Category Archives: Twin Brother

Guest Blog

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Hi, I’m J, BHD’s twin brother. I hijacked his blog once again, learning a new system with WordPress no less. Happy to be here to celebrate the man I love as no other twin can — my very own “big” brother. Mind you, we have six other “bigger” brothers, but he is four minutes older than me, and will never let me forget it!

I made arrangements for my wife and me to travel to the U.S. and visit our family and my brother (in particular) for “our” birthday. This annual visit is becoming a tradition that I cannot live without. Why?

This guy, you know as BHD, is truly a wonderful spirit. How he finesses caring for his partner, his senior pals, and everyone else in his life while working, maintaining his house and all of his rental properties (for, as he says, community heroes who need a place to live in the county where they work)… I don’t know how he does it.

He has been under a lot of pressure with things going on at home and with his work. What they call a “life balance” has been out of whack for a long, long time. He tells me that he is managing because the people in his life give him so much to look forward to. His caregiver heart shines so brightly.

I have been worrying about him for months. I speak with him on the phone several times each week. I hear the stress in his voice and the bewilderment in his expression about his concern for his partner’s health. He can remain bright and positively spirited most of the time, but I know there’s more going on than he talks about, and I saw that for myself yesterday, on our birthday.

The day began on a bright note, revealing the quality of character of the brother I love. I came over to his house at 8am. Even by then, two of his senior pals had delivered a cake and cards for his birthday. Another one arrived soon after I did, and offered to pick up a prescription for his partner. “No trouble,” he says. “I’m going there anyway, and you have picked up so many prescriptions for me, it’s the least I can do.” Two sisters phoned, ostensibly to say hello to me, but clearly, they were checking up on their little brother.

My brother had to take his partner to a doctor’s appointment — on our birthday no less — but as he said, “we do what we need to do. NBD.” Meaning, “no big deal.”

While they were gone, I visited another sister who lives nearby. When they returned, my brother called me and said, “get your butt over here. A buddy is coming over and we’re going for a ride!” So yessir! I had rented a Harley and came to his house. His buddy and I enjoyed a fun ride to test the route that he is planning to take for a group ride on Saturday. Man, he’s so prepared — the route was loaded into his GPS. But due to his “geographic dysfunctionality,” we took a wrong turn anyway (quickly recoverable, thankfully). Here’s where we went (it’s on the West River in southern Maryland):
We returned by mid-day, and then I learned how the “voice” of his partner’s disease speaks.

[Note from BHD: I have edited this post and removed some content. Let’s just say that my partner’s disease was exhibiting awful symptoms, so plans for the remainder of the day got changed. J went back to our sister’s home and I changed into my caregiver role for the remainder of the afternoon and evening. No more birthday; it was done.]

Ore e sempre, bro. I love you very much. I’ll be right here.

Birthday Surprise

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My twin brother’s birthday is tomorrow. He’s a wonderful man. Thoughtful, caring, hard-working, funny, and someone who anyone would be proud and honored to call a friend. But what’s best for me is that I get to call him “brother.” We have six other brothers, too, and love for them is great. Can’t forget my seven sisters, nieces and nephews, and “the greats.” What a great family we have. However, I have to say that there’s nothing like having your soulmate born with you, and sharing your life … all these years.

My twin surprised me “big time” for our birthday this year.
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My Hero Saves Lives

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I am honored to know a man who is my hero, and call him not only my best friend, but my brother. My twin brother. My alter-ego in life, in heart, and in action.

Throughout our lives, both my brother and I have had a special place in our hearts to help those in need, who were picked on, bullied, and treated terribly because of some difference they had. We each acted in our own ways of trying to save and protect people who were unable to defend themselves, and today, my brother is doing it, saving lives, and bringing peace. Literally. I am so proud of him. (This photo is so characteristic of my brother — leading through a dark tunnel into the broad sunlight of day.)
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Stunning Photo of My Brother

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My twin brother, J, sent me this photo that his wife took of him on their recent extended second honeymoon throughout Europe during September. No, my brother is not about to walk into the Mediterranean from an island off the coast of Greece, but it looks like that.

Isn’t the setting gorgeous? What a stunning photo! My sister-in-law has quite the eye for photography!

Life is short: celebrate joy and happiness with family!

My Brother Has Landed

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My wonderful, tall, dark, handsome, energetic and enthusiastic twin brother and his lovely wife have “landed” (so-to-speak) in Italy. He retired from 32 years of service to the United States this past August. He and his wife took the month of September to roam Europe by train. They had a great time visiting 19 cities in eight countries. They ate well, and saw interesting events and sights. I think when my brother phoned me the other day, he was still in Bavaria, Germany, enjoying Oktoberfest.

