A Brother’s Wish

Guest blog by J, BHD’s Twin Brother

My wife and I had an argument recently — where to spend Christmas.  We live in a little flat in Paris, France, where we work.  Last year, we went to visit my brother, BHD, and see the family.  I wanted to go back this year.  My wife wanted to go to St. Tropez on the French Riviera, instead, and spend some time with two of her siblings who were also going to be there for Christmas.

Sure, it would be nice to take a holiday on the Riviera, but it’s cold this time of year and it is extremely expensive.  I very much want to come home to see my family and have an old-fashioned family Christmas.

What to do?  I called my brother, and he listened, but didn’t try to tell me what to do.  Sometimes I just need someone to listen, and my brother does that very well for me.

Our flat was very quiet for several hours.  The tension was high, and my wife and I both were feeling uncomfortable for having disagreed.  After a few hours, I gently knocked on the bedroom door to apologize.

No sooner had I said, “I’m sorry” than she showed me a printout confirming that she bought two airline tickets for us to come to Washington on 23 December.  She told me how much she enjoyed our family, and the casual, friendly, and fun atmosphere. She said how welcome she felt in my brother’s home, and enjoyed spending time with my sisters.  I think as she reflected back on our visit last year, she thought more about it and how much she would like to return — as much as me!

WE ARE COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!  Whoopie!  Can’t wait!  (Bro, don’t worry, I’ll bring my leather pants — you can provide the boots!)

Returning to my Booted Roots

Well, I’m not in Oklahoma, where I spent many carefree hours riding my beloved Palamino, Maggie.  Yesterday, I had the distinct pleasure to stay with a professional colleague who has become a good friend over the years.  She owns a horse farm north of Seattle — in the Arlington, Washington, area.  (As in “Washington State”, not Arlington, Virginia, near Washington, DC.  I know… so confusing!)

This photo shows me with some of my friend’s horses while I was feeding them.  Seems like one of the horses was more interested in my Lucchese cowboy boots than his hay!  LOL!

I had meetings last Thursday and Friday in the Seattle area, and another one south of Tacoma on Monday.  The weekend was free of meetings.  My friend invited me to come stay on her farm on Friday night.  What a treat!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t mount one of her Palaminos and ride, as my doc says that I just can’t chance re-injuring my hernia.  Instead, I helped muck out the stalls and feed my friend’s horses.  Then we sat by the fire and talked all day, while I picked her brain for professional advice and counsel.

Last night, I came into Seattle and stayed downtown.  I had intended to go out with a friend to a leather bar.  However, I had to beg off, as I caught a cold on the way out here, and I am not feeling up to staying up late being a bad-a** leather dude in a bar.  I was a good boy, and went to bed early. 

I will spend today (Sunday) doing some touristy stuff with another friend, to the degree I have energy for it. 

One more meeting looms on Monday, then I get to come home to my beloved partner, family, and friends.

It’s been a very productive trip, and I learned a lot.  The visit to my friend’s horse farm was the highlight of my visit. 

Life is short:  enjoy both business and pleasure!

Wearing Leather Often

I re-read a post on my fellow blogger’s blog, StraightJacketed, where he originally brought up a review by the so-called men’s style mag, GQ, that published an article about men wearing leather pants and stated that one had to “be cautious.” The article was filled with anti-gay stereotypes. The post about which I am referring was posted on a blog (that has been discontinued.)

What was interesting to me when I re-read this blog post the other day was the large number of comments from other guys about this issue. I am picking up on a few of those comments in my post here.

Goodness knows, I have blogged a lot about wearing leather. What one commenter said, and with which I whole-heartedly agree, Promoting the use of leather trousers is easy: just wear them often. Especially if you are “an ordinary joe schmoe”.

I resemble that remark. I am just an ordinary guy. I work full-time, I am active in my community as a civic leader. I volunteer a lot. I visit older friends and help them with stuff, like grocery shopping, getting to the doctor, or home repairs. Often, I wear leather jeans and sometimes a leather shirt and/or vest when I am out and about in my community, and these days when it is cold, I wear a leather jacket. No Big Deal.

