Category Archives: Home Life

New Years Eve in Leather

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For the 24th year in a row, I went to my very close friend’s New Year’s eve party, where many of his family gather and ring in the year together. I help him prepare a big breakfast, which we eat about 11:30pm, then we watch the festivities on TV and loudly count down 10..9..8 … 3..2..1 until we all scream “Happy New Year!” We kiss and hug, have a glass of champagne (or in my case, ginger ale), and that’s about it. I usually leave about 12:15pm so I can come home to my partner, and continue our own private festivities.

As usual, I chose some leather to wear. In this case, my Naked Leather Jeans which even though they are unlined, are warm because they are made of thick, 8 to 10oz cowhide. The jeans feel great, and since I recently had the snap closure removed and a zipper installed instead, they fit better (and don’t come unsnapped when I sit down.) On top, I wore a red checked flannel shirt.

Whilst cooking, the host of the party (my close friend) and I don chef’s smocks. Then I occasionally chase him, his wife, or their kids around the kitchen like the Swedish Chef once did on The Muppet Show. (But not with a knife… I use a bottle of oregano, instead…long story about why that spice is chosen.)

Because my friend’s family rivals my own in size, the noise and number of children intimidate my partner, so he after going with me to this party once, he vowed never to return. I don’t consider the party to be too boisterous, but then again, I am accustomed to large groups, and can hold my own. My partner does not like all the noise, running around, and the size of the crowd. (To him, more than one other person is a crowd.) He stays home and watches stuff on TV that I don’t like (such as college football games), and waits for me to come home (and worries; though I don’t drink alcohol, that does not mean that there are not drunk drivers sharing the road with me).

This post was written before the actual New Year’s party, and was scheduled for posting on New Years Day when I will still be snuggled next to my partner in bed. Should he surprise me when I get home, like he did last year, I will post an update. (te he, giggle giggle.)

Life is short: Celebrate with those you love! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Resolving

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As 2009 draws to a close, I reflect on the year and think about the coming year. Who I am, who I want to be, what I want to do, and how I will execute these goals. My personal goals are not quite “new years resolutions.” I don’t believe in making public statements that are not achievable, or not consistent with who I am.

I reviewed my “Resolving” post from last year, and I can say that I achieved most of what I said I would do. I will continue with more of the same:

  • Caring for my partner, family, and friends by lending a hand, giving a call and paying attention, and sending all those birthday cards. In 2009, I sent 200+ cards and anticipate the same in 2010.
  • Sharing a smile, even with people I don’t know. A smile may be the only good thing that happened to someone, so I resolve to continue to smile often in both a physical manner, as well as with my words.
  • Making lemonade when life serves you lemons. I had a rough year in part of my life, and I resolve to move forward, held held high, and accept and appreciate the support I get from those who care for me.
  • Trying to take time to have more fun, including riding my Harley with my club, and continuing to practice my Italian with my Bocci buddies, among other things. I wish I didn’t have to “schedule” fun, but if I didn’t work at carving out time to go ride, play Bocci, visit my family, and celebrate life, I would be bogged down with chores, work, and feel burdened. My burdens are lifted when I take time to enjoy, to smile, to laugh, to share, and to contribute to the welfare of my friends and neighbors.
  • Continue to love and care for the man who means the world to me, who accepts me for who I am, with all of my faults, foibles, and klutziness. My beloved partner deserves nothing but my TLC, as he returns his to me.
  • Continuing with my community service, and supporting good people to run for office in our local elections, stepping down from my own. It’s time for me to take a break!
  • Show those that I love that I love them, each and every day.

Anything I didn’t do that I said I would in 2009?

Yep: I didn’t build that gazebo in the back yard. Gazebo-building took a back seat to reflooring our upstairs hallway with hardwood. Man, that took a LONG time.

Anything new for 2010?

I didn’t say this last year, but I should have: I will continue to follow the example set for me by my best friend, AZ, as well as thoughtful and caring friends with whom I exchange email regularly (in alpha order) Bama, Brian, Clay, Derrell, Eugene, Kelly, Kevin, Paul, Sue, … and more. I hate naming names because inevitably I’ll forget someone. If I have, please pardon me!) These people are wonderful, thoughtful, insightful, caring human beings who mean a lot to me. The example they set by what they do and how to they do it is one that I will continue to try to follow.