Now they own a small villa in the outskirts of Rome, where my brother now has a job working in the private sector, doing what he does best — negotiating and resolving conflicts and differences toward a calm outcome. His wife has relocated her work to their new homestead.  She does all of her work by computer, while my brother has an office in Rome, and another “office” aboard the train (so he says. He does a lot of traveling throughout Europe, and uses trains to get there.)

I am delighted for their good fortune, and hope perhaps I can visit in the Spring. That time of year is beautiful in Italy, but I have to be honest, what I want to see most is my brother’s goofy grin. I love that guy.

He has worked very hard to earn the place in his life where he is now, and I celebrate his new life. While I miss him terribly, we communicate often. He is encouraging me to use Skype. So far, without much success because I am such a “slow adopter” of technology. Nonetheless, we exchange email 2 – 4 times every day, and speak by phone at least once each week.

How blessed I am to have such a close relationship with my first “bestest” friend in the world, and to share his joy and happiness!

Life is short: show those you love that you love them!

Moving On

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Guest Blog by BHD’s Twin Brother

I have enjoyed visiting with my brother for the past three weeks, and having my wife here with us for the past two weeks. It began with my retirement, and a great send-off from my colleagues at work. That’s all behind me now.

My brother was concerned about what I will do now that I’m retired. Well, no worries, I was selected for a great job back in Europe with a company that does consulting in my specialty field. The new job will involve a move to Rome, Italy. My wife and I will be happy to return to her country of birth, and be closer to her family. Plus, I just love Rome. It is a fun, exciting, energetic, and vibrant city. We have secured a flat in the city close to public transit, markets, and international businesses with whom I will be working. The new job doesn’t start until October, so we will have plenty of time to pack up our belongings from our small apartment in Paris and move.

This week (actually, yesterday), my wife and I took the train to New York City. We will visit family who live there and see some shows and the sights this week. My brother needs to return his full attention to his work, and now that we are assured that his partner is well on the road to recovery, I think they will enjoy some peace and quiet. He assures me that we have been non-intrusive, but I sense that they both would appreciate a return to a sense of normalcy in their home.

We will return on Friday and stay for the weekend, the last weekend of our visit to the U.S. Then we return to Paris next Monday. But before we begin packing up and moving to Rome, we will take two weeks to visit my wife’s family in Northern Italy and take a holiday (second honeymoon) in Venice, where we were married.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this visit. It has been relaxed, comfortable, and fun. We did not plan to do anything but visit with family, see friends and (former) neighbors, including some of our high school classmates who still live in the area. Sometimes, the best vacation is one that is unplanned.

I will miss having my brother’s physical presence when we leave. I have enjoyed watching him orchestrate the functions of his household, community activities, and riding his beloved Harley. He shows by his actions how much he cares for those in his circle — especially his partner and our family, as well as his “senior pals”. Man, I wish I had half his energy. (He claims it’s all about scheduling and balancing time, but he makes it seem so darn effortless! Especially as he naturally switches speaking in Italian to my wife and me, in English with his partner, and in Spanish with some of his community group leaders. He’s good, really good, with the languages.)

As my brother always says, life is short. Enjoy it, love it, and care for those you love. He’s an amazing man, who I love with all of my heart.

Be well, bro’. See my smile each day, and feel my heart surrounding you.

J

What I Did On My Summer Staycation

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One might remember that the first writing assignment upon return to school was an essay describing, “what I did on my summer vacation.” Back when I was in school, I could describe riding in a car with my family going cross-country, and over a six-year period, we stopped in every state in the contiguous United States. It was mandatory to stop in the state’s capital, but we also would see whatever sights there were to see while in that state (for example, we spent three weeks in California alone.)

These days, I do not travel for vacation any more. My partner is unable to sit in an airplane for any length of time due to his disability (not the brain surgery, but his chronic hip condition which is inoperable). I can’t stand being cooped up in a car for more than a few hours. I just go crazy. And regretfully, I have a chronic health condition that makes it difficult for me to ride my Harley more than a few hundred miles each day. Altogether, I have found that it’s easier to stay home. (It’s cheaper that way, too.)

I had the last week off from work — my first time off since I started the new job. I began my “staycation” on Friday the 12th on a high note, by going on a motorcycle ride with some friends on a lovely day. We had a great time, and didn’t get lost.

Frankly, I forgot what I did on the weekend… usual activities in caring for my senior pals, repairing or installing things for them in their homes, taking them grocery shopping, and spending time with my partner and my brother (and his wife) who are visiting.