Yes, I ride a motorcycle and perhaps that was the first “excuse” or reason for me to wear leather in public. People would often see me on a motorcycle and naturally think the two go together. But I wear leather much more often than I ride my Harley.

Another comment that was made was about the difference between men and women with regard to being sexually objectified — as with the implication that wearing leather pants (trousers) draws a sexual interest below the waist. Quote: Women are historically objectified but not men. This also explains why women can wear leather pants, skirts, or leather anything because they are seen as objects (in this heteronormative world). Once men objectify themselves, or call attention to themselves as “sexual objects” the heterosexual construct is thrown and they are left with “gay”.

Men who fear being labeled as “gay” then reject wearing leather, as they associate a negative reaction toward anything that can cause others to cast the label upon them.

As for me, I could give a sh*t. I have grown up. I am comfortable in my gay skin. I am comfortable in cowhide. I have invested a lot in the cowhide that fits me, so this “Joe Schmoe” wears it regularly.

That’s that. Get over fear-of-label and assert your independence, manly courage, and style by wearing leather as you wish.

Life is short: wear leather!

Boot Questions via Google

Every now and then, I gather questions that people enter into internet searches that direct people to this blog or my website.  I never cease to be amazed at what people are asking.  Here goes:


What’s the difference between a laredo boot and a tony lama boot?

A:  It’s the manufacturer.  Laredo boots are cheap and are not the quality of Tony Lama boots.  If you want the good stuff, go with Tony Lama.  There aren’t many other differences in style, height, or appearance.  However, there is (to me) a big difference in the comfort.  Machine-made Laredo boots are not nearly as comfortable as Tony Lamas.


tuck in jeans or not with cowboy boots?

A:  Yes.  See this post or this one.


what type of jeans should be worn with boots?

A:  Blue.  Black.  Sometimes brown.  Wranglers (to me) look best.  Levis work well.  So do Dickies or other off-brands.  Jeans & boots are a natural combination.


how long does leather lined sole boots last?

I think the question is “low long do leather soles last on cowboy boots?”

A:  It depends.  Good quality boots made with all-leather soles, such as Lucchese Classics, will last a long time.  The measurement of time is in number of hours worn — not in months or years you have owned them.  Look at the soles.  Do you see little round holes on the sole between the heel and the foot?  If so, you are seeing “pegs.”  Boots that have pegged soles are of much better quality than boots that have soles that are sewn on.  Boots with pegged leather soles will wear for thousands of hours.  Boots with sewn (not pegged) soles will wear out more quickly, as in hundreds but not thousands of hours.  Of course, it depends where you wear the boots — on ordinary sidewalks and such.  Wearing leather-soled boots on rough pavement, rocky terrain, or in water will make them wear out much more quickly.


do wearing boots make me a cowboy?

A:  I doubt this guy will “become” a cowboy simply by wearing boots.  I wear cowboy boots often, but I am not a cowboy.  I don’t ride horses (any more) nor work on a ranch.  Cowboys work with cattle, horses, and often on ranches or farms.  A cowboy is who is he by what he does, not by what he wears on his feet.


can you only wear cowboy boots with jeans?

Can you only what?  huh?  I think this means, “do you wear cowboy boots only with jeans?”  (The writer was from Texas, by the way).

A: No.  One can wear cowboy boots with a suit, with leather pants, and even though I wouldn’t do it, I have seen some guys wear cowboy boots with shorts.  What you wear with cowboy boots is your choice.  My personal opinion, however, is that cowboy boots look best with jeans, but dress cowboy boots look great with a business suit, too.  A few guys can pull off an interesting look with a pair of cowboy boots and a pair of leather jeans.  While I’m sharing opinions, I think wearing cowboy boots with anything other than long pants looks silly.


Are western boots acceptable with khakis?

A: If you have to ask this question, put your sneakers or loafers back on and put your boots away.

Sure:  western (cowboy) boots are fine with khakis.  I wear that combination sometimes when my jeans are in the wash or I’m going to a semi-dressy informal event, such a gathering as my yuppie-brother-in-law’s home or something.


