Every summer, my partner drives to his old hometown where his mother lives, picks her up, and brings her back to our home to visit for a week. There they are, Mom & Partner.
I’ll be quite busy this week keeping her fed, entertained, fed, informed, fed, and fed. Did I mention that she eats a lot? Noisily? Three meals a day, plus snacks… and she still weighs less than 90lbs (41kg).
Oh well, life is short. This week will be long, but life itself is short. I keep reminding myself of that.
I saw another google search that landed on this blog. The question entered was, “is it against the law to wear sneakers on a motorcycle?” I presume the person meant, “while operating a motorcycle.”
Well, unfortunately, it is not illegal to wear sneakers while operating a motorcycle. However, in my opinion, wearing sneakers, “tennies,” sandals, flip-flops, or bare feet while operating a motorcycle is just stupid.
I have blogged about this here, here, and here, so I won’t repeat.
While I think that motorcycle operators should wear long pants and boots at all times while riding, I don’t think government should pass a law requiring that. There are a number of laws on the books that address “stupid.” Unfortunately, outlawing sneakers and motorcycle riding isn’t one of them.
For gosh sakes, use your common sense. Repeat after me: “sneakers are for the gym. Boots are for motorcycles.” Period.
Life is short: wear boots while riding. Always.
Yesterday, the heat index where I live was 105°F (40.5°C). Today, it is projected to be as high as 115°F (46°C). This is just ridiculous. Who says there’s no global warming? Oh yeah, right, you read my posts during our relentless, patience-wearing, Snowpocalypse II and its earlier brother, the Blizzard of ’09.
I had to go see my aunt yesterday, and did something that I rarely do: I drove my truck and kept the AC on. I rarely use the AC in my truck, and when it’s dry and sunny, I prefer to ride my motorcycle. But it was just way too hot to sit on a heat-producing bike in jeans and boots.
I did wear boots yesterday when I went out, but wore short Chip Bombers that are loose and lightweight. I have to be honest, though, as soon as I got home, I got naked. Yep, I stripped off all of my sweaty clothes, put them in the wash, and didn’t put any other clothing (or boots) on for the rest of the day.
Yeah, I have AC in my house, but I chose not to turn it on. I stayed in the basement most of the time where it is naturally very cool. I also prepared some home-cooked meals that keep well. This was in advance of our annual summer visit by the mother-in-law, who arrives later today. Oh, joy… but that’s another story.
I relented and turned the AC on about 7pm so it would be cool enough to sleep on the bedroom level (upper floor) by the time I went to bed at 8:30pm.
BTW, in case you were wondering, my partner left yesterday morning to drive to his mother’s home in da’ ‘burgh, and bring her back today. Oh, joy.
Meanwhile, it was kinda fun being alone… naked… and working at the computer, catching up on some reading of professional journals on-line, answering backlogged email, and not having to do anything other than what I wanted to do.
Well, I wanted to make a video as I had some time, but I am totally out of video ideas, and it was too hot to make one outside, anyway. Oh well, perhaps someone will give me an idea for a video that isn’t too strange, impossible, or difficult to do alone. My partner will take his mother back home at the end of next week, so I’ll have another day to myself when she’s gone to do some video work, if I can think of something, and hopefully, the weather will be more cooperative.
Life is short: it’s also too hot, sometimes.
Okay, I admit it, I’m not getting any younger. And as bikers age, they need more support when the ride.
Shown above is a new back rest that I installed on my Harley. I got a Harley gift card from my former employer as a going-away gift, so I used it to buy this back rest. It was easy to install once I stopped trying to decipher the pictographic directions.
I am wearing my Retro Chaps that I recently received. It’s too hot to wear leather (other than boots) while riding, but I put them on for some photos for my website.
The new back rest feels great. My back definitely feels more supported as I ride.
Now… if I can only find the time to go on a ride!
Life is short: make accommodations!
Last Sunday I mowed the lawn. No big deal. But my formerly broken ankle was sore again, and hurt most where the top of my short work boots reached the ankle. So I decided to wear my Wesco Combat Boots which are a bit taller, and came above the former broken bone so when laced closed, the boots would provide more support.
