Leatherdude and the Queen

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What happened yesterday at home during a delivery was amusing to me, so I thought I would share.

Yesterday, while working at home, I had a new mattress and box spring set delivered.  The old set in our master bedroom had seen better days, and had become lumpy and miserable to sleep on.  After 20 years, the old set was overdue for a replacement.  We did our research, shopped around, and got what we thought was a good deal on a new set.  We had to do the routine of “go down the street and get a better offer,” then bring it back and get an even better offer.  Damn, I wish buying mattresses wasn’t so complicated — sorta like buying a car.  Negotiate, negotiate — but with that back-and-forthing, we saved $320 off the original “sale” price.

But I digress….  The delivery arrived, and as promised, the new mattress and box spring were carried by two very-efficient Hispanic guys up the stairs, and they carried away our old box spring/mattress set, which was part of the deal (haul-away service is great, because those things are heavy and hard to lug around.)

A minute after the delivery truck arrived, a guy showed up, driving a late-model luxury automobile (lest I offend drivers of Audis, I’ll just refer to it as an automobile)… and he was dressed-to-the-nines in a suit, even with a pocket square.  Coif-du-jour, shined dress shoes, smelly cologne… the works.

There are a lot of different kinds of gay men in the world.  Some of them are rather effeminate in observable behavior, and some of us refer to those who act that way as a “queen.”  At least, that’s my partner’s frequent appellation. It was one of these guys who got out of that car and came to my door.  The suited-guy was obviously gay.  My Gaydar may not be 100%, but in this case, there was no question.

So there I was at the door… decked out in full leather (shirt, jeans, boots; no hat.)  When he saw me, he looked at me up and down, then stepped back.  He asked, “is this your home?  Are you (name)?”  He was pleasant enough, but it was amusing to me that he had not (yet) been met at the door by someone decked out in full leather.

He bustled in, and introduced himself.  He said that “he was here to please.”

Then it was like he had an attack of ADHD — he let out a slew of statements like, “oh, what a gorgeous home!  What a nice view!  Is that a park in your back yard?  What an enormous kitchen!  Aren’t those flowers on your table beautiful!  That’s obviously a home-made table cloth on your dining room table with that lace.  Those oriental carpets are fabulous!” … on and on… I tell ‘ya, it was tiring to me to keep up with all this banter.  He didn’t even let me try to answer him as he kept babbling on more and more.

He offered to make the bed.  That’s part of the “set up” that is offered with delivery service.  I told him that we didn’t need him to do that, and that my partner and I have it all covered.  I further told him that we had to wash the mattress protector that came with the bed before putting on the sheets and blanket, and that it wouldn’t be a problem to make up the bed later.

… then I couldn’t resist and said, “after we make the bed, my partner and I are anxious to try it out… can’t wait!”   His eyes widened… but he got the message and politely excused himself.

I shouldn’t laugh at such encounters, but it’s all part of my life, as a work-at-home leatherdude.

Life is short:  say Grrrrrrrr!

This Says It All

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I have blogged a lot about where visitors come to my website, and I have also blogged a lot about an obsession by many about whether men wear pants inside their boots or not.  I have also blogged on occasion about how fellow residents of the United States have lost their ability to spell or write in American English.

The following image says it all.  If the image is hard to read on your screen, click on it to enlarge it.  Then read what was typed into a Google search.

Then laugh or cry, or both.  Oh for Pete’s sake. I know getting “their” and “there” mixed up is common, but this is a typical example of what I see in hundreds of searches every day. It is so sad that so many people have not learned fundamental English writing and grammar skills — and this is for those who were born in the U.S. and educated here.

And this example does not hold a candle to the garbage that I see the kids in my own family write on their Facebook status updates. Yikes!

Life is short:  lurn hw 2 writ

Statement of Limits

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I have received some messages lately that caused me to think that I have to restate my limits clearly:  I am committed to my partner as my one-and-only man.  I do not meet other guys who are interested in my boots, leather, or (ahem)… other activities.

