Lost In A Paper Bag

Ever since I was a kid, my family has always kidded me about my serious lack of a sense of direction. I have to admit it, I am so “directionally challenged” that I would get lost in a paper bag.

For my blog visitors from other countries, the American expression “get lost in a paper bag” is used to describe someone just like me. Someone who, given the choice of turning right or left, goes straight. Someone who says to himself, “the sun sets in the west, so turn right.”

I have no idea how this came to be. I have always been that way. When I started to work in Washington, DC, in the ’80s and using the Metro to get into the city, inevitably I would come up out of the station and turn the wrong direction, confidently marching down the street for blocks until I realized that I was going the wrong way.

Oddly, as a skydiver, you can show me a visual image peering down upon the Earth from the sky, and I can find where I need to be (for example, land is always better to touch down upon than water!) Give me a map, and I can verbally explain to you where something is, and how the map indicates how to get there.

But put me on my motorcycle (or in a cage) with a written set of directions (start here, go 0.3 miles, turn right on X road. Go 1.4 miles, turn left on Y road)… I can’t find it. I swear, the roads aren’t there! It is like I am in a completely different state (or on a different planet.)

Friends have said, “just get yourself a GPS. That will solve your problem.” I fear not, but to be honest, I have not tried it. I remain seriously fearful of distracted driving since I witnessed my friend get killed by a cell-phone yapping SUV driver. When I operate a vehicle, I want to have both eyes on the road ahead and everything around me (sides, rear) 100% of the time.

This coming weekend, I had offered to be one of several leaders of a motorcycle riding event. Others who will lead rides for this coming weekend’s event are doing pre-ride on Wednesday night. A pre-ride gives ride leaders a chance to familiarize him or herself with the route. Unfortunately, I can not do the pre-ride then. It doesn’t fit my schedule, nor do I want to ride in the evening when I’m tired while trying to remember turns and landmarks. I know my limits. Also, landmarks look different in evening twilight than they do in full daytime sunshine.

I spent two hours last Sunday afternoon trying to ride this route by myself. I got hopelessly lost several times. I would find parts of the route, then inevitably miss a turn and wind up somewhere else. Darn! I am just not good at following written directions. I gave up and tried to come home (getting lost several times in the process.) Oh well, I enjoyed a ride on a sunny day, even if I did not know where I was.

When I got home, my partner was still painting the upstairs hallway. (He is such a perfectionist.) He handed me a paint roller, and I began to help him while explaining my predicament and concerns. He just shrugged it off, and said to forget it. He did not realize how upset I was — but in hindsight, he was right in the sense that the world isn’t going to end if I can’t lead a ride because I do not know where I am going.

I wrote a message to the overall ride organizer to say, “take me off the list of ride leaders… nothing is more embarrassing than trying to lead a ride for others and getting lost.”

Some readers of this blog think that my life is all full of roses and nothing goes wrong. Well, lots of things go wrong. However, I let it pass, and move on with life. I will think of something that makes me smile, tell a story, share a moment with the man of my life, or take a stroll in our back yard park to watch the birds, squirrels, and rabbits play. Soon enough, I am back on track.

Meanwhile, don’t follow me. I do not know where I am going. But I try to have fun while getting wherever that may be!

Rolling Thunder

Rolling Thunder XXII occurs today, the Sunday before Memorial Day here in the good ol’ USA. It stages at the Pentagon and ends up in Washington, DC.

This is an annual demonstration for POW/MIAs and Veterans issues. It is not a parade of balding, fat, drunken bikers as sometimes is reported in the media.

I have ridden my Harley with a large contingent from my home county down to the staging area at the Pentagon, then queued up to ride into Washington DC, around the U.S. Capitol, and ultimately ending up on the west side of the city near (relatively speaking) the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial. There, various dignitaries and event organizers speak and describe concerns of the day. After all, this is a demonstration, not a parade.

Will I be there this year? No. I haven’t gone in several years. Why? Well, I find that I’m better able to support vets in my community. I tend to focus my support in narrow, but I think meaningful, ways. Two of the tenants in my rental properties are veterans. I give them a break on the rent, so they can afford to live in the county where they work, and send their kids to outstanding public schools. I spend some time with a well-regarded non-profit organization that supports returning soldiers and their families in a variety of ways. The horrors of war and their experiences affect their ability to return to civilian life, so we help out with that, as needed and requested.

