There was a book by the title of this blog post that I read many years ago, and decided to re-read this past weekend. I was amazed how relevant its words of wisdom are today as they were on the day I first read this book, though some of the content is a bit dated.

The book’s subtitle is “predictable crises of adult life.”

While I do not intend to add a “book reviews” column to this blog, I want to relate how I am feeling about the passages that my life, and the life of my beloved partner, have been going through.

The book discusses the daunting, challenging, and stressful events of adult life and provides suggestions on turning these difficult events into opportunities for growth. That is far better, and more consistent with my life philosophy, than dwelling on the negative, “why have things changed for the worse?” type of thinking.

My partner and I took a passage together about five years ago, when we attended our last leather fetish event. Went to a leather bar for the last time five years ago also. We realized that we were not interested in those types of activities any more. Late nights. Socializing, or attempts at same, with drama as a result. Going out became more and more expensive and a huge hassle. We found that staying home was just fine with us.

Nowadays, my partner is in one of his major life passages. He had a milestone birthday last November, then his world turned upside down soon thereafter with a serious downturn in his health. Once able-bodied, strong, and independent, he has had to become more dependent on me to do many more things that he ordinarily would do. Suffice it to say, that adjustment has not been easy for him.

Let me nip something in the bud, though. My partner is not bed-ridden. He is able to function, and do simple things like the laundry (for which I remain thankful), and work at his job from home.

My world has been a bit curvy, too. Family and close friends know what’s going on, yet my curves aren’t nearly the depth of what my partner is going through. I’ve been through those curves before in 2004 and 2010, and managed to reset myself. What I didn’t want, though, is for these curves to be thrown at me at the same time my better half needs my full concentration.

I do not intend to publish to the world what else is going on in my life, but it’s significant. Requires lots of work and concentration on my part which is compounded with time that I devote to my partner. Pretty much all else has gone out the window. Many fewer trips with seniors to visit. Once-weekly to take senior pals grocery shopping, when it used to be more often. Almost never see the family any more. I just don’t have the time. And ride my Harley? I wish. Only for commuting, no joy-rides through the countryside.

Compounding all of this is that my partner is on an absolute tear on remodeling significant parts of our kitchen. He “must” have a new floor, now. I agree, the old floor is a mess and is long past its life. I have to replace it — all 460 square feet of it — but I was thinking about doing that work later this summer, not this minute. But to partner, “this minute” isn’t soon enough. I think his anxiousness has something to do with how fragile he is feeling due to his illness. I tell ‘ya, that illness really plays with his head sometimes.

As he faces surgery for a hernia repair hip replacement and long-term treatment with antibiotics that can better fight his underlying illness — who is left to do what needs to be done? Me.

Why not hire contractors to do this work? If you have to ask that question, you really don’t know my ultra-reclusive partner that well. He will not have any strangers in the house while he is recovering, yet his “testadura” demands re-tiling the kitchen floor immediamente. Subito. Rapido. Adesso. Pronto!

Caregiver. Remodeler. Partner. Tile-setter. Health-care Advocate. Friend. Confidant. Builder. Lover. Supporter.

Alas, right now… not “biker.”

So that’s the down-side. The upside?

We will have a new kitchen, which will accommodate my partner’s needs as well as my own culinary creativity.

The kitchen work will be great exercise that my ol’ tired body needs, and hopefully will help me shed a few pounds, too.

My partner will get better. His soreness from the hernia hip situation will be gone. The I.V.-administered antibiotics will fight the monsters within him and get ’em; I’m positively focused this will happen. I have faith.

My senior pals are rallying around me, instead of the other-way around. From bringing me Easter baskets to calling me (instead of me calling them), they are extending their warmth and caring that helps me feel less guilty about not being as attentive.

My family is in constant contact. They are showing how much they care and love both of us every day. For that, I remain truly grateful.

I truly believe that God doesn’t give someone more than he can handle, but I also know that my skills in multi-tasking and juggling are being sorely tested.

Life is short: make positive passages.

Today is the day when the Super Bowl, the championship of American Football, is played. This game is hyped up so much. So many promotions from all sorts of retailers who are trying to capitalize on making money from game-related activities — including grocery stores, big box retailers that sell hi-def televisions, furniture stores, and many more. Phooey. I don’t buy into the hype and commercialization related to one football game. Really.

What will I be doing instead of shopping, attending parties, or watching the game?