I got busy on Monday the 15th with work in our yard, repairing a garden wall that had been damaged by the freeze-thaw cycle over some harsh winters. I got very tired of being stung by yellow jackets (bees/wasps) that had built a nest in the soil of that garden.

Tuesday was my birthday. It began brightly with a warm snuggle with my partner who had taken the day off. I was “kidnapped” by five senior pals and taken to breakfast. That was fun. Then my brother, his wife, and I went to visit a niece who had delivered twin boys three weeks earlier. It was great to meet our Great Nephews.

Late that afternoon, my partner bought a bushel of Maryland steamed crabs fresh from the Chesapeake Bay. We picked crabs for hours. This is my favorite meal, and is easy for my partner to “prepare.” My brother and his wife enjoyed it, as well, though I think my sister-in-law grew tired of crab-picking after the first two. It does take patience — and we kept telling her that it’s really not the crabs, but the social experience of crab-picking that makes it so much fun.

Wednesday, I brought my partner to a world-class hospital where he had his non-cancerous brain tumor “resolved.” He was released later that evening. I spent Thursday and Friday by his side as he recovered. He recovered very quickly and well.

Saturday was promising to be a gorgeous day, so I brought my brother to a Harley dealership up north of us to rent a Harley for a day. He rented one like the one that I have, and we rode together for about 150 miles, stopping for lunch and gas and stretch breaks. We didn’t know where we were going, but we had a great time riding together. His wife, by the way, was picked up by one of our sisters to go do girly things (like shopping.) I had a senior pal who my partner likes very much stay the day with him, just in case he needed anything and to make me feel less guilty leaving him alone so soon after surgery while going to ride motorcycles with my brother.

Sunday, yesterday, was sort of a wash-out. We awoke to the sounds of a thunderstorm and heavy rain. I was dismayed, because my brother and I were supposed to return that rental motorcycle before 10am to avoid another day’s rental fee. Fortunately, the rain stopped and the pavement dried, so my brother and I could return the rental Harley, and then I could take him back home. And yes, he rode as my passenger on my Harley — two guys on a Harley. No.big.deal. (Though some nutcase at the Harley rental shop had to make a homophobic wisecrack. My brother said something to him and shut him up. I detest narrow-minded ding-dongs who think that they always have to say something… stupid.)

As soon as my brother and I got home, my sister-in-law had prepared lunch for all of us. I parked my Harley in the garage and then the storm warnings began to sound again on my alert systems at home, and soon enough, it was raining hard again.

After lunch, my brother and sister-in-law took my truck and left to visit more family, while my partner and I sat in our basement and watched a movie together.

Back to work today (Monday).

Kinda boring, rather bland, but this is what I did on my Staycation. No more time off again until Christmas. It’s great that I love my job, though, because it makes work something that I look forward to doing (and using my Harley to get there.)

Life is short: keep busy, share joy, and show those you love that you love them.

Happy Birthday to My Best Friend!

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Today is the birthday of my very best friend in the whole wide world: my twin brother. Yep, he turns another year older four minutes after I do! (LOL!)

He is wise, wonderful, athletically talented, smart, funny, and a warm & caring man. He is the best husband his wife could ever have; the best uncle and Great uncle the kiddos could ever have; and is the bestest twin that a brother could ever have!

I could pour out my heart with accolades, but I would probably suffer direct repercussions because he is staying with my partner and me this month. I fear a bonk on the noggin, or worse (giggle.)

Let me suffice to say that I am thrilled to have my twin as my best friend, my partner as my best half, and a family who loves us, cares for us, and helps us be the best men we can be. (Thanks, Mom and Dad! You led and taught us well!)

Happy birthday, bro’! I look forward to spending the day with you, and the crabfeast for dinner tonight!

Cowboy Boots with a Suit

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I see fairly frequent internet searches that direct visitors to this blog and my website asking, “can you wear cowboy boots with a suit?” I have blogged about this before.

The answer is, of course you “can” — as in, yes it is possible — but the real question is, do you want to? So many men worry about what other people think about what they wear on their feet. Men who are mature, confident, and enjoy boots wear them with suits regularly. While I rarely wear a suit, cowboy boots are my choice of footwear when I have to dress up.

My twin brother was born in a suit. Well, almost. But he has always enjoyed dressing up and his profession required that he wear a suit almost every day. Thankfully (from my perspective), he got the suit genes and I got the jeans genes. I am much more comfortable in blue jeans than a suit. In my profession, I do not have to dress up, and appreciate that. I think I’d die if I had to wear a suit every day.

