I was reviewing the bills and our household budget for the past year, preparing a new budget for next year in comparison with our income and expenses.  I used an on-line calculator that compared “normal” household expenses with ours.  I realize that what some people consider to be “normal” is not normal for us.  Our “unnormal” spending habits resulted in an estimated annual savings of US$8,450.

Here is how we have not spent US$8,450 this year:

1.  We prepare our own meals and eat at home.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner — all prepared from groceries that I cook and serve daily.  We just don’t eat out.  A reliable source indicates that the average US middle class couple spends $279 each month on eating dinner out.  Since we don’t do that, our savings is US$3,378.

2.  Preparing our own meals includes making lunch to take to work.  My partner and I do not eat lunch out.  Another reliable source indicates that we save US$2,080 a year based on the assumption of eating lunch out at the average cost of US$8.50 each lunch x 2 of us x 4 days/week (thinking that my partner and I are at home one weekday each week.)

3.  We don’t go nuts with media.  That is, while we subscribe to services that provide television and internet, we have no-frills, basic services.  We get the normal digital & HD channel line-up, but do not pay for subscription services like HBO, etc.  We do not pay for “on demand” movies and sports packages.  We have high-speed internet, but locked in a three-year agreement that saves about US$25/month from what it could have cost us.  Therefore, I estimate the savings on television media is US$576/year (not paying avg. US$48/mo. for extras) and US$300 for internet = a total of US$876/year.

4.  We don’t go nuts with cell phones.  I have one cell phone.  My partner chooses not to have one.  I do not have a data package on my cell, by choice.  Therefore I do not text nor receive text messages, or have web-access on a mobile device.  I once had that (when my former employer required it, but did not pay for it).  My monthly savings for going “cell only without data” is US$68/month, or US$816/year.

5.  We mow our own lawn and maintain it ourselves.  Neighbors spend US$900/year on lawn mowing services while my partner and I enjoy the exercise and the cost-savings. We also use compost as fertilizer, and spread it ourselves.  We rake, aerate, and weed-wack.  Yes, it takes time from other things (such as riding my Harley) but it’s good exercise, much better for the environment than spreading chemicals, and is cheaper than what some of my neighbors pay US$400/year for a lawn service company.  So what if our lawn isn’t perfect — it’s a lawn, not a golf course. 

All-in-all, the savings by eating at home, choosing to reduce media and cell phone costs, and mowing our own lawn totaled US$8,450 this year alone.

There are many other intangibles that affect our annual budget.  For example, we have zoned heating and cooling, so we only heat or cool parts of our house as needed in certain rooms. We have active solar, which produces electricity and hot water. We estimate our annual savings for solar alone to be about US$3,000 in reduced electric and natural gas bills.  But that is hard to estimate directly since I cannot measure what we do not consume and some of the savings are offset by increased costs of maintenance on this complex household system.  Nonetheless, “going green” does save us a lot of money in the long-run, and saves the planet a little bit, as well.

Life is short:  be financially sound.

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the United States, and I have much to be thankful for.

First, I am thankful for my beloved partner who always finds ways to love, to share, to be my best half, my lover, my friend and confidant, my trusted adviser and the window to my soul.  Honestly, I have no idea how I could live without him, as he is me and I am him, entwined together through life.

Second, I am thankful for the nudge to get out the door from my old job through a layoff in June to give me the time to get my aunt through and past a serious medical crisis, back into her home with 24-hour care.  I needed to leave, as the fit for that job wasn’t so good, supervising child-like millennials was a huge hassle, and the salary was … (not so good).

Third, I am thankful for being selected for my new job and receiving an exceptionally generous offer.  I began working this week.  It’s challenging, interesting, and commanding of my skills and talents, testing me in new ways, and helping me to live, to grow, and to explore new things.  I’m always interested in learning.  I thrive on these challenges, which will keep me busy but not overwhelmed.  And woo-hoo to three really great benefits: I get to work from home most of the time; I don’t have to supervise anyone; and I don’t have to have a smart phone (Blackberry or otherwise.  Yippie!)

Fourth, I am thankful for my loving and caring family.  For being there for me always, through bad times (such as when I broke my leg in January) to good times (such as at various family parties and our weekly dinners), and everywhere in between.  I am so richly blessed by the whole fam-damily, all 232 of ’em!  (including cousins…)  [And that includes my siblings who read and contribute to this blog LOL!]

