Yearly Archives: 2009

Brown Equestrian Boots

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This is a little story about following links provided on the “boots on line” board. About two weeks ago, someone posted a message about an interest in patrol boots in any other color than black. I’ve seen tall patrol boots worn by some outfits and a certain corps of cadets who are very well known for their good-looking brown boots. However, those boots are expensive and waiting lists are long to get them. The message poster provided a link to an eBay retailer who is selling tall brown boots. So I took a look.

The eBay retailer claimed that the tall brown boots I saw were patrol boots, though the images were clearly of an equestrian boot style. They have a single strap across the instep closed with a buckle. But the boots looked interesting, and the price was reasonable, so I ordered them.

Soon enough a package from DHL was at my door. Inside was a pair of boots and a customs declaration indicating that the boots originated in Pakistan and were sent to me via Dubai. Yep, it’s confirmed, Pakistani leather products are not of good quality. These boots are made of thin leather. They squeak already, and the fit is not that good. I ordered them a size larger than I usually wear, and I am glad about that. The foot size works for me, but the calf width is tight (despite the fact that they are marked “wide calf.”)

Oh well, the boots look good. I’ll figure a way to wear them and try ’em out on my Harley to see how they hold up. But it goes to show what I have said before about eBay: information may be accurate on the listing, but it is what is not said that makes a difference. Nothing was said about the origin of the boots, and had I known, I probably would not have ordered them. Oh well, the lesson is affirmed and my boot collection has grown by another pair. Have a look at photos of these boots on my website.

Life is short: wear your boots!

I’m Done

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No, not done with blogging or with life, but with work this week. I have been exceptionally busy and “crashing” on a huge project that was due yesterday. After 70 hours of work this week alone, this project has consumed every friggin’ moment of my time. In fact, I even had to bring it with me when I visited the mother-in-law last weekend.

My partner has almost forgotten what I look like, and he is probably appearing emaciated as he has had to feed himself these past several nights. (He still feels warm, though… I may be exhausted, but I am not dead! LOL!)

Anyway, if you have written to me lately and I have not replied, it’s because I literally put everything else in my life “on hold” this week while I worked on that project. It was submitted by the deadline last night. I was “rewarded” with a day off today (Friday). Oh goodie, I can sleep really late like until 5am or something….

After I submitted the project via a complex on-line secure portal, I notified the team of professionals I was leading through this process to advise them that it was done. It’s a great relief to all of us. You can hear big sighs of relief from California to Florida, from Washington (state) to Washington, DC, from Maryland to Hawaii.

In response, one of my team partners replied with these sayings, which I really liked:

Vision without Action is daydreaming
Action without Vision is wandering
Vision with Action is Destiny

Life has a way of making room for those who know where they’re going

Life is short: do what you gotta do!

Posted in Job

Why Not Ride My Harley To Work?

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Among my 500-or-so daily blog readers, I occasionally receive email and questions about matters about which I write. The other day, someone wrote to me to ask why I take the Metro to work at my office in downtown Washington, DC, instead of just ride my Harley there.

“Wouldn’t riding your bike to work be more fun? Isn’t it faster? Wouldn’t you be able to have a more flexible schedule? Wouldn’t it be cheaper?”

Actually, the answer to all of these questions is, “no.” Let’s examine each question in detail.

The fun factor. While riding my Harley is indeed fun, it is fun only when you do not have to compete with many other vehicles on the road at the same time. Remember, most of those other vehicle operators are driving cars, and because they are not motorcyclists, they often do not pay attention to the fact that a motorcycle is sharing the road with them. All too often, they are yakking on their cell phones and doing other things that draw their attention from their #1 duty: paying attention to driving. When traffic is heavy and stop lights are numerous, it is not fun to ride a motorcycle. Instead, it is tedious and exhausting to keep eyes out for the behavior of other drivers who are not paying attention to you, claim they do not see you, or are just bad drivers and make maneuvers on the road that if you were not paying close attention each second, could injure or kill you.

