Category Archives: Masculinity

Where Do You Find Masculine Gay Guys?

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Frequent visitors to my blog come here because they enter a question like “Where can I find masculine gay men” into a search engine like Google which directs them here. Perhaps it’s because I have written blog posts before about masculine gay men. Being one, I know something about which I speak.

In looking for a masculine gay man, one first has to overcome believing certain stereotypes about gay men. (See this blog post from September 3, 2010).

Masculine men project confidence. They walk, talk, and behave in a positive, secure manner. Straight men who ridicule gay men are demonstrating insecurity and fear, as well as a reflection of social stereotyping that they have been misled to believe.

But back to the topic — where are masculine gay men found? Well, it is somewhat easier to describe where they are usually not found:

  • gay bars, in general
  • dance clubs
  • at the mall (shopping)
  • on-line

If I were looking for a masculine gay man, where would I look?

  • On a hiking trail
  • On a recreational sports team or league
  • At a real rodeo (not a gay rodeo)
  • At a guy on a motorcycle, perhaps riding with a group
  • in a local pub or bar, frequented by the general public, not a segment of society

I have joined, unjoined, reviewed, and looked at dozens of social networking websites, including the most popular general sites like Facebook, MySpace, Bebo, Friendster, and others, as well as those that are gay-oriented, like Recon’s family of websites (WorldLeathermen, Bootedmen, etc.), Gearfetish, BLUF, Hotboots, and others. There are masculine men who participate on these sites, but there are also a lot of wannabe leatherdudes, drama queens, and lonely people. And a lot of participants on the gay social networking sites are bottoms. Masculine men tend to be Tops. It’s hard to tell who’s who by a web posting anyway. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who post misleading content and use photos that do not represent who they are today.

If you are looking for a confident, sane, safe, normal masculine man, my advice is not to rely exclusively on the Internet. As I said, there are some masculine gay men who participate on various websites, but not that many. And it takes a long time to discover them, make a connection, build a friendship, and perhaps meet. Geez, I participated on hotboots.com for a long time before the masculine men whom I have befriended closely and I connected.

Instead of relying on on-line sources alone, I suggest: get out! Join a club! Get involved in your community! Join a team (even just to help out if you can’t or don’t want to play)! Socialize with straight people!

I observe that masculine gay men tend to hang out with straight people (and gay people as well) — masculine gay men are secure enough in themselves that they do not feel that they have to socialize only with gay people.

Perhaps a group in the unlikliest of places may have a masculine gay man in its midst. For example, my best friend AZ is very active with his Catholic church and its activities. Several men in some “straight” motorcycle clubs that I know are gay. They don’t wear a sign. In fact, they may still be quite in the closet. Eventually, though, as you get to know people, you’ll find out.

Don’t sign up for the next gathering of the leather-clad clan just because a lot of dudes in leather will be there. Wearing leather and boots doesn’t make a man masculine. His self-assured attitude, secure nature, and confidence does. Heck, I’ve seen more than my share of once-a-year leather queens at these events. The attendees aren’t quite what the advertising projects.

In summary: break that bubble. If you are a gay man who is interested in finding another gay man who is confident, secure, safe, sane, and masculine, then my advice is to open your circle and socialize with all sorts of people in activities that you would enjoy doing. Be yourself. Smile. Relax. Enjoy. It will happen — you will meet that guy. You just gotta look in a wider circle.

Life is short: relax and enjoy the ride!

A Matter of Perception

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My partner and I went to a dozen stores on Friday, looking at carpeting, countertops, flooring, and other items we will need to do a remodeling of our kitchen in August. I went dressed like this — well, same camo BDUs and combat boots, but just a plain black t-shirt (I don’t really think they would understand what a “bootdude” is LOL!)

We live in a rather wealthy community. Many of the people who shop in the stores we visited dress the part of a yuppie (because they are the part), in their khaki slacks, boat shoes, and golf shirts with some animal on it. They drive up in their Lexus or BMW or Mercedes or Infiniti, and walk around like they own the place.

When you go into a store like that dressed like I was, you are treated differently. The store sales people think you’re a contractor. If you can get their attention (a big “if”), they speak to you as a normal person. They use more technical language, and instead of offering “solutions,” they talk more about “what you need to get the job done.”

I witnessed that when I asked for a price on a certain item and then a golf-shirted sockless-loafered yuppie asked for a price on the same item, my quote was lower… significantly lower.