Further, when I have attended, our group lines up among the hundreds of thousands of others. Even to get a mid-slot in the line up, you have to get there very early. There is no shade, so a hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, and very comfortable boots are required. You’ll stand there for hours and hours waiting your turn to mount up on your bike and ride. Meanwhile, you look around at everyone else’s bikes and just wait. There isn’t much to do, and the wait can be six or more hours. (I’m not whining; I am just stating facts from experience.)

In the past two times I went (a few years ago), I made it to the final destination at about 4:00pm, which was well after most of the speeches had ended. It really wasn’t worth the hassle and exhaustion. The crowds are overwhelming. And I just betcha the boots will be outnumbered by the sneakers… but that’s a different story.

Finally, I’m not even in town. This blog post was written and scheduled for posting to appear today while I’m away. I couldn’t go if I wanted to. But I’ll still let out a sigh when I see throngs of bikers on the highway, or hear a Harley rumble off in the distance. I would rather be riding — anywhere — but an obligation and a promise to my mother-in-law prevents me from doing that.

Overall, the demonstration, attention, and concerns that Rolling Thunder brings to light are important. I hope everyone has a good time, rides safely, wears a helmet, and is able to voice concerns on behalf of (and pay tribute to) those who have served, and are serving, in our Armed Forces on behalf of our great country.

Oh, before I left town, my partner and I went to the cemetery, and put up a flag at my Dad’s grave. He was a veteran of WWII, and I won’t forget.

Law Ride: BMWs and Harleys

There are two major brands of motorcycles used by motor officers in the United States today: BMW and Harley-Davidson. There may be others, but in the U.S., you just don’t see any other brands but these two. Kawasaki once made police bikes, such as those used by Ponch and Jon in the TV show “CHiPs” (Kawasaki offered the best advertising support to get that product placement on the show; the real CHP back in the day used Harleys). Kawasaki got out of the U.S. police motorcycle market in 2005. You will find Police Yamaha motorcycles in Europe and Japan, but rarely in the U.S.

There are divided “camps” about Harleys and BMWs for use in police work. Harley has had a corner on the market for a long time, since they introduced motorcycles for police work to the Detroit Police Department in 1908 — more than 100 years ago! Pittsburgh also introduced Police Harleys in 1909.

In the late 80s, BMW aggressively pursued the U.S. police motorcycle market. They offered significant discounts on multi-bike contracts to local governments. Also, BMW was the first to offer ABS (anti-lock braking assist) on their bikes starting in 1988. Harley didn’t introduce ABS on touring class bikes until 2007. Many cops preferred bikes with ABS brakes due to the nature of their work requiring frequent quick stops.

When I was speaking with cops at Law Ride last Sunday about the two makes of police bikes, I learned that those who ride BMWs like them for their maneuverability, but also find the center of gravity higher and thus they take corners wider. Believe it or not, a big Harley police bike can turn more sharply than a BMW. I’ve turned my Road King (which is one of the models used for police bikes) completely around in a U-Turn within a 14′ (4.3m) box. You can’t do that on a top-heavy BMW.

The cops say that BMWs are quicker, and feel “less wide” so in heavy traffic, they are easier to get through traffic, especially if they have to unsnarl a backup due to a crash or catch a speeder.

The cops say that Harleys are much more comfortable, providing a better seat and less jolting ride. That has to do with the configuration of the shocks on a Harley vs. a BMW. If you have to ride long distances, BMW police bikes can get awfully uncomfortable on the butt.

A cop who has ridden both Harleys and BMWs told me that he likes both, for different reasons. His agency has both makes of bikes, and keeps rotating the purchases between the two. Some officers prefer one or the other, and by bidding contracts, his city has gotten a good product for a better price. BMWs come in at a lower cost some years, and Harleys on others.

What this cop said about usage and maintenance was interesting to me. He said that BMWs are the only police bikes with a dry clutch. This type of clutch system is different from the “wet clutch” found on Harleys. The problem is, according to this sergeant, is that when operating a police motorcycle, the operator often keeps the clutch in the “friction zone” — that is, slightly engaged to release variable power to the drive shaft. This is necessary when riding slowly through clogged traffic, in parades, or generally on busy city streets with many traffic signals. BMW specifically says in its owner’s manual not to ride the clutch in the friction zone, because it will burn out. This officer said that was true. He said he goes through clutches several times a year. Thus, the maintenance cost to his department is higher.

Harleys aren’t known for low-cost maintenance, either. When they work, they work great. But when they develop a small oil leak or an electrical problem, it can be very difficult and costly to diagnose and repair. Believe me, I’ve been there!

