Category Archives: partners

We Are Equal Yet Different

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I received an email from one of my loyal blog readers, BootedPaul, with whom I have enjoyed exchanging email for years. He wrote to me with observations about some recent posts on this blog.

He said: …[it] has been my interest in having both partners equal and able to share equally. It is not a relationship that is discussed or promoted very much, but you certainly need appreciation for letting others know that it can be done and is enjoyable.

Thanks, Paul. I have written many blog posts about my partner and our relationship. We are indeed equals in our relationship and how we share our lives which are closely intertwined. We have been together for almost 17 years. During that time, we have grown and developed a bond that is as endearing as it is enduring.

There’s a lot of stuff on the Internet about gay relationships. I see many postings from gay men who talk about enjoying a dominant/submissive relationship. The “sub” does the work, the “dom” directs. Or one man in the relationship is the “Daddy” while the other is the “Pup.” Or the bitchy queens (‘nuf said about them.) Our relationship as equals is not often viewed on the ‘net — though I think there are a number of us “equal relationship couples” out there (some of whom I have met) but few post stuff about their relationship. It’s not really “news” for a blog or Forum posting when things are going well, is it?

Both my partner and I are independent, forward-looking men. We are as comfortable in our own skin as we are in leather, jeans, or nothing at all. We know who we are. We’re not perfect; we continue to learn from our mistakes. But what makes our relationship work are four things: trust, respect, listening, and love.

I trust my partner with my life; with my finances; with my insecurities, wants, and desires. I can be — and am — as honest with him as he is with me. We never do or say anything that can cause us to doubt the other’s veracity. If I go visit my very handsome best friend in Phoenix, my partner knows all about it and wishes me a good time. If I meet a visiting Boot Buddy for lunch or dinner, my partner is informed ahead of time and then asks me how it went (he is always invited, but he is not the social sort.)

Our mutual trust particularly extends to finances. I handle “the books” and every few weeks review our joint finances with my partner so he knows where every penny of our combined funds has been spent, allocated, or budgeted.

We both recognize that many relationships (gay or straight) have failed over fights about money, or when one partner steals from the other. While my partner is paid a higher salary than I am, it doesn’t matter to either of us. We contribute equal portions of our income to keeping our household and lifestyle secure and debt-free.

I respect my partner as my intellectual equal. We may have had different upbringings and formal education; nonetheless, I respect that he has thoughts, ideas, and interests that are valuable and contribute to my life-long learning. He does the same with me. Again, a difference is that my formal education achieved a much higher level than his; yet, he is my equal and we respect that we each can and want to learn from one another.

Respect is also demonstrated in how we speak with each other. How we listen, and how we respond. Never in a million years would either of us belittle the other — publicly or privately. My partner is a man who commands respect by how he acts and who he is. He would say the same thing about me (in fact, he did, the other night when he watched a public meeting that I led).

Listening is not often mentioned, but is important to describe about what makes a relationship work. Gay guys tend to blab a lot. Goodness knows I’ve been guilty of that. My partner has always been a superb listener. He hears things not said. He responds to cues about which he becomes aware because he’s not trying to be the talker. My partner has taught me a lot over our years of being together — shut up and listen! You might learn something! How true… how true. I make a strong effort to listen to what my partner says, so I can hear what’s important to him, and respond thoughtfully. My partner can do that in his sleep. I need more practice (smile).

Love? That’s the age-old enigma. People say that they fall in love and then sometimes things change, and they don’t love each other any more. Both my partner and I can say that our love is enduring because when all is said and done, love is what we have beyond anything else. We could lose our home to disaster; we could lose our jobs; other bad things could happen. Though we have taken measures to protect our lives, lifestyles, and financial security, we know that our love for one another is the foundation of our relationship, and is really all that matters.

Speaking of love — I also like my partner. He’s a cool dude. Fun guy. Witty. Smart. Playful. Generous. Romantic. He also can be a pain in the ass sometimes, as I can be hell sometimes too. There are a few times when our level of “like” for the other is challenged. But never our level of “love.” It’s always there.

We like to do different things in different ways. I am the Booted Biker of our duo, and he was happy being my passenger on the Harley (when his disability didn’t prevent it). He likes to sit and watch the animals in our forest while I like to get out and ride my Harley. I’m running around fixing things for seniors, and he’s buying the parts I need to keep my “Mary Poppins/MacGyver Bag” stocked. He is the master gardener and I’m the muddy-booted hole-digger. He’s the coupon clipper and I’m the guy who writes the grocery list in the order in which you’ll find the items in the store. He’s the football fan and I’m the skydiver. He’s the movie-buff and I’m just in love with his buff bod. Whatever… you get the point. We are equal yet different. Just the way WE like it.

