazy punk rocker influence him now.

    GG: He (the writer) watches too many YouTube videos. He should know that what he sees on YouTube isn’t what the majority of men who wear Wesco boots are like. Think about it: would a straight guy post a video of himself in a pair of Wesco Boots just walking around, riding his motorcycle, or smoking? Of course not. Guys who post on YouTube usually are showing some sort of fetish interest.

    My concern, is how gay are the boots?

    SG: My guess is if the guy is thinking Wescos and gay go hand-in-hand then something in his past caused that association. Also, when you see sites on the web showing the boots – as with most boots, they seem to somehow be connected to a gay or sex related site.

    GG: I’ve never heard Wesco boots being labeled as “gay”

    GG: If they are “gay boots,” I want more!

    You say, “It’s all about the boots. Boot up. When I’m on my HARLEY.” Like the gay community stole the rainbow. And Hitler stole the “Chaplin” Moustache. The KKK stole pointy robes.

    GG: He’s afraid of guilt by association. It’s only when we begin wearing something new that people take notice. By and large, in the real off-line world, after the first few weeks, gays and straights could care less about your choice of footwear. That’s not to say that some will leap to conclusions, but people will leap to erroneous conclusions regardless of what he chooses to wear and his point about co-opted styles can be easily said any number of clothing choices. Of course, all this gets thrown out of the window if he finds himself in the Castro or in a leather bar. LOL But, as you’ve pointed out on your blog, there are a good number of gay men attending leather bars wearing sneakers and jeans. Sometimes a banana is just a banana.

    SG: What does he mean by you wearing Wesco boots on your Harley and then immediately say that the gay community stole the rainbow? What do these two things have to do with each other? This guy doesn’t make any sense.

    No comparison to gay people, I’m just talking styles, that have almost become like their proprietary ‘uniform’ in a sense.

    GG: If Wesco boots have become the “uniform” of gay people, then this guy doesn’t know many gay men. I think he watches too many videos on YouTube which are causing many misperceptions in his mind.

    GG: The gay friends who I hang out with never would wear Wesco boots. Heck, most of them won’t wear boots at all.

    SG: He almost makes it sound as though without support from the gay community, Wesco would go out of business. How ridiculous. That is like believing that companies that make colored handkerchiefs are dependent on the gay community for their existence or Doc Martens depend on restless teens and rock stars to survive.

    You seem friendly and nice, and flaming homosexuals are free and fun, but many of the Wesco Boot Fetishists seem pretty hardcore. Like, I wouldn’t want to hang out with most of them.

    GG: I’d venture to say that he wouldn’t find himself at places frequented by the Wesco Boot Fetishists as he terms them. Any one of us runs the risk of unwanted attention because someone perceives we are like-minded because of what we’ve chosen to wear. Even the most confident of us have periods of self-doubt about our appearance. We are conditioned to believe that appearances are important. It’s a way we try to make sense of things. But, at the end of the day, we all have to ask ourselves if we can not just live with our decisions, but with our regrets created by giving in to our insecurities and deciding against wearing what we like.

    GG: He is making assumptions based on some of the more “active” videos he is seeing on YouTube.

    SG: I guess he saw too many pictures from Folsom Street [Fair in San Francisco]. While I can’t imagine wearing some of that leatherwear in public, on the other hand my curiosity could ask what it might feel like to wear it, just as I am curious what it would be like to don a full set of football gear (from pads to cleats) or professional ice hockey equipment. I also wonder if, in that sea of leather-clad men, any of those men are straight and how well they might be accepted.

    SG: I am a hardcore biker. I wear Wescos. You think he thinks I am going to challenge him to a fight?

    So is wearing these super-gay boots the equivalent to a girl wearing a slutty dress, in your eyes? Like, If I was wearing the uniform of these GG Allen Leather Boys, Is that asking for gay trouble?

    SG: Where did that come from? Yes, many gay men may enjoy wearing Wescos or any other boots for that matter but so what. Many straight men wear boots and possibly for the same reason that gay men do. It is what the boots feel like, the appearance they give (Masculine) and perhaps sexual stimulation. Can a straight man be “turned on” (sexually) by wearing boots or seeing other men in boots. Absolutely. It is the boots, not the gender of the person wearing them.