Fifth, I am thankful to have had the opportunity to care for my lovely 95-year-old aunt during the winter of her life, and being able to make her life as comfortable, safe, and happy as possible.  I truly feel that her care is “my calling” and I was called….  She is a joy and I am thankful to have her to care for and to love.

Sixth, I am thankful for my “senior legion” who care for and about me, and let me care for them.  During my down-time with the broken leg earlier this year, they were there for me — from preparing meals and delivering them, to just staying with me to ensure that I didn’t hurt myself trying to get around, as well as keep me company.  I thrive in a different way by extending my spirit to reach out and care for them from daily phone chats to regular visits, to doing home repairs, taking them grocery shopping or to the doctor’s office … whatever.  It truly “takes a village” and they are my village.

Seventh, I am thankful for my close friends with whom I share a wonderful bond of camaraderie, joy, and life.  I truly enjoy the times we communicate and visit.  Their spirit warms my heart and makes my life so much richer.

Eighth, I am thankful that again this year, we’re having our crazy-huge Thanksgiving Pot-Luck at our house.  So today as you go about whatever you’re doing, imagine my partner and me, as well as 14 members of my family, hosting over 100 seniors (on visits spread out throughout the day).  Singing at the piano in the living room, chatting with friends in the family room and den, or watching “the game” (whatever game it is) on the TV in my partner’s basement “man cave.”  Food’s on the buffet in the dining room, and drinks are on the island in the kitchen… come ‘n get it!  (But be sure to take a plate full of food & goodies home with you when you leave, as I don’t want to have to deal with all those leftovers!)

I regret to disappoint some follower of my “Thanksgiving antics” each year, but this year I did not have the time to create a Thanksgiving Piano Tune in full leather.  I had to work at my new job all week this week, and after work, I had to get the house ready for our event today, arrange to borrow folding chairs, tables, etc., from some neighbors, and do a million other things.  I usually created that video on Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  This year, I just didn’t have time or energy to make one.  As I said, some will miss it, and others will not.  So be it… not gonna happen this year.

I wish you and everyone celebrating Thanksgiving a wonderful, joyful day, filled with happiness.  Please take time to thank the important people in your life, your Deity if you believe, but most of all, thank yourself for reading through this long missive! 

Life is short:  be thankful!

On Saturday, I was resting as I was recovering from my recent surgery when I heard a distinctive sound:  the rumble of a Harley’s engine.  The rumbling noise sounded close.  I got up and looked out the front window.

I saw a gorilla dismounting from a police Harley that had been parked in my driveway.

What?  Yep:  a gorilla.  Or at least it was a human in a gorilla costume.  He loped or whatever gorillas do and came to my front door.  His paws or whatever you call his hands were too large to push the ringer for the bell, but I opened the door anyway and pushed open the storm door.

He thrust a box to me, then began — I don’t know how to describe it — “aping around” on my front porch and the lawn.  He was making loud grunting noises and occasional shrieks.  I was dying with laughter, and it hurt like hell to laugh!  But laugh I did.  My partner stood behind me and laughed a lot, too.  Then the neighbors next door and across the street came out and watched the show.

I stepped outside to try to ask who it was, and he, she, or “it” came up to me, grunted and shook my hand, then ran to the bike, mounted it, and took off.

I was left standing in shock and bemusement wondering, “did this really happen?  Did a gorilla really ride a Police Harley to my door, hand me a box (containing a chocolate cake), dance around on my lawn, then take off?”

I checked with the “usual suspects” to find out if they knew anything about who was behind this.  My partner claimed innocence, and I believed him.  My siblings and some of my closest senior pals did, as well.

Then I thought about it, and decided to place a call to a cop who once rented a home from me.  About six years ago, his wife had lost her job and about the same time, had their first child.  They were really strapped for cash.  I forgave their rent for about six months until they got back on their feet.

Yeah, it was him — he “repaid” my kindness in his own way, which was very nice, a lot of fun, and quite enjoyable — though it hurt like hell!  LOL!  (Sorry, no photos. My camera wasn’t anywhere close by, and the gorilla didn’t stay long enough to pose for pictures. I hope my neighbors took some, though!)

Life is short:  paying it forward pays back.

I had surgery yesterday to repair a hernia. It went well, though Nurse Noodle couldn’t get an IV going and caused me to faint by grinding the needle inside my hand whilst looking for a vein. Fortunately, the anesthesiologist jumped in, and knew better than that nurse how to insert the needle for the IV by numbing my hand first.