Throughout all of this, I haven’t mentioned sex yet. Yes, sex is important and we enjoy a pleasurable sex life. But there’s much more to our relationship than sex. I have to say, though, that we wouldn’t have much of a relationship without sex, so yeah: sex is important. Being equals, we know what pleases the other and we take care of each other in the way that is most enjoyable for the other.

Intimacy is important to. The intimacy we share through our trust, honesty, as well as sex, makes our bond strong. If the hours in the day were long enough, I’d be happy just to lay in bed next to my partner and snuggle the whole day through, listen to him, talk about life, and just, … ahhh… relax in the comfort and security of the arms of my man (and vice-versa).

We are here to affirm that it is quite possible that two gay men can be equals, and be different. We earn each other’s trust, we respect each other’s differences; we listen to one another; but most of all, we both remain deeply in love with the man of our lives… forever… endearingly and enduringly. He is not my “other half,” he is my “best half.”

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

Partner, Husband, Spouse?

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I refer to the man of my life as my partner. We met on April 25, 1993, and began dating, seeing each other on weekends, then more often. We traveled within the U.S. where I brought him to states he had not previously visited before — twice long-haul on my Harley, two-up, saddlebags full of clothing. We traveled to Australia, New Zealand, and Europe together, including a wonderful (to me) and scary (to him) motorcycle trip on the windy roads of the Almafi Coast of Italy, and a very scenic trip on the Romantic Road in Bavaria, Germany.

Then he worked with me as I purchased an old farm that was to be developed, and I built it out while turning gray in the process. We built our dream house on one of the lots. This is our home where we have built our life, and plan to live here ’til we can’t climb stairs any more.

I think of him as my “best half,” which is a better reference than “other half.” And certainly a better reference than “boyfriend” which is far too casual. He is, to me, my heart, soul, and very essence of being. My soulmate, best friend, treasure, listener, cuddler, lover… all these words that function more than just as labels. He means the world to me.

We know gay men who have married in states where it is legal to do so in the United States, and some gay men where it is legal to do so in their respective countries. The state where we live isn’t “there yet” but may be… eventually.

For now, I refer to him as my partner. But that sounds so business-like. He is for all intents and purposes my spouse. But I have this funny feeling about calling him a husband should we marry some day when/if our state makes it legal to recognize a civil marriage ceremony and afford us the recognition and status that man/woman marriages provide, with all the rights and responsibilities thereto pertaining.

Funny, the other day, someone did a search on this blog for the word “wife.” As if I had one. The only thing that comes up in that search is references to my twin brother’s spouse — his wife. Sorry fellas who may think something-or-other, I have not had and never intend to have a marriage to a female and thus have a wife.

My partner is definitely a masculine man. He is everything a man could be, and more so. What a blessing it is to have him, to love him, and to call him my own. Calling him my spouse will be wonderful… someday.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them!

New Year’s Hunk

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When I arrived at home from the New Year’s party that I attended, a sexy man was waiting for me, silhouetted by our Christmas tree. How would you react if you saw this man waiting for you?

Sproingggg!

My partner and I sure had fun with our own private welcome to 2010!

….in the morning, we slept until after 9am, which is completely unheard of in our household. Not being in a rush, we snuggled closely and talked about our goals, aspirations, thoughts, and ideas for the coming year. What a nice, gentle way to wake up on the first day of the new year.

The rest of New Year’s Day was more mundane. I passed on going on an annual polar bear motorcycle ride because there was lot of wet, salty crud on the roads that would spray up on my bike and make it an absolute mess and be hard to clean. Plus, we had a lot of other things to do. We finally “got in gear and going” by noon. I visited my sweet, lovely aunt; we did our weekly grocery shopping; and I did a major carpentry job to double the capacity of a closet so that some of my leather gear can have more room for air to circulate around it. We had a productive afternoon, albeit the day started much later than usual.

I had a nice telephone chat with my twin brother, who made it home safely to where he lives in Europe. I also spoke with my brother-in-heart, AZ, who called to wish a Happy New Year. What a sweet, thoughtful man.

Life is short: enjoy!

Still Believing

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This is my Christmas greeting, and to all of my fellow bloggers, blog visitors, friends, neighbors here in the Maryland area or Down Under or in between, I extend my heartfelt wishes for a joyous holiday and good cheer.

