I never know how what I write on my website, this blog, or in email influences others. But I have three specific examples that I learned about this past week that made me smile.
One was from a man who said…
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Category Archives: joy
Positive Power
I have a number of personality traits, or quirks, that combine to make me different from many others. I have blogged about some of those traits over time.
This time, I am writing about my positive outlook on life. And with some crap that has occurred to me, as is the nature of life itself, it’s a wonder that I haven’t gone over the edge and wallowed in “woe-is-me, awfulness, shit-gone-to-hell” attitudes.
I have been estranged from some family and people I thought were friends, forced into long-term unpaid “job hiatus” or even quit some jobs, and have been crapped upon and treated poorly by some people. My one-and-only man in my life is sick again and sometimes that makes him miserable and hard to be around.
Why, then, with all the crap in the world that has happened to me, do I remain bright and positive? Why do I have a healthy, forward-looking attitude? Why do I drive some of my friends and co-workers crazy with happy-peppy good cheer? Why do I believe that there is sunshine and a rainbow after clouds and gloom?
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Faith for Christmas
Wishing all of my readers, visitors, friends, lurkers, and fellow leather/boot/motorcycle enthusiasts all the best for Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate.
If I have only one thing for Christmas, it’s faith. Let me be clear, I am talking about my internal faith, not a religiously-imposed belief system. There are differences.
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Weekend: Bringing Happiness to My Fiance
This past year has been difficult, with my partner being so ill that almost every day, we could not do very much and I stood by his side, trying to help. Now it is one year after his first frightening symptoms appeared. He is slowly improving, and I am delighted that this past weekend, we had two good days in a row, where we had fun! You read about Saturday, where our “fun” was doing chores around the house, helping friends with grocery shopping, then getting some time for me to go for a ride on my Harley.
Sunday was a great day, too. It began, as we usually begin, with a warm, lazy snuggle while watching dawn break on the trees in the forest behind our house. It never ceases to amaze us how lovely this sight is to behold as the early red color of sunrise transforms to a bright gold contrasted against the dark grey bark of the trees.
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The Trials and Tribulations of Senior Pals
I keep rather busy with a voluntary job that kinda grew on me… looking after a fairly large contingent of people I call my “senior pals.” All of these folks live nearby, and my cadre of those who I check on, help out, and look after has grown by word-of-mouth. First it was my mother’s next-door neighbor, then her friend, then her friend’s friend, and so on. I sorta help out by being a “rent-a-son” where the rent is cheap (zero) and the smiles are plentiful.
However, having such a large group of friends who are significantly older poses its challenges.
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39 Years of Caroling Craziness
This past Saturday afternoon, my partner told me that he knew that my usual “old neighborhood” Christmas caroling event and party was being held that night, and he wanted me to go. He heard me tell a friend on the phone that I was not going to attend it this year because I did not want to leave my partner’s side when he was not feeling well.
My partner would have none of it. “Go! You need to do this!” After some more conversation and assurance that my partner would be okay, I agreed. I was especially relieved when a sister offered to come over and stay with my partner while I was gone. (I sure have a wonderfully supportive family!) Off I went…
39 years ago when I was a young wascally wabbit in junior high school, a group of my classmates who lived in my neighborhood decided to go Christmas caroling. We took it so seriously. We had printed lyrics to over 40 tunes. We got together for weeks in advance to rehearse. We sang our hearts out.
We had so much fun, and our parents enjoyed sharing the joy with us, that we kept doing it. All through high school. Then when we graduated, we challenged each other that we would return to sing next year… and we did. And we did and we did and we did and we did… every.single.year since 1972. Amazing.
These days, our singing is far worse than it was 39 years ago. Our tolerance of cold weather is far less. Our disabilities show… standing for an hour is long enough. I really don’t know how we did it in four-hour stretches on multiple nights back in the day … ahhh… the enthusiasm of youth.
One of my former classmates bought his parent’s house. Same neighborhood where we grew up, next door to the house in which I grew up. This is where we stage our current antics, and party afterwards. Sixteen of “the originals” attended Saturday night, including five of them who live in distant cities but flew back just for this event. Our group warmly welcomed spouses and several children — and even a few grandchildren — of our original group. All told, 42 of us became carolers Saturday night. What a blast!
A few years ago, we decided to do our caroling for the parents of our classmates where they live now, rather than go door-to-door in the old ‘hood — whose residents we no longer know since most homes have changed owners at least once if not more. (Though the woman who babysat for me and my siblings still lives there, so on my request, we sang a couple songs for her. That was sweet — and she still makes the best tollhouse cookies on the planet!)
We make arrangements to visit the parents of some of our classmates who live in one of two retirement communities in the area. We met at our friend’s house and then drove over — carpool style in a VW bus (memories of old days; a classmate restored one) — as well as more current minivans and yuppiemobiles.