    GG: You are asking for trouble from Gay Guys by holding such narrow, incorrect, points of view. [BHD] did not publish your comment because you refused to identify yourself. Would you dare say something like that in public? I doubt it.

    SG: Wescos are not “super gay”. This guy is way off base and has jumped to a lot of conclusions, again probably from what he is seeing on YouTube.

    Would I have to constantly explain myself to “booted men” that I’m not into sodomy, I just like gay boots? Thanks for taking the time, and I really hope you can shine some light on this.

    GG: You would only have to explain yourself if you opened your mouth and stuff like this fell out of it. You’re way off base.

    SG: This guy said that he doesn’t even own a pair of Wesco boots, and he probably never will because he is so obsessed over perceptions about them, and jumped to conclusions based on observations from what he has been seeing on the Internet.

    SG: He has to realize that most straight guys who wear Wesco boots — linemen, cable guys, and so forth — don’t post information about their footwear on the internet. Guys who do post about Wesco boots on the internet, including youtube, are giving him a false impression.

    GG: As long as he keeps referring to Wesco Boots as “gay boots,” he has much to learn. He probably should not get any, because he is so far off base and it seems that he has already made up his mind.

    BHD says — Life is short: Wear your Wescos (if you’re man enough!) Thanks to my friends who provided review and feedback for me. Out of respect for them, I am not revealing who they are — even their screen names — which would be recognized by many who frequent “Boots on Line.”

    Cowboy Boots and Jeans Google Searches

    Posted on by

    The following searches were done recently, and all ended up on my Jeans and Cowboy Boots page on my website. It continues to amaze me that at least 200 people visit my web page about jeans and cowboy boots every single day.

    Information about cowboy boots (and jeans) is searched much more often than I thought. I will refrain from speculating why — other than to say that searching on the Internet is done so often now, rather than asking someone in person. It is faster, easier, and gives you a choice of answers to pick from (whether right or wrong, good or bad.)

    Here goes — I have divided the searches by categories as indicated. Note: these were searches done by people in the United States and Canada. One might figure that people outside the U.S. & Canada who are unfamiliar with cowboy boots and customs may have more questions, so I did not include non-U.S./Canadian search results on this list.)

    Jeans and Cowboy Boots

    • Jeans men wear with cowboy boots
    • What is stacked jeans?
    • Do you have to have boot cut jeans with boots?
    • Best jeans for cowboy boots
    • Do cowboys iron their jeans?

    Responses (my opinions): most guys choose to wear Wrangler jeans with cowboy boots. Wranglers have the thick rolled seam on the outside, instead of the inside, of the leg. Cowboys and bikers choose jeans with the rolled seam on the outside so it doesn’t rub against the leg pressed against the saddle of a horse or motorcycle (thought I do NOT recommend wearing cowboy boots with leather soles when operating a motorbike.)

    Most men choose straight-leg jeans to wear with boots. Boot Cut jeans have a slightly flared (wider) leg opening, but this isn’t necessary. It is mostly a marketing ploy designed to get you to pay more for the cut of the jeans, rather than get any improved functionality from them. And no, most guys (cowboys or not) do not iron their jeans. Just wash and dry and that’s it.

    Stacked jeans means, simply, that the jeans are long enough to rest with soft folds (“stack”) on top of the boot foot, but not be so long as to be lower than the top of the heel (or fray by dragging on the floor).

    Wearing Cowboy Boots

    • How to wear cowboy boots
    • How to put on cowboy boots

    Responses: I am puzzled why someone would search “how to wear cowboy boots.” Ummm… pull them on, stand up, walk. What else is there to know? Stand and stride confidently, held held high? Be proud? Smile? Then the question, “how to put on cowboy boots” — that’s easy. Sit down, pull up the leg of your jeans, and pull the boots on. Repeat with the other leg. You’re done.

    Jeans Inside Boots

    If there is anything that people obsess over more about cowboy boots and jeans is the ongoing question about wearing jeans inside boots — or not. Here is what was searched:

    • Can men wear their jeans inside their boots?
    • Do guys tuck pants into boots?
    • Why do cowboys tuck their jeans into their boots?
    • What does it mean when pants are tucked into cowboy boots?
    • Men with their pants inside the boot

    Responses (my opinions): Yes, men can and sometimes do wear jeans inside boots. It doesn’t “mean” anything about the person who does it, yet others seem to be afraid of what other people may think. My observations (here in the United States) are that most men wear jeans over cowboy boots, except boots like Buckaroos, which are more often worn with jeans inside them than over them. Overall, my opinion is that if you have nice boots and want to show them off, then tuck your jeans into them. If you obsess about what other people may think of you doing that, then forget the boots and wear sneakers. Life is too short to worry about other people’s opinions, and you will arrive at this conclusion with time and maturity.