Last year I got spiritual and whimsical when I reflected on the meaning of this holiday and my small role in this world by saying, “I Believe.” Well, that’s true — as true last year as it is this year.

I am very fortunate to have many wonderful things in my life: a loving and caring partner who means the world to me; a large and raucous family who hold me close and keep me grounded; close friends who lift my spirits and support me, no matter what; a decent job that keeps me engaged, challenged, and pays the bills; no debt; a roof over my head that I put there with my own two hands and support of my partner; a chance to put the roof over the heads of seven other families who serve the residents of the county where I live; food in the fridge and pantry; a Harley on which to have fun; and opportunities to serve others.

I would not say that “I have it all.” I am not rich in a financial sense. I get by, make ends meet, and get the bills paid. But I am rich in the quality of people who compose my circle; rich with the belief that I have and I can make a small but noticeable difference — one person at a time. I have faith.

I just gazed over at my partner as I was writing this, and my faith deepened because he looks so serene and happy. I then glance over at my twin brother, who is holding his wife’s hand and just gave me a wink and a smile. I am content. The most important people in the world to me are here with me, and it makes me feel wonderful.

I quote once again from my favourite movie which is shown at Christmastime in the U.S., It’s a Wonderful Life. I was watching it again while writing this message, and heard the familiar line from Clarence who served as George’s guardian angel on his night of crisis:

Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?

That’s my point: each of us touches so many others. I believe that in those moments when we reach out to touch another — send a greeting, give a call, lend a hand, flash a smile — that we are filling that hole. One person, one step at a time.

Yes, I believe. This is the faith by which I live.

Merry Christmas! See you in the blogosphere!

Role Model?

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I received an email message from a young guy, age 15, who said that he visited my bootedman.com website and this blog. I do not knowingly communicate with people under age 21 via email (family excepted) because I do not want anyone for any reason to think that I am trying to have interactions (however benign) with people who are not considered adults in the eyes of the law. These days, you can’t be too careful. That is why it says on my “write-to-me” page that you can send me email, but if you are under 21, I will not write back.

This young guy said, “I look up to you greatly because of your collection and lifestyle. I have a bit of a boot fetish (Especially Cowboys and Cops in Boots) and I think it is grand that you share your collection.”

Well, thanks. Remember now, I’m considerably older and have worked for what I have for 34 years since I was emancipated. My boot collection has grown over many years. I look at it this way: some guys collect baseball cards or stamps. I collect (and wear) boots. Everyone should have at least one hobby to keep them interested, and as long as they can afford it and have room to keep it, then go for it!

Further, he said, “I am way in the closet and I wish to be out, but my Religious Homophobic Parents are holding me back.”

I am very sorry about that. I do not know you or your family, but I realize that it must be hard when parents who love you do not really know who you are. I sense you are Internet savvy and can find groups who can help you. Be assured, you are not the first and you are not alone. There are other young guys in your same situation. Hold close to your family, as they are all you have. But work toward your independence to become the man you want to be.

This young guy continues, “I want a pair of boots badly, but they don’t look right on me and not to mention my parents would be in constant question mode.”

The question about how boots look on a person is a matter of self-perception. Perhaps boots he has tried have not been to his liking. Perhaps he is concerned about the perception or comments from others. Young people notice everything, and it is unfortunate but quite common that they will made snide remarks. I hate to say it, but it is all part of growing up. Place those comments in the virtual trash can and choose boots that you like and fit well. Then stand tall, smile, and walk with confidence. Expect derision, which is a frequent teenage custom, but just hold your head high and hold your tongue. Soon, if they don’t get a reaction from you, they will move on to pick on someone else.

I observe that parents who care about their children are always in constant question mode. It indicates that they are interested in you, which is a much better place to be than to be ignored. I remember when I was about 14 and wanted a pair of Frye Boots badly. I went to my Mom to ask for her help to get them. I had saved money from mowing lawns and doing odd jobs, but I needed her to drive me to the store so I could try them on.

I asked, and of course my Mom said, “why do you want those boots?” (sorta with a mutter, “of all things!”) I had prepared for that question. I decided not to say, “all the guys in school wear them” to which my Mom would undoubtedly have replied, “so if they all jumped off a cliff, would you jump with them?” [This is a perennial parental come-back to ‘all my friends do this or have that’].