Speed of commute. In the pattern of my commute, it would take me well over an hour to drive to my office in the morning, yet via Metro, the commute time is cut in half because the train is faster and doesn’t have to stop for traffic. While the train stops at stations, there are far fewer stations than traffic lights. Unfortunately since the terrible Metro crash on June 22, the train has been running slower and is more crowded. But overall, Metro is still faster for me. Portal-to-portal, if I rode my Harley to work, it would take about 80 minutes from the time I begin to gear up to the time I arrive, park, disrobe, lock up, and walk to my office. It would take about 90 minutes to reverse the process going home (traffic is thicker in the afternoon.)

If I ride my Harley to Metro, even by taking an extra five minutes to lock it up and cover it, my portal-to-portal commute is about 45 minutes in the morning, and 50 minutes in the afternoon. Plus, I can read or nap on the train — an added benefit.

Flexible schedule. The train runs frequently enough when I use it (standard work day shifted to “early”) that I usually do not have to wait more than five minutes for a train in the morning or afternoon. If I drove my Harley, I would be at the mercy of hoping that there are no crashes or road construction slowing me down, as well as the weather.

Cost. Riding Metro is more expensive than ever. However, if I were to factor in the wear-and-tear on my bike, added cost of insurance (my insurance premium is lower because I do not ride my Harley to work), and additional cost of gas, then using Metro every day is still less expensive than driving to work. While I can find a place to park my Harley for free near my office, I can also park for free at the Metro station. So the cost of parking is not a factor. But what makes a real difference is that my employer gives me a monthly commuting stipend for using public transit which I would not receive if I drove myself. Thus, my overall commuting expenses are lower than they would be if I drove myself.

Ease of tension. While this question was not asked, it is important for me to say that riding my Harley in traffic, especially in hot weather, is nerve-rattling. When I have ridden my bike to work, I have found that when I get home, my nerves are tense and my body aches from having gripped the handlebars hard and swiveling my head to keep aware of what other drivers are doing (or not doing). I don’t have that when I ride the Metro, despite at times being annoyed by its decline in service quality or by the behavior of some of my fellow passengers.

Overall, riding my Harley to work is not a good choice for me, considering that I live and work close to a Metro station. Better yet, I don’t even have to change from one line to another. In my former job, Metro was not an option, as it was nowhere close to where I worked, so I had to ride my bike and put up with the concomitant traffic and weather hassles. I realize that I am lucky in that Metro is convenient to me.

So now you know why I choose not to ride my Harley to work. Any other questions?

Gallery of Bike Cop Pics

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On October 12, I announced on the Hot Boots “Boots on Line” board that I had posted two new galleries of photos that I took while observing a motorcycle cop event on 19 September.

I got a few responses to that post. Some would think, therefore, that nobody cares and nobody’s looking.

Quite the contrary. Using some simple statistical web software, I am “seeing” that over 2,500 unique visitors to my website have visited those galleries from the links embedded within the BOL posting. And that was within 24 hours of posting that message and link. Hundreds more continue to visit, and will continue to do so over the next few days, until all who want to see have “seen.” Then Google will do its thing, and send a googlebot to that page of my website, thus increasing its ranking when people enter search terms such as “motorcycle cops” or “cop boots” into its search engine.

So for those guys who post on BOL and get few replies, don’t fret. People ARE looking, reading, and following links. Few, if any, take the time to reply, say “thanks” or write an email. That is typical internet behavior — surf along, surf along — so don’t worry about it. The viewership is indeed there.

In case you missed that BOL post and want to see the galleries, click here. Have no fear, while I can count visitors, I don’t know who you are. Just that you visited.

Life is short: boot up and enjoy the viewing!

Tests of Patience

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I have returned from a weekend with the mother-in-law who lives near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA. It is regretful to say, but each time I go see her, my patience is severely tested. In her worldview, everyone is out to get her and everything else that everyone else does is wrong.

I continue working on practicing what I preach. I smiled — so much so that my partner said, “be careful, your face is going to freeze that way!” (That’s a little joke between us.)