Cowboy boots and belts usually made with which bird’s skin?

A:  Good question!  Ostrich is usually chosen to make a pair of boots and a belt to match.  I have seen other skins from lizard (teju lizard) and even alligator used for boots/belt combos, but mostly it’s ostrich.  Why?  Ostriches are farmed for their hides to use for bootmaking, and some of the hides (or parts of hides) are so narrow that they cannot be used for boots, so belts are made from those remainders.


Where to buy leather boot stretch liquid?

A:  In the drugstore.  It’s called “rubbing alcohol.”  Seriously, it’s the same thing. Don’t be fooled by paying 5x as much for “boot stretching liquid.”  When you read the label, you’ll find that the contents is rubbing (isopropyl) alcohol, which costs less than US$1/bottle in most drugstores.


What’s roughout leather on Wesco boots?

A:  A hide from which boots are made comes with two sides:  the smooth side and the rough side.  Roughout leather is the rough side of the skin.  A pair of roughout boots is made with the rough side on the outside, rather than on the inside.  Beware:  the hide used for a pair of roughout boots is not any more expensive than “regular” leather.  But the West Coast Shoe Company (Wesco) charges more for a pair of their boots made with the rough side showing because the perception of higher value exists and because they can.  Not for any other reason.


Can you wear cowboy boots in a horse show?

A:  I could go so many places with this, but let’s suffice to say, “yes.”


Boots inside or outside boots?

A:  Yes, this was an actual question entered into a Google search.  My answer would be….

Life is short:  wear your feet inside your boots at all times.  (The opposite is so much messier.)

Travel Warrior Tales

I mentioned in a recent blog post that my experience as someone who has flown hundreds of thousands of miles all over the world in my past life has been dusted off, tested, and re-engaged in my current life.

Yesterday, I was scheduled to fly from Baltimore to Seattle via Philadelphia. I checked the flight status before I left home, and it said everything was on time. I was dubious about that, because we were having some very bad weather with high winds and driving rain. I know from past experience that it is common for flights to be delayed or canceled when a squirrel sneezes in our area, so I didn’t think what I was reading on-line was correct.

I decided to get to the airport extra early, and I am glad I did. When I got there, an agent for my airline looked at my pre-printed boarding pass, and told me that she thought my flight to Philly had been delayed. She checked, and found that as it was showing at the time, I “possibly” could make my connection. But she and I both knew that the regional jets this airline uses to fly from Baltimore to Philly are more likely to be affected by bad weather than their larger brothers. If I waited until the departure time for my flight and found out the flight was canceled, then I couldn’t make the only connection from Philly to Seattle leaving later in the day. In other words, I would not get there on the date I planned. And because the problem was due to weather, the airline had no obligation to pay for anything. I’d just have to go home and try again the next day, and miss my first meeting of my new job — setting the stage for a bad impression.

So I began asking some questions. Here are some tips you can employ if this happens to you, and some questions that I asked the airline agent.

1. Will you look at what rebooking options are available?

While airlines have no obligation to rebook a passenger if a connection shows on their computer at the time they check that the flights will go, an agent can rebook you on the day of the flight if there is a good assumption that the departing flight may not actually go when scheduled. This is what happened to me — the helpful, friendly agent tapped away at the computer and gave me an option. This option would result in my arriving in Seattle two hours later than I was originally scheduled to arrive. When the agent gave me that option, instead of just rolling over and saying, “okay,” I asked again.

2. Are there additional options available also? (and gave her a big, broad smile, while thanking her for checking again.)

Usually, most airlines have multiple options, and they try to offer you the option on which they will not lose money (as fares are different), or on which they have more seats.

In my case, a second option was available (going through Charlotte-CLT), and resulted in my predicted arrival in Seattle a minute earlier than my original flight. I smiled and said, “thanks a lot! I’ll take it!”

The agent tapped away at the computer again, and checked my bag. She printed new boarding passes and gave them to me. I looked at the seat assignments. The seating on the flight from BWI to CLT was toward the back of the plane, but an aisle. Certainly better than a middle. That was fine, as I realized that I was being rebooked and I was getting what was available last-minute.