I have learned that while you can live among the wealthy, if you don’t want to get ripped off, don’t dress like them. I don’t like that style of dress anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

Further, I was driving my nephew’s old beat-up pick-up truck. I had to haul something to the dump (sorry, our wealthy county calls it a “transfer station”), which isn’t far from some of these stores. The truck was more useful in hauling the debris that I had to get rid of. When you arrive at a store by means of an old beat-up truck dressed in BDUs and combat boots, the store personnel instantly form an opinion that can be useful to obtain better pricing on some items.

That is, of course, IF you can get their attention. In one store, a yuppie drove up in a high-end SUV and walked into the store at the same time I did. Three sales clerks fell all over themselves to ask him if he needed any help. No one talked to me. I finally had to go tap one of them on the shoulder to ask a question. Her reaction was as if I had leprosy. If the situation were not so funny, I would cry.

Anyway, next time you have to go to a store to buy something that could be rather expensive, go in an old beat-up truck, dress in your grubbiest clothes and boots, and see if the same thing happens to you. You get better prices provided you can get attention.

Life is short: go grubby! Grrrr!

You’re Talkin’ To the Wrong Guy

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On Saturday, I spent a good bit of time at the destination of a motorcycling fundraiser activity organized by my club. I rode my Harley there, and was dressed “traditional biker” — meaning I was wearing jeans, t-shirt, Chippewa Wildland Firefighter boots, and my leather vest with patches on it related to the club. I looked like any other biker/club member.

I guess because it looked like I knew what was going on or that I was in charge (I wasn’t, but perhaps at the time I may have been giving directions on setting up the grilling station), a visitor walked up to me with a buxom brunette. He said that he had opened a franchise of a restaurant in a local strip shopping center, and that on Monday nights at 8pm, he would be offering specials on wings and beer, served by fine young ladies like her (pointing to his companion.) He explained that he was trying to appeal to the biker market and wanted my club’s help in patronizing his establishment.

Okay, I can understand that. The economy still sucks and fewer people are eating out. He knows that a competitive restaurant that uses an owl symbol for a logo and the owl’s call in its name has a “bike night” every Thursday night, so he wants to get in on the action.

What he didn’t realize is that he was talking to a guy who doesn’t eat out, who doesn’t stay up late (defined as after 9pm), who doesn’t drink alcohol, who is gay, and who finds that owl place distasteful and won’t patronize it.

I tried to be nice, but when he persisted to ask if I personally would come to his “bike night” next Monday night, I first said, “well, no; it’s too late.” I explained that for me, 8pm is just too late. I also explained that appealing to responsible motorcyclists by offering reduced prices on beer is not such a good idea. A responsible biker will avoid drinking alcohol if he will be riding his bike, such as back home.

The franchise owner thought about it and said, “that makes sense. How about if I offer $2 pitchers of soft drinks and hot wings served by (the girl with him), would you come then?”

Ummm… no. I’m not really interested. As I said, I just don’t like to go out after work. And I can’t eat spicy food. It doesn’t agree with me. But that’s just me. My diet is strange.

But the guy persisted… “we really need your business, and you can have fun being entertained by (the buxom babe.)”

I finally had enough. I smiled at him and said, “look, I’m gay. I am really not interested.”

The franchise owner’s jaw dropped, but I have to give him credit for not saying something stupid. He just said, “well, can’t blame a guy for tryin’.” Good response! I told him that I appreciated what he was doing and although what he was promoting isn’t something that I was personally interested in, I would still be happy to let others in the club know about it. He said thanks and he and his companion went on their way.

Hmmm… this masculine gay man has done it again — broken stereotypes without even trying.

Life is short: be the man you are, and enjoy life!

Childish Antics

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Every now-and-then, I like to put on a uniform. I am not a sworn peace officer, so I don’t wear such an outfit around my community. In the past, I may have worn it to a fetish event. Nowadays, I wear it at home sometimes and have fun with my partner.

Like all my other leather gear and uniforms, photos of me in this uniform are on my website. These pages on my website are mature. That is, they have been there for several years. So enter “CHP Uniform” into Google or any other search engine, and the page on my website comes up rather high in the rankings.

Trouble is, there are some people who stumble upon my page on my website and either don’t understand, or behave stupidly when they see it. For example, last week someone who frequents a forum having to do with handguns posting a link to the CHP Uniform page on my website. While he didn’t say much, the replies he got indicated to me that there remain a lot of very childish people who are active with these forums, and say all sorts of silly things.