As soon as I got out of my cast and could wear boots again, those were the boots I wore because the lacing made them adjustable, so they could accommodate the residual swelling. I even mowed the lawn in those boots back in April and May.
I never had a problem with those boots causing a blister. Not until this past Sunday. When I was done with the lawn, I went inside to take a cold shower to cool off as it was friggin’ hot outside. When I took my boots off and peeled off my socks, I screamed in pain. My gosh, what a big friggin’ ugly sore blister on the back of my right heel!
How in the hell did that happen? Probably the old socks I was wearing were the culprit. They had worn thin at the heel. Pushing the mower up our small hill is where I think the blister happened, as I was causing the boot to rub a lot against the skin of my heel. Damn, when I first felt a little tingle that is a sign of a blister, I should have stopped right away and taken care of it. But no…. I kept going and much to my dismay this damn blister happened.
I’ll survive. But I tell ‘ya, it’s hard to find a pair of boots to wear that do not cause my heel to hurt like hell. I am now wearing a bandage, moleskin, and two pairs of socks over the blister. I take all that stuff off at night so air can get to it so it can heal. I am choosing boots that I don’t wear as often because they were big on me. But with two pairs of socks and those layers over the blister, I need larger boots to accommodate the protection.
Meanwhile, I am walking with a distinctive limp … again … sigh. Oh well, as I said, I’ll survive.
Life is short: blisters happen.
I’m taking a brief aside in this post, to discuss matters related to community advocacy and action. Most long-term readers of this blog have noted that I engage from time to time in activities that benefit the neighborhood, community, county, and state where I live. (I didn’t mention “city” because I do not live within the boundaries of an incorporated city.)
Most of my engagement is by bringing people together to discuss issues of concern — from crowded roads, to public safety, to zoning for development, to density of growth (planned or unplanned), to environmental concerns, and so forth.
One does not have to have a degree in political science or have served in public office to do this type of work. Being able to work with people, to listen, to learn and to study, and to be patient are key requirements. In order to be effective at advocating about issues, raising concerns, and making your community a little bit better, I have found the following activities helpful to achieve success:
1. Find out who else in the area has similar concerns. Bring them together at a meeting. (Offer food at the meeting, and get better attendance.) Try to achieve consensus or agreement among your neighbors about the issue. Your message is much more powerful if you can say, “WE (emphasis added) all agree on this…”.
2. Accept the fact that everyone does not think the same way you do. Listen, listen, listen. Hear what other people have to say and seek out the input and advice from those you think may oppose you. Yeah, that’s right: you have to hear what “the other side says” so you can have a better grasp of the issue from all points of view, even if you disagree with it.
3. Do your homework. It is highly unlikely that the issue about which you are concerned is brand new. It is more likely that the issue has been reviewed, debated, and discussed in the past. Find past public records, archived newspaper articles, and people who were around “back then” and learn the history. There is a lot of “re-inventing the wheel” that goes on in public advocacy that doesn’t have to.
4. Try working with and through staff first. That is, before you fire off a letter to your State Senator or County Commissioner, my advice is to find the administrative department that is responsible for the issue and make some phone calls. Ask questions. Perhaps they have already resolved the matter yet haven’t implemented it yet. Give the staff a chance to explain positions and situations first, before running amok and sending letters that ultimately get turned over to staff anyway. Usually, staff know about specific matters more thoroughly and can answer questions directly rather than going through an intermediary, such as an elected official.
5. Keep the issue within the correct level of responsibility. For example, if you are concerned about a state road, then you have to bring your issue to the correct department at the state level, not your local city or county transportation department, or your local elected officials. They will all say the same thing: “not my job.” I can’t tell you how many times I have advised colleagues not to go to the county about such-and-such an issue because it’s a state matter, or vice-versa. So much time is wasted that way. Find the right place to go first, rather than spin wheels and get turned away because the person you’re asking literally cannot help.
6. If you run into red tape, push-back, recalcitrance, excuses, or other lame fall-deroll from staff about an important issue, then it’s time to approach elected officials. Begin by finding out which elected official serves your district (where you live), or serves at-large. You will probably find multiple elected officials who serve you (usually one or two for your residential district, and all “at-large.”) To refine the list further, look for information about which committees these officials serve. For example, if you have a transportation issue, then ideally the best elected official with whom to communicate is a representative who serves your district (or at-large) and serves on the Transportation Committee. Think about it, if your district rep serves on the Education committee, then he/she won’t be as much help.
