Today is the summer solstice up here in North America — it gives us the longest amount of daylight that we will enjoy in 2011. For us at 38° 53′ North and 77° 02′ West, that means that local sunrise will be at 05:43 and sunset will be at 20:37 with 14 hours and 53 minutes of daylight.

I will enjoy a long early morning walk in twilight (and not in the dark, as usual) then riding my Harley to work after the sun has risen, and then lingering with my partner in the evening, holding hands and watching the sun set. That’s our tradition on the eve of the summer solstice.

Nothing special, really, on this longest day of the year. Just enjoying it!

It’s not a problem, either, to go to bed before it is dark outside. Usually, I’m in bed before dark during the month of June and half of July. No biggie — fortunately, light doesn’t prevent me from getting to sleep.

Life is short: love it!

Saturday was a stunningly beautiful day; the Harley was begging to get out. On top of that, a buddy and regular reader of this blog sent me a message advising me to get out and ride.

However, I promised my partner that I would take whatever time was needed this weekend to build him a multi-tiered planter for an odd corner of one of our decks. We can store things on inside shelves, and grow herbs and flowers on the outer shelves.

So that’s what I did this past weekend… pretty boring stuff, but when you’re in a relationship, sometimes you give a little to get a little. He will “spring me loose” next weekend when I will be going out both days to ride.

My partner is very happy with it, as am I.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

The weekend in Pittsburgh went quite well. My partner and I helped his mother around her house, from making some minor home improvements to lots of yard work. The visit was low-key and laid-back, and MIL was thankful and appreciative.

We arrived back in Maryland early enough today, Monday, for me to go help a veteran of World War II with some improvements to his home to make it safer and more comfortable to live in. At age 88, he lives alone. His wife died five years ago, and he loves their old house. But it needed work — from a ramp to make it easier to get into the front door past some once-difficult steps, to better lighting, grab bars in the bath and kitchen, and a new smoke alarm. He’s happy and content.

I learned a lot from my new senior pal. I love “oral history.”

So instead of riding in Rolling Thunder yesterday or observing other larger gatherings, parades, or whatnot, my partner and I did a “one-on-one thing” — helping a senior and recognizing a veteran who fought for the freedom we cherish.

Happy Memorial Day!

Planting the annuals for the gardens is complete! Whoo-ee! Within the past few days, we also planted 31 tomato plants in planters on one of our decks. We started the tomatoes from seed in March, and grew them indoors (actually, a specially lit area built into one side of the room that I use for my basement boot closet. It’s a multifunctional space!) Hopefully, we will have a bountiful harvest come July. We keep the tomatoes and other vegetables in special planters on a deck, instead of a garden, so the deer and bunnies don’t get them before we do.

We put annuals in planters that we hang from our decks, as well. No sooner had we done that, then Mrs. Dodo Bird (mourning dove, but they’re not the brightest bulbs on the planet, so I call them “dodo birds”) dropped in some twigs and laid two eggs. She is keeping a careful eye on us from the nest. Thus is life with nature in suburbia.

Life is short: smile with relief when the myriad of planting activities that always happen this time of year are (almost) done!

A few rambles, as I slowly return to blogging.

Life has been busy-nuts, but that is traditional May.

Partner has been incredibly hyper, and with rain each day this past week, it hasn’t helped matters much. Rain both exacerbates his chronic pain as well as his frenzy for yard work that can’t be done.

I was able to use the Fred Flintstone lawn mower yesterday between downpours to scythe through the grass that began to eat small pets and children, it was so high.

I haven’t ridden my Harley all week due to the rain. Friggin’ feelings of confinement again in a cage (what us bikers call a four-wheel vehicle.)

New boss at work has rescinded permission to telework, so now I’m doing the regular 5am to 3pm at the office … every.friggin.day. Oh well, I really should not complain, because it’s the best commute I have had, with free indoor motorcycle parking as well. 20 minutes to get there, and about 30 to get home (due to heavier volume once the rest of the world is awake.)

Life in a cube farm is such joy. Thank goodness for Bose noise-cancelling headphones. While I have a fairly high-ranking position, I am but a lowly serf as a newbie, so I look at it this way: at least I have a real desk and office space with two computers and other facilities that I need. However, I have to say that my home office is better equipped. It’s common that I have to do some things at home for work because restrictions on resources (such as not being able to download, install, and use certain software. Doing that isn’t permitted and is blocked.) If I had to explain further, I’d have to shoot you, and that would be awfully messy.

I did have an interesting opportunity to brief a visiting delegation from China about content related to my profession at the headquarters of my professional association yesterday. That was very interesting, and is one reason why I remain so active with that association. Lots of opportunities for learning and professional development, networking, and sharing.

This coming weekend will be incredibly busy. Partner has a list in his mind of “gotta-do’s” that I can only imagine. I still can’t read his mind. I will, however, take a brief respite for an early morning motorcycle ride on Saturday morning that has been organized as a memorial for a friend’s son who was killed tragically a year ago by a drunk driver.

