Category Archives: fetishism

Role Model?

Posted on by

I received an email message from a young guy, age 15, who said that he visited my bootedman.com website and this blog. I do not knowingly communicate with people under age 21 via email (family excepted) because I do not want anyone for any reason to think that I am trying to have interactions (however benign) with people who are not considered adults in the eyes of the law. These days, you can’t be too careful. That is why it says on my “write-to-me” page that you can send me email, but if you are under 21, I will not write back.

This young guy said, “I look up to you greatly because of your collection and lifestyle. I have a bit of a boot fetish (Especially Cowboys and Cops in Boots) and I think it is grand that you share your collection.”

Well, thanks. Remember now, I’m considerably older and have worked for what I have for 34 years since I was emancipated. My boot collection has grown over many years. I look at it this way: some guys collect baseball cards or stamps. I collect (and wear) boots. Everyone should have at least one hobby to keep them interested, and as long as they can afford it and have room to keep it, then go for it!

Further, he said, “I am way in the closet and I wish to be out, but my Religious Homophobic Parents are holding me back.”

I am very sorry about that. I do not know you or your family, but I realize that it must be hard when parents who love you do not really know who you are. I sense you are Internet savvy and can find groups who can help you. Be assured, you are not the first and you are not alone. There are other young guys in your same situation. Hold close to your family, as they are all you have. But work toward your independence to become the man you want to be.

This young guy continues, “I want a pair of boots badly, but they don’t look right on me and not to mention my parents would be in constant question mode.”

The question about how boots look on a person is a matter of self-perception. Perhaps boots he has tried have not been to his liking. Perhaps he is concerned about the perception or comments from others. Young people notice everything, and it is unfortunate but quite common that they will made snide remarks. I hate to say it, but it is all part of growing up. Place those comments in the virtual trash can and choose boots that you like and fit well. Then stand tall, smile, and walk with confidence. Expect derision, which is a frequent teenage custom, but just hold your head high and hold your tongue. Soon, if they don’t get a reaction from you, they will move on to pick on someone else.

I observe that parents who care about their children are always in constant question mode. It indicates that they are interested in you, which is a much better place to be than to be ignored. I remember when I was about 14 and wanted a pair of Frye Boots badly. I went to my Mom to ask for her help to get them. I had saved money from mowing lawns and doing odd jobs, but I needed her to drive me to the store so I could try them on.

I asked, and of course my Mom said, “why do you want those boots?” (sorta with a mutter, “of all things!”) I had prepared for that question. I decided not to say, “all the guys in school wear them” to which my Mom would undoubtedly have replied, “so if they all jumped off a cliff, would you jump with them?” [This is a perennial parental come-back to ‘all my friends do this or have that’].

Instead, I remember that I explained to my Mom about what I liked about the boots and how well they were made. I framed my answer that such good quality boots would last a long time (they have! I still have 12 pairs!) I think I remember explaining all of the characteristics about the stitching, leather soles, quality of leather, and so forth. I based my argument on quality and durability, rather than on just wants and desires. My Mom listened, and said, “okay.” Off we went, and I got my Fryes. (Remember, back in the 70s, Frye Boots were made in the U.S. from quality materials, instead of how cheaply they are made now in China via a company that owns the Frye brand name.)

The young man continued in his email by saying, “When I move out, I want to start my own boot collection, and hopefully will find a man with similar interests.”

Just take it one step at a time. When you move out, concentrate on becoming an independent person. Work, get an education, pay your bills, keep a roof over your head, and keep moving toward your goals. Sure, buy a pair of boots when you can afford them, but don’t do that if you can’t, or if you would go into debt. There are reasons to carry debt, such as for a mortgage on a home of your own. But there really isn’t a reason to carry a credit card balance over months (or years) just for boots. A home is a “need.” Boots are a “want.” Keep the differences in mind and your financial priorities straight.

Find a man with similar interests? Man, I could blog about that for days. Sure, it is nice if the guy with whom you choose to develop a long-term relationship likes boots, but it is far more important if he is an honest, caring, thoughtful, and financially pragmatic guy. Do it like I did with my partner, who didn’t have a pair of boots to his name when we met: we developed our relationship first, then I introduced him to boots. While he seldom wears them, he will. For me.

In closing, the writer said, “When I see photos of you and your partner, it gives me hope that there is someone out there for me.”

I always believe that there is someone for everyone. It takes time, so don’t push it. It is a totally unscientific observation, but gay guys take more time to find a mate and settle down. I was 35 when I met my guy, but I know in my heart that waiting was the absolute right thing to do, because I met the man who became my heart, my soul, my love, my one-and-only. And my heart didn’t get broken in the meantime.

