Category Archives: Gay Issues

A Day In My Life

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I live a fairly ordinary life, but there are some people who wonder, “how do ‘gays’ live?” thinking somehow that our “lifestyle” affects how we live our lives. Well, that’s true — my partner and I enjoy a relaxed, easy, comfortable lifestyle in the home we built and in the town where I have lived my whole life.

But I digresss…. The Advocate magazine is sponsoring an event today titled, “Day in Gay America.”

Today begins the first day of a week’s “staycation” for me. Yeah, unlike many others, I do not travel somewhere else when I have time off. I love my home and the community where I live — so I take some time to enjoy it!

The weather is promising to be absolutely stunning: bright sunshine with warm but not hot air temperature, with a low dew point (meaning the humidity usually abundant this time of year will be noticeably absent.) My personal meteorologists (colleagues with whom I work) all advised, “take the day off — go ride your Harley and have fun!” (They all agreed that Sunday’s weather, when I have another ride planned, will not be good–more likely rain. My colleagues really look after me. They interpret the weather models specifically for me and my planned activities. I truly enjoy working with them.)

So that’s what I will do today … go take a ride with my brother and several of my friends. I will take some pictures and submit the best one to The Advocate that demonstrates what, to me, is representative of my day in Gay America. A guy out enjoying a ride with a group of friends. You know, bikers can be gay, too (or is it, “gay men can be bikers, too?”). Either way you say it, I are one (giggle.) My brother and buddies are not gay, but who cares? We genuinely like one another regardless of sexual orientation, and I am not one of those gay men who must hang out only with other gay men.

That will not be all of my day. I’ll begin by preparing a nice breakfast for my partner before he goes to work, doing some laundry, and other mundane but important chores. Then I’ll go for my ride. After I get home, I will visit some senior pals and help with some maintenance needs that they have. I’ll also get on the phone with several more senior pals who I check on every.single.day. Make sure they are safe.

Then in the early evening, my brother will take his wife in a car and I will ride my Harley to another brother’s home where the family will gather for our weekly dinner gathering. Partner will stay home — the family intimidates with noise and little monsters (smile)… but I love it, and love them. I’m not sure how many will be there… probably the usual 40 or so. Nice intimate gathering of a raucous group (LOL!).

I’ll come home early, but anticipate that my brother and his wife will stay longer to visit. When I get home, I will snuggle closely with my partner in a media-free zone, hold his hand, and do what I advise on this blog often: show those you love that you love them.

We’ll head to bed at the usual early hour, about 9:00. Snuggle close again, peacefully and happy.

Life is short: enjoy your day!

How Do I Make My Cowboy Boots Not Look Gay?

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Yep, here it goes again:

Another Google search landed this question, “How do I make my cowboy boots not look gay?” on the cowboy boots and jeans page on my website.

I feel very sorry for the guy who actually asked this question. Well, anyway, I will give a serious answer to this silly question:

Regular cowboy boots are worn by many men, and the vast majority of those men are straight. They wouldn’t wear boots if they thought the boots “looked gay” because the last thing a straight guy wants to have happen is to have anyone cast doubt on his “straightness” by what he is wearing on his feet.

Therefore, in my opinion, boots themselves do not “look” gay — this question relates a seriously misplaced concern. The misplaced concern is about the person — not the boots. The person is probably afraid that when he wears boots, he may display characteristics that sexual stereotyping cause people to believe someone is gay. I will not describe those characteristics, because as a gay man, I believe that my doing so could reaffirm that I believe those stereotypes are accurate and true, which they are not.

Back to the point: how do you make the wearer of cowboy boots not “look gay?”

1. Stand tall and have an outward appearance of a happy, relaxed, and confident man. SMILE! Nobody likes a sourpuss.

2. Look other people in the eye — not downward or away.

3. Make sure your boots look good with what you are wearing — polished smooth leather, clean exotic skins, or if you’re going for that bad-boy rough-and-tumble biker-look, then wear appropriate “biker clothing” like denim or leather jeans — not shorts.

4. Make sure your boots fit properly. Boots that are too large make a guy walk oddly, which can be presumed to be one of those stereotypical behaviors that I referred to above.

5. Have a confident and secure stride. That is, walk normally. Don’t clunk your boot heels or tip-toe. If you are not accustomed to wearing boots, watch how you walk on stairs. It is very easy to trip up a set of stairs when wearing boots if you’re not used to them.