More new things for 2010? Well, some new leathers are making their way into my motorcycle gear. I’ll share about growing and changing focus from fetish to function as I continue my journey in life. New boots? Well… probably. I have my eye on some boots that I don’t have and would like to have, so when my boot fund is adequately financed, I’ll make the move. Declutter? My partner is King of “getting rid of stuff” and I may just help out. Oh, and I’ll try to relax and just chill out; kick my boots up in the hammock and watch the world of the animal antics in our back yard park. Just sittin’ and chillin’ is very hard for me to do, due to what my twin brother calls my obsession with acting like “Taz” in the Looney Tunes cartoons. (giggle) It’s really my Type A personality.

I would love to take a long, long ride on my Harley with people who want to stop and smell the roses. About 200 – 400 miles per day is do-able. More than that, I just get too tired and it’s no longer fun to ride. I hope I can find some buddies who want to take a road trip with me for a week or two, perhaps north to the Canadian Maritimes. That has been a long-term desire. Having ridden a Harley in Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, I know what such a trip can be like. I wish my partner could join me, but due to his disability, he can’t. But now that I own a touring class Harley, it’s time to take such a trip on my own bike, if only I could find a few people who don’t want to ride long 15-hour days and drink all night.

Are there places to which I would like to travel? You bet! But travel beyond the US or Canada is not in the financial picture for me due to the devalued US Dollar. I just can’t afford it. Within the U.S., I would love to return to visit my old stomping grounds in Los Angeles, my favourite City By The Bay (San Francisco), or rent a bike and go riding through Zion National Park. Better yet, have my buddy Clay take me to the Calgary Stampede with all those cowboys! Woof!

Overall, I resolve to continue my life’s journey by sharing joy, loving life, extending a helping hand, supporting my lovely aunt through her 95th year, caring for my partner, doing a good job at work, having some fun, but most of all, taking action. It’s one thing to talk about it. It’s quite something else to do it. That’s my goal: do it, and with a huge smile on my face. (And in boots and leather, too!)

May you have a wonderful 2010. Happy New Year!

Christmas With My Brother

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Guest blog by J, BHD’s twin brother

I wrote this post for my brother to put on his blog on Christmas night. When this message appears, three of us (my brother, my wife, and me) will be visiting family and exploring the neighborhood where we grew up. Many of our family haven’t met my wife yet, as we were married in Italy and this is her first visit to this part of the United States.

We began our Christmas by awakening to the aromas of breakfast. We came downstairs and greeted my brother-in-law and his mother who were seated in the living room by the Christmas tree. They had been up for an hour and were waiting for us before having breakfast. We entered the kitchen and beheld a huge meal that my brother was ready to serve. Man, it reminded me of our Christmas mornings when we were kids. We had cialda (waffles), bacon, egg souffle, home-made bagels with lox and cream cheese, orange juice, coffee… wow, what a treat! I usually don’t have much for breakfast but a roll and coffee, so this breakfast was an extreme pleasure. Even my wife was impressed (and that’s saying something.)

After the huge brunch, we exchanged some gifts, but nothing much. Our family has long agreed not to exchange gifts among each other because we would all go broke. But my brother and I have always exchanged a little something, following a strict limit on how much we spend. My brother gave me a month-by-month calendar with photos on it that he took when I visited in August — of me, “the bad boy Harley-biker guy.” What a hoot! How did he have time to do that? “Non è nulla,” he says. (Ha!) I felt silly giving him a belt, but he seemed genuinely appreciative.

Then it was time to visit some of our great-nieces and great-nephews. After all, Christmas is for kids! My brother wanted to ride his Harley, but since my wife and I both were going and neither of us wanted to be tied by a bungie cord to the back of the bike, we opted to ride in his truck. Good thing we did, as the weather was lousy (cold, wet, icy, yucky).