Thanks for the message — and thanks to all for reading. I know this was long, but there was a lot for me to talk about here!

Life is short: keep the faith (and do it in boots)!

Leather, Breeches, Boots, Bike

Posted on by

My partner took this photo of me at my request on Monday when I decided not to go on a motorcycle ride, and we decided to “play” instead. You saw the results of some of this “play” in my last blog post.

I really liked this photo and the image portrayed, so I thought I would post this one, as well.

Life is short: Say, “grrrrrrrr!”

Gear description

Disclaimer: I (the “officer” in this image) am not a sworn law enforcement officer. Nothing in this image should be considered anything other than demonstration of my “avocation” and interests. I had to put this disclaimer here because there are some people who just don’t understand….

Driving With Improper Footwear

Posted on by

I found this wayward character operating a vehicle with improper footwear.

I said, “license and registration, please.” The open-toed footwear-wearing miscreant produced it, revealing that he had won the vehicle about a month ago, and was on his way to donate it to a children’s charity.

“What’s with that footwear? It’s unsafe to use for operating such a vehicle!”

“Oh, sorry, Officer, Sir! I don’t know what I was thinking, Officer, Sir! I promise, I won’t wear them again, Officer, Sir! Perhaps you can suggest some ‘proper’ footwear, Officer, Sir?” Then he flashed me a huge smile, looked at me with those deep baby-blue eyes, and flexed his pecs. Man, with that nonverbal behavior, this guy can get by with murder.

However, I let him off with a warning this time. His response? “Thank you, Officer, Sir! I promise, I will be good and correct the errors of my ways, Officer, Sir! Nice patrol boots, Officer, Sir! May I see them up closer, Officer, Sir? Perhaps your uniform requires cleaning and pressing, Officer, Sir? Do those boots need shining, Officer, Sir?”

“Sure, fella… there seems to be a concealed weapon in your waistband that I have to check out in person. Follow me down the street to a more secluded spot.”

“Yes, Sir, Officer, Sir!”

——————————-
Life is short: have fun!

Photoshop skills credit: David (Bamaboy) whose talent is only exceeded by the quality of his character. And for those who don’t know, the errant vehicle operator is none other than my studly partner who enjoys my wacky sense of humor. Additional disclaimer: I (the “officer” in this image) am not a sworn law enforcement officer. Nothing in this image should be considered anything other than demonstration of my personal interests, or “avocation.” I had to put this disclaimer here because there are some people who just don’t understand….

Going to IML in Chicago?

Posted on by

Time is rolling around again for the International Mr. Leather Contest, which will be held May 21-25 in Chicago, Illinois, USA.

I referred a buddy to my blog post that I wrote last year about IML. He replied saying, “gosh, this isn’t what I wanted to hear.” My friend is going to IML, but his interest is hanging out with fellow gear-guys, not having a one-night stand. While my partner and I have no interest in returning to IML again, we are happy we went two years ago to see what it was all about. Call it “one of the things to do in a long career as leathermen.”

To try to give some balance to what may be perceived as a dislike for IML or Chicago, which isn’t true, here is what I said to my friend in an email reply:

You will LOVE Chicago. It is a great town to visit. It is a very walkable city (flat, few hills) and they’re very leather-friendly. Feel free to go fully leathered while being a tourist.

There are lots of things to see and do in Chicago. And it’s the best town in the USA for pizza. Lots and lots of choices, all over the place. (And every local has a favorite they claim is better than all the rest. Don’t worry, you really can’t go wrong anywhere except perhaps Pizza Hut! LOL!) Try Lou Malnati’s, which is just a couple blocks from the Hilton. Get “deep dish” which has more ingredients, not more dough. Definitely the pizza to get in Chicago!

There are some great museums, though I have to admit that I am spoiled by having the Smithsonians, which are all free to enter. But admissions are part of the price of being a tourist.

Don’t go see a movie! You can do that at home. Go see the city. It is vibrant, alive, and fun. It’s also generally safe, especially along the Miracle Mile. That’s the name of the section of Michigan Avenue with the high-end stores, shopping, restaurants, but also tourist stuff to see, like “the bean.” “The Bean” is really cool and you should definitely boot up and go see it — and take your picture reflected in it. See the pics on my website.

There are a fairly large number of panhandlers around. It’s cruel, but hold your head up and walk on by. Don’t look them in the eye or establish eye contact. Do not give one money; the rest will follow you worse than a flock of pigeons.

As in any city, keep your wallet in your front pocket, not in a back pocket or a jacket. There could be pickpockets around, too.