Well, I have three responses to that:

1. Sticks-and-stones … just as I learned in grade school, this phrase still applies to adults who act as if they are still in grade school. Your names will not hurt me, and if you think you’re being funny, I feel very sorry for you. (One even ridiculed Diversity training — it’s obvious that such training does not work for some people.)

2. I am a confident, masculine gay man. Just as I wrote in a blog post last December, I still feel that confident and masculine gay men still scare straight men. They can’t figure us out, so they pick on us and say silly things because they lack self-confidence and are insecure.

3. I have temporarily relocated my CHP Uniform page on my website. I’ll wait until the kiddies who linked to it grow tired of not finding the page then I will bring it back to where it was.

Why people who are supposedly mature adults have to behave this way is beyond my comprehension. Oh well, I know the risks I take with such an active presence on the internet. I live with it and move on. Life is too short to let childish antics and name-calling bother me.

Pennsylvania Connections

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My partner loves to sit in our gardens in the back yard and relax. He watches the birds flutter around the feeder, the squirrels play “catch me if you can,” and soak in the marvels of Mother Nature in her glory. He worked very hard to make our backyard retreat the quiet, soothing, comfortable place that it is. He says that in some ways, it reminds him of “backwoods” where he grew up, in Western Pennsylvania.

I joined him on a bench back in our backyard retreat the other day. This was one of those times where we sat, relaxed, and had a quiet conversation. During that particular chat, I spoke about some guys I have gotten to know who also have connections with his home state.

My best friend, AZ, was born in the same hospital where my partner was (albeit a decade later), and lived in Pennsylvania for quite a while until he moved for a new start on a new life in Arizona, where he is well-settled and happy. My partner knows all about AZ, as we have talked about him and our friendship a lot. My partner appreciates that AZ and I have such a strong bond of friendship, because he knows that AZ is a quality man.

Within the last year, I have “met” (via email) two other fine men from Pennsylvania. I choose not to reveal too much about them out of respect for their privacy. But I can say a little bit.

One guy lives and works in the central part of the state. He has a responsible position with a well-respected employer. He travels a lot. He likes boots, but admits that his boot-wearing has been limited to a few favorite pairs. He travels a lot for his job. He is really smart and introspective. He is gay, but lives a quiet life and has kept his interests in other men pretty much to himself. Lately he has begun the process of coming out by getting involved in groups and meeting people. He has told me that my blog has helped him be more comfortable with being himself and who he is as gay man. I have learned a lot from him, and really enjoy our frequent email exchanges and discussions.

Another guy lives with his partner in Western PA. He comes from a strong, supportive family. He also has done a lot of civic work in helping to protect and care for his small town and surrounding areas. He likes boots, too, but usually only wears them casually (and he is quite attractive in his Wranglers and boots!) He works in a specialty field but in a corporate environment. He travels a lot, too. We have exchanged many emails and some phone calls, and I have learned a lot about his qualities, intelligence, wit, and charm. His nature of being a confident, masculine man has helped reaffirm much for me, as our outlooks on the nature of “gaydom” are identical.

I have blogged about some of the conversations I have had with these friends. What brought us together, perhaps, was a mutual interest in boots, but what built bonds of friendship with all of these guys is more than that. We have mutual interests and outlooks on life. It is not surprising that we have formed solid friendships. These guys are down-to-earth, intelligent, thoughtful, and pleasant men who have a lot to share. They know how to be a good friend. They are forgiving of my occasional lapses in communication. They ask insightful questions. They give support when they sense it’s needed (and they are quite able to sense that need without my having to say so.)

As I was having that conversation in our garden with my partner, he remarked to me — and he’s right — there’s something about those Pennsylvania connections. Sure, I have friends here at home in Maryland and all around the world. I treasure, though, my “PA Connections” which first brought me my partner, and ongoing have introduced me to quality men who have brought joy, calm, and fun to my life. Thanks, guys!

Closet Cases

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A “closet case” is defined as follows:

Derogatory term for someone who is homosexual but refuses to admit it to himself or to associate with other homosexuals. Usually he publicly and vigorously denounces homosexuals, both in an attempt to camouflage his sexual preference and as a reflection of the inner conflict he has with his own desires.