7. Again, before you fire off that letter or make that phone call demanding to speak only to the elected official, instead, ask to speak with the staff person in the elected official’s office who deals with that issue. It is not widely recognized, but most elected officials, even at the city and county level, have staff who specialize in certain matters. One person may handle schools and public safety, while another handles development and transportation. Call the elected representative’s staff first! I betcha they have already dealt with the matter, and may have information and answers — all available just for the asking.
8. If the elected officials’ staff don’t have the answers you seek or if the elected official is considering a position on the matter before a vote, then by all means, ask to speak with that official. And yes, I mean “speak” as in “talk to.” Don’t just write a letter and think you’re done with it. Communicate with the official in person or by phone. It never ceases to amaze me how often local elected officials tell me that the public seems to be afraid to talk to them, so they don’t always know what people want or are thinking. Look at it this way: you (and your neighbors) voted in the last election which put these people into office. Even if you didn’t vote for that person, nonetheless, they are serving in public office and therefore represent you. Communicate with your representatives. It is your civic duty and their responsibility to communicate with constituents.
9. Follow-up verbal communications with a polite letter saying “it was nice to speak with you on (date) about (subject). Here is what we agreed on (item, item, item). Thank you for your support.” Confirm it in writing. Elected officials communicate with hundreds of people each day. Unless they know you personally, it is not likely they will remember your name or the specific conversation when a vote comes up. But they will remember better if they have something in writing to refer to.
10. Whenever a major issue may be considered by a body politic, they will hold public hearings. Find out the schedule of the hearing and plan to attend. Get on the schedule to testify. You do not need to be a registered lobbyist to testify at a public hearing! I am not a lobbyist, but I testify often. Why? I care. I prepare by writing down what I want to say. I find out if there are limits to the amount of time allowed for testimony. Usually, it’s 3, 5, or 10 minutes. Write it all out, then “present” it to your neighbors, family, friends, or anyone who will listen. Use their input to refine your points and get it to be within the time limit. Then go say your piece, and provide written copies of your testimony so it can be part of the record.
11. Follow-up, in writing. Write a short, polite, letter to each person who heard your testimony thanking them for their time and their service, and for listening to what you have to say. Even if you think they may vote contrary to your position, you will be considered highly among the officials and their staff by paying attention to details like this. Believe me, written follow-up doesn’t happen often, and when it does, it makes an impact.
12. Avoid veiled threats such as “you will lose my vote in the next election if….” or “I’ll tell all my friends what a loser you are if you don’t vote the way I want you to.” Elected officials have heard that before and will hear it again, and have learned not to pay attention to such threats. Making such threats doesn’t help, and often hurts by damaging a relationship with someone elected to serve (even if their position isn’t yours).
13. If a vote doesn’t turn out the way you want, continue your advocacy by collecting information on what the impact of that decision has had on “real people” — your neighbors, and those who are the constituents of those elected officials. Provide that feedback to the elected officials. Again, “impact statements” are seldom received. Most people think “what’s done is done” and it’s all over. Believe me, it isn’t. If you don’t like how something turned out, it can be changed. You just have to continue to pursue it and share information persistently. I have a record of getting some positions reversed simply by collecting and providing those “impact statements.”
14. Finally, be patient. The wheels of local, state, and federal government turn very slowly. Most people give up, and that’s something that elected officials expect. Those who persist and continue to fight for what’s right eventually see a positive result. For example, I fought for eight years to get a bill passed in my home state to prohibit the use of hand-held cell phones while operating a motor vehicle. The bill finally passed, although watered down, in 2010. My next work on this issue will be to strengthen the bill. I haven’t stopped my advocacy just because a nudge in the right direction finally happened.
Well, enough for now. Advocacy, community action, service … call it what you will. It’s not rocket science, but is the fundamental right of an engaged, Democratic Society. This is why I love America. Right or wrong, we can all engage and have our voices heard.