As for transportation, yes, there are lots of taxis. Plenty will be at the hotel. There will be some at the bars, too. However, we didn’t use taxis when we were there. We didn’t go to the local leather bars during IML, but I have been to them before. The Chicago leather bars are about 3 – 4 miles away from downtown. IML provides buses to the leather bars at night, late into the night. The bars are packed during IML, dark, loud, and hard to talk to anyone due to the crowds. We decided not to go to the leather bars during IML because the night would run waaaay too late for us. We’re just not the night-owl types. We would rather just play tourist wide-awake during the day, staring with a great breakfast (There’s a great breakfast diner “Yolks” just a few blocks from the hotel on Michigan Avenue; try it!)

The public transit system (subway and trains) is very good, and reasonably priced. We took the train from O’Hare Airport into the city and then walked to our hotel. For $2.25, we got to the hotel directly and inexpensively. The train trip takes about an hour, but it’s still faster than using a shuttle or taxi, stuck in traffic.

I went to Chicago a few weeks ago and stayed in the very same hotel where IML will be held… note, it is about a 7-block walk from the train exit at Jackson to the hotel, and I wouldn’t recommend it in the dark. But in daylight, it’s fine. And an easy walk on the flat, wide sidewalks. Alternatively, you can use the train to get downtown and then get a cab from the train exit to the hotel. That would probably only cost $5 including tip. I’m cheap, and I walk! Be sure to have luggage with wheels!

IML itself is worth seeing. Don’t skip out on the events you paid for with your registration. Go see the introductions, stroll through the leathermart and see things you wouldn’t imagine existed. Get your boots shined (for only the cost of a tip) by one of the bootblacks competing for Mr. Bootblack. Go to the final fashion show (Mr. IML contest.) It’s interesting, and honestly, you’ll never be in a place with as many leather-clad guys anywhere else. It’s kinda cool to be all leathered up and be around all those men.

It’s also fun to hang out in the host hotel lobby and watch the leather clan come-and-go. Many of them are so funny. There are a lot of once-a-year leather dudes who worry more about their hairstyle or how straight their leather tie is than anything else. They’ll stand there yapping away on their cell phones or texting trying to find their friends. They will watch other guys to see how they’re dressed, who they’re talking to, and what they’re doing. Those kind of guys crack me up. My partner and I spent hours people-watching. We had a lot of fun — only if they knew what was really on our minds. (My partner and I would exchange what we thought were “thought bubbles” for some guys, and then burst out laughing. I’m sure everyone around us thought we were nuts.)

Anyway, relax, have fun, go play tourist, and DO IT IN LEATHER AND BOOTS! And since you’re flying there, be sure to check out my “Air Travel With Leather Gear” guide. It can help you decide how to pack.

From Fetish to Function

Posted on by

Okay, okay, okay, I hear ‘ya! When I have blogged (see May 2 post) about the term “fetish” in the strict definition of the word, I get feedback that is appropriately saying that I am too clinical in the use of the term, and that it is a generalized word to use when referring to those of us who like to wear leather — for whatever reason.

And yes, my partner could take me to my gear closet, pointing out what some may consider to be an inordinate amount of leather, and say to me, “be honest with yourself: you have a leather fetish. As long as you can afford it and it makes you happy, enjoy.” The commenters are correct, and thanks for the feedback.

Back in the 1980s, when I was acquiring much of my leather gear, I was also beginning to go out to leather-oriented events, bars, and other gatherings of the Leather Tribe. There I was, decked out in full leather, from Muir Cap to boots and all in between. I felt a thrill. And yeah, a certain member below the waist was frequently excited. The leather felt great, and I felt sexy in it. I felt the sexual energy of a mob of leather-clad men equally decked out in full leather.

After I met my partner, when he was a bit more sociable, we frequently would go to the Baltimore Eagle and DC Eagle on a Saturday night. I’d leather up completely, and so would he. We would hop on my Harley and be bad leather-clad biker dudes for the night. We enjoyed it. It was thrilling to be surrounded by other leathermen, especially to watch their envy as we roared up to park the Harley out front in the designated “motorcycle only” parking.

We would attend Mid-Atlantic Leather and a few other local leather-oriented events. While we did not go with other men we met at these places for more clandestine or private activities, we knew what was going on and felt the sexual urges that gay men normally have. We quickly took care of those passions as soon as we got home behind closed doors.

Then, things changed. It happens when you get older and settled into a monogamous relationship. My man turned me on, but I found those turn-ons to occur at times when I wasn’t in leather. My man wore leather less often, yet doing so wasn’t necessary to get me excited. Thus, leather became less and less something we had on during sex. And these days, hardly ever at all.