We enjoyed seeing the younger ones. I took some of them outside to build a snowman and have a snowball fight, despite the rain. We had a ball! I got soaked. My wife got miffed (fa bene!) My brother and sister laughed and laughed and laughed. They never expected me to get all messy. (They forgot the days that I played football on many a muddy field).

My wife and I stayed at my sister’s house while my brother drove back home so he could prepare our Christmas dinner. (I’m glad we went to church on Christmas Eve, as my clothes were unpresentable after that snowball battle!) My niece dropped us off at his house by mid-afternoon. I changed clothes, but not into a suit. When I stay with my brother, I have to live under his “house rules” which included “No Suits In The House!” I put on a comfortable sweatshirt, jeans, and sneakers, much to my brother’s dismay (the sneakers, anyway). My wife couldn’t figure out what was going on about how I was dressed. I had to explain it later. (She still didn’t get it.)

We held hands while my brother-in-law said grace. That was sweet. My brother said a special prayer for his friend who died. He remains sad, but he’s okay.

My brother had to hold back the food until we were seated… like he did at breakfast… to keep certain people from eating before all were seated. (I shan’t say more, but I know that the eating habits of a certain visitor drives my brother insane.)

The dinner was wonderful, plentiful, and delicious. We laughed, shared stories, and enjoyed a relaxing and delightful meal. It was odd, in a way, not to have children running around, or to have rolls tossed around the table. I missed having dinner with 50 people, but then again, I could hold a conversation and have time to translate the American idioms for my wife. All was good.

After dinner, my brother took my wife and me on a tour to see the Christmas lights in our old neighborhood, and to visit a woman who babysat for us when we were kids. That was fun. We sang carols (as we missed going caroling with our old high school crowd since that gathering was canceled due to the snow, and my flight was delayed two days).

Overall, I had a wonderful Christmas Day. I enjoyed watching my brother do “his thing” — from cooking and serving meals, to ensuring that everyone was cared for. How he relates to our family, friends, and his partner and mother-in-law. Greeting neighbors with a friendly wave and a smile is his trademark. He had a table overflowing with cookies and treats that his “crew” (seniors for whom he cares) made for him.

What a joyful day. This is what I wanted to show my wife about Christmas, and our family. I am basking in the warmth of love for my big ‘bro.

Happy Christmas, Brother! I love you!

J

Merry Christmas! (Updated)

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Ooops, I’ve been so busy entertaining my twin brother, his wife, and my mother-in-law that I forgot to post a message for Christmas!

I hope you’ll forgive me!

Merry Christmas! More tomorrow!

UPDATE: ahem, the “real” reason I was so off from my usual blogging is that Daddy Santa visited last night, and his shiny cop boots kept me up waaay late. (giggle). I just love my partner when he gets frisky. Sorry, no photos. We both were rather “occupied.”

In Memoriam

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There never is any “good time” to get bad news, but at Christmas, it seems to be worse.

I was deeply saddened to learn that my very dear friend who served as my first and longest-supporting mentor, died last night.

She was a warm and caring woman who taught me, among many things, how important it is to sit back, to listen, and to hear what someone else is saying. Then devise ways to help.

That is what she demonstrated in her almost 93 years of life. These are the practices that I continue to carry out today, each and every day. Her influence lives on through my actions.

I recall fun times in taking her for rides on my Harley (much to her family’s angst), and even going for a ride in a hot air balloon. We had many fun times in addition to the time we spent working together.

I am indeed sad, but I am not lost. I have no regrets. My partner and I went to see her a couple weeks ago and had a marvelous visit, filled with laughter, smiles, and joy.

May God care for my beloved friend and bring comfort to her family and the many of us who loved her.

Still Believing

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This is my Christmas greeting, and to all of my fellow bloggers, blog visitors, friends, neighbors here in the Maryland area or Down Under or in between, I extend my heartfelt wishes for a joyous holiday and good cheer.

Last year I got spiritual and whimsical when I reflected on the meaning of this holiday and my small role in this world by saying, “I Believe.” Well, that’s true — as true last year as it is this year.