We sang three Christmas carols in one place; four in the other. Once again, my friends asked me to sing Tu scendi dalle stelle which means You Come Down From The Stars. It is an old Italian folk song, sung at Christmas. My singing this is tradition — but I so miss my twin brother’s harmonizing voice!
Perhaps our visits in each location were brief, but the joy was huge. We laughed, smiled, and shared memories. It was so good to see some of my classmates in person who I only interact with occasionally on Facebook these days. Their children learned that their parents weren’t the stodgy old farts that they appear to be today!
This is such a fun holiday tradition that we never want to end. I am glad that I was able to make it. It surely rekindled my Christmas spirit.
Oh, what did I wear? The usual… nice pair of leather jeans, comfortable boots to stand in (Chip Firefighters), denim shirt, and a warm leather motorcycle jacket (my Taylor’s). No big deal, and consistent with my usual attire of many years in doing this.
Life is short: share joy of your roots. Merry Christmas!
My Birthday Wish List: PDA
My birthday is tomorrow. I am following great leadership of a friend who published an inspiring birthday wish-list on Facebook. Here’s mine — please take a few minutes to read, and then act.
As one gets older, the desire for material goods is replaced by the desire for PDAs — and not what you think. I’m not into toys. I seek Personal Displays of Affection. Not for me, but for others.
These PDAs may be demonstrated by:
- Visiting or calling a parent, grandparent, or other senior and listening. So many people talk-talk-talk, but we have much to learn if we shut up and listen to the wiser generation. Spend an hour listening and you will be amazed how good both of you feel.
- Sharing your talents with others. Help with housecleaning, home repairs, mowing the lawn, taking folks grocery shopping, making a home-made meal, and just spending time with people who won’t ask for help, but who will benefit (and this applies to people of all ages.)
- Making regular phone calls to house-bound family and friends. Your smile on the phone may be the only sunshine heard today. I truly wish for a reduction in the lonliness that seniors experience as they age and become less important in American’s lives. (Our culture has much to learn from Asia.)
- turning off the computer, TV, and the gadget-du-juor (Blackberry, iPhone, etc.) Reach out and hold the hand of the one you love. Experience serenity without technological distractions. Do this for me. You will be surprised how delightful, energizing, and empowering this down-time can be.
This is what I want for my birthday: open your heart, listen with love, show you care. Show YOUR PDAs! As I regularly say, “show those you love that you love them.”
Thank you for making my birthday a happy one by doing one or more of these actions. I would dearly love to have you comment on this blog to describe what you did!
Who Do I Look Up To?
Almost everyone has at least one other person who they look up to — for inspiration, admiration, and in respect. A regular blog reader sent me an email saying that I have served as a role model, in a way, to him. Aw shucks, golly, gee whiz. As I have said often, I have no idea who I touch with my rambling writings.
I thought I would take a spin at this — from my perspective — to state who I look up to and admire, and who serve (or have served) as role models for me.
First and foremost, my parents were my role models when I was growing up. They were respected members of society, contributed to the health and welfare of many people, and by observing their service to others, I modeled many of my own behaviors after them in what has become natural for me to do — to care for others in various ways.
It really bothers me a lot when children cannot say that their parents served as role models. I am blessed and fortunate to have had marvelous parents who led the way.
Current-day role models for me are not well-known; rather, they are people who are good mentors. A mentor is someone who is patient and kind, thoughtful and guiding, and who educate without telling you what to do. They lead by example. My mentors look forward, not back. They look for the good things in others, not the bad. They find hope when the outlook is bleak. They choose to smile, not frown. They don’t complain or harp on what’s wrong or what someone else could have done differently. Sure, they recognize that sometimes things go wrong and people do bad things — but overall, they have abilities to rise above that, and continue to point out the good in others, and inspire positive direction in choices of actions that I take.
Every hour of every day, one is faced with many choices. Those who serve as role models for me are those who I ask myself, “What would he say? What would she do?”
I cannot say that I have always made the right choices. I’ve screwed up, made many mistakes, and caused anger and hurt. No, I’m not perfect; no way. I think the difference with me is that I (try to) learn from my mistakes, and take measures to prevent them from happening again.
I have to credit my parents with allowing me to make choices and sometimes have them turn out badly, so I could learn from that experience. It hurt when that happened, but I learned far more from trying to do something myself than being told about it by a parent. (I know it is very hard for parents to let their kids do something that they know won’t work, but the lesson learned from that is so much more valuable, and “sticking.”)
So who do I look up to? When I was about 20 to 40 years old, I had four primary mentors: one elected official who served in local office; one older, wiser woman who became my “West Coast Mom” as I was completing my graduate studies; one leader of an organization for which I volunteered; and my twin brother. (Seriously, he meant that much and continues to mean that much to me.)
Two of these mentors have died, while two others remain close in my life, in my heart, and with whom I have almost daily contact.