But I digress… I had the pleasure of attending a formal reception in honor of my brother as he was retiring. He knew that he could get me to wear a suit, but the footwear always would be boots — I wore boots with a tux when I was Best Man for his wedding, and have worn boots at other formal occasions over the years, including receptions at the White House and various foreign embassies in Washington, D.C.

He and his wife are staying with me this month. Their home is in Europe, but they are here for him to go through the shenanigans of his retirement, and then spend significant time visiting family and friends in the area where we grew up (where I live.)

My brother bought me a pair of very nice black Lucchese Classic goatskin cowboy boots as a gift to thank me for hosting him, as well as for an early birthday present. He didn’t have to do that, but the boots are very much appreciated. They are comfortable, very good-looking, solid boots. I wore them at his retirement reception, and met and spoke with very high-ranking officials who came to present my brother an award and to wish him well.

There were hundreds of people there, and all the men wore suits. I am happy to say that I was not the only man in boots — there was another senior statesman in boots, too (that looked like my new boots — classy black dress cowboy boots).

No one said anything about what I had on my feet. No one. Honestly, nobody cares. All the fashion advisers who have tantrums about men wearing boots with a suit or formal wear should review their narrow thinking, because good-looking boots can look good on a confident man in a suit.

‘nuf said. Bro’, thanks for the boots; they’re great.

Larger and more photos of these boots are here (link).

Life is short: wear boots!

My Brother Is Now Officially Retired

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My twin brother, J, has been in town since 30 July, and he is staying with my partner and me in our home. It is great having him around again. All week this past week, though, he has been involved in a lot of meetings leading up to his official retirement, which was yesterday.

My partner and I were invited to attend a reception in his honor at his place of work yesterday afternoon. We knew this was going to be very special, so one of our sisters arranged a surprise for him. You see, he told his wife that he would be busy all week and that she should not plan to travel from their home in France and arrive in DC until tomorrow (Sunday), since he wouldn’t have time to spend with her during his last week of work. She bought a non-refundable air ticket that would bring her to DC on Sunday, 7 August.

Then we found out two weeks ago that his boss was going to have this reception, and a very, very special guest was going to attend it. Alas, my sister-in-law found that the cost to change her airline ticket would have been more than 500 Euro — waaaayyy too much.

However, one of our sisters arranges travel for VIP travelers in the same place where my brother works. She made some inquiries and pulled some strings, and arranged for my sister-in-law to travel on Thursday. Keeping her early visit a surprise was hard to do — but I kept my brother distracted on Thursday (so he wouldn’t phone his wife) and our sister picked up his wife at the airport and had her stay in her home that night.

Back to the reception — it was quite an affair. Several hundred people attended, which didn’t surprise me but I think my brother was in shock. We were mixing and mingling, then his boss got everyone’s attention. The boss said the usual pleasantries, then said, “and to present your award and official retirement certificate, we have some special guests. First, let’s ask someone special to you to be with you as you receive it…”

…then my sister-in-law stepped out from behind a curtain. My brother rushed to her, hugged her tightly, and I could tell that he was asking, “how did you get here? When did you arrive? Who arranged this?” … while I didn’t hear exactly what he said, my “twin thing” was communicating 100% of his feelings through me. I tell ‘ya, tears began to well up.

But the boss wasn’t done. He continued, “now let’s have our special guest make the official presentation….” and out walked one of the highest ranking officials in the entire U.S. Government. I can’t say who it was or the title, because I don’t want to attract media attention to this blog. But let me confirm, that person is impressive!

My brother went into shock. His jaw dropped to the floor (almost) and I could tell that he was shaking. Seriously nervous. The official was gracious, kind, and thoughtful. The official gave a very heartwarming speech and congratulated my brother on his 32 years of service to our country.

The room burst into applause. Then my brother was asked to speak. He stood before the group at the microphone and I could tell that he was struggling. He was still shaking. He looked at me, and I smiled warmly at him and gave him a hand signal which between us means, “go for it”.

He composed himself, and said, “my brother should be giving this speech. He’s the public speaker in the family and we never could shut him up.” That crack lightened the mood and caused everyone to laugh. My brother thanked everyone very graciously. Then he called me, my partner, and my five siblings who were there to join his wife at the front of the room, and gave an impassioned thanks to us for our support.

It was then that both he and I broke into tears. But good tears.

Now my brother turns the page on a new chapter in his life. His wife, me, and our wonderful family will be by his side, always.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

P.S.: I was wearing a suit (yuck), silk tie (double-yuck), and a new pair of very dressy black Lucchese goatskin cowboy boots (yea!) that my brother bought for me for our birthday that is coming up. I’ll feature photos on my website and this blog at a later date.