Further, my partner had several surgeries which made it difficult for him to walk. He could no longer ride as my passenger on my Harley. We stopped being interested in going out for several reasons:

  • leather bars morphed to being a “y’all come” bar, where fewer patrons wore leather, or even boots. The number of guys in shorts and sneakers at these places made them less interesting to me.

  • My partner didn’t want others to see him limping or in pain.

  • My stamina for being able to stay awake late into the night has never been good, and has decreased as I have aged. That bed at 9:00pm looks awfully tempting.

  • Since we couldn’t take the bike to get to a leather bar, the whole process of getting into our truck, driving all the way into town, hunting for a parking space, and then hanging out with sneaker-clad dudes became more arduous than it was worth.

Yes, then, I admit that I had a leather fetish, but now that fetish events, however classified, and fetish venues, however they have changed, are not places we choose to go any more.

Therefore, the leather investment I have made is used to provide protection and warmth for riding my motorcycle, which is still a passion I enjoy. While I may not choose to attend leather fetish events or bars, I am not ready to give up the gear I have acquired which can still be used for a functional purpose while riding my Harley.

That’s really that… from fetish to function.

Life is short: wear your leather!

Chain on Muir Cap?

Posted on by

A traditional all-leather cap made by the Muir Hat Company has been long-regarded, especially by the “old-guard” who enjoy leather, as the finishing touch to a head-to-boot leather outfit. I have had my Muir Cap for a long, long, time and it still looks and fits great. I wear it for a lot of photos that appear on my website, but that’s about it since my partner and I no longer go out to leather-oriented events, parties, or gatherings.

I continue to see that there is a lot of interest in Muir caps by the number of visitors to that page on my website. It really has a classic, tough-looking appearance.

When new, Muir caps come with a mylar band across the front and top. The company calls it an expansion band. I’m not quite sure of its purpose, but I guess it might help the hat keep its shape when worn.

I replaced both of the plastic expansion bands that came with my hat with metal. I have a chrome band across the front, and a chrome chain across the top. I got the front band from a leather fetish store in Los Angeles in the 1980s. I got the chain in Melbourne, Australia in 1995.

Why did I add these metal items to my hat? I do not remember. I guess perhaps I have seen other guys with metal chains or bands on their hats and thought their hats looked better that way. I noticed a Google search the other day asking a question, “leather cap chain meaning?”

I got to thinking, just what is the meaning of a chain on a Leatherman’s Muir Cap? Is it because the bad-boy biker image includes chains and knives for rumbles? Certainly, that isn’t my image or style. Is it because it makes the hat and its wearer appear to be more tough, like the hat worn by James Dean in some of his classic bad-boy biker movies of years ago? Is it because the contrast of shiny metal against black makes the hat stand out better? Is it because you can see metal on a hat in a dark bar better than a hat that is all black?

Probably a combination of these … but there could be more. What do you think?

Grrrrr: life is short — wear your leather!

Is the Choice a Message?

Posted on by

I am tagging off a blog post I read on the ‘net written by a man I have not met, but whose analysis was interesting to me.

What he said and also from a comment he received on this post is this:

It is once again the time of the year when motorcyclists begin to populate the roads of Finland. More often than before I find myself pondering whether a leather-wearing motorcyclist is trying to hint at his fetishistic interest in leather. Modern non-leather riding gear with all the technical innovations (Gore-Tex, Kevlar et cetera) is very practical. Choosing leather gear is no longer the obvious default choice it may have been in the past.

Further, the comment he received said:

anyone still wearing the old style gear raises the question of fetishism.

The observations shared in the blog are interesting to me, especially when it is pointed out that more men these days wear riding gear made of practical technical innovations, and not leather.

I got to thinking, then, when I wear full leather, from motorcycle jacket to leather breeches and tall boots, am I attempting to signal my interest in leather? Is such an interest “fetish”?

I point out as I have before, that by definition, fetish means a sexual admiration of an inanimate object. Yeah, I have had sex in leather with my partner. But he’s animate (especially in that situation!)

But I wear leather regularly on my motorcycle (and off) because I find it warm, protective, and I think it looks good. Plus, I have a closet full of biker leather gear, and I want to get the most use out of it. I call it “functional” leather gear, because it performs a function to provide protection and warmth while I ride. I also like the tall boots for the same reason.

Is this a message about a fetish interest? To me, it’s different from that. The message I feel I may be giving is that, perhaps, I am old enough to be among the “old guard” bikers (as well as leatherman) and prefer to wear leather, that’s all. I don’t really care what other people think about me being in full leather when I ride on a cool day. No one says anything anyway. I know I am warm and protected in the gear, and feel that I am getting the value from it for the investment I have made acquiring it.