Considering that most grocery retailers are having sales in promotion with entertaining for “the big game,” and also since Friday, the local TV weather-hyperweasels have had the s-word in our forecast for today’s weather, I feared that the grocery stores would be nuts today. Therefore, I asked the senior pals who I take to the grocery store on Sundays to go with me yesterday instead. We did, had no crowds, and a well-stocked store. Yippie — I avoided the crazies!

Today, I’m not going anywhere. I will spend the day with my partner doing work around our house. There is always work to do. Always.

I have been invited to some “super bowl parties” that my siblings are having, but they have invited me out of courtesy, so I would not feel left out. But they know that I don’t care for football, so they were not surprised in the slightest that I politely declined their offers. Last place I want to be is around a bunch of people “talking football.”

This hype over a football game has even affected my family. I have a niece who is having a milestone birthday today, but they are delaying her birthday party until next week because of “the game.” Sheesh… my priorities are different, I guess.

After the fun of doing the work on our house is over (due to my ol’ body screaming, “no more!”), my partner and I plan to settle down to watch a movie that he has recorded, and perhaps work in a rousing game of scrabble. Yep, that’s it… we are watching movies and playing board games, not football. I have no interest, and while my partner enjoys it far more than I do, he will accommodate my disinterest by offering something else for us to enjoy together.

Fortunately, I do not have to come into my office on the Monday after “the big game,” so I can avoid the sports-talk among my colleagues.

Life is short: the world does not revolve around some football game.

I attended my usual New Year’s party with my best friend and his large, raucous Italian family last night. (My partner does not go to this party with me due to the noise and confusion.) We cook a huge breakfast, served at 11:30pm, then ring in the new year with champagne (and ginger ale for me.) I return home by 12:30am, and usually find my partner asleep on the sofa. But he awakens, and we have our own small celebration, then hit the sack.

Later today, I hope to get a motorcycle ride in with friends. The weather is supposed to be outstanding. Imagine, January 1 with temperatures in the high 50s (14C), sunny, bright… great “leather weather.”

After that, I plan to spend time with my partner. I’m sure we will have plenty to do (smile.)

Not much else to report… but I will appreciate having tomorrow as an added day off for the holiday, so I can catch up on sleep, disrupted by “evening activities.”

Life is short: show those you love how you love them. Happy New Year!

As 2011 is quickly drawing to a close, I am making plans for 2012. I am not one to make “new year’s resolutions” as so often these are made then go unfulfilled.

My personal plans for 2012 include, in no specific order…

Ensuring that my partner receives the best medical care available, and that his current condition is resolved. Meanwhile, I am readjusting major things in my life to accommodate a larger role in caregiving.

Getting off my duff to put some boots on eBay that I’ll never wear — my Sendra boots come to mind. There may be others. I have an inventory (ha ha… on-line) and I actually do wear most of the boots in my collection. I need to determine which boots I am not wearing and why I am still holding them. No worries, don’t ask — I am not disposing of any of my vintage Frye boots.

Getting on my treadmill and working out regularly. I’ve been pretty good at it since I got it in early December. I just need to keep working at it. I know that I will not use a gym; I strongly dislike that kind of atmosphere and the cheap side of me detests paying for something that I will not get sufficient return of investment. Walking is what works best for me, so I’ll be walking — a lot! — in 2012.

Finally installing that marble tile surround in our master bath shower. That shower has been out of service for eight months since it sprang a leak. I installed a new shower pan (floor), so now I just have to find the time to fix the side walls, grout them, and finish the project. I have the skills, tools, and materials. I just have to make it the priority that it needs to be. (It has not been a priority because I prefer to use our two-man, two-headed shower in the basement… but our main shower really should be repaired. Really….)

Hoping to find the time to explore some back roads of my home state by Harley with some friends. It always seems that my partner has other plans for ongoing home maintenance that take priority.

Keeping our finances on track, and spending only what I have, left over after putting a full 35% of my gross income into investments for retirement and savings. The rule that I learned from my parents: pay yourself first. It leaves less resources for the fun stuff, but I am not under the false belief that somehow the money will show up when I need it later, or that a major expense (such as expensive repairs to my Harley, truck, or home) will not happen.

Doing some rather major renovations on two small houses that I own and rent to community heroes. The current occupants have given notice that they will be leaving in the coming year, so after they leave, I need to redo the kitchens, refinish floors, and paint the whole house. Twice. I hate painting…. but I dislike paying people to do something that my partner and I can do ourselves. (Again, just call me “cheap,” but I prefer the word, “frugal” LOL!)