I am flattered in a way that people are interested in me that way.  I appreciate it.  However, my limits are very strict.  While I do not wish to disappoint anyone, these are the facts of life when it comes to me:  “I’m Taken.“

If someone may be traveling my direction (i.e., to the Washington, DC, area) and IF I may be available, I may arrange to meet for an early dinner.  I’m definitely not a night-owl or weekend bar-hopper.

Or if someone lives locally and wants to go for a motorcycle ride, let me know. 

But that’s it.  My partner and I do not host guests unrelated to us (and if my partner had his way, we wouldn’t host anyone at all … but his mother and my family always have an exception to that rule.)

I don’t give tours of my boot collection or let others come over and try on leathers.  That may be innocent enough, but my partner doesn’t like visitors (he is very antisocial) and I love him, so I don’t force the issue.  He doesn’t want it and therefore, I turn down such requests.

I know that it is hard to find someone who shares similar interests in the rather narrow intersection of being gay and liking boots and leather.  But I’m not your guy, and I won’t be.

I have had temptations, and I’m human.  The only way I can affirm my enduring commitment to my one and only man is to state, publicly and privately, that he’s the one, and the only one, with whom I share intimate activities.  I adhere to that statement by my behavior: I don’t stray.  Even when I travel (which is not often), I may meet someone for a friendly meal, or “for coffee” (though I don’t drink the stuff), but that’s that.

I truly wish that everyone could have the relationship that I have with my beloved, one-of-a-kind man.  Our relationship is built on trust.  Trust is earned every day by everything that I do — or in some cases, do not do.  I will not betray the trust my partner has invested in me by doing anything that will cause him to question my commitment to him, as he does not do anything that causes me to question his commitment to me.

I realize that I am among those whose limits are most narrow, and for that I have no apology.  It is how I am wired, and how I behave.  After all…

Life is short:  show those you love that you love them (by how you behave in all actions you take).

In Case You Tried to Reach Me

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… and you cannot … or you think you sent an email to me, but I have not responded…

It turns out that my web hosting provider is being subjected to a huge distributed denial of service (DDOS) attack … and as a result, it has made all domains that they host on all of their servers out of reach.

In case you tried to send an email to me, I regret that I will not see it nor be able to respond until the provider restores service.  This includes email to “BHD” and “the other” me that some of you know.  Both of my web-hosted email accounts are unavailable for me to view and respond to until this situation is resolved.

Nonetheless, I’ll be switching web hosts soon, since this is not the first, and probably will not be the last, that their service isn’t working.  Even though it is not their fault, their reliability is not as good as it once was.  Further, I can get larger amounts of storage and data transfer for a lower cost elsewhere.  So this week, when I’m not on-the-clock for my job, that is what I will be doing:  migrating files to a new host and then “making it go live.”  I sincerely hope it does not result in more downtime for my website visitors, nor my email.

Life is short:  … well, it just is…

The Light of My Life Enjoys Her 96th

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I had the wonderful opportunity yesterday to orchestrate a birthday celebration for my lovely aunt for whom I have spent so much time caring, and enabling her to remain living in her own home despite some medical and cognitive setbacks.  She really is doing well, all things considered.

She turned age 96 yesterday.  We celebrated her birthday with cake, ice cream, funny hats, and noisemakers.  A couple elected officials who serve in our state General Assembly came over to share the festivities with us.  They presented her with a House Resolution recognizing her birthday.  That was sweet, and much appreciated.  (Not thinking these Delegates may wish to have their images appear on this blog, I cropped them out.)

A few of my senior pals came over and sung A Capella in perfect pitch and harmony one of my aunt’s favorite songs, as well as “Happy Birthday.”