    Why do cowboys tuck their jeans into boots? It comes from an old tradition of doing that since the Roman and Greek times, mostly to protect the lower leg with stronger, more firmer protection of the leather on the boot shaft. Doing so also makes it easier to keep the jeans clean and not be exposed to dirt, mud, and gunk that may fly up from a horse’s hooves.

    Other Unusual and Amusing Cowboy Boot Related Searches

    Here are some other searches related to cowboy boots that I saw come in:

    • Rules for wearing cowboy boots
    • How to wear tall boots with jeans men
    • What boots do real cowboys wear?
    • Should I wear cowboy boots?
    • Wear jeans over cowboy

    Responses (my opinions): The only “rules” for wearing cowboy boots are: 1) wear what fits you and your lifestyle best; 2) stand tall, walk confidently, and remember to smile! That’s it — simple as that!

    How to wear tall boots with jeans? I think this may be going back to some of what was above about wearing jeans and boots, or wearing jeans inside boots. “How” to do it? Use this trick: sit down, and pull the sock on your left leg up over the end of your jeans. Pull the jeans down to smooth them, and make sure the inside and outside seams of your jeans run down both sides of your legs. Repeat with your right leg. Then pull on your boots. Smooth the jeans into the boots to reduce puckering of the jeans fabric at the top of the boot shaft. Stand up, stand tall, walk proudly. Smile!

    What boots do “real” cowboys wear? Good question. Most working ranchers and riders may wear solid, sturdy boots like Buckaroos while actually riding a horse and working with cattle. When the go to town, you will often see them in ropers, which have a short shaft and rounded toe. The traditional, 13″ cowboy boot with fancier stitching and design is worn more for dressy occasions, and by some men in the U.S. Midwest, South, plains & mountain states, and Southwest, to work (even with a suit.) I have observed that a rounded toe or squared toe is more common than a pointed toe, but that is a matter of personal preference and varies widely.

    If you have to ask, “should I wear cowboy boots,” then you probably shouldn’t. You’re obsessing too much. Let go, relax, and wear your boots, but don’t fret over whether you should or shouldn’t. It is a personal decision, made by YOU, not the opinions of other people around you.

    I close with a final funny: wear jeans over cowboy. Yeah, I know what happened here, but it still amuses me by conjuring up some pretty ridiculous images in my mind. I will leave it to your imagination. (giggle)

    Life is short: wear your cowboy boots!

    Role Model?

    Posted on by

    I received an email message from a young guy, age 15, who said that he visited my bootedman.com website and this blog. I do not knowingly communicate with people under age 21 via email (family excepted) because I do not want anyone for any reason to think that I am trying to have interactions (however benign) with people who are not considered adults in the eyes of the law. These days, you can’t be too careful. That is why it says on my “write-to-me” page that you can send me email, but if you are under 21, I will not write back.

    This young guy said, “I look up to you greatly because of your collection and lifestyle. I have a bit of a boot fetish (Especially Cowboys and Cops in Boots) and I think it is grand that you share your collection.”

    Well, thanks. Remember now, I’m considerably older and have worked for what I have for 34 years since I was emancipated. My boot collection has grown over many years. I look at it this way: some guys collect baseball cards or stamps. I collect (and wear) boots. Everyone should have at least one hobby to keep them interested, and as long as they can afford it and have room to keep it, then go for it!

    Further, he said, “I am way in the closet and I wish to be out, but my Religious Homophobic Parents are holding me back.”

    I am very sorry about that. I do not know you or your family, but I realize that it must be hard when parents who love you do not really know who you are. I sense you are Internet savvy and can find groups who can help you. Be assured, you are not the first and you are not alone. There are other young guys in your same situation. Hold close to your family, as they are all you have. But work toward your independence to become the man you want to be.

    This young guy continues, “I want a pair of boots badly, but they don’t look right on me and not to mention my parents would be in constant question mode.”