Instead, I remember that I explained to my Mom about what I liked about the boots and how well they were made. I framed my answer that such good quality boots would last a long time (they have! I still have 12 pairs!) I think I remember explaining all of the characteristics about the stitching, leather soles, quality of leather, and so forth. I based my argument on quality and durability, rather than on just wants and desires. My Mom listened, and said, “okay.” Off we went, and I got my Fryes. (Remember, back in the 70s, Frye Boots were made in the U.S. from quality materials, instead of how cheaply they are made now in China via a company that owns the Frye brand name.)

The young man continued in his email by saying, “When I move out, I want to start my own boot collection, and hopefully will find a man with similar interests.”

Just take it one step at a time. When you move out, concentrate on becoming an independent person. Work, get an education, pay your bills, keep a roof over your head, and keep moving toward your goals. Sure, buy a pair of boots when you can afford them, but don’t do that if you can’t, or if you would go into debt. There are reasons to carry debt, such as for a mortgage on a home of your own. But there really isn’t a reason to carry a credit card balance over months (or years) just for boots. A home is a “need.” Boots are a “want.” Keep the differences in mind and your financial priorities straight.

Find a man with similar interests? Man, I could blog about that for days. Sure, it is nice if the guy with whom you choose to develop a long-term relationship likes boots, but it is far more important if he is an honest, caring, thoughtful, and financially pragmatic guy. Do it like I did with my partner, who didn’t have a pair of boots to his name when we met: we developed our relationship first, then I introduced him to boots. While he seldom wears them, he will. For me.

In closing, the writer said, “When I see photos of you and your partner, it gives me hope that there is someone out there for me.”

I always believe that there is someone for everyone. It takes time, so don’t push it. It is a totally unscientific observation, but gay guys take more time to find a mate and settle down. I was 35 when I met my guy, but I know in my heart that waiting was the absolute right thing to do, because I met the man who became my heart, my soul, my love, my one-and-only. And my heart didn’t get broken in the meantime.

Thanks for the message — and thanks to all for reading. I know this was long, but there was a lot for me to talk about here!

Life is short: keep the faith (and do it in boots)!

Happy Birthday To My Best Half

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Today is a big day for my wonderful man, who means the world to me. Today is my partner’s birthday! Woo-eee!

Unfortunately, his birthday will be rather subdued, as he is recovering from the H1N1 flu, which I unfortunately “shared” with him when I came down with it on Sunday. We both are staying home this week, away from people, and taking care of ourselves. One of my “elder buds” dropped off some more veggies so I can make more chicken soup, which is about all we are living on these days.

My Birthday Boy never had a big fuss made over his birthday when he was growing up. But I handle it differently. After all, I think the world of him and love him passionately. He deserves only the very best treatment and tender loving care.

Because we both are still recovering from the flu and do not have much of an appetite, I am postponing the creation of a big meal that I had planned. However, my little buddy Guido and I made him a lemon meringue pie from scratch. He is not a ‘birthday cake’ kinda guy; his request is a pie, so that’s what he got as an early surprise yesterday. It is about all he wants to eat right now, besides my chicken soup.

I do not shower him with presents on his birthday, as he says he has everything he wants and doesn’t want me to spend a lot of money on “stuff.” Rather, I will give him a card in which I wrote my own greeting, a few small things he wants and needs, and my complete, undivided, companionship.

… and, of course, I’ll be doing that in boots and leather. (I have recovered enough to get out of my sweats and into some real clothes, finally.)

He is my man, who I love from the bottom of my heart. I just wish he weren’t sick and I was the carrier of this infection — on his birthday of all days. But he is a very forgiving soul, bless him.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

Snuggling On A Cold Night

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With the whirlwind of activity and things going on in my life over the past week, including an unusually raucous “roast” that my family subjected me to at our weekly family dinner last night to get my mind off some bad news, I just needed some peace, quiet, closeness and comfort when I got home. Who better to do that with than my partner?

He works so hard and does so many things for me that I do not want him to think that I am taking him for granted. One of the ways how I show my man that I love him is to sit with him, hold him, be held by him, and enjoy the peaceful warmth of our closeness. And we needed that warmth, because it was about the coldest night of this autumn so far (close to freezing).

In leather, or without… in his warm fuzzy flannel PJs, or not… just us. Friday nights often are our “quiet time” that we use to rejuvenate and maintain our close, warm relationship. We may listen to some soft music or we may just sit in silence.