I share joy, contentment, and happiness in knowing that my aunt is doing well, has good care, and is safe in her own home.  That’s what I promised to her husband, my Uncle Charlie, and am pleased to fulfill my promise by doing what I do.  I am also pleased that I can fulfill my faith, and deep commitment to service … because, after all:

Life is short:  show those you love that you love them!

Happy New Year

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Sydney, Australia  NYE 2011

This is a short post, with more to follow, to wish all of my blog visitors a Happy New Year!  I have enjoyed getting to know some of you who have read my various musings, and contacted me.  I am especially grateful to all of you for putting up with my various ramblings and occasional rants.

I hope you had fun last night.  I know I did (though at the time I wrote this post, it was before my evening shenanigans).  My NYE plans included my usual visit to my brother’s to enjoy NYE with the fam, then return home right after the ball drops to enjoy an intimate welcoming of 2011 with my beloved partner.

Photo above is what my partner and I viewed as the year changed from 2002 to 2003:  the Sydney Harbour Bridge in Sydney, Australia.  We were there; what a great sight with such warm and friendly people (and it was warm, too!  Remember, it’s Summer Down Under!)

More later!  Read on, and thanks again for visiting!

Life is short:  show appreciation for your friends in the blogosphere.

Top 10 Countdown: 1 – 5

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I continue with the list of my blog posts that receive the most number of unique visitors, as revealed by Statcounter for this year.  (The top 6-10 posts were revealed yesterday, here.)

#5:  How To Wear Biker Boots  (November 18, 2010)

I should have posted this a long time ago.  Of course I should have known that few people know how to wear biker boots, which is the reason that question must be entered into Google so often.  That can be the only reason — only us bikers know the secret handshake, the concealed location of the privacy pocket in a leather vest, and the intricacies of precisely how to wear biker boots.  (As I said yesterday, sometimes I wonder why someone has to ask that question… perhaps they need to revert to wearing sneakers or loafers and refrain from operating a motorcycle.)

#4:  Wesco Boots — Gay?   (December 11, 2009)  [This was ranked #6 last year]

As I said yesterday about this year’s post #6 (Wesco Boots and Gay Culture), there is a rather frequent misconception that guys who do not work in rough blue-collar trades (such as linesman, loggers, or woodland firefighters) and who choose to wear and display Wesco boots (or, heaven forbid, make a video about them!) — therefore must be gay and the boots are gay too.  While the West Coast Shoe Company (Wesco) does a lot of marketing to the motorcycle rider market, that marketing does not seem to penetrate among the bikers with whom I ride in the U.S. State of Merlin (that’s how you pronounce it, fellas).  I am the only guy in my outfit about which I am aware who wears Wesco boots while riding.  I am gay.  Therefore, the obvious leap of logic is that Wesco Boots are gay, or wearing them makes you gay, or that only gay men wear Wesco Boots. Bullshirt. Read the original post.

3.  Where Do You Find Masculine Gay Guys?  (July 10, 2010)   [This was ranked #4 last year … so the ranking indicates sustained and growing interest in this topic.]

I see sooooo many inquiries entered anonymously into search engines such as: “where to find masculine gay guys” or “are there masculine gay men” or “where to meet normal masculine guys” or even, “are there masculine gay men?” (as in, “do they exist?”)  There is a large interest out there from single guys, mostly younger, who are looking for a guy who doesn’t behave effeminately.  Perhaps there is some curiosity, too, that I am a masculine gay man who is in love with another masculine gay man. 

The challenge is that most masculine-behaving gay guys have learned skills to hide that they are gay, and remain firmly in the closet.  Society has taught them (incorrectly) that “real men aren’t gay” and that there is something wrong with guys who like guys.  I could go on and on… the point is that stereotypes and heteronormative expectations are out there.  Thus, it is very hard to find a masculine gay man.  This post has some ideas about where to look … and this post explains why they are so elusive.