    The question about how boots look on a person is a matter of self-perception. Perhaps boots he has tried have not been to his liking. Perhaps he is concerned about the perception or comments from others. Young people notice everything, and it is unfortunate but quite common that they will made snide remarks. I hate to say it, but it is all part of growing up. Place those comments in the virtual trash can and choose boots that you like and fit well. Then stand tall, smile, and walk with confidence. Expect derision, which is a frequent teenage custom, but just hold your head high and hold your tongue. Soon, if they don’t get a reaction from you, they will move on to pick on someone else.

    I observe that parents who care about their children are always in constant question mode. It indicates that they are interested in you, which is a much better place to be than to be ignored. I remember when I was about 14 and wanted a pair of Frye Boots badly. I went to my Mom to ask for her help to get them. I had saved money from mowing lawns and doing odd jobs, but I needed her to drive me to the store so I could try them on.

    I asked, and of course my Mom said, “why do you want those boots?” (sorta with a mutter, “of all things!”) I had prepared for that question. I decided not to say, “all the guys in school wear them” to which my Mom would undoubtedly have replied, “so if they all jumped off a cliff, would you jump with them?” [This is a perennial parental come-back to ‘all my friends do this or have that’].

    Instead, I remember that I explained to my Mom about what I liked about the boots and how well they were made. I framed my answer that such good quality boots would last a long time (they have! I still have 12 pairs!) I think I remember explaining all of the characteristics about the stitching, leather soles, quality of leather, and so forth. I based my argument on quality and durability, rather than on just wants and desires. My Mom listened, and said, “okay.” Off we went, and I got my Fryes. (Remember, back in the 70s, Frye Boots were made in the U.S. from quality materials, instead of how cheaply they are made now in China via a company that owns the Frye brand name.)

    The young man continued in his email by saying, “When I move out, I want to start my own boot collection, and hopefully will find a man with similar interests.”

    Just take it one step at a time. When you move out, concentrate on becoming an independent person. Work, get an education, pay your bills, keep a roof over your head, and keep moving toward your goals. Sure, buy a pair of boots when you can afford them, but don’t do that if you can’t, or if you would go into debt. There are reasons to carry debt, such as for a mortgage on a home of your own. But there really isn’t a reason to carry a credit card balance over months (or years) just for boots. A home is a “need.” Boots are a “want.” Keep the differences in mind and your financial priorities straight.

    Find a man with similar interests? Man, I could blog about that for days. Sure, it is nice if the guy with whom you choose to develop a long-term relationship likes boots, but it is far more important if he is an honest, caring, thoughtful, and financially pragmatic guy. Do it like I did with my partner, who didn’t have a pair of boots to his name when we met: we developed our relationship first, then I introduced him to boots. While he seldom wears them, he will. For me.

    In closing, the writer said, “When I see photos of you and your partner, it gives me hope that there is someone out there for me.”

    I always believe that there is someone for everyone. It takes time, so don’t push it. It is a totally unscientific observation, but gay guys take more time to find a mate and settle down. I was 35 when I met my guy, but I know in my heart that waiting was the absolute right thing to do, because I met the man who became my heart, my soul, my love, my one-and-only. And my heart didn’t get broken in the meantime.

    Thanks for the message — and thanks to all for reading. I know this was long, but there was a lot for me to talk about here!

    Life is short: keep the faith (and do it in boots)!

    Being Consumed

    Posted on by

    This time of year is always busy. My life at work transitions to doing more things than regular work, such as the going to the requisite office holiday party and attending receptions hosted by offices of local agencies and organizations that I frequent. I’m not the party-boy, but I stop in, say hi, give greetings and wish good cheer … then skedaddle. On top of this, I have a short out-of-town business trip next week. I hope I can just fly in, meet, and get back home as quickly as I can, and not encounter travel delays.

    Community-life transitions to being invited to holiday parties and other social occasions. My lovely partner, the world’s #1 recluse, declines to join me, and generally, I limit the visits when possible … but it’s not always possible.

    Family-life transitions to more holiday stuff as well. Four family Christmas parties before Christmas day compete with other demands for time. But I love my family, and won’t be a stranger.

    Home-life transitions to decorating for Christmas (we’re all done, yippie!), and getting ready for my annual bread-baking that I do at Christmastime. I make a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread for all of the neighbors, plus a couple dozen senior buds. I probably go through 100 pounds of flour, if not more….