Life is short: engage!
I had a number of errands to run yesterday and consolidated the visits to stores along a busy roadway, “the pike.” I was riding my Harley, as usual, on a warm summer’s day.
I was dressed in typical “biker attire” — Wrangler jeans, Chippewa engineer boots (pants over), and a Harley t-shirt. It was way too hot to wear leather (other than my boots.)
One of the things I was doing was making sure that changes I had made to the bike all worked. I was given a gift card from my former employer, and decided to buy a back rest for my Harley with it. I installed the back rest on Sunday, and it works great. I also relocated my GPS, and found a way to connect its audio output to the bike’s audio input for my CB radio, which connects to two little speakers inside my helmet. So now I can hear the GPS-lady yelling, “recalculating” as I make (yet) another wrong turn. LOL!
Anyway, I pulled into a parking lot at a store and parked. A guy about my age was getting into a panel truck that was parked in the space next to me.
He looked at my bike, and said, “it must be nice.” I didn’t say anything, and he continued, “you guys here in [snoburbia] have it all — time off during the day to ride your big-ass Harley wherever you please. It must be nice.”
He wasn’t the kind of guy with whom to get into a discussion. It was obvious from the tone of his voice that he was jealous, or at least unhappy, that he had to work and drive an old beat-up truck and I show up on my nice shiny Harley.
Well, you know, I worked for my bike. Every penny I paid for it was earned by my own work. I didn’t take out a loan. I saved for years to have enough money to pay cash for the bike when I was ready to get it. So yeah, it IS nice, but is the fruit of my labors. I don’t travel (for fun), I don’t even go on vacations. I don’t eat out. I am really rather conservative with my cash. Even though right now I am “between jobs,” I have saved sufficiently to live my usual life. I don’t depend on my partner to cover my share of our expenses while I’m not working. I saved, invested, and have carefully managed my money.
I realize that this guy probably has worked hard all of his life, too, and may have kids to feed and a mortgage to pay and taxes and bills, etc., etc. I have expenses too. I’ve been fortunate to plan and to save and to be financially prudent so I can have at least one “thing” that cost a fair amount of money. Okay, so be it. “It must be nice.” Yep.
Life is short: enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Duhhh… no, on a rhinoceros.
I just had to laugh at this google search that ended up on my blog. This question can be taken a number of ways:
Sorry, I could go on, but you get the point. I will never cease to be amazed and amused by the things that people type into search engines that end up on my blog.
Life is short: wear boots! (“on” a horse, or while riding one, or not! LOL!)
I see posts from time to time on the Internet in various places where people express their thoughts about their relationship with their family. Unfortunately, many of those posts have one theme in common: complaints.
Am I blessed to have the family that I have? A large, raucous bunch that above all else, holds close? You betcha!
There is an 18 year age difference between the oldest and the youngest among my siblings, and I’m second-to-last on the chain of offspring. Unfortunately, both of my parents have long since passed away, so we have no matriarch or patriarch holding us together. We are all involved with our respective lives, children, grandchildren, employers, civic work, and so forth. We are ALL different, each one of us, despite the fact that there are several multiples (twins and triplets) among my sibs — my own twin, J, included.
Do I consider my family special? You bet I do. Are they different from anyone else? Probably not, in the grander scheme of things. Do we bicker like the adult children in certain television dramas? Well, some of us think differently and have differing opinions, but we’re not so dramatic about it. If we disagree, we say our piece then move on. Love and blood really do triumph over positions on certain topics.
I was touched and honored when two siblings commented on a blog post that I wrote yesterday. They didn’t comment as much about the content of the post itself as they commented about me. Totally unrequested, unprovoked, unnecessary. But their commentary demonstrated once again several things: 1) my siblings love me unconditionally; 2) my sibs accept me for the man I am; 3) my sibs don’t judge; and 4) they read this blog! (oooooooh!)
I am honored, truly honored, to have the family that I have. We are different men and women. But as I said, we respect each other and love one another without question. My life would be much less — less interesting, less valuable, less accomplished — if it weren’t for my siblings’ unflinching support and the lessons that we learned and have applied from our parents.