Boots unto themselves are not gay (this is a link) but if someone has to ask this question, then perhaps he should consider getting professional counseling. Seriously, I worry about people who think like that — it’s a sure sign of something else behind the curtain. The guy is trying to blame an inanimate object as a method of hiding repressed feelings. Go talk to a professional.

Life is short: wear boots confidently.

Lifestyle of the Gay Guy

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Another internet search for “lifestyle of the gay guy” landed a visitor on this blog — to my earlier post titled, Gay “Lifestyle” vs. Sexual Orientation. That post laid it all out fairly well, and does not require repeating, so read it if you have not done so.

I just want to re-iterate that there is a huge difference between a “lifestyle” and being gay (homosexual, same-sex sexual orientation — whatever you want to call it.)

As every man is different, every gay man is different. I live a lifestyle of steadiness. I work for a living in a professional position; I care for my partner, family, and friends in various ways; I lead and participate in civic groups and activities for the betterment of the community where I live; I ride a Harley for fun as well as transportation; I am financially frugal (some may even call me “cheap”) and do not owe any debt; I wear boots and not shoes — and never wear sandals; I wear leather because I like it (though not in summer heat).

My partner and I are probably like many other gay couples, but because gay men like us usually don’t have blogs or websites, there isn’t much information about regular gay guys like us. Usually, guys like us are fairly quiet, and live a respectable life like any other couple — gay or straight.

There are other gay men whose actions and behaviors are more visible on the Internet, and thus give other people false impressions that all gay men live a lifestyle of debauchery. Impressions abound of gay guys flitting around from this hot restaurant to that new dance venue to the gay event in such-and-such a place. Yes, some gay guys do that. Some don’t. The lifestyle one chooses to lead is his choice.

We all know straight guys who do things that are problematic — like not being able to hold a job, have a stable relationship, engage in unlawful activities, or are so overextended financially that they are barely avoiding homelessness. Same thing applies to gay guys. Some are stable and contribute to their niche of society, and some are not.

These are all lifestyle issues — how one chooses to live. That has nothing to do with being gay or not. Seriously.

I do realize that my “lifestyle” in choosing to eat all of our meals at home, assiduously avoiding getting a smart phone, not traveling anywhere for vacation, and pretty much being a “home-body” is uncommon — but there are straight “home bodies” too. These decisions I have made which form the basis of my lifestyle have nothing to do with my sexual orientation.

So back to the topic — what is the lifestyle of a gay guy? Hmmm… look around. Ask yourself “what is my lifestyle?” and you will have your answer. If you’re straight, there are gay guys who live pretty much like you do. If you are gay, there are straight guys who live like you do, too. No differences.

Life is short: don’t let stereotypes and media hype cause you to be misinformed and use woefully inaccurate language.

Straight Men and Gay Men, Part 3

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This is the third (and last) in a series of blog posts about relationships between straight and gay men. See Is It Hard for Straight Men to Be Around Gay Men?” from July 20, and “Straight Men and Gay Men, Part 2” from July 21.

This is a guest blog piece from a straight friend who is sharing his thoughts about the issue of relationships between straight and gay men.

This guy has been a friend of mine since we met in first grade.

Dear (you),

I read your email and the post on that blog that you referred me to. I found that article mildly offensive at first, because I said to myself, “I’m not like that.” But then I thought about it, and realized that indeed I am like that sometimes with gay people I don’t know. I find myself creating more space between me and someone I know or think is gay, and I have found myself avoiding them (I don’t go to the gay pride celebrations at work, for example.)

I realized that since I grew up in a strict Catholic environment, that my perceptions of what “gay” was were influenced by the Church, my family, and my friends. I know that I have felt uncomfortable around gay people, but did not realize why. I would not say that I felt digusted. That is a very strong word. But I agree that I never understood why a man would not enjoy intimate relationships with a woman. I also felt revolted (? too strong … but highly uncomfortable) by two things: the mere thought of two men having sex with each other, and also how some gay people act — frilly and flamboyant.

I know from knowing you for what, some 48 years?, that not all gay people are the same. You have remained the same, steady, strong friend I grew up with. You were there as an usher in our wedding, when our kids were born, and helped me finish our basement. Over my wife’s objections, you taught our oldest son how to ride a motorcycle safely. You cut through the county red tape so that my twin daughters could do a significant service project and win their honors in the Girl Scouts. In so many ways, you have been closely entwined with our family, and we remain grateful and appreciative.

That made me think — we have no aversion to you (as that blog post says.) Why? Because I knew you before you identified as being gay. I did not notice that you changed when you became more open about being gay, other than your self-confidence seemed to improve, and you became more relaxed and self-assured.