As far as my website goes, I will be exploring ways to optimize it for use with smartphones. I see that more than a quarter (25%) of the visitors to my website and this blog visit using mobile devices. I sense that my site is not as user-friendly as it could be for mobile device visitors. I have to wake up and smell the coffee and do something about it. It’s a learning curve for me, since I do not have, nor plan to have, a smartphone. (Did I say, “call me cheap?” Honestly, the convenience of those things does not outweigh the expense. I don’t need nor want one.)

I am certain that the new year will bring change and more things to do than I can think about right now. Priorities will change, projects will be added, some will be deleted or modified. That’s how life is … go with the flow.

Life is short: think ahead!

Best wishes to visitors of my blog, returning or new. Things have been kinda topsy-turvy at the ol’ BHD household, so this post will hold until after Christmas.

Whassup?

Man, I *dislike* that expression. It’s so sloppy… I am such an English snob. But I digress.

My partner and I are hosting his mother in our home. She has been with us since 18 December. Let’s just say… this year … we will be delighted to take her back home right after Christmas.

While this blog has been on a temporary off-topic off-schedule, I have received a few questions or suggestions that will become great blog articles, which I intend to write and to post in the near future.

Some questions have included:

• If you don’t like the white stitching on boots like Chippewa harness boots, what alternatives are there? (Hint: just dye the white stitching black — don’t get a different, lower-quality brand like Chinese-made Frye boots just because their stitching is black).

• What kind of leather jacket do you recommend that is masculine in appearance yet doesn’t have too much bling–chrome zippers, snaps, etc.? (Hint: a motorcycle cop jacket).

• What do you do when boots are finally broken in and you discover that the support for your arches is no longer there? (Hint: Dr. Scholl’s gel insoles.)

• I received a pair of boots won on an eBay auction, but the seller sprayed them with something that has left behind a strong smell of fragrance. Should I try to get the seller to accept a return of the boots and refund my money, or what? (Hint: gel odor remover from your local building supplies retailer will do the trick).

These are some examples of legitimate questions that I have received and would serve as good posts for this blog. I just need to find some time to write them.

My last day of work-work for this year is today, Thursday, December 22. I hope to spend time with my family on Friday, visiting the youngest members, twin Great Nephews. Friday afternoon will find me in my chef’s kitchen, preparing The Feast of the Seven Fishes for my mother-in-law, who requested the meal. It’s a rather large production. Thankfully, one of my senior pals who is a retired pescadore (fish monger) brought me 13 varieties of “fishes” to prepare for M-I-L to enjoy with her usual (noisy) gusto. I just hope she eats eel — yuck!

Friday evening, spirits and my partner’s condition willing, we will enjoy a Christmas concert by a national celebrity at our county’s community college that my partner has wanted to hear for months. I just hope his mother enjoys the concert; regardless, the concert is for my partner’s enjoyment. Perhaps the heavy meal of many fishes will put M-I-L to sleep (LOL!).

Christmas Eve, my family is switching its Friday Night Family Dinner to Saturday, when we will enjoy festa dei sette pesci (again!) with about 70 siblings, nieces, nephews, the “greats,” in-laws, and probably some out-laws, too. My partner and his mother will remain at home because my family overwhelms them with the noise, loud conversations, camaraderie, and fun. But Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without the fam… and they know it. We all feel it. So I’ll feed M-I-L and my partner early, then take off.

Christmas Day will be quiet. Tell you the truth, it will be rather dull with no surprises. My partner and I gave each other a gift this year by buying a treadmill, which I have been using now for about a month. I’m getting better at it, and anticipate it will help with weight maintenance (or better yet, help me shed a few more pounds.)

I will visit a few senior pals on Christmas Day, and weather permitting, I hope to ride my Harley to visit a few kiddos in my family. However, I’ll be home in the early afternoon to begin preparing our Christmas dinner for three. M-I-L will enjoy it — she always does — with mannerless, loud gusto — and we’ll once again retire into the basement and watch — more sappy Christmas movies! Aaaak!

Well, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever you celebrate — have a good time, be safe, be well, be-lieve in the spirit that brings us together at this time of year.

See you around the bend…

Life is short: believe in what you do, in who you are, and in what the future will bring brightly to those who believe.

My partner had an uneventful day yesterday, and felt good enough to help me finish decorating the house for Christmas. We put up our Christmas tree and put up the lights visible from the street.

I had four senior pals stop by to help decorate the tree — two are Jewish, one is Muslim, and one is Hindu. I enjoy sharing our traditions and they share their traditions with me. It’s great living in such a multicultural area.

This is a photo that I took last night of our house, at an angle so you can see both the Christmas lights as well as the full moon rising. It was a fantastic, yet peaceful, sight.

Life is short: share joy.