So yeah, I am truly blessed with a wonderful, close, caring, thoughtful, warm, and loving family. I wish everyone could have siblings as I have. I wouldn’t read any more complaints on the internet about dysfunctional families. I would read more stories like this, about how great a family can be as children mature and develop adult relationships, as we have.
A point of clarification: I don’t call any of my siblings a “friend.” The old adage says, “you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family.” That’s true — and in my case, even if I could pick a family, I couldn’t have selected better.
Life is short: show those you love that you love them. Unquestioningly. Nonjudgmentally. Enduringly. When it all comes down to it — family is your blood. I respect that, and extend my love each and every day in many ways.
I received an interesting email the other day from a guy who read my blog post titled, “Androphilia and the Gay Man.” In it, he described his personal thoughts and feelings about being interested in masculine men and not having an interest in femininity. He replied in a subsequent email message that he’s open to hearing more from other guys who feel similarly, so if you wish to communicate with him, let me know and I will forward your message to him.
What he described is something about which I have written a number of posts on this blog over time: I’m a guy-guy, and my best half is a guy-guy, and that’s the way I like it. That is, I am a man — a masculine man — and so is my partner. That’s the type of guy I like: a man who is strong, virile, confident, secure, and has a head on his shoulders. He manages money appropriately, and doesn’t spend what he doesn’t have. He can think for himself, act accordingly, and respect himself enough not to be careless in thought, word, or deed. He is my equal, not subservient nor domineering.
If I wanted an effeminate partner, I might have married a woman. Femininity is fine — for the female sex and some gay guys who prefer to behave that way. I just am not interested in femininity. Face it: I like men. Period. Nothin’ wrong with that. I am a healthy, masculine guy who prefers the same.
Some say that guys like me are wrong, mentally ill, or otherwise. Those who believe that rubbish continue to spread it. The vile hatred of homosexuality has become more subdued in its expressions over the last 50 years, but it is still there (notwithstanding the “religious wrong” zealots, but I forgive them for their sins, as they know not what they are talking about).
The snide, off-the-cuff comments about gay men are still heard. The silly comments that thoughtless, rude nitwits attempt to make on this blog or my YouTube channel continue to happen occasionally. I’m man enough to take it (and delete such comments since all comments in all of my public venues are screened before posting).
I hear expressions by men about women in settings such as over lunch with straight motorcycle riders, or how those guys express lusting for women or parts of their bodies — as if all men feel the same way (we don’t). I’m just used to it, though I still don’t like it. I’ve quit trying to correct the world, because there are better battles to fight than “open mouth, insert foot” antics by men who are supposed to be adults.
I assert that homosexual men who like masculine men are among the latest to “come out” and some never do. Often, they feel alone or that they’re the only ones to feel the way that they do. They see, as I have, the frilly gay guys who appear in Gay Pride Parades and on some TV shows where their “gayness” is parodied. They feel, as I have, that the stereotype of gay men — into fashion, home decorating, frolicking, and wine tastings — is all that there is.
It isn’t. Let me assure you, my partner and I are not the only gay couple of “equal men.” And there are masculine gay guys out there who for various reasons, are single. I know several of them, including some of my closest friends.
Each man defines himself in three ways: as others see him (or how he thinks others see him), by how he observes others behave that imply he should behave similarly (and if he doesn’t then something is ‘wrong’), and by how he acts both toward himself (self-respect) and toward others.
What defining oneself as a man all comes down to is self-perception. If one has a healthy self-perception as a secure, confident man, who also happens to be interested in other men who are the same way, then that’s sorta what begat this post in the first place: androphilia.
It is possible for a man’s man to have an equal, loving, and caring partner who is also a man’s man. My partner and I are living proof.
I define myself as a man, because I am. I do not define myself by my sexual orientation or by subtypes within the LGBT community. That is, I do not affiliate with labels such as “leatherman,” “daddy,” “bear,” or whatnot. There are so many labels. Who I am is who I am and I don’t waste time labeling what makes me who I am. I’m a man. My sisters are women. So what? The difference is our gender. (Thank goodness we do not have differences of opinion regarding acceptance of my sexual orientation. My family loves me for the man I am.)
Life is short: be who you are.