We have grown to admire and like your partner, too. While we don’t see him that often, we know that he cares for you a lot and we can see how much you love him, and he loves you. Your strong bond of commitment is parallel to what my wife teaches through her work in the Church’s Relationship Education program.

I also think that how I feel about you may be different from how I feel about other gay people because you act like a man. What I am saying is that I have never understood why some gay men act so flamey. You know what I mean. You have taught me that all gay people are not the same. I have to admit that I would be more distant if you behaved the way gay people come across on TV or on the news during those gay pride parades.

I remember one time that my older brother asked me about you and our relationship when he found out you were gay. I distinctly remember him asking me if I wouldn’t be seeing you any more. I was put in the uncomfortable situation of defending our friendship. Then I thought about it, and told my brother that you’re the same guy we always knew, and that he should change — not you. He didn’t say anything to me again.

Thank you for the chance to explain, and to comment. I have never written for a blog before — or even read yours until this week. But I will always be your friend, and appreciate your friendship in return. See you next week at the crab feast!

T

Straight Men and Gay Men, Part 2

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This is a follow-up to my blog post from yesterday titled, “Is It Hard For Straight Men To Be Around Gay Men?”

The following is a guest blog piece. It was written by Kevin, a friend who frequently contributes to this blog. He is gay (so when he refers to “us,” he is referring to gay men).

I appreciate having such an intelligent, thoughtful friend to bounce ideas like this off of. He always responds with well thought-out ideas. Tune in tomorrow for Part 3, written by a straight friend of mine with his perspective.

Kevin shares his insightful commentary with us:

I found the post you reference to be quite interesting. The author makes a good point as he is willing to address his fear. He correctly identifies the fear of what others will think as a primary motivation for homophobic behavior. It’s also a fear of how he will be treated by those he now disagrees with.

Let’s face it, many of us remained in the closet because of the fear of rejection. Where we risk rejection by choosing to live the lives we were intended to because that’s the way we’re wired, our straight allies risk rejection for choosing to say to their friends, family, and co-workers that they no longer believe in the same things in quite the same way.

As people we gravitate to those who make us feel comfortable and with whom we share common values and outlooks. I look to lessons learned during the civil rights struggles where sympathetic whites were sometimes subjected to even greater cruelties because they were seen as traitors. An even more on-point example is the reaction of some to Cuomo in New York in calling on the Catholic Church to deny him communion because of his support of same-sex marriage.

Sympathetic straights also come under scrutiny by both camps. The homophobes may question their sexuality, but the LGBT community will always view them as outsiders who truly don’t understand us. Since “gay” has come to be far more inclusive than other differences, there’s a pressure to accept all or nothing. Our own sense of identity as LGBT individuals vary widely as we strive to carve a niche for ourselves that incorporates this trait of sexuality but doesn’t serve as our primary designation. However, sympathetic straights aren’t always given this latitude. So we now have the fear of being judged because of an inability to accept the extreme as well as the conservative.

But those fears only scratch the surface since they deal with how to relate to others. I believe the true fear is that being exposed to that which makes us uncomfortable, forces us to examine what we believe and why we believe it.

As it relates to homosexuality, I believe the true issue lies in what we believe about men and women. We have a long way to go before men will view women as equals. The roles of husband and wife and attitudes about women are still fairly entrenched in the Victorian era. The man is dominant and the woman submissive. In those instances where dominant women existed, property laws were firmly in place to ensure male dominance.

For a straight man to physically distance himself from a gay man suggests that he views human interaction in terms of mating behavior. In his mind, when sexuality is introduced, the knowledge that another man is gay suggests that the man’s only interest in him is sexually motivated. After all, his primary interest in interacting with women is based on this metric, so it stands to reason that the same applies to gay men in our relation to all other men. If he perceives himself as bigger and stronger than the gay man, he thinks of him as the woman. He views himself in the opposite light if the gay man is bigger and stronger. Either way he feels uncomfortable.

Some straight men profess to consider homosexuality wrong but have little problem with lesbianism when presented for their entertainment and control. The pornography industry has capitalized upon this for decades. Those same men have problems with gay men because those same rules of dominance and submissiveness don’t readily apply yet they try to force the dynamic. One must be the woman and the other the man in the relationship.