2.  Gay Leather Breeches  (November 1, 2010)

It is likely that this post’s rank so high in readership on this blog is an anomaly, in that while this post gets a lot of unique visits — sorta off the charts since it was posted — it may also be ranking so high because it is recent and serves as a topic of interest to gay men who are planning to attend upcoming gatherings of the Gay Men’s Leatherclan (Mid-Atlantic Leather in Washington, DC, in January and International Mr. Leather in Chicago, Illinois, in May).

I took the approach in that blog post to dispel the notion that leather breeches unto themselves are not gay, though well over 90% of visitors to that post have entered “gay leather breeches” into a search engine which directed them to this post.  I think what they were seeking were answers to any of these questions:  1) where can I find leather breeches to wear to a gay men’s gathering?  or 2) are people who wear leather breeches gay (as in ‘always’)?

Well, whatever, this post gets a lot of readers directed to it from internet searches.  Not a surprise — so many people like to search anonymously for information to resolve curiosity.

And … dah-dah-dum!  Here’s the Number One blog post this year:

#1:  Bulges and Breeches   (July 18, 2009)  [This was ranked #2 last year, so again, by an increase to ranking #1, it shows a sustained interest!]

Why such a high, sustained interest?  Just go to Google images and enter “Tom of Finland.”  You will see a LOT of ToF images on blogs, including this one.  I grabbed this image from the net, that links to my blog post.  The post was written as a review — admiration of superb artwork.

Perhaps, as well, images like this is where the perception of “gay leather breeches” and gay men in tall black boots comes from.

Life is short:  keep reading and I will keep blogging!

Top 10 Countdown: 6 – 10

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In my third year of blogging, I have enjoyed writing posts about my various interests and my life — and I’ve averaged a post-a-day.  I may not be able to keep up that pace next year.

I reviewed the visitor’s stats for this blog over the past several months, and have determined what the most popular posts on this blog have been, as ranked by the count of the number of unique visitors to specific posts — thanks to Statcounter, which does the hard work for me.

Interestingly, one of the Top 10 blog posts was from 2008, and three of the Top 10 were from 2009.  The remainder were posted this year.

So here goes… the Top Blog Posts on this blog during 2010:

#10:  How To Tell If You Have Vintage Frye Boots (October 30, 2010)

This doesn’t surprise me at all.  Lots and lots of people are interested in vintage Frye boots, and learning how to tell the differences between Fryes made in the 1970s, then during the 80s and up to 2003 when the John A. Frye Shoe Company as we knew it closed and the name was bought by a series of companies that licensed the Frye label  to third-party shoe/bootmakers to make products under that name.

#9:  Tucking Pants Into Boots (October 10, 2010)

Again, not a surprise this ranks so high.  I get a huge number of visitors to this blog and to the “Cowboy Boots and Jeans” tutorial on my website from internet searches along the lines of “do men wear jeans tucked in or out of boots?”  I swear, I never cease to be amazed at the large number of internet searches on this topic — probably by curious, confused, and happy-to-be-anonymous guys asking this question.  (IMHO, if a guy has to ask this question, he has more things to worry about than this matter….)

#8:  What To Wear With Motorcycle Boots? (September 21, 2010)

Again, I am amazed how search engines are used with the most inane questions by the curious and happy-to-be-anonymous guys.  So, what to wear with motorcycle boots?  Easy:  jeans, leathers, or breeches.  Simple.  Better to be booted in long pants on a motorcycle than be an organ donor wearing shorts and sneakers… just sayin’.

#7:  Hard-workin’ Old Chippewa Engineer Boots (July 13, 2009)

This is the first of my blog posts from last year to be ranked among the Top 10.  I think the reason why is the image that I posted with it.  The post itself is rather dull … just an explanation of a busy day while wearing engineer boots.  This is where “Google Images” produces hits on this blog, because whatever guys search for about dirty, muddy, or well-worn engineer boots produces this image, with a link to this post.