I am pleased that I have surrounded myself with many people who inspire me, lead me, and help me to be a better man to this day. My partner, my twin brother and my siblings, my very close friends (you know who you are!), and the spirits of my parents, my Uncle Charlie and Aunt Lee, and my Uncle Joe. I am indebted to them for the lessons that they helped me teach myself. Yep: that is a good indicator of a great role model — one who inspires you to learn from your mistakes, pull yourself up from the bootstraps, and move on.
Life is short: appreciate those who provide positive influence in your life.
The Light of My Life Enjoys Her 96th
I had the wonderful opportunity yesterday to orchestrate a birthday celebration for my lovely aunt for whom I have spent so much time caring, and enabling her to remain living in her own home despite some medical and cognitive setbacks. She really is doing well, all things considered.
She turned age 96 yesterday. We celebrated her birthday with cake, ice cream, funny hats, and noisemakers. A couple elected officials who serve in our state General Assembly came over to share the festivities with us. They presented her with a House Resolution recognizing her birthday. That was sweet, and much appreciated. (Not thinking these Delegates may wish to have their images appear on this blog, I cropped them out.)
A few of my senior pals came over and sung A Capella in perfect pitch and harmony one of my aunt’s favorite songs, as well as “Happy Birthday.”
I share joy, contentment, and happiness in knowing that my aunt is doing well, has good care, and is safe in her own home. That’s what I promised to her husband, my Uncle Charlie, and am pleased to fulfill my promise by doing what I do. I am also pleased that I can fulfill my faith, and deep commitment to service … because, after all:
Life is short: show those you love that you love them!
Merry Christmas: I Believe
I will be taking a break from blogging until after Christmas, so I can spend time with my partner, his mother, my twin brother and his wife who arrived last night (6-1/2 hours late, at 6am this morning!), as well as the rest of my family when we visit them over the next few days.
This has been quite a year for me, but I’ll explain that in a future blog post. This Christmas, I reflect on what the holiday means to me and to life in general. Without religious overtones, which I’ll leave to other blogs, let me say that I believe…
- … in being happy, positive, and focused on what’s right, instead of what’s wrong. Sure, there are lots of things wrong, but there are many more things that are right. My wish for the world is “quit yer bitchin’ ” and think of the good things that are out there, not dwell on and complain about the bad.
- … in the power of relationships built on trust, honesty, and integrity. I can clearly say that the people with whom I choose to have deep and meaningful friendships have earned my respect because they are fundamentally good people. Honest as the day is long; gentle, caring souls in their own right.
- … that there’s a reason why we’re here on this Earth. Whatever our calling is, we need to apply our talents, skills, and abilities as best we know how to make the world a little bit better each and every day.
- … in service to others. That’s my makeup, and what drives my essence. Sure, I work for a living, but I volunteer a lot as a “second job.” Serving others because I have the means, skills, and interest is a joy, not a burden. From daily calls to older friends who are alone, to taking senior pals to the grocery store, to doing minor home repairs for others, to advocating for the betterment of my community by klonking some elected officials upside the head from time to time (figuratively speaking, of course)… all this is a way for me to serve my fellow man (and woman).
- … that love conquers all and heals all wounds. I truly cannot express the depth of my devotion and abiding love for my partner, for the man he is and for the man he has helped me to become. Our bond of love carries us forward, and is maintained on a basis of ongoing communication, trust, honesty, and daily attention to our relationship as two human beings — different, yet bonded at the soul.
- … that blood is thicker than water. I am grateful to be part of a large family of wonderful people who are terrific each in their own right. We respect one another. We laugh, we play, we care. I am truly blessed that we all get along well because we work at it. We may have our disagreements, but when the fit hits the shan, we rise up and care for each other by doing things in significant, positive ways. I know many families do not get along as well, and some siblings have become divided and estranged. I am deeply appreciative how that is not the case within our family. Our parents raised us to behave and believe this way, and we do.
- … that being financially responsible means that you don’t spend money you don’t have, and that you work out a budget and stick to it. Not using credit cards wildly, running up balances, or using those damned “convenience checks.”
- … that masculine gay men exist, and can live a life as an open and out gay man as a contributor to society. Naysayers and homophobes cause some who may be insecure to be hurt and to hide. Don’t let ’em win. Be the man you are, and comfortable in your own skin. It took me a long time to realize that, but I am much happier as a person because I did.
- … when faced with a choice, to make the choice that helps most, hurts least, and is legal, ethical, and moral.
- … that life is not always full of wine and roses. Sometimes, you get a headache from the salycilates and pricked by the thorns — and there are, unfortunately, some real headaches and pricks out there. In my heart of hearts, I smell the bouquet of the wine and the fragrance of the rose and not the pain from the headache or prick.
- … and, finally:
Life is short: make the best of what you have!
From our home to yours: Merry Christmas, loyal blog readers! I sincerely hope you have joy in your heart, boots on your feet, leathers on your bod, and a smile on your face!