Finally, one officer who was riding a brand new Police Harley (it had only 300 miles on it) told me that his jurisdiction had a “Buy American” requirement. They can only buy American-made products. While a “Buy American” clause is controversial, it is a factor in some areas of the U.S. And that’s why you see more Police Harleys on the road than German-made BMWs.

Another reason, according to a forum that I read is that BMW is not as competitive in its pricing as it once was. While the content of that forum is a few years old, and the world economy “tanked” since then, what I observe is that often a choice between a product comes down to cost: original purchase price plus the estimated ongoing cost of maintenance. BMWs no longer have the edge in either category. Thus, another reason why you see more Police Harleys these days. Heck, even the CHP started buying Harleys again since H-D introduced ABS braking in 2007.

Some may think I am strictly a Harley guy. Sure, I really like my Road King, but I’m an equal-opportunity biker. I rented a BMW 1200RT and rode it all over California. It’s a nice bike, but I experienced the same things the cops said: it was top-heavy, the turning radius was wide, and it was uncomfortable to ride for a long day, especially two-up. Plus, it was just hard for me to get on and off due to its height (and my lack of height). I prefer a lower seat. I’ll keep my Road King, thanks.

Life is short: let’s RIDE!

Law Ride: The Beemer Ballet

Like a well-choreographed ballet, the cops from Sacramento who arrived to participate in Law Ride on Sunday went through a serious dismounting routine. It was both interesting and amusing to watch.

First, they all drive up and line up like the other police bikes are lined up, two-by-two, side-by-side. Some of the cops have both boots planted on the ground while holding up their bikes.

Once the Sergeant in front is assured that everyone is there and in line, he gives a small signal. Then everyone lifts his left boot and places it on the riding peg. He only has his right boot down, flat on the pavement.

Then another signal follows, and he lowers the side stand with his left boot. He then shifts his weight to the right side, and then leans his body way down as he lifts his left leg over the saddle to dismount.

That’s what was amusing to me: as tall as these BMW police bikes are, the cops have to lean over quite far so their left leg will clear the saddle. Look at the photo shown here.
Once they dismount to the right, they then reach up and take off their helmet, leaving it precisely on the right handlebar.

They do this all at the same time. While they are trying to demonstrate a graceful dismount, it still appeared awkward, even if all movements were (almost) simultaneous. It’s quite a choreographed procedure. They must have practiced quite a bit to do this maneuver so precisely. When they were done, the crowd gave them a round of applause.

When we arrived at the National Law Enforcement Officer’s Memorial, these guys had designated parking on E Street in front of the National Building Museum. Again, they all lined up, walked their bikes forward until they all were in line, then on cue, walked the bikes backward until they hit the curb, then danced their choreographed dismount again. What a sight.
There were other cops who said other things about this procedure — some in awe and some less so (jealous, perhaps?) Anyway, I enjoyed watching them do this neat little trick. (Hmmm… I wonder if my bike club would be up to practicing a choreographed dismount when we arrive at a destination. Ha! That’ll be the day.)

I talked to one of the Sacramento County cops about this. He laughed and said that the sergeant thought it would be a good idea, and they began doing it a few years ago when they were all together in rodeos, parades, and other events. Since there are so many of them, their sheer numbers are impressive. Having a stylized dismount added to the camaraderie as officers, and perception by the public that they were in excellent control of their motors.

Life is short: Let’s RIDE!

Law Ride: The Ride

There is just something fundamentally cool to be riding with a huge group of motorcyclists on a parade past blocked roads toward the United States Capitol Building. You ride right up to the East side of the Capitol on E. Capitol Street, then turn right on Capitol Circle, then left on Independence Avenue.

Independence Avenue is on a slight hill, so as you look ahead, all you see are the police motor officers and other bikers as far as the eye can see. Man, what a view. What a sight! I can’t express the thrill I feel in doing this. What a rush. It’s fun and memorable.

Let’s remember law enforcement officers who have died in the line of duty, and their families. I among many sincerely appreciate and am thankful for their work — and their sacrifice. This is what Law Ride is all about. It’s not just a kick to ride as a big mob through the streets of DC. Gotta remember that.

But I just have to say this: “this is really cool! Woo-hoo!”

Life is short: Let’s RIDE!

Conversation with Bike Cops: The Setting

I attended Law Ride yesterday, which is a ride organized by the Blue Knights. They are a club composed of local chapters to which active and retired motor officers belong. Motor officers from around the country and their supporters, like me, gather in a parking lot at RFK Stadium. You hang out for a couple hours, talk to cops, and then precisely at 11am, the ride takes off. See the “take off” in the video below.