I also had a wonderful experience in meeting a family whose mother I touched through service years ago. Their Mom died last week, and left a substantial bequest to support future work on the “seniors safety” projects that I do. I didn’t really know their Mom that well, but she was one of the early-on benefactors of our work to provide better lighting, grab bars, smoke alarms, CO detectors, and other safety features. She thought so highly of our voluntary efforts that she left money in her will for our work. So now I’m setting up a non-profit foundation to receive the money and disburse it. Gotta love the bureaucratic processes required to make that happen.

Otherwise, as I always say: life is short — keep living! Be nice, be good, have fun, wear boots, and always, always, SMILE!

Best wishes,

BHD

The rant that once was in this space has been removed… er “updated.”

Yeah, I don’t like May. Too much pressure on my time with work and things to do at home. My partner goes absolutely bonkers this time of year about Spring gardening, which to him is incredibly important. I don’t place the same sense of urgency on this matter as he does, and that creates tension. Honestly, I would rather be out riding my Harley on days when it is suitable. My partner has no understanding about what it’s like to suffer with cabin fever all winter, then not be able to get out and ride and have to do back-breaking chores instead.

I really shouldn’t complain. I like the results of all this work. It’s just the intensity of the schedule that makes matters rough. Always. May.

May even ends poorly because I have to go with my partner to spend three days with his mother at the end of the month. Gosh, that trip is difficult, because his mother is so hard to be around. Instead of riding my Harley for a big event in Washington, DC, on the last weekend of the month, I have to be stuck in a cage in Da ‘Burgh.

Oh well, it happens every year. I should know what it’s like by now. Just because I do, doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

I was exchanging email with a friend who was telling me that he wanted to go out for a motorcycle ride this weekend, but he had to drive out-of-state to attend his niece’s wedding. I commiserated with that unfortunate situation. This exchange reminded me of one of the unintended benefits of being from a large family. That is, it’s nice not to be missed.

Let me explain. I have mentioned before that I can’t dance worth a lick, and don’t like to be subjected to dancing if I do not have to. Further, I don’t like to be around straight people whose tongues are loosened with alcohol. Sometimes they say some things that can be downright stupid, ugly, or inappropriate in my presence. You know: typical stuff that falls out of guy’s mouths when they are posturing for the Alpha Male position at social gatherings (like wedding receptions or club banquets.)

Then I remembered what I have been doing for the last decade (or longer) since at least 1995 when my partner refused to attend any more weddings with me. He absolutely detests social gatherings, and won’t go with me (especially to wedding receptions with my family. Admittedly, those events can get rather large and loud). Going alone isn’t any fun for me. I feel like a third wheel or … worse.

Anyway, what I explained to my friend is that these days, if invited to a wedding, I decline if it is out-of-town. Traveling to an out-of-town wedding is not my idea of “fun.” It is more like an unnecessary expense.

If I am invited to a wedding that will be held nearby, then I attend the church service, then split. Yep, I’m a real party-pooper. I may show up to the church on my Harley in a suit and polished motorcycle boots, go in, say hello to the family, say my Dominos and Biscuits and all that, then once the bride and groom have left, I hand my gift to someone else who is going to the reception, mount up my iron horse, throttle up and skedaddle.

It really IS a benefit to be in such a huge family, because no one really misses me. Sure, some say they do, but they’re just being nice. Most get so drunk that they can’t remember the next day who else was there. So it does not matter if I do not go. No big shakes.

I guess I am continuing to disprove some typical stereotypes about gay men. Not all of us: 1) like to dress up; 2) can dance or enjoy it; 3) like weddings or wedding receptions. I guess I could add another: I couldn’t tell you what the bride was wearing, and I don’t give a flying frig, anyway. I guess this commentary flows from being about the only gay man I know who didn’t give a rat’s patootee about the wedding that happened in London yesterday.

Life is short: be thankful (sometimes) not to be missed.

Americans as a whole tend to abhor negotiation and barter. They see something that they like, and often just buy it for whatever price is listed. Sometimes people shop around and compare prices for the same (or similar) things on various websites, but usually people “go with what they know” and buy from vendors they have dealt with before at whatever price is listed.

I admit, I have done that too. But having spent a year in my college days in Europe, living with local families and learning about life in situ, I learned a lot about barter and negotiation.

Barter: trade something of value for something considered to be of equal value. Think about it, kids barter all the time. Why do we forget that technique when we become adults? I do a lot of barter with services. I need contractors who can replace a tub in a rental house. In exchange for their labor, I have done some electrical repairs for them. Barter applies well to both services as well as goods. While I do not trade boots or leather gear, I know others who have done that and such exchanges generally have worked out well.