However, on the longer flight from CLT to Seattle, I was assigned a middle seat in the back of the plane. I didn’t like that, so I smiled again, and said,

3. Hmmm… the connecting flight’s seating assignment isn’t all that good. On my original flight, I was in 6F, up front on a window. I have been a loyal customer of [airline] for a long, long time. Look at my frequent flyer number and my record — you’ll see over 25 years of flying with you. I would appreciate it if you would consider my long-term airline loyalty and see if there is anything you can do about my seating assignment.

The agent could have refused and said, “that’s the best I can do,” or (this happens often), “you can change it at the gate.” But instead, she got on the phone and called someone. I don’t know who she called, but the result was my getting my original seating assignment back: 6F. Oh goodie, I can snooze and not be interrupted by people crawling over me to go to the bathroom.

I thanked the agent very much for her time and going to the trouble that she did to accommodate me. She really didn’t have to do it. But by being pleasant, smiling a lot, and by being complimentary without being fake-sweet, the agent was willing to work with me to make my flight better than it could have been.

Will this happen all the time? No. The airline just may not have the options or seating availability, or some agents can be stinkers. Fortunately, I was traveling on a Tuesday which isn’t as busy as other days of the week. I think I was able to get this accommodation because I was early in making such a request. I imagine that others in my predicament arriving at the airport after me may not get the same results.

Anyway, I made it to Seattle (a little late), got the rental car as reserved, and even found the hotel where this message was posted to appear today. I’m exhausted and tired, but that’s no different from before. It’s always harder for me to travel from east to west.

PS: A comment about all the stuff we’ve been hearing about the new security scanners at the airport: IMHO: much ado about nothing. This was the first time I went through it. It was simple and quick. The only difference is that in addition to removing boots and all the junk you carry in your pockets, you also have to remove your belt — and run all that stuff through the x-ray (no different from before). The new scanner was fast and painless, and contrary to some of the ding-dongs who have been posting horror stories, your naked image is not broadcast on a TV screen for all to see.

Life is short: be pleasant, persistent, smile a lot, and remember to say, “thank you!”

Blog Post 1,000

Well, believe it or not, this post is number 1,000 for this blog.  Who woulda thunk, that when I started writing about boots, leather, my home life, gay issues, motorcycling, community service and activism, and so forth, that I would reach this milestone.

Blogging has been a good way for me to let off some steam and to express myself.  I love to write (obviously… :-))

I am trying not to let blogging become a drudge, sort of one of those “gotta do’s” instead of “want-to-do’s.”  And now as I am really getting busy with my new job, including work-related travel, I know I will not be able to keep up the frequency of a post-a-day.  I will be tapering down and posting less often, but I will write when I have something to say.

Throughout the almost three years I have been blogging, this blog format has changed significantly three times with its design and layout.  Part of that has been that my blog host, Blogger, urges those changes.  But also because some new formatting techniques became available.  Also, I received feedback from some readers about things that they liked about a format, or that they didn’t like and suggested a change.  As of now, the format is stable.

The content has remained fairly consistent.  I have a wide scope of interests and activities, and they show on this blog.  I try to keep this blog focused on my avocations of boots, leather, and motorcycling.  But now and again, I continue to express concerns or commentary about LGBT issues.  I also show my heart as I love my partner so much, and cherish my relationships with my senior pals.  However, I remain true to a promise not to write about politics or religion, as everyone is so divided on these topics, and there are other places on the web for people to express political and religious views.

Thank you, my loyal readers, for continuing to hang in there with me. I appreciate it!

Life is short:  keep blogging!

On the Road

I’m in Philadelphia today, fulfilling a commitment to facilitate a meeting for a non-profit group.  I made this commitment before I accepted my new job, and negotiated an agreement to let me fulfill this obligation.

I took the train to Philly from DC.  While our train service in the U.S. is generally abysmal, especially compared with train service in Europe (or even the Ghan in Australia), let’s say, “it’s serviceable” for such a rather short distance (about 120 miles/193km).  I probably could have driven here for less money than the cost of rail fare, but when you add up the exorbitant cost for parking in the city, plus wear-and-tear on my nerves (I hate to drive on interstate highways), then using the train is the best choice, especially since I’m not in a hurry.