Fortunately, that’s the only bad experience I had. Recovery from anesthesia was fairly quick, and five hours after arriving at the medical center, I was on my way home. I slept well last night, and even though I don’t like to use narcotics, I did. They really did help me sleep well, so I can recover better.

Today, nothing is on my plate but to rest. I have already received a number of casseroles and other goodies from my senior pals, but I told them that I didn’t really feel like having visitors today. Instead, I will watch a movie, read, sit with my partner and hold hands, and do nothing. That’s the plan!

Life is short: accept love from those who love you!

I haven’t posted about this issue much lately, but the process of caring for my 95-year-old aunt has occupied a lot of my time, more so in the past six months.  Gosh, it’s hell getting old.

Since a medical crisis in June requiring hospitalization, I got my aunt back into her own home and familiar surroundings by arranging for 24-hour care, seven days a week.  She has mid-stage Alzheimer’s Disease.  She recognizes me, but doesn’t remember names of other people who she doesn’t see as often. She recognizes her own home, but other environments (such as the hospital) were bewildering.  She didn’t know where she was, and was agitated and upset.  We truly believe that if she were not able to return to her own home, she would have become so bewildered, she would have given up and died.

One would think, then, that by arranging for full-time care in her own home, my job was done, since she is never alone any more and someone is always there to help her with bathing, dressing, and making sure she eats nutritious foods and drinks liquids to avoid dehydration.

On the contrary, my job has transitioned to activities that I probably spend 40 hours each week doing:

1. Visiting:  having conversations and keeping my aunt’s mind active.  Since she speaks several languages, I communicate with her in English, Italian, and Spanish, and rely on a caregiver who speaks French to keep that going, too.  It is so critical to help keep my aunt calm and reassured by having regular, meaningful, visits.  Talking about family, her life history, as well as current events is helpful in keeping her focused on living.
2. Grocery and supply shopping:  through the summer, I was having to make almost daily visits to stores to get things that my aunt and her caregivers consumed.  It was getting frustrating, to say the least.  However, I developed a listing of supplies and foods that she regularly requires, and ask caregivers to note items on the list as supplies run low, so I can reduce my shopping trips to twice each week.  That doesn’t always work, but it’s better than before.
3. Supervising:  caregivers are highly trained, but they’re also human.  They need direction, information, and ideas on how to interact with my aunt.  From showing them how to operate the DVD player so my aunt can watch a movie, to a myriad of other activities — I could write a book.  No wait; I have.  I wrote a “caregivers guide” that provides a thorough orientation to my aunt’s needs, medication schedule (and the effects those meds may have), and where things are located in my aunt’s small apartment.

4. Arranging things:  from doctor’s appointments and getting her there (which is no easy feat!) to calling in favors for home visits by a friend who will cut her hair and clean her apartment, to twisting arms to arrange to get her a flu shot in her home (and not have to go to a clinic), to getting a Notary Public to witness her signing financial documents, there are a lot of personalized arrangements that only a designated “primary caregiver” (that’s me) can make.  I’m happy to do it, though some of these things take a lot of time and, as I said, “twisting arms.”  Thank goodness I know a lot of people in the community so I have a number of people to reach out to for assistance.
5. Paying the bills and doing finances:  I have been given financial power-of-attorney, so I can take care of my aunt’s finances.  I keep track of all of those transactions on the computer, and provide monthly reports to her sons who live out-of-state for full transparency.  Not that they distrust me (the opposite is true), but I don’t want anyone, anywhere, to question how I’m handling her finances.

It is not easy to do all these things, but my aunt makes it a pleasure. She is pleasant, happy, and nice to be around. All of her caregivers truly enjoy the shifts that they work in providing care for her needs. It makes my life better, too, as I know that my aunt is well supervised and cared for, as long as she may live. And, my friends, that’s what it’s all about.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

Today, November 3, marks the 20th birthday for “my baby.”  No, I don’t have children of my own, nor am I speaking about an inanimate object like my motorcycle.

I’m talking about being in the right place at the right time… or shall I say, a frightening event that led to a wonderful outcome.

Allow me to explain:  November 3, 1990, was a Saturday.  I had ridden my motorcycle to Baltimore to visit a niece for her birthday.  On my way home, cruisin’ down the interstate, late, in the dark… a car in front of me began weaving across lanes and was being driven very erratically.