Last night was definitely one of those nights when we both needed that closeness. I continue to count my very rich blessings by having someone who is my “best half” and who cares for and loves me so deeply always be there to hold me. (I also count my blessings by having my family and friends who support me as well; yet I am certain that they recognize that the most important person in my life is my partner.)

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

Where I Am Not Today

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Today is the day for the National Equality March in Washington, DC, USA. It is supposed to attract hundreds of thousands of supporters for the LGBT movement, and particularly those interested in marriage equality — a civil marriage is a civil right.

I have somewhat of a nostalgic point of view regarding events like this. It was during the March On Washington held on April 25, 1993, where I met the man who fundamentally changed and improved my life: my wonderful partner. If it were not for that event, I am uncertain if I would have met him, nor how the rest of my life would have turned out.

I hope attendees find the event interesting and have opportunities to voice their opinions and share in an experience that can only occur in Washington, DC, during a mass gathering such as this one is supposed to be. Personally, I hope some people meet each other, figure out that they are interesting to each other, and begin a relationship that may produce a partnership for them that has been as wonderful as the one I share with the love-of-my-life.

Alas, attending such events for my partner and me is a thing of the past. I have personal reservations about the effectiveness of such efforts. There is a lot of controversy about today’s event, with various differences of opinion about how it was organized and managed.

But, to us, the controversial claims and counterclaims are not an issue. My partner and I will not be attending this event. Not because we don’t support the various issues that will be addressed (particularly marriage equality), but because we are at my mother-in-law’s home taking care of things for her. I will be doing some home maintenance and yard work, while my partner will be taking her shopping and do what a son should be doing for his elderly, lonely mother: just paying attention to her.

Why did we choose this weekend to go to Pittsburgh? Because we both have a three-day weekend (Monday is a federal holiday in the U.S. for Columbus Day), so we have more time for a trip like this. We have been going to Pittsburgh on Columbus Day weekend for many years.

Why not just reschedule our trip to Pittsburgh and go to the Equality March? Well, “been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the sunburn.” We would rather not deal with the hassle of the crowds. Standing for long lengths of time is very difficult for my partner due to his disability. Also, he just hates crowds (and I’m not fond of crowds, either).

Anyway, we wish the attendees well, hope for the best, and again, I personally hope some guys will meet their lifemate guy, and some women will meet their lifemate woman. That chance occurrence of meeting my partner at such an event fundamentally changed my life so much for the better. I cherish those memories, and sincerely hope identical memories are formed in the younger generation.

Life is short: march on!

I Am Who I Am

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I received an email the other day, generated from this blog, which said, in part, “it is gratifying to know that there are decent, well adjusted, friendly gay men like you. Honestly, I have been struggling with ‘coming out’ for years. … Just wanted you to know that I have enjoyed your insights and interesting discussions in your blog. It has been quite therapeutic.”

Wow… who woulda thunk? I mean, I am just a regular guy with some specific interests and passions that a blog is well-suited to use as a medium to talk about those interests. Also, I just like to write 🙂

I am uncertain how my musings can serve to be therapeutic, but if it helps, I am happy to do so.

It really all boils down to one thing that makes me the man I am: my parents and family raised me well. They helped me to develop self-confidence and a self-assured nature. I was always a klutz, athletically disinclined, and more interested in reading books than throwing a ball. I saw my older brothers and other men in my life and wanted to be like them, but knew that I was different. I tried to do things that they did, like play sports or date women, but it never worked. And you know what? My family didn’t make fun of me or mock my failures. Instead, they accepted me for who I am and asked me, “what do you like? How can I help you fulfill your interests?”

Perhaps they didn’t ask questions exactly like that (I can’t remember), but I never once felt ridiculed for being “different.” I always felt loved and accepted for who I am. They let me try various things, and when it didn’t work out or I goofed up, they just smiled and said, “okay, let’s try something else.” Honestly, never once did I feel humiliated or belittled by my family.

Sure, there were bullies in school and short-sighted nobodies in my adult life who were insecure about themselves, and felt better if they could belittle me to make themselves feel bigger and better. Sometimes their actions hurt me, both physically and emotionally. But my family — and as an adult, my partner — always and without fail point out why they love me for who I am and that my inner strengths make me a better person overall, encouraging me to rise above the hurt and anger and respond with sympathy, kindness, and compassion.

Actually, it is intriguing to me as I look back that my family never said bad things about other people, but only highlighted the good things in me and others around us. Their optimism, sense of hope, and strong belief in me inspired and empowered achievements beyond my wildest dreams. I became who I am and achieved what I have done because of how they transferred their strength to me through positive support.