The ride rolls through downtown Washington, DC, past the U.S. Capitol, and ends at 5th and E Streets, NW, which is the location of the National Law Enforcement Officer’s Memorial.

Over the next several blog posts, I will relay information I learned from conversations I had with visiting officers. The discussions were interesting, and I learned a lot.

I noticed this year that far fewer motor officers came to the event. Many thought it had something to do with the economy. City and county law enforcement departments are cutting back on activities that their motor officers can do outside the regular job.

A huge contingent came all the way from California: the county and city of Sacramento sent about 40 officers; the city of Folsom sent 7; other cities in Sacramento County also sent a few. These officers loaded their police motors onto semitrailers which were driven cross-country.

There was also a large contingent from the city of Detroit. The riders in this group included the Chief, who rides himself. Cool!

I didn’t see cops from southern states, except a few from the city of Orlando, Florida, and three from Terrebone Parish, Louisiana. In years past, I had seen officers from several Florida counties and cities, as well as other states such as North and South Carolina. Not present yesterday.

Also, I didn’t see cops from New York or Ohio — usually various cities and counties in those states have participants in Law Ride. There was one motor officer from my home county, and a few from neighboring counties. But overall, Maryland was not well represented. There was, though, the usual large contingent of dress instep Dehner-booted Fairfax County, Virginia, motor officers. They, and their boots, looked great as ever.

It was a stunningly beautiful day. The skies finally cleared after almost two weeks of rain. The sun was bright, and the temperature was about 70°F (21°C). We also had a really low dew point, so it felt dry and comfortable. It was a terrific morning.

I didn’t stay in the city after the ride was over for more than about 20 minutes. My partner has a list of “honey-do” projects that won’t quit. I got home by 1pm, and began slogging through the list. Now the lawn is mowed, concrete was mixed and scooped to fit a growing hole under our front stoop, and Mrs. “O” in the neighboring retirement community has a new, working, smoke alarm. All is good.

Check back each day for the next several days for more posts about Law Ride: the ultimate police-escorted ride in Washington, DC. Meanwhile, enjoy the video below which shows the cops leaving RFK to begin the ride.

I Met the Me of 30 Years Ago

30 years ago, when I was 21 years old, I idolized the biker image: The boots, leather, and the Harley. I worked over time to acquire the resources to assume that image, from buying various pieces of biker leather gear and boots, to even getting a Harley eventually.

Yesterday was a stunningly beautiful sunny day. It reached 78°F (25.5°C) with a low dew point. My partner and I awoke before dawn, snuggled for a little bit, then set about accomplishing a lot of tasks.

By 11am we were done, and I prepared an early lunch. Then my partner said, “we’re done–I know you’re itching to go ride your Harley, so go!” I flashed him a huge smile, gave him a hug, donned my unlined Wesco Boss Engineer boots, jeans, and my vest, and off I went. There was an open-house at a Harley dealership, which was my destination. My dress was “traditional biker” as it was too warm for leather breeches. I just felt like wearing my old comfortable Wranglers over my Wesco Boss boots. (I don’t wear jeans inside my boots every time I ride my Harley, though from this blog, it may appear that I do.)

When I got to my destination, I carefully backed up into a space on the street among the Harleys owned by fellow club members. Then this guy who was probably about 21 came up to me and said, “Cool! You’re the biker I want to be.” I gave him an incredulous look at first, but then realized he was dead serious. In many ways, he even looked like I did 30 years ago, including having long blond hair.

We talked for quite a while. He had just bought his first bike — a small Suzuki. Turns out that yesterday was his first solo ride, since he just got his motorcycle endorsement on his driver’s license on Friday.

He had tons of questions, and I was happy to try to answer. He told me that he wanted to take a motorcycle training course, but expressed disappointment that the courses he tried to sign up for were all full. I explained the “secret” — that the courses fill fast in April and May, but by June, spaces in the courses begin to open up, and the courses go on all summer. “Oh! Great! Do you teach them?” (Not nowadays, but years ago I did.)

He continued with more question, such as what boots and leathers to get first. He was proud of his first leather item — a traditional biker jacket — but didn’t have anything else. He glanced disapprovingly at his sneakers.

“What boots are you wearing? Where did you get them? Who made your vest? Wow — those patches are cool!” He babbled away, in wonder and awe. I patiently answered his questions, one by one.