I thought to myself, “keep away — drunk driver.”  I slowed down instead of trying to pass it, as I thought due to the wildly erratic driving I was witnessing, I might get hit.

The car slowed, sped up, weaved, then slammed on the brakes and stopped close to the shoulder.  Then the driver’s door opened and a guy got out and ran to the passenger side, then fell over.

I wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but this seemed to be serious.  Back in the day before cell phones, there wasn’t a way I could call for help.  So I stopped, and carefully walked up to the passenger side of the car.

Before me I saw a man who had fainted straight away.  A woman was in the passenger seat screaming, “my baby!”

I was aghast to discover that she was pregnant, and in the stages of final delivery.  OMG!  What to do?

My EMT training kicked in.  I kneeled down and asked the woman if I could help.  No sooner did I get close than she let out a howl and before I knew it, she delivered a baby!  Right before my eyes!

So there I was… the father of this child had recovered, but was babbling incoherently.  I grabbed a blanket from the back seat and wrapped it over the child and her mother.  I spoke to her calmly, and tried to sooth her.  She began to settle down when she let out another yelp — she delivered the placenta, which follows the birth of a child.

Gosh, what a mess.  A lot of blood and other “stuff” that comes out of a mother’s womb when she delivers a baby.  Thank goodness I had on a pair of gloves (convenient, eh? My first aid kit on my bike is always well stocked.)

I sat with her, wondering what to do, when thankfully, a state police cruiser pulled up along side.  I explained what was going on, and the trooper called for an ambulance, and took over.

It was then that I became light-headed and dizzy.  I collected myself, then congratulated this young couple on the birth of a daughter.

When I said, “daughter,” Dad fainted again.  I mean, he just collapsed right there in front of me.  I helped him get into the shock position — laying down, with his legs elevated, and sat with him until the ambulance came.  They quickly loaded up Mom and child into the ambulance.  The Dad wasn’t in any shape to drive, so he asked me to drive their car with him to the hospital.

All worked out fine.  The baby was born at full-term in a normal delivery.  Mom was fine.  Dad recovered enough to begin thanking me profusely and a few hours later, he even drove me back to pick up my bike which I had left on the side of the highway.

Mom and Dad named her after me — well, her middle name, anyway.  Poor kid… this name isn’t found on those “top of the baby name” charts.  But we all call her Cindy — her first name.  I’ve been there for birthday parties, her high school graduation, and she even stayed with me for a week (when she was 12) when her parents were both away on business travel.

What a nice young woman she has become.  Dear Cindy (middle name deleted), I am delighted to have been there to watch you arrive in this world, and to have remained in touch with you and your family since the night of your birth.

Life is short:  share the delights of childbirth (preferably in a hospital!)

No, the holiday of frivolity and fun has not been canceled.

However, this year, I am on business travel and thus will not be at home — so no Halloween for me.

My partner is at home, in the dark, not answering the door and not giving out treats.  He hates that kinda stuff anyway and in years past, I’ve always been the one to dress up in some “costume” (usually full leather or a fetish uniform) and greet kids at the door.  Just not this year….

Have a Happy Halloween without me!

A close friend with whom I went skydiving a lot back in the ’80s and ’90s died on Thursday of last week after a prolonged illness.  I was saddened of his passing, but appreciated that he was finally relieved of his suffering.

His wife asked me to be a pall bearer, along with three of our skydiving companions.  So yesterday, we suited up in our skydiving gear and I got out my parachute (which took me hours to open, clean, and repack correctly since I haven’t gone skydiving in about a year), and arrived at his funeral by air.  Well, actually, we arrived via parachute!  [Photo by the pilot using a cell-phone camera; I’m upper left].  We landed right on a ballfield next to the church where the funeral was held.

After landing, we quickly stashed our ‘chutes in a van and met the hearse at the church, and escorted our friend’s casket into the church for the service.  This was the first time I have served as a pall bearer in skydiving gear and jump boots, but that’s how my friend knew me and my friends, and that’s how we wanted to appear — as he remembered us best.

One of my fellow skydiving companions gave a very fitting and mostly humorous eulogy, and closed with the words that my friend always said, “you can’t seem to get rid of the butterflies when you skydive, but you can teach them how to fly in formation!”

Rest in peace, my friend…

Life is short:  show those you love, even in death, that you love them.