#6:  Wesco Boots and Gay Culture (December 27, 2008)  [This was ranked #1 last year]

It is fascinating to me that this post would rank so high on this blog — its now over two years old. Why does it receive so many visits? I think for two reasons: the image shows up in high rankings on Google Image searches — a tough-looking, masculine biker boot on a Harley. Second, I think the topic itself draws a lot of visitors too. I see many search engines results for searches such as: “why do gay men like Wesco Boots” or “Wesco Boots Gay” or “Gay Boot Fetish” and so forth. I’m here to dispel the notion that only gay men wear Wesco boots, or that the boots themselves are gay. They’re just boots, and while I own a dozen pairs of Wesco boots, I have yet to see them make out with each other. 🙂

Check back tomorrow for Blog Posts ranked #1 to 5!

Life is short:  keep bloggin’!

Year 2010 in Review

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This year, 2010, has been a year of downs and ups for me.  It began on a sour note in January when I broke my fibula near my ankle, then rose to good times as I was able to remount my Harley and ride again in April, though I had progress with recovery very slowly so as not to re-injure my leg.

Then some down times again in June when my aunt almost died and I concentrated on getting her healthy again and able to live independently at home.  I do not consider it a down time when I was laid off in June, because I needed that nudge to leave my former employer.  Fortunately, I had the financial resources saved up to continue to live as I usually do, so a temporary job loss was endurable.  (And actually welcome…).

In August, I worked A LOT on our house.  I replaced 900sf of decking, four windows, three doors, two exterior deck privacy walls and rejuvenated that pear tree for the partridges.  Further, I bought and renovated a small fixer-upper house to rent to a community hero (a local cop).  I also did a number of minor repairs on several other rental properties, too.

Since my aunt’s condition had stabilized by August and much progress had been made on home repairs, I finally had time to lead some motorcycle rides, and go on rides with others.  I learned that I cannot serve as a Road Captain any more because I was spending five times as long to plan a ride than most others due to my horrible sense of direction (and that I get lost so easily, despite having a GPS!)  I will not have the time to do five pre-rides for every ride I may lead in 2011, so I stepped down as a Road Captain.  It was a great learning experience, and I appreciate having done that, but I learned my limits and have to live with them.

Life turned up significantly again in September when I was offered my dream job and accepted.  Then things went “on hold” while administrative matters were taken care of and I had minor surgery to repair a hernia.  Finally, the third week of November saw me begin my new life, doing what I do best, rekindling my career, and renewing relationships with people who I worked with from 1984 to 2004 in my “past life.”  (My job from 2006 to mid 2010 was sort of a “place keeper” because I knew that it would not be something I wanted to do until retirement.  It just paid the bills and kept me busy.)

Oh, and another good thing:  a transition in my community life has happened, where someone I mentored was elected to lead an organization for which I had served as President for the last six years.  It was definitely time for me to move on, and for me to step back and assume a role of “emeritus adviser.”

I cannot let the year go without acknowledging work that I have done on weight-loss.  It has always been a struggle for me, as I cannot eat “healthy foods” (that give me the shits) and I am definitely not a gym rat.  I was not watching what I was eating, and I know I was drinking too many sodas, and wasn’t exercising.  I had to work through some issues with my chronic condition which made the weight-gain a problem, too.  (Photo in December, 2009, on right).

The good news is that through the summer and fall, I focused on losing weight sensibly.  (Photo in December, 2010, on left).  I would go swimming once a week, which was not enough.  I began to walk … and walk … and walk … and now, every day, I walk at least two miles, usually four and on good days, I walk seven or eight miles.  I gave up drinking sugared sodas — and not being a coffee drinker, giving up my Cokes was really hard to do.  Coke Zero just didn’t work for me (more shits again).  Thank goodness I don’t drink beer, wine, or liquor, or the situation would have been worse!

