Category Archives: Marriage

That Ring Isn’t Right

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Handsrings01Heard at a meeting at work, “that ring isn’t right.” Comment directed to me by someone I don’t know that well before the meeting began (as people were entering and taking a seat.)

Say what? Were you talking to me?

I looked at the guy who said that and it was clear to me that he was talking about the ring on my left ring finger. (Yeah, I am wearing my ring on my finger rather than on a chain–I’ve gotten used to it, and actually like to be reminded of my marriage by feeling it.)

I noticed that a few other people who know me better than this guy does took notice, and seemed to be waiting for me to either punch him in the nose or tell him off… or something.
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Congratulatory Marriage Note in Newsletter

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I am a member of several organizations and clubs in the community where I live. All of these organizations are related to activities that I enjoy — civic work, motorcycling, rehabbing old houses, and my ol’ college fraternity alumni association. All of these organizations are composed of straight people/couples. At least I am not aware of any gay members of any of these organizations. I’m sure there must be other members who are gay, but I haven’t asked and they haven’t told.

I do not belong to any clubs that are related to gay issues. No “MC” or LGBT groups.

So it was a pleasant surprise to me when the July issue of a newsletter for one of these organizations had the following shout-out to me and my spouse:
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Why Did You Marry Your Partner?

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With all the media attention on same-sex marriage, a number of visits to this blog have come in, primarily driven by internet search engines. A writer for a major U.S. Metropolitan newspaper contacted me and asked directly, “why did you marry your partner?”

I thought it was obvious, but in reading some of my past posts, I realize that I may have given a different signal.

Why did I marry my partner? I have many reasons, as follows–
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Marriage Makes Relationship Real

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Some of my family — first cousins once removed (children of first cousins) — have reacted quite negatively to the news that I married a man.

I am having a conversation with a close, trusted, insightful and intelligent friend who pointed out, “until you married, they could pretend that your relationship wasn’t genuine. They probably reduced it to sexual relations, and since you are a private person and [your spouse] doesn’t like to socialize, your relationship was pretty much invisible to them. Marriage shattered those perceptions for them.”

What is complicating matters is that a few of my cousins (not many, just a few) blindly adhere to what their religion has taught them, which includes that marriage is a sacrament, and by the mere fact that I am gay (and not celibate), I am living in sin and will go to hell… not to mention that my state has redefined marriage.

I keep asking,
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What Does Your Wife Do?

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The other day at work, I was orienting a new colleague to where things are around the office and was introducing him to staff and explaining what each of them do.

During our day, my colleague explained that his wife did such-and-such job like someone I had introduced him to. Then he turned to me and asked, “are you married?”

Me: Yep.

Him: What does your wife do?
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Family and the Married Gay Couple

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I have often mentioned on this blog how fortunate I feel to have a large, raucous, and very loving, supportive family. It hurts my heart to read or see stories about families disowning sons, siblings, or uncles who are gay. I know that it has been a journey, transition, or evolution — whatever you want to call it — for some of my family to understand that their son, brother, uncle, or cousin is gay… met a man… built a home and a life together… then married when legally permitted.

What has been the family response to the news of our marriage (and practically, an elopement?)
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Analysis of Response to Marriage Announcement

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I made an announcement here, on Facebook, and on the “Boots on Line” board that I married my partner of almost 20 years. Yeah, it was a momentous occasion in our hearts and minds, and I appreciated the love and support from my family and friends. The response was surprising to me, to tell you the truth. Here’s an analysis.
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