I prepared all the meals, which she ate with loud gusto. Umm, umm, lip-smackin’ good. (Noisy eating is common, unfortunately.)

I had to work on a big project for my employer, so I had to plug away at my laptop when I wasn’t doing something else. My patience was frustrated once again because I found that my collaborators — all over the United States — had documents and files they needed to share with me, but because my mother-in-law doesn’t have internet access and I’m too cheap to buy an air card, I just had to suffer without.

Unfortunately, riding in a car all that distance tested my patience in just being “cooped up in a cage” which is really my problem, no one else’s. My partner, on the other had, gets very stiff due to his disability. That makes him irritable and grouchy. He can’t gripe at his mother, so I’m the lucky one to hear some things that perhaps he wouldn’t say if he weren’t so sore.

Columbus Day weekend is always one that tries my patience. But I continue to remember what I blog about, and find an inner resolve somewhere deep inside me to accept what I cannot change and just go with the flow.

And you know what? Overall, I’m okay. I could have had a more productive weekend and less taxing on my nerves had I remained home. But then again, going with him to visit his mother is something my partner asks me to do only twice each year. He does so much for me otherwise. It’s only fair that I accommodate his interests and needs from time to time.

I have to say that I really appreciated the change in TV commercials. While I am not fond of television and don’t watch it at home (no time, no interest), my partner and his Mom had it on. I couldn’t help but notice the “regular” commercials, instead of the commercials run only on the DC television stations that try to influence votes in Congress on various issues. Or right now, additional commercials about the election for Governor of Virginia, which air in our market. All those commercials are awful and so darned one-sided; it was refreshing to hear something else for a change, and not all that political junk.

Life is short: grin and bear it!

Some Things I Have Learned

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I found this on the Internet somewhere, but these sayings are so very applicable to me and many others I know:

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:

  • A rainy day, elderly people, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
    • Rainy day: “oh boy! great time to catch up on reading!” or “let’s cook!”
    • elderly people: show those you love that you love them
    • lost luggage: I hope I get frequent flyer miles for its travel!
    • tangled Christmas tree lights: that’s why we now have a pre-lit tree (smile)
  • I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’
    • My one year of ‘unemployment’ while spending time with my uncle during his last year of life was the best ‘living’ I have ever done.
  • I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
    • …and third, and fourth… for all my foul-ups, those who care about me continue to extend more opportunities to learn from failure and to succeed eventually.
  • I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
    • I never learned how to use a catcher’s mitt anyway (smile)
  • I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
    • oh so true; happiness has found me, and I am blessed.
  • I’ve learned that a smile is a choice.
    • I decide to smile often. A smile may be the only sunlight a stranger sees all day!
  • I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
    • This is where my heart leading the mind works wonders.
  • I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
    • It is easy to let aches and pains cloud what otherwise is a sunny personality. I take Excedrin and always remember to smile.
  • I’ve learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
    • I send birthday cards to over 100 people throughout the year.
    • I check in on friends and family often by phone and email.
  • People love that human touch — holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
  • I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
    • Oh, how true!

Life is short: show those you love that you love them!

Where I Am Not Today

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Today is the day for the National Equality March in Washington, DC, USA. It is supposed to attract hundreds of thousands of supporters for the LGBT movement, and particularly those interested in marriage equality — a civil marriage is a civil right.

I have somewhat of a nostalgic point of view regarding events like this. It was during the March On Washington held on April 25, 1993, where I met the man who fundamentally changed and improved my life: my wonderful partner. If it were not for that event, I am uncertain if I would have met him, nor how the rest of my life would have turned out.

I hope attendees find the event interesting and have opportunities to voice their opinions and share in an experience that can only occur in Washington, DC, during a mass gathering such as this one is supposed to be. Personally, I hope some people meet each other, figure out that they are interesting to each other, and begin a relationship that may produce a partnership for them that has been as wonderful as the one I share with the love-of-my-life.