    All of this is additional to regular things I do — work full-time, and serve as a community volunteer and civic leader by night, whilst the other half of my time includes doing household handyman chores for senior friends, whilst the remaining 99% of my time includes caring for my dear elderly aunt…. not to mention my partner, and not ignoring him and his needs (just to have me with him “more than less.”)

    Then I finally broke down and opened a Facebook account last Friday. Gosh, that thing can be consuming. I have, however, connected with several long-lost friends from high school and college, political life, buddies from Down Under, and so on. Hundreds of “friends” have piled on within just a few days. Sheesh, I didn’t know I knew so many people. I have been hearing more from younger family members who communicate regularly through that thing, and think email is such a dinosaur, they seldom use it. Oh heck, this ol’ dinosaur is finally moving a bit more forward, while trying to keep those activities in check.

    Add all these things together: the pressures of work-work, personal work, and holiday time are taking their toll. Thus, not much is happening on my “booted” website. I’m kinda weary and don’t have much Christmas spirit (yet). I’m sure I’ll “get there” soon enough. But right now, I feel like a dog just thrown into a pond, paddling ferociously.

    Gosh, I haven’t even done my Christmas cards yet. Thank goodness, though, I did finish my Christmas shopping back in July. Else I truly think that I would be overwhelmed.

    Life is short: do what you have to do!

    The Blue Bell

    Posted on by


    110 years ago, when my maternal grandmother was enjoying her first Christmas with her newly wed husband, he gave her a hand-blown little blue bell. You can see it here in the lower middle of this photo.

    It is a cherished family heirloom that enjoys a prominent location on our Christmas tree.

    When we were kids, my Mom would unwrap the little blue bell and hang it on our family’s tree, and tell us the story of her mother and this little bell. It has been in our family for only three generations, and lives with me now. I cherish it. The bell brings many happy memories of my childhood Christmases, my grandmother, and my Mom.

    Yesterday when my partner and I were decorating our home for Christmas, we put our tree up. We have lots of decorations — an eclectic assortment of family heirlooms and newer pieces that he and I have acquired. But nothing means more to us than this little blue bell.

    When my Mom died, she left a note: “Please ensure the little blue Christmas bell goes to [BHD]. He loved it so. It’s my gift to him and [his partner], to enjoy on their tree as they begin a life in their new house.”

    You see, my Mom died just three weeks before the house that I built for my partner and me was completed. She and my partner planned all of its furnishings and decorations … down to what things would look like at Christmas. I regret that she never saw our house, particularly at Christmas. But that little blue bell is her living memory which we so enjoy.

    Life is short: remember happy thoughts of loved-ones.

    Combatting Snow

    Posted on by

    No, not really. The weather weasels were correct, though, when they told us that we might get our first accumulating snow yesterday.

    They made their prognostication on Friday morning. As usual, everyone in the DC area freaked out, and flocked to the grocery stores to buy everything, including the requisite milk, eggs, and diapers (even if they don’t have infants at home.)

    I had to take two elderly friends grocery shopping early yesterday morning before any snow was falling. I was prepared for a mob at the store, and was pleasantly surprised to see rather light activity. I asked a manager at the store about it, and she said, “just wait… whatever they didn’t buy yesterday, they will come back to buy the minute they see a flake of snow.” And she was right. I was not surprised to find that many of the store’s shelves were picked clean. As we were leaving, it was just beginning to snow, and the cars were queuing up in the parking lot. It never fails.

    We were right on the rain/snow line for this minor storm, so what we got was wet goopy gunk. Not good for snowballs, sledding, or making snow hunks. By this morning (8:30am update), there remains a couple inches (5cm) of snow on the ground, but the driveway and sidewalks are clear (we shoveled off the goop yesterday afternoon.)

    Oh well, I donned my Wesco Combat Boots with some camo BDUs to combat this fierce event! I went out to feed the critters in the back yard when my partner took this photo. That was about it for my snow adventures. My partner and I spent several happy hours watching the snow fall outside our large windows in our kitchen while we did some more batch cooking. We even made some sugar cookies from scratch. We also began to decorate for Christmas. The snow put me in more of a Christmas spirit.

    Life is short: grin and bear it!