I realize how fortunate I am. Not everyone has a family like mine. Not every gay person lives in a community where diversity is a way of life, not something to be “celebrated” on a particular day of recognition. Not every gay guy has a partner who is his equal in intelligence, financial security, and savvy. Not every gay guy has friends he’s known for life (and some less long) who form the fabric of a rich net supporting him and his goals, failures, and fun regardless of his sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is appreciated by a cadre of seniors and neighbors for being “that guy who knows his stuff,” rather than “that gay guy …”. Not every gay guy works for an employer that evaluates him based on skills and abilities, and doesn’t make judgments based on sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is in a situation as I am to be able to “let go” and be who I am, out and open, free and honest, secure and confident.

In summary, I guess what allows me to be a decent, well-adjusted, and friendly guy is that I can freely be who I am. I can make mistakes, and be forgiven. I have learned to “let go” any concerns about what other people may say about me (boots, leather, being gay, or my appearance). I have learned that being honest (and not living in the closet) is absolutely refreshing and invigorating. I can learn, and adjust from my learning. I can do what I do best, and choose not to do what I don’t do well. And that’s okay. I am who I am.

Life is short: Love me for who I am, ’cause I am not someone else.

Kindnesses

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Today I write about kindnesses that I have observed and that have been extended to me, to others, to those I love, and to perfect strangers. Humanity is a strange and complex thing. When it is extended to others for no reason other than to be kind, gentle, thoughtful and caring, it warms my heart deep down to my soul. Today I point out a few people whose kindnesses are observed, valued, and appreciated:

My partner, the love of my life. Each day, I observe what he does to make my life easier. He carries out lots of actions at home “behind the scenes” to free up my time so I can carry on the crazy-busy life that I lead. He is my cheerleader and champion. When I came home the other day a bit dejected about an issue at work, he listened. Then he gave me support by describing my skills that I can engage to overcome this challenge. He demonstrated how much he believes in me. How blessed I am to have him as my best half.

My best friend, AZ, has been pulled many different directions in the past month, what with buying a home, yet caring for two dear friends who were hospitalized and needed attention which he freely gave without equivocation. Further, a close mutual friend has been going through a very rough time. AZ has expressed in thought, word, and deed how compassionate, thoughtful, and caring he is. It is no wonder why I adore him so much, as my adopted eighth brother.

Mrs. K, one of my “elder buds,” who learned from me that my aunt needed to get exercise every day. Without asking, Mrs. K shows up at my aunt’s door and says, “let’s take a walk.” Gently, carefully, and slowly, they stroll around the neighborhood. They stop to observe baby fawns, families of geese parading their young, and squirrels playing in the trees. To hear my aunt describe what she sees is wonderful. What a kind, sweet, thoughtful daily gesture that my friend, Mrs. K, extends to my aunt because Mrs. K likes me. She never knew my aunt until a month ago, and now they’re fast friends. What a joy, what sheer delight, in receiving this help for someone who I love dearly.

Man on Metro. I do not know this gentleman’s name, but I see him regularly on my ride home from the office. Without fail, he assists people — lost tourists trying to figure out the confusing Metro map and system, older or disabled people who need a seat, or just picking up discarded newspapers. He demonstrates thoughtfulness in all he does. He thinks no one notices. I do. He sets a great example for me.

G, the grocery store associate. She greets us by name every time we go to the store when she is there. She mentions good buys to consider. She is joyful, friendly, and such a happy person that you can’t help but smile. She puts up with a lot of grief from the me-me-me people who go to the store and complain about stupid stuff, yet always, she demonstrates kindness in a thousand ways.

F, a mentee. I am working with her on a vexing local issue in my community. She listens exceptionally well, communicates with clear and concise understanding and grasp of difficult details, yet with humor and grace. While I am teaching her the finer points of community service and activism, she is teaching me about working with people who do not always “get it.” What a great team we have made. Oh, did I mention, I just love her smile, too.

O, a very hard working man in our community. He works from sun-up to sun-down seven days a week, earning a meager income to support his family both here where we live and in his home country. He never complains, and he always is working. Rain, sun, heat, cold, whatever… he is a true demonstration of what “work ethic” means. And he does all of his work with kindness and thoughtfulness to those for whom he provides service. As if they were his family. He teaches me that despite ignorant comments directed his way about his situation in life, that actions speak louder than words.

Kindness means a lot to me. I observe it in others, and try to emulate the good things I observe in what I do.

Life is short: be kind to others.