Negotiation: the old adage, “you don’t ‘get’ unless you ask” applies. If you see something you like — such as a leather jacket or a pair of boots — it is perfectly fine to ask the seller if he/she would accept a different price. That’s called negotiation.

One very important thing to remember: “MSRP” means “Manufacturers Suggested Retail Price.” It does not mean “final” price.

When approaching a negotiation, don’t be stupid and offer, for example, $200 for a pair of new stock Dehner boots that retail for twice that. No retailer in his right mind will accept such a low-ball offer. However, many retailers will match prices offered by other vendors if asked — and even if they do not offer to do that on their website.

I have saved between US$25 and US$200 on a new pair of boots simply by asking for a different price, and giving specifics. “That pair of boots is on sale here … ” (and provide the link.)

I have avoided turning my website (or this blog) into a sales gimmick — promoting one vendor’s products over others so that I can get free stuff or reduced prices on goods and gear. My website is a personal hobby, not a vendor forum. However, I will state where I obtained a product and how others interested in it can get it. In exchange for that, I sometimes have offered data (website visitor logs help) and asked for a reduced price on something. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I do not. But again, if you don’t ask, you don’t “get”!

A lesson that I learned (and that’s darn hard for many Americans for reasons that escape me) is “when to walk away.” That is, if you want something and you think you made a reasonable offer for it, be prepared to say “no” if you do not get the price you want.

Back in the day, that is how people bought automobiles. They would go into a dealership and get a price, then walk out if the price were too high and go to another dealer to see if that dealer would beat the first dealer’s price. Some people still buy cars that way, while others think that comparative shopping on the internet is sufficient. Remember: the listed price (including the price that appears on the internet) is what the vendor wants for the item, not necessarily what he/she will ultimately get for it (this is particularly true for automobiles, trucks, and motorcycles.)

By the way, that’s how auto dealerships fool you. They all will negotiate, but most people fall for their “no-haggle pricing” policy by stating prices on websites. Don’t be a sucker. I saved over US$2,000 on my last truck by negotiating hard for a good deal, and by visiting six dealerships in the process. It was a lot of work, but was well worth it!

Anyway, if you make a reasonable offer and can’t get it, then just suck it up and say, “no, thanks” and walk away. Most of the time, the deal ends there because most vendors either think that you’ll come back and say, “okay, I’ll pay what you want” or they simply will not negotiate.

I have some experiences where a vendor said, “no, we will not give you your price” and I said, “no, thanks.” Several days later, the vendor contacted me again and said, “do you still want this?” and I replied, “yes, but my price is [same one as before].” The vendor then replied, “okay, you can have it at that price after all.” That did not happen all the time, but more often than not, so it is valuable to learn to say “no” and be prepared to stick to your guns.

Negotiation is not hard to do, but requires some courage. Americans on the whole have become spineless in even thinking about negotiating for a price. But as I said above, “you don’t ‘get’ unless you ask” — so ASK! The worst that can happen is that the response will be, “no.” Then you are no worse off than before.

Hmmmm… let me take you to an auction sometime. That’s always a barrel of laughs.

Life is short: it’s always a negotiation.

When I gave up serving as webmaster for a political campaign this past summer (due to some uber-ugly political tactics that my candidate lowered himself to doing), I told my partner that I was done.  Done with politics, done with “advocacy,” done with the whole ball of wax.  I got a new job which consumes a lot of my time, and is enjoyable and is non-partisan.

However, as you have been reading on this blog, there is a bill that passed our State Senate and is now before our House of Delegates that would afford my partner and me the same rights, responsibilities, and benefits that my (straight) married siblings have:  marriage.

I thought my help, encouragement, or active involvement in this matter was not needed this time.  Things were moving along rather well, in my opinion.  Plus, I’ve been awfully busy caring for my aunt, dealing with her death & belongings & estate, and working like crazy.

But… I was wrong.  A Delegate in our state assembly who represents our district and who I supported for election is having a change of heart.  Pressures are mounting from the religious zealots and other neanderthals, many of whom do not even live in my state.

So today, as you read this, I am taking a day of leave from work and going to our state capital to patiently advocate, meet, and if necessary, bang someone upside the head (figuratively speaking, of course!) and ask, “what are you thinking to have reservations now, especially since you are a co-sponsor of this bill?”

Political action and advocacy from a grass-roots level is not something I take lightly, but get involved in when it matters.  It matters — a lot.

Return tomorrow for more regular stuff, but know that I remain vigilantly active to ensure that my elected representatives see the faces of their constituents who care about what they do and how they vote.  That’s what I love about America — Democracy as crazy and messy as it can be — is a cherished and powerful form of government, and it’s my right and my duty to express my opinions and share them with those who I elected to represent me and to hold them accountable for their actions. In this country, they are accountable to me (and my neighbors) but not some king or mullah or whatnot. (Okay, see me waving the flag and singing our national anthem, but I truly believe this stuff!)

Life is short:  take action when civic duty calls.