I am very fortunate to have many wonderful things in my life: a loving and caring partner who means the world to me; a large and raucous family who hold me close and keep me grounded; close friends who lift my spirits and support me, no matter what; a decent job that keeps me engaged, challenged, and pays the bills; no debt; a roof over my head that I put there with my own two hands and support of my partner; a chance to put the roof over the heads of seven other families who serve the residents of the county where I live; food in the fridge and pantry; a Harley on which to have fun; and opportunities to serve others.

I would not say that “I have it all.” I am not rich in a financial sense. I get by, make ends meet, and get the bills paid. But I am rich in the quality of people who compose my circle; rich with the belief that I have and I can make a small but noticeable difference — one person at a time. I have faith.

I just gazed over at my partner as I was writing this, and my faith deepened because he looks so serene and happy. I then glance over at my twin brother, who is holding his wife’s hand and just gave me a wink and a smile. I am content. The most important people in the world to me are here with me, and it makes me feel wonderful.

I quote once again from my favourite movie which is shown at Christmastime in the U.S., It’s a Wonderful Life. I was watching it again while writing this message, and heard the familiar line from Clarence who served as George’s guardian angel on his night of crisis:

Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?

That’s my point: each of us touches so many others. I believe that in those moments when we reach out to touch another — send a greeting, give a call, lend a hand, flash a smile — that we are filling that hole. One person, one step at a time.

Yes, I believe. This is the faith by which I live.

Merry Christmas! See you in the blogosphere!

Christmas Checklist

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Christmas Day is two days away… here’s my checklist:

  • Home decorated
  • 409 cards sent
  • A fresh loaf of cinnamon raisin bread has been baked and delivered to every neighbor on my street
  • Presents wrapped and under the tree
  • Mother-in-law here
  • Brother and his wife here
  • Daddy Santa is ready to visit on Christmas Eve (evil grin)
  • Turkey and trimmings ready for the big dinner

Well, then, we seem to be ready.

I am ready for the material things, and now I am readying my heart. What’s that? Contemplating, reflecting on the past year, thinking about those whom I love and about whom I care. Thinking of ways that I can help or lend a hand. To me, that’s what Christmas is about: the reason for the season, the spirit of caring, loving, grace, and joy.

Life is short: Keep the faith and keep it focused.

Fun in the Snow

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My buddy Clay claims that I’m always out saving the world. No, not really. Okay, during the cleanup from our recent record-breaking snowstorm, my snow blower got more use than it ever has since we have owned it. I’m glad that’s all over.

My partner was able to get out and drive to Pittsburgh to pick up his mother. They return later today. Last night, my twin brother and his wife arrived a bit bedraggled and jet lagged from Europe, but they’re here safely with us and I am looking forward to spending Christmas with him, his wife, my mother-in-law, and of course, my wonderful partner.

Being a Neighbor

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Okay call me crazy or a glutton for punishment, but as we continue to dig out from a record-breaking December snowfall, I find that some neighbors need help.

My next-door neighbors are retired, and while they are generally in good health, they are near 80 years old and trying to shovel 21″ (53cm) of snow by hand is too much to do. I have a snow blower, which (once you get the hang of it), makes snow removal fairly easy.

I have another neighbor down the street who is disabled. She has managed to antagonize some of the other neighbors, so no one would even check on her or offer to help.

Well … it is not in me to ignore someone when I know that they may have a need. I called the disabled neighbor on the telephone, and when she didn’t answer, I knocked on her door. She was okay, but as you can imagine, she was daunted by being blocked in by all that snow. Therefore, I used my snowblower and shovel, and soon enough, opened her drive and sidewalks as well.

It wasn’t easy, and I’m sore. But I am not looking for a medal. I am saying that “being a neighbor” means more than just having an address in the same block or building. It means taking time to learn about your neighbors and their needs, and offering to help with skills that you can share.

I get annoyed at the able-bodied yuppies down the street who only care for themselves. Whose children don’t lift a finger (or a shovel) to help out even at their own house, much less at a neighbor’s. The kids have no work ethic, because the parents have not taught it as a value nor demonstrated it by their own actions.

Call me old-fashioned, call me crazy, but whatever you may call me, I hope you call me a good neighbor.

And yeah, after the snow removal was done, I did have a little fun, as demonstrated below.

Life is short: be a good neighbor