It can also be used is a slightly less derogatory way for a homosexual who is unusually careful to prevent family, friends and co-workers from discovering his homosexuality. He will, for example, refuse to live with a male partner, and may keep a phony girl friend.

I can relate in a way. In my previous job, I had a number of supervisors who were retired from the military. Historically, active and retired military are notorious for being homophobic, and several of my former supervisors proved the point. I knew that if they really knew that I was gay and lived with a man, my life at work would be hell. So I never revealed my sexual orientation. It wasn’t anyone’s business. And being a big bad booted biker, commuting on my Harley to work, that image and my usual masculine behavior diverted attention. I kept my home life at home and my work life at work, and tried hard to keep the two separated.

There are many, many men who live in a situation where they fear that revealing their sexual orientation to others will bring pain and mental anguish. Even indicating that they prefer the company of men over women can put them in a bad spot.

But some of them overreact. They assume an identity that is hypermasculine. They share wild tales of (female) sexual exploits that are purely concoctions of the mind and diversions for others. Some make up families and tell tales of married life. Some have jobs in fields where macho-bravado is the norm, such as construction trades, law enforcement, firefighting, the oil industry, and so on — so they tell stories (lies) that fulfill the image of the masculine man in that job.

However, when they’re alone, they visit various websites such as Recon, Gearfetish, Boots on Line, and others as voyeurs (sometimes called lurkers). They may have a clandestine rendezvous with another guy. But they would never admit to anyone else — family, friends, and especially co-workers — their true feelings and sexual orientation or preferences.

While I understand situations that people get into where they fear negative repercussions from being “out” or revealing their sexual orientation, I feel badly and sad for them. I know how it hurts. I know the feelings of anxiety, and like one is living a constant lie. The inner turmoil continues ad naseum.

Some men in this situation and who feel that ongoing anxiety react quite negatively toward someone — like me — who has completely “come out” and is comfortable with it. Yes, I am very fortunate that my current employer isn’t filled with homophobes. I just got a major promotion over many others that I would not have gotten if homophobia were the indiginous thought pattern.

I regret that some “closet cases” feel that they have to lash out when their repressed thoughts and anger erupts, and they feel that they have to write nasty, childish comments in reply to something that confident masculine gay men may write or say. And, typically, guys who write those silly comments do not provide a way to reach them by e-mail. They just hide behind their computer and behave like grade school bullies taunting someone. Well, “sticks and stones” and all that. I have looooong gotten over feeling hurt by such attacks. Rather, I feel sorry for those guys, and pray for them. God loves ’em anyway, even if they can’t love themselves.

Let me say once again that I realize that my personal situation is not that common. I have “grown up” to be a confident, mature masculine man. It took a long time to relax and “be myself.” I live in a community that accepts me for who I am. I am employed by a company that respects my skills and knowledge, and doesn’t judge me because I’m gay. I belong to groups and organizations where I do a variety of things, from performing repairs to improve home liveability for seniors to leading the charge against rampant development without adequate infrastructure to riding motorcycles with groups. I am fortunate that the community where I was born has evolved into being open, accepting. It has a mature sense of “live and let live.” That’s why my partner and I built our home in Maryland where I grew up, because where he lived — Virginia — was much less accepting of “us” as “us” and has become even more hatefully homophobic-by-law.

To summarize: I do not think that people who chose to live in the closet (that is, not publicly reveal their sexual orientation) are bad. I realize that for various reasons (employment, family, geographic location, etc.), they can not be more open with others and honest with themselves. I do ask that as I respect their situation, that they respect mine: that I am a masculine man who likes to wear boots and leather, rides a motorcycle, gets involved in civic life, and who doesn’t cloak his sexual orientation. There is room in this world for all of us. Live your life and I’ll live mine. (But keep the silly comments to yourself.)

Life is short: be true to yourself. No one else knows you better.

Quality Men

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Qual-i-ty: [kwol-i-tee] noun, plural -ties, adjective

1. an essential or distinctive characteristic, property, or attribute
2. character with respect to fineness, or grade of excellence

Thanks, Mr. Webster. You have defined a word that characterizes some people who I admire: for their quality. They say that if you surround yourself with people of quality, then you can’t help but be improved in many ways.

I am exceptionally fortunate to have many quality men in my life, including:

  • My partner — a fine, upstanding, thoughtful and honest man who carries himself as an ongoing demonstration of what a quality man should be.