Your thoughts?

Growing Beyond Leather Fetishism

Posted on by

I think I can say now that when I wear leather, it is for functional purposes only, not as fetish wear. The last fetish leather event that my partner and I attended was IML in 2007, and to tell you the truth, both of us didn’t have a good time. When Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL) weekend followed in January, 2008, we just didn’t want to go. When the ASGRA rodeo was held in September, just up the road from where we live, we just decided that we had been there enough, and didn’t want to go.

I knew it would happen, sooner or later. I’ve just grown beyond leather fetishism. (I have blogged about that before). As I have settled into a permanent, monogamous, relationship, and as some things have changed in our lives that make it less desirable or even interesting to go to leather fetish bars or events, I have arrived at the conclusion that it’s time to go through my leather gear and cull out the stuff I won’t be using any more.

I will keep most of my leather coats, jackets, jeans, pants, and breeches, which I continue to wear while riding my Harley or just “around”. I like how they feel and look. I will also keep certain leather shirts and vests for the same reasons. But other than that, the rest of the stuff will be moving along, over time.

These types of things happen when one gets older, settles down, never goes out to dinner or to attend social gatherings, and is “married” to a guy who doesn’t like to be around other people. Further, in scanning the pictures from the recent Folsom Street Fair, I realize now more than ever, I’m really not into that scene. Seriously, I have just grown beyond it. I don’t think it is wrong. I do not think poorly of the guys who attend those events. I am very glad they have fun when they go. Those events, and the fetish wear that goes with it, just are not for me any more.

This is a fairly monumental decision in my life, but not unexpected. It was like when I gave my cherished Tonka toy trucks to a nephew when I was 13… I still liked them, but had grown beyond them. I have “grown beyond” (in age and interests) leather fetishism, but not leather functionality. That is, if the gear works for my continued passion in motorcycling, then I’ll keep it.

My visits to IML, MAL, and the Folsom Street Fair will be on-line. That’s okay with me, and my partner. I’m curious if this type of thinking has occurred with other monogamous couples as they have aged and settled down. If this has happened to you, leave a comment.

Leather Gear Guide Published!

Posted on by

I am pleased to announce that my Complete Guide to Leather Gear will be published soon in a major magazine that serves the Gay community. (Not a porn mag; this is a serious, topical, monthly publication with a wide circulation.)

I had to edit the article to a shorter form, and then submit it. Their editors did some work with it, but did not change very much of it at all. I’m pleased with their work. I am thrilled to have this work published!

Who woulda thunk back in high school when I was struggling to write my next composition in English class that over many years hence, not only would I have had articles published in mainstream magazines, some chapters in some academic and technical books, but also in a major Gay magazine? Not me! I wonder if what my English teacher would think? (LOL!)

Nonetheless, having this work published in a major Gay magazine is quite achievement about which I am very proud. I owe this achievement to several things:

  • First and foremost, the great foundation of education that I received in one of the best school districts in the country. I especially want to thank my Latin teacher for teaching me English! (Seriously, I could not write well at all until Latin helped me learn about my own native language).
  • My partner’s patience while I was working on this Guide and not insisting that I do more “honey-do” projects.
  • Several friends who reviewed and contributed to the Guide for me in both words and pictures (especially my buddy Chris for his editing and buddies AZ and Paul for their photos). I couldn’t have done it without them.

When the mag his the streets, I’ll announce it here.

Uniform Redux

Posted on by

I blogged last week about uniforms, which are part of the leather fetish community. Many guys who enjoy leather also enjoy uniforms. I can say the same thing.

I decided today to break out the duty belt and show what it looks like on my CHP uniform. I realized all past pics on the CHP Uniform page of my website didn’t show a duty belt. So here it is again.

As much as I’ve said unkind things about stock Dehner Boots being made of cheap plastic and custom Dehner Boots being too expensive, I still really like the style of Dehners. There are many copy-cats, but none exactly the same. So for the new series of pictures, the Dehners came on. They look great. I just admire their appearance with a uniform.

I’ve kept the CHP uniform on most of the day, and am looking forward to “arresting” my partner when he gets home from work. His offense? Being way too good to me for my birthday, in arranging for me to be “biker-napped”, and also for being so forgiving. I would forget my head if it weren’t screwed on — and he knows it. He just adds reminders to our list and that helps.

Now, to think about the plan of “attack” te he…. or should I say, “grrrrrr!” Now, where did I put that handcuff key?