Yet, when one looks at the top/bottom dynamic in some gay relationships, our society affords men with privilege that still forces one to look at the relationship as one of equals. Straight women may fall into a similar expectation of behavior. Those who offer the loudest protest to same-sex relationships seem to believe that somehow they lack something that only men can bring to the relationship. Talk of equal partnership is just talk at the end of the day. For these women, the Victorian sensibilities as they relate to men, women, sexuality, and sexual intercourse are what they seek.

I appreciate Kevin’s insights, and hope you find his post and thoughts as intellectually interesting as I have.

Tune in tomorrow for Part 3 written by a straight friend of mine.

Is It Hard for Straight Men to Be Around Gay Men?

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This is a bit of a reverse-take on a previous post on this blog where I opined about the difficulties of being a gay guy and socializing with (some) straight men.

I found an article on another blog titled, “Are All Straight Men Homophobic?” (Ed note 08/18: blog not available any more). In that article, the author (who is straight) describes feelings and behaviors that straight guys have around gay people. He says:

  • “For the most part, when a gay man is in the presence of straight men it can be the most uncomfortable situation for the latter group.”
  • “Straight men are so afraid of being perceived as gay that they act extra macho and get kind of nervous.”
  • “…I don’t want to make any kind of eye contact whatsoever [with a guy I think is gay]. My face screws up and my eyes trail down to the floor or off to the side. Anywhere but the direction of that individual. Uh uh, buddy, you’re not making googly eyes with me.”
  • “I know I’m not alone, straight guys tense up all the time in the presence of a gay man. Why? It just makes us very uncomfortable for various reasons.”
  • “I bet if a gay person were to walk up to a straight man and randomly pick lint off his collar that the straight guy would jump back like he saw a ghost. That, and probably be ready to fight. But would he have the same reaction if it were an attractive woman doing the exact same thing?”
  • “It’s all about perception. It’s like there are straight men who feel that just by being in the presence of a gay man that the gay will somehow rub off on them and make them look weak, soft or like a punk.”

And from some comments on that blog post:

  • “Some of that fear or anger towards gay men may be some men’s own personal anger with gay men being able to be so open and comfortable about their sexuality. If you look at our society, a gay woman is way more accepted than a gay man will ever be.”
  • The LGBT Community would like to think that people are scared of them in attempt to shame people of their “cowardice”. But the truth is people just flat out disagree with the lifestyle. [N.B.: He claims that he isn’t afraid as he does not approve of the gay “lifestyle.” Oh cripes, please review my previous post about the difference between sexual orientation and a Gay “Lifestyle”. Many straight people just don’t get it.]
  • …. Fear has nothing to do with the disgust some have in seeing something they do not value. …. [T]he truth of the matter, those who society deems as “homophobic” are in fact anti-gay.” [N.B.: so this commenter differentiates between being anti-gay and homophobic. Hmmm… interesting.]

I found this blog post enlightening, and it confirms a lot of behaviors that I see straight guys around me do — they avoid eye contact, create an even larger physical personal space between them and me, and behave with even more macho mannerisms than I observe them behave around other guys who they know are straight. I had always thought that they were afraid of me — and some of them seem to behave that way by backing off, being quiet, and totally avoiding any interaction with me whatsoever. Fear may be part of what drives this behavior. But it is also aversion — aversion to being around something that they just do not like. At all. (Some may call it disgust.)

I can relate, in a way. I am disgusted when I am around some straight guys who use profanity in every-other-word that they utter; who make sexist comments regularly; or who oogle women overtly (undressing them with their eyes.) I am disgusted by that behavior and those remarks.

I learned (or shall I say, some of my thinking was reaffirmed) that there are some guys who are disgusted by the mere fact that I am gay. And it gets worse, sometimes, when they find out that I live in a same-sex relationship. To them, the mere thought that I might have sex with another man is disgusting — and puzzling. They just don’t understand why I would not want to have sexual pleasure with a woman.

As far as I am concerned, I have endured straight men being uncomfortable around me for most of my life, but I never really put a finger on the reasons for that behavior being caused by more than fear (homophobia). Now I have.

I am who I am, and am comfortable in my own skin and with my own sexuality. I don’t talk about my sexuality as a “preference” — it IS an orientation. I’m gay. So be it.

Some straight guys can deal with their own discomfort and minimize it. Some of these guys who have known me for a long time don’t even think about the fact that I’m gay. We’re tight, as buddies. None of my close (straight) buddies would flinch if I picked a piece of lint of his collar. But the (straight) guys who I see occasionally, such as in my motorcycle club, behave more like what was described in the reviewed blog post than my close friends do. They react with a combination of fear, aversion, and disgust.