Alas, attending such events for my partner and me is a thing of the past. I have personal reservations about the effectiveness of such efforts. There is a lot of controversy about today’s event, with various differences of opinion about how it was organized and managed.

But, to us, the controversial claims and counterclaims are not an issue. My partner and I will not be attending this event. Not because we don’t support the various issues that will be addressed (particularly marriage equality), but because we are at my mother-in-law’s home taking care of things for her. I will be doing some home maintenance and yard work, while my partner will be taking her shopping and do what a son should be doing for his elderly, lonely mother: just paying attention to her.

Why did we choose this weekend to go to Pittsburgh? Because we both have a three-day weekend (Monday is a federal holiday in the U.S. for Columbus Day), so we have more time for a trip like this. We have been going to Pittsburgh on Columbus Day weekend for many years.

Why not just reschedule our trip to Pittsburgh and go to the Equality March? Well, “been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the sunburn.” We would rather not deal with the hassle of the crowds. Standing for long lengths of time is very difficult for my partner due to his disability. Also, he just hates crowds (and I’m not fond of crowds, either).

Anyway, we wish the attendees well, hope for the best, and again, I personally hope some guys will meet their lifemate guy, and some women will meet their lifemate woman. That chance occurrence of meeting my partner at such an event fundamentally changed my life so much for the better. I cherish those memories, and sincerely hope identical memories are formed in the younger generation.

Life is short: march on!

Boots and Masculinity

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Does wearing boots make a man masculine?

A question like this was posed on the “boots on line” board a while back. Someone I know who goes by the screen name “KneeHighGuy” (KHG) wrote a great response to that, and I invited him to post that response here as a guest blog. I hope he will do that, eventually.

So… back to the question, “does wearing boots make a man masculine?”

My opinion: No. Simply wearing boots does not make a man masculine.

I have said it before and I say it again, masculinity is a set of characteristics that is demonstrated by self-confidence and a secure nature. Physical characteristics play a part, as well — how a man appears to others, including the style of dress — influences perceptions of masculinity both for the guy and others observing him.

Boots are a part of a man’s choice of style of dress. Looking back over the ages, men wore boots. From soldiers to cowboys to construction workers — all considered to be “masculine” professions — men in these occupations wear boots. Boots convey a strong sense of masculinity. KHG said, “When I think of masculinity, words such as honor, courage, strength, and gallantry come to mind. A man with these qualities is the kind of man I admire and aspire to be, and wearing boots helps give me confidence that I can be that kind of man.” I couldn’t agree more.

Simply wearing a pair of boots does not “make” someone masculine. Boots, however, are something worn with clothing that has a masculine appearance: jeans, leather, uniforms, or even business suits (a uniform of sorts). How a man behaves and projects himself has more to do with his perception of being a masculine man than what he wears.

These are my thoughts. What are yours?

Life is short: wear your boots!

I Am Who I Am

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I received an email the other day, generated from this blog, which said, in part, “it is gratifying to know that there are decent, well adjusted, friendly gay men like you. Honestly, I have been struggling with ‘coming out’ for years. … Just wanted you to know that I have enjoyed your insights and interesting discussions in your blog. It has been quite therapeutic.”

Wow… who woulda thunk? I mean, I am just a regular guy with some specific interests and passions that a blog is well-suited to use as a medium to talk about those interests. Also, I just like to write 🙂

I am uncertain how my musings can serve to be therapeutic, but if it helps, I am happy to do so.

It really all boils down to one thing that makes me the man I am: my parents and family raised me well. They helped me to develop self-confidence and a self-assured nature. I was always a klutz, athletically disinclined, and more interested in reading books than throwing a ball. I saw my older brothers and other men in my life and wanted to be like them, but knew that I was different. I tried to do things that they did, like play sports or date women, but it never worked. And you know what? My family didn’t make fun of me or mock my failures. Instead, they accepted me for who I am and asked me, “what do you like? How can I help you fulfill your interests?”