I explained why not to buy leather gear from a Harley Dealer (due to the incredible mark-up), but why chaps are probably the first leather item to get after a jacket and boots. I suggested some decent on-line sources for leather gear. I talked boots with him, too, and laughed when he said, “man, you know a lot about boots.” (When a fellow club member heard him say that, he laughed and said, “you don’t know the half of it.”)

My young enthusiast said that he preferred engineer style boots, and said that his budget was about $200. That ruled out a new pair of Wescos. I explained the qualities of Chippewa engineer boots, and he seemed very appreciative of the boot recommendation, as well as the source.

I remember the day when I bought my first pair of biker boots to go with my biker jacket. Then I got my chaps… and after that, more leather gear and boots followed over the years. I wished this guy a great day, and he smiled, shook my hand, and said “thanks, man!” most enthusiastically. I’m glad I made his day. His reaction, questions, and bright, inquisitive demeanor sure made mine! He made me smile, because in him I saw the “me” of years ago.

Life is short: wear your boots! Be a mentor when you can.

How Cold Is Cold?

While it was sunny yesterday, the predictions for warmer weather were wrong. It was 38°F (3°C) when we went to sunrise mass in the morning, and by 8am, when we were going to get on the Harley to go on our first family visit, it was only 42°F (5.5°C). My brother declined the invitation to join me as a passenger, and I could understand why. The bunny costume wasn’t insulated (LOL!)

We took the truck instead. I left him with a sister while I returned home, leathered up (including my All American Patrol Boots), hopped on the Harley, and joined my club to ride sweep which I had promised to do. My LAPD leather breeches are fully lined, and were warm and comfortable. Several layers of clothing under my Motocross jacket kept me warm on the topside, as well as warm gloves and a full-face helmet.

The ride was great. By the time it was done, I checked the temperature and it wasn’t that much warmer — only 50°F (10°C). I called my brother and he said that he really didn’t want to go on the bike to see our other family. I could understand, but I still called him a wuss. He took it good-naturedly. I took the bike home, changed out of biker leathers into light leather jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, pulled on my Dehner dress-instep patrol boots and pulled the leather jeans down over them, got into the truck and reconnected with my brother. We visited the rest of the family and enjoyed a nice dinner at another sister’s house with her family.

So the bunny surprise didn’t quite happen, but we had fun anyway. And my brother, bless him, is a WUSS! You heard it here first!

Life is short: wear your leather! (so you don’t wuss out on a motorcycle ride on a sunny day, even if it is cold!)

Happy Easter!

Hoppy shined my patrol boots today.

Very early — like at sunrise — my twin brother and I will go to mass. I’ll be in the patrol boots, dress pants and shirt. Unless he makes me, I will forgo the tie, though he will be in a suit. Bless him, he got the suit genes, and I got the leather jeans. (smile)

When we get home, I will prepare a nice breakfast. Then I’ll shuck the dress duds but not the boots. I’m gonna boot up in leather and (another pair of) tall cop boots and ride my Harley. My brother and I will go visit the little ones and he will be in a full-sized bunny costume!

No, a helmet won’t fit in the head; we will have to ride close to the surprise locations and have him take off the helmet and put the head on… then go terrorize the kiddos and get ’em juiced up on lots of candy.

Mid-day, I’ll leave my brother at a sister’s house for lunch while I go for a ride with my club. The ride is supposed to only be a couple hours, but we’ll see if the estimate is correct.

Mid-afternoon, I will rejoin my brother, bunny him up again, and go for a few more visits. It ought to be a ton of fun and laughs. We will have Easter dinner at another sister’s house, then come home early. He has to go to a series of meetings in DC (which is why he is visiting) and I have to go back to work early on Monday.

Happy Easter, everyone! Life is short: show those you love that you love them (even in crazy ways!)

Let’s Ride!

Let’s queue up…And let’s R-I-D-E! (View from the back of the pack, taken by a buddy)

Today I led the ride that I planned out yesterday. What a great day to get out and ride! Nice sunny “leather weather,” (it was as predicted — cool at the start, and about 60°F/15.5°C by mid-day), good company, and the rumble of a Harley on the open byways of Maryland. I had a terrific time. So did some 30 others who, like me, were anxious to break out the bike and ride on such a nice day, and shake the cobwebs off our boots, leathers, and machines. We all had good times, good food, and good cheer.

That, my friends, is why I am such an avid biker — nothin’ quite like the feel of the open road on two wheels.