  • My brothers — all are of superb quality in their respective lives, relationships with their families, and with me.

  • My “eighth brother” who also goes by “AZ” — you know from just watching him that he is quality personified.

  • My boot twin, Clay — who has many qualities of caring, thoughtfulness, and upstanding character that one can’t help but admire.

  • Friends I grew up with — I maintained friendships for more than 45 years with some of these guys. Why? They add quality to my life, because they are quality guys.

  • Friends who I have more recently met — these quality guys have reached out to me via email. They have an astute sense of what composes quality, I guess, as they sent me a message and we began having conversations. I have much to learn from them, as their intelligence is one indicator of their quality.

  • Mentors and civic leaders — many have helped me over the years to learn and be better at what I do, both at work and in my civic life. A sign of quality is for someone to spend time with someone else who wants to learn. I have benefited greatly from those who share so much.

  • While my father is no longer among the living, I can’t make a statement about quality men without listing him as well. His qualities were numerous, and many people, including me, benefited tremendously from sharing time with him.

There are men of all shapes, sizes, colors, and so on. It is fairly easy to know if you’re communicating with a quality man. I am so richly blessed to build relationships with quality men who influence me to be the man I am. Thanks, guys!

Life is short: surround yourself with quality, and you can’t help but be a better man.

WYSIWYG and Confidence

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“WYSIWYG” is an acronym for “What You See Is What You Get.” I was sharing this with a buddy via email yesterday when we were exchanging thoughts about self-confidence.

So what you see in this picture is what you get, or would have gotten (or seen) if you trailed me around on Sunday when I was going about activities in the community. I went to one elderly man’s home to replace a hallway lighting fixture so that it can accommodate a much brighter bulb, so he can see better. I went to another elderly woman’s to replace a hinge on a door that had broken and was preventing the door from closing. I went to a third home to install a grab-bar in the bathtub/shower, so the woman could be safer as she entered and exited to bathe.

And I was wearing Wesco harness boots and a leather shirt. Why? Comfort. Preference. That’s it. (I wore the jeans over the boots. Wearing jeans inside my boots while visiting older folks’ homes to do repairs is a bit “much.” I also didn’t don the Muir Cap. Even this Bootman/Leatherman knows his limits.)

My friend with whom I have been exchanging email further said this: Although the journey of self-discovery never ends, perhaps our confidence in ourselves grows as we age to the point where we care little about attempting to be something that we’re not.

He was referencing how he is feeling about mingling with other gay men, and feeling more confident in coming out as a gay man. I understand that, and appreciate his insights. You know, it’s interesting, but another confident, masculine gay man from the same state has characterized himself as “WYSIWYG” — and he is wonderful to behold. Truthfully, to me, the “what-you-see” stuff is related to outward appearance of self-confidence. (Perhaps boots improve that? I’m not sure, but many feel that a man wearing boots exudes a confident appearance.)

For me, I give a huge tribute to my parents, who encouraged me to be a confident person, starting back in grade school where I was narrator in the second-grade play, in junior high school when I gave a speech to our state’s General Assembly about an issue about which my peers and I were concerned, and in high school when I ran — and lost — then ran again the next year to win a student government position. Same is true through college where I ran and won positions on various student organizations. Continuing to this day, where I serve in various public service positions.

It all comes down to self-confidence. I was a confident guy long before I knew what “gay” meant. I thank my parents and my siblings for instilling that in me. (Guess it’s one good thing about being among the youngest in the family — you have to learn how to stand up for yourself!)

I no longer give a darn about what other people may think about my physique or looks. All that is outside stuff. I am who I am. My parents, family, and true friends taught me that what’s on the inside is what counts most. Further, I see being confident and being gay as independent things, and I am both.

My inside is confident. My outside, is, well: WYSIWYG!

Wesco Boots and Gay Culture

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There seems to be some interest and a bit of mystery about Wesco Boots and gay culture. Several internet searches using the keywords “Wesco” and “gay culture” have landed searchers on this blog. [UPDATE: As a result, I received some comments and blogged about this issue again, here].

I am a confident, secure, masculine man. That’s how I was raised, and how I behave. I enjoy typical “guy things” like riding my Harley and wearing clothing for the activity, including sturdy motorcycle boots and leather. I also enjoy home remodeling, repair, and construction. While I am not interested in organized sports, that’s just a preference — or lack thereof. It is the objective of this post to describe more about how preferences, stereotypes, and culture are not one-and-the-same.