Okay, I get it. But to the straight guys who behave this way — know that your behavior is noticed. Sometimes the behavior of backing away, avoiding eye contact, and keeping a large physical distance between us can be taken very personally by a gay guy, and he gets hurt. I have to be honest, I used to feel hurt quite a bit by observing the “back away” reactions of straight guys when they figured out (or I told them) that I am gay.

I do not get hurt any more. I realize that some straight guys can’t handle, or don’t want to handle, the fact that I am gay. Some guys are insecure in their own manhood, like being associated with me can remove it from them. I also realize that some straight guys are anti-gay. More than dislike, they really hate the thought of anything involving a same-sex relationship more intimate than a handshake.

I get it. I truly get it. And in this case, the Serenity Prayer applies, “to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

And I continue to live as I always do: I care for my family and friends; I work hard for a living; I contribute to society through voluntarism; I lead groups and organizations; I ride a Harley with an organized group for fun. I am a confident, masculine man who happens to be gay. So be it. Getting to know me will not threaten your manhood and make you less straight, as it would not make me “less gay.” We are who we are.

Tune in tomorrow for a guest blog contribution and follow-up to this piece by a good friend who has contributed a lot to this blog and whose thoughts on this matter are truly insightful.

Life is short: understand.

Are Cowboy Boots for Gay Men?

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Here we go again:

AOL search results that landed a visitor to my website, “Are Cowboy Boots for Gay Men?”

Answer: no. Only people who are insecure about what they wear think that there is a relationship between boot-wearing and being gay.

See more posts:

Can Straight Men Wear Cowboy Boots?

Who Gets to Wear Tall Boots

What Do Gay Men’s Boots Look Like?

Is It Gay to Wear Boots?

Why Do Gay Guys Like to Wear Boots?

Gay Boots

Life is short: stop applying social stereotypes to boots, or for that matter, to any form of clothing. ‘nuf said.

Being Out At Work

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A study titled, “The Power of ‘Out’,” published by the Center for Work-Life Policy indicates in no uncertain terms that those who are out at work flourish, while those who remain in the closet languish or leave.

It’s not 100% one-or-the-other, but the study shows that LGBT people who hide their sexual orientation from co-workers — an estimated 52% of them — feel stalled in their careers. A whopping 75% feel isolated at work, and even moreso if they are men.

I’m not criticizing other gay people for making a decision to withhold their sexual orientation from co-workers and their employer, in general. I know from my own experience while employed somewhere else where I was supervised by several retired Army colonels that I felt that I would be chastised, discriminated against, and otherwise held back because of what I assumed to be the perceptions of retired military about gay people.

My problem was that I was making a lot of assumptions. I never gave my bosses a chance. I just hid that part of my life. I focused on my job, and tried to develop relationships with co-workers, but I remember how badly I felt about hiding the truth. It hurt. It wasn’t right. I had these ongoing feelings of being hypocritical and feeling like I was a liar.

Granted, no one asked me directly if I were gay, and I did everything I could to hide my sexual orientation. I never talked about my partner or our home life. My partner and I would go on some marvelous trips to various places around the world, but I never would show photos of those trips to co-workers because I didn’t want them to see me smiling with my arm around a man’s shoulder (in many, many photos.)

Many colleagues assumed that I was straight because I rode a motorcycle to work, wore the boots and gear of a biker, and behaved in a masculine manner. While those characteristics are fundamentally, “me,” (being a masculine guy and a biker), there were other “guy things” that I hid really well. Like I always had a good excuse to avoid playing on the company softball league. I avoided acknowledging remarks some men made about women. I found ways to avoid talking about “the game” (whatever game-of-the-previous-night it was) by timing myself well. For example, they always talked about Sunday’s football games for a few minutes before the start of every Monday staff meeting. I would intentionally arrive three minutes late, huffing and puffing out-of-breath, sighing, “I’m sorry I’m late; I had to get off the phone with (some fictitious but important person).”

I realized years after I left that job that most of my colleagues had figured me out, but were being respectful and didn’t say anything. Those to whom I have fully come out now — after I left — are even better friends than they were co-workers.

I am out where I work now. But as I have said before, I do not run around and wave the rainbow flag, or brag about “my partner and I did … this-n-that” or talk about gay-related things. I keep focused on my job, am pleasant to colleagues and co-workers, but don’t socialize with them (except perhaps for an occasional lunch.) They know that I am in a relationship with another man, and when appropriate, it comes up that I talk about him.