I have always eaten fairly normal meals, but I am much more careful about my portion sizes.  It’s a good thing that I do not eat out at restaurants, as their portion sizes are often huge!  And finally, what seems to have worked is that I usually do not eat lunch, but keep my tummy filled with water-water-water.  All that ==> sum total:  I weigh 38 pounds less today than I weighed on January 1.  (I gained 14 pounds during my “down time” so I actually lost 52 pounds this year.)  Pretty good!  A very nice guy from Georgia just sent me a message congratulating me on my “new look.”  I tell ‘ya, it IS work, but not only do I think that I look better, I feel better.  More energy, vitality, and even better sex (enough of that, as this IS a G-rated blog!)

I will continue this routine of “walking and water” for the months and years to come.  It’s working.  I don’t think I will loose significantly more pounds than I already have, but I will work at maintaining the progression and try not to gain it back.  (And I did this all without a physician or nutritionist yelling at me.)

All-in-all, I can say that 2010 has been a major transition year for me, and it turned out well.  I remained focused on the positive, and worked to make things better for myself, my partner, my aunt, my family, my senior legion, my community, and those I care about.  I mean, after all, that’s what is most important — being positive and productive.  Nobody likes a negative noodle, so I vow to remain a happy, sincerely positive man.

Life is short: make the best of it!

Dehner Field Boots

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When I served as a judge at a police motorcycle competition this past September, I strolled around during the lunch break to see what various vendors were peddling.  I avoid the guns and ammo, but may stop to talk to vendors who have products such as motorcycle gear and boots.

One of the vendors was a small shop purveying motorcycle gear, including Dehner boots.  I own and wear a number of pairs of Dehners, and wasn’t interested in any more… until two things happened:  I saw a very different and interesting pair of boots on display, and I got to talk to Jeff Ketzler about them.  Mr. Ketzler is the President of the Dehner Boot Company.  It’s not often you get to meet the “head guy” and talk boots.

We talked about the various materials from which Dehner boots were made, and I expressed my opinions about that “Dehcord” stuff on the shafts of patrol boots.  Mr. Ketzler wasn’t defensive, but he explained that he had heard the complaints about this plastic product melting, discoloring, and cracking, and told me that they have redesigned it so the color goes all the way through.  Okay, fine — so when it cracks (and it will) — you won’t see white cracks, but black ones.  For cops who go through a pair of boots a year, that’s fine because they dispose of the boots when they are damaged.  For people like me (not a cop) who wear Dehners and keep them longer than a year, the cracking situation isn’t so good.  But overall, it’s a balance between cost ($400/pair for the Dehcord shaft boots vs. $700+/pair for the all-leather variety.)

While European calf leather is their finest — and most expensive — Dehner boots can also be made with “Voyager” leather, which is a good grade of leather but not as expensive as European calf.

Long story short, while Mr. Ketzler was there, he measured me for custom boots.  Nothing like having the Company Big Cheese do it!  (You know the measurements will be right!)  And another good thing, there was no charge for taking the measurements, as there tends to be when you deal with them directly.  Further, I got a good discount by making a commitment to buy during the event.

Last Wednesday, the UPS guy was busy — he delivered not one but two pairs of boots to my door.  I had to wait 11 weeks for these brown beauties, but aren’t they cool?  

These boots are called “Dehner Field Boots” (more photos here) and I specified them as follows:  18″ tall, made entirely of brown “Voyager” leather, and a Vibram®100 big lug sole (great for motorcycling).  The other features of this boot are that they open across the front and close with three straps and buckles.  They also have a bal-laced instep which, because the boots are custom-made and fit closely, I actually have to untie so I can put them on, then tie them again to close the fitting.  (I wonder if eventually they will break in and I won’t have to untie and tie them each time I wear them. Doing that is a pain in the butt.)

I really like how these boots look, and their unique design.  I do not know anyone else who has them, so once again, I will set the example in my home crowd of having among the most unique and diverse boot collection around.  🙂

Life is short:  wear boots!