And yeah, I am gay. Am I “attracted to” Wesco boots because I am gay? Nope. I like Wescos because they are the sturdiest boots around, made to exceptional quality standards, and present a great appearance on my feet. They fulfill the type of image of the guy that I am — a confident biker. That’s it.

As my friend Maf said the other day:

Gay is only who you are programmed biologically to desire sexually and to love. People whether straight, gay, male, or female span a great spectrum that goes way beyond stereotypical traits.

He is absolutely right. Because I love a man and choose to live with him as my partner, treating him as an equal and a mate equivalent to a man-woman marriage — that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I am a masculine man who likes sturdy, rugged boots.

There are a lot of men who like to wear Wescos. Some gay men have a fetish for them, some — like me — like the boots because of the utility and protection that they provide when I engage in my preferred outdoor activities of riding my Harley and working on construction projects or around the yard. Other men wear various styles of Wesco Boots for activities like logging, working on utility lines, wildland firefighting, and serving as a motor patrol officer. To them, the boots are more like “required” footwear; a part of a uniform — not anything else.

There is a range of traits and preferences that each person has. Some straight guys don’t like boots at all, and choose to wear sneakers in their off-time. Some gay men wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of sturdy, rugged boots. Similarly and in contrast, I would feel very uncomfortable (and sick to my stomach) if I had to wear dress shoes. I’d rather go barefooted than wear dress shoes or sneakers.

It is really a matter of preference, not having anything to do with whether one is programmed biologically to love a male or a female. People just have to get over trying to apply stereotypes to link preferences for certain things like boots and being gay. The stereotypes cause people to respond in ways that don’t help matters much, and sometimes cause strife, negativity, and attacks borne from fear and insecurity.

Masculine men who engage in activities that require solid protection for their feet may choose to wear Wesco Boots. That’s really about it… what you see is what you get, no more, no less.

Pet Peeve Relief: The company that makes the boots that are the subject of this post is the “West Coast Shoe Company” of Scappoose, Oregon, USA. They go by “Wesco” and emboss “Wesco” on each pair of boots they make. Guys refer to their boots as “Wescos” — NOT “Wesco ‘ s”. My pet peeve is seeing an apostrophe used to make a word plural.

Life is short: Wear your boots and enjoy your Wescos!

What Defines a Person

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I have been enjoying a renewed conversation with a gay man who is coming out now to his friends and family. It’s been a long process for him. What he’s going through reminded me of what I went through when I came out — starting when I was in college (photo shown, circa 1977).

The guy with whom I am communicating is deeply thoughtful and introspective. He has asked me questions that have caused me to think. He shares analogies to experiences in his own life that are strikingly similar to things I’ve gone through — and also some experiences that I haven’t had.

One thing he said recently was this:

Through the example you’ve provided you’ve reinforced my belief that being gay doesn’t totally define your existence and there’s not a predefined mold you have to fit in. Sexuality is as natural as breathing and just as some people are tall and others are short, some are gay and others straight and some are in the middle. Although I don’t feel the need to made any grand announcements, I also won’t skirt the issue of my sexuality in conversation with friends and family.

I totally agree with his statement, and with his permission, I reproduced it here. I have never felt that being gay defined my total existence. It’s just a part of what makes me who I am.

While I appreciate the compliment in that whatever I have said or shown as an example, I’ve learned that coming to terms with what defines a person is complex and not related to one specific thing. It’s not related only to being gay, or only to being male, or only … to … anything!

As I have conversed with another masculine gay man (who happens to be from the same state as the man who inspired this particular post)… one defines himself in a variety of ways. How he lives, with what activities and people he engages, with what he does for a living, how he conducts himself, and many other factors. My buddies about whom I am writing share similar traits with me in having self-confidence, maturity, intelligence, and just being regular guys — not trying to be someone he’s not, nor hiding from being who he is. He just “is”. I admire men like that. No pretenses. What you see is what you get.

Thanks, guys — for reaffirming that guys can be guys and being a gay guy doesn’t define who that guy is. While you have said that I’ve helped you, you have helped me, too. I don’t “have” to identify as or with any particular identity, because what makes my identity as a masculine gay man is a combination of things. Just like for my friends. (And we like to wear our boots, too! That’s great!)

Life is short: be who you are, and wear your boots! (LOL!)