I feel more relaxed and much more productive at work, because I don’t have to find ways to hide who I am and what composes my character. I have always believed a great deal in personal integrity, so by being out at work, I can maintain a higher level of personal integrity, which does two things for me: 1) it earns me more respect from co-workers and management; and 2) I don’t have to waste a lot of time creating stories or finding ways to avoid certain situations. I can apply the time I spent activity closeting my behavior on doing the job I was hired to do. Thus, I am perceived to be more highly productive than almost anyone else. It even resulted in a bonus last week.

Life is short: be who you are, and be honest with yourself.

Gay Firefighter?

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Because this blog is visited regularly by people who search for such phrases as “masculine gay man,” “gay cop” or “gay firefighter,” I am aware that many people have questions as to whether a guy can have what is considered a traditionally masculine job and also be gay.

For me, I work in an office doing work related to my profession. There are some gay men where I work — most men are straight. I figure the proportion of gay and straight co-workers is about the same as it is in the general population, though the predominant sex of those I work with is male — what I do has been traditionally a male profession. (Granted, there are excellent females who I work with, too. My profession is open to all, but in general, there are more males than females who choose this line of work.)

There are some professions, though, where the persona, bravado, and behavior of males who occupy positions in the profession do not align with perceived traits or behaviors of gay men. The perceptions that straight people have comes from stereotypes, where they anticipate feminine behavior and physical weakness.

As I was catching up on email related to the wide span of interests that I serve in my profession, I found an article written by a firefighter who came out to those he works with that he is gay. His story was on the internet (but in April 2016, it was gone). It was a good read. It affirms that gay men can have and be successful in jobs that require physical strength and are considered “traditionally male.” It also demonstrates that it is easier to be “out” at work, and not hide in the closet.

I was also made aware by the email that I received of a website titled, “Coming Out From Behind the Badge.” This is an excellent resource that provides information about and for people who work in the fire, EMS, and law enforcement communities about what it’s like to be gay and work in those professions. It also gives guidance to LGBT people on how to come out and continue to do a good job in his/her chosen field and profession.

I really wish that all that stereotyping about gay people would stop, but that ain’t gonna happen any time soon considering the political environment of the United States, and the influence that organized religion plays on people’s thoughts, decision-making, and perceptions.

Life is short: be who you are, and be honest. That’s what coming out is all about.

Are There Any Normal Masculine Gay Men?

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A question like the one shown above drive occasional visitors to this blog. “Are there any normal masculine gay men?”

Hmmm… what’s “normal?” I wonder if the person asking the Internet this question has met masculine gay men who behave strangely, or what? I don’t know. Without context, I will refrain from over-analyzing the question.

Look, gay men are all different, as straight men are. Some are calm, cool, collected, have a sense of purpose, work for a living (or are retired), care for loved-ones, and “have a life.” Doesn’t matter, gay or straight.

It is hard not to let television shows, movies, and gazillions of websites affect one’s thoughts and judgments. Often, as far as “gay things” go, the flamboyant, radical, loud, frilly-froo-froo gay men are more visible in these media. Think about it — if a regular, down-to-earth guy with good style sense remodeled a room in someone’s home using moderate colors and casual furnishings — would he get as much attention compared with the gay guys who have TV shows that feature wild colors and oddball choices for furnishings and accessories? Not…

And I won’t go into what results when one enters anything related to being gay into an internet search. The vast majority of results demonstrate the extremes of gay culture.

Well, anyway, to answer this question: YES! There are “normal” masculine gay men. They don’t wear a sign; they don’t have websites or TV shows or blogs (for the most part, myself being an exception). I have already described where one will find masculine gay men — that is, not in typical places that gay people go to (bars and restaurants that cater to the LGBT community, and Pride events). Nope, you will find “normal” masculine gay men intermixed with the rest of the population — at church, in the grocery store, at the office, watching or playing sports, enjoying clubs and activities. Just anywhere. Trouble is, these guys blend in with anyone else, because they are secure in themselves and their masculinity.

Granted, some masculine-behaving gay men are living solidly in the closet. These guys have various reasons for not wanting other people to know about their sexual orientation. I will not judge. I’ve been there. I know what that is like and why some men make that choice. I’m glad, now, that I don’t have to live in the closet. As I often say, “those who know me know, but I don’t wave a flag or wear a sign.” My life and my business are my own, and I abhor quidnuncs.

Judging what is “normal” or not is a completely different issue. As I am not a shrink, I will refrain from further commentary (giggle.)

Previous blog posts that relate to this topic:

Life is short: relax and be who you are.