Perhaps they didn’t ask questions exactly like that (I can’t remember), but I never once felt ridiculed for being “different.” I always felt loved and accepted for who I am. They let me try various things, and when it didn’t work out or I goofed up, they just smiled and said, “okay, let’s try something else.” Honestly, never once did I feel humiliated or belittled by my family.

Sure, there were bullies in school and short-sighted nobodies in my adult life who were insecure about themselves, and felt better if they could belittle me to make themselves feel bigger and better. Sometimes their actions hurt me, both physically and emotionally. But my family — and as an adult, my partner — always and without fail point out why they love me for who I am and that my inner strengths make me a better person overall, encouraging me to rise above the hurt and anger and respond with sympathy, kindness, and compassion.

Actually, it is intriguing to me as I look back that my family never said bad things about other people, but only highlighted the good things in me and others around us. Their optimism, sense of hope, and strong belief in me inspired and empowered achievements beyond my wildest dreams. I became who I am and achieved what I have done because of how they transferred their strength to me through positive support.

I realize how fortunate I am. Not everyone has a family like mine. Not every gay person lives in a community where diversity is a way of life, not something to be “celebrated” on a particular day of recognition. Not every gay guy has a partner who is his equal in intelligence, financial security, and savvy. Not every gay guy has friends he’s known for life (and some less long) who form the fabric of a rich net supporting him and his goals, failures, and fun regardless of his sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is appreciated by a cadre of seniors and neighbors for being “that guy who knows his stuff,” rather than “that gay guy …”. Not every gay guy works for an employer that evaluates him based on skills and abilities, and doesn’t make judgments based on sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is in a situation as I am to be able to “let go” and be who I am, out and open, free and honest, secure and confident.

In summary, I guess what allows me to be a decent, well-adjusted, and friendly guy is that I can freely be who I am. I can make mistakes, and be forgiven. I have learned to “let go” any concerns about what other people may say about me (boots, leather, being gay, or my appearance). I have learned that being honest (and not living in the closet) is absolutely refreshing and invigorating. I can learn, and adjust from my learning. I can do what I do best, and choose not to do what I don’t do well. And that’s okay. I am who I am.

Life is short: Love me for who I am, ’cause I am not someone else.

Martian Dinosaur

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Ask twenty-somethings with whom I work, and each will tell you in her or his own way that I am a dinosaur from outer space. Here’s why:

  • I don’t text.
    I did not grow up with that communication method, nor find it easy to do. I have no need to be barraged with some text where the sender has an expectation of almost instantaneous response. I will reply to email or a phone message on my schedule, not someone else’s.
  • I ask them to call me on my landline at home if they need to use the telephone to reach me after work hours.
    What’s a landline? Who still has landlines? Why don’t you just use your cell phone?

    Well, I don’t have to give my personal reasons, but I prefer to use a regular old telephone, thanks. I often turn my cell phone off after work hours and do not use it on weekends, either. Call me, leave a message if I am unavailable, and I’ll get back to you.

  • I don’t tweet on Twitter, use Facebook, or use I.M. programs.
    “Oh, you’re so disconnected,” they say. Okay, so be it. It is much more peaceful and less intrusive that way. I don’t use computer resources at work for personal stuff when I should be working, and I expect them to do the same. My partner has an understandable expectation that I pay attention to him when we are at home, not the computer (so I have significantly reduced computer time at home.)
  • I don’t spend what I don’t have.
    My goodness, I observe many younger folks spend money like there’s no tomorrow, racking up credit card debt that they’ll never be able to pay off. My first suggestion for getting back on financial track is make a budget (what’s that?). Dump the cell phone and texting plan. There are so many people who have significant debt yet think nothing of paying US$50 to US$100 or more each month for cell charges. Buy groceries, learn how to cook, and eat at home. Pay off your debt before incurring more on an ongoing basis!

Yes, I definitely have that “generation gap thing” going on. I continue to work on and adopt technologies and ways of doing things that are helpful, but non-intrusive. I guess that’s where the major differences are: I am annoyed by multi-stream intrusions, and my younger staff live a multi-tasking life 24/7.

Life is short: disconnect for a while and enjoy peace!