I will come home tonight, then leave for Seattle tomorrow.  I tell ‘ya, reminders of my years of on-the-go travel with back-to-back trips doing multiple tasks are returning quickly!  The skills I learned as a seasoned “travel warrior” have been dusted off and re-engaged.

I still dislike traveling though, for three reasons:

1. It’s a huge hassle with all the security crap and the nickle-and-diming that airlines do.  It’s just no fun any more.

2. I hate to be away from home.  I miss my partner and miss important things to me that happen while I’m gone: my nephew’s school play, seeing a concert that my partner had gotten tickets to see months ago, and a visit in DC by someone who is very close to me, but who lives in Los Angeles.

3. With my strange diet due to a chronic health condition, I always have struggles with finding foods that don’t set off … um… “challenges.”  Change in the water, etc., do not set well with me.  Plus, I’m generally not the kind of guy who likes to eat out.  I much prefer to prepare my own meals and eat at home.  

Oh well, the bright side is that I’ll get to see several colleagues who I have known for years and renew working relationships, and make new contacts too that will help with my new job.

Life is short:  be where you need to be and get the job done!

Did My Parents Know They Raised a Leatherdude?

Today, November 29, is/was my Mom’s birthday.  I say “is/was” because my Mom passed away in 1998.  I still miss her and think of her often, as does my partner.

Yesterday, my partner and I were beginning the process of decorating the house for Christmas.  As usual, we talk about whatever item we are putting up, and the memories that it brings to us.

One of the items I was putting up for display is an old yule log and two St. Nicholas statues.  This display is kinda old and kinda tired, but is sentimental to me, because it was the first set of Christmas decorations that my Mom and Dad bought together.  I inherited it and display it in memory and honor of my parents.

So there I was, admiring that display and standing next to it, describing to my partner what the display meant to me, and being a bit nostalgic as the memory of my Mom and her birthday were causing some tears to well up. 

My partner looked at me up and down, then asked, “did your parents know they raised a leatherdude?”

That’s not quite the question or comment I thought I would hear.  He meant it all in jest.  Nonetheless, he couldn’t help but say something, because there I was in a leather shirt and pair of comfy leather jeans, with tall black boots.  Honestly, this is “normal” attire for me when I’m on my own time.

My reply at first was to say nothing at all, but rather, to think.  Then I just said, “well, probably not in the sense of what a ‘leatherman’ is in the gay world, but Mom probably knew that I liked leather.”  My Dad didn’t, because I was only 12 when he passed away.  But I was an adult and already riding my third motorcycle when my Mom died.  She had seen me in full leather often — and never said a thing.  She probably just thought what most people do:  “well, he rides a motorcycle, so he wears leather.” 

Yes, I do value the functionality of leather as protective and warm motorcycle clothing.  But I also wear it even when not riding my motorcycle, like yesterday. 

I digress… did my parents know they raised a leatherdude?  No… but did they know that they raised a child who was adventuresome and enjoyed wearing protective and stylish clothing suitable for his interests?  Yes, they did.  Even Dad knew that I liked boots and wore them when I rode horses.  Mom knew that I liked boots and leather, and wore both boots and leather gear more often than I rode my motorcycle.

So what?  They loved me for the man I was, not for what I chose to wear.

Life is short:  cherish memories.

Time for Leather Alterations?

A friend half-kidding and half-serious with me the other day when I was describing that on Thanksgiving, I actually lost more weight.  He said, “is it time to have your leathers altered?” 

I was so busy rushing around and working the crowd that day, that I didn’t eat much.  But that was by design.  I know I have a weakness that when good food and, especially, desserts are around, I can get “snacky.”  Nibbling all day doesn’t help with the weight-loss goals that I have for myself.

This year, instead of being tempted, I asked others in my family to help my senior pals through the buffet and desert line, and I stayed away.  I scurried around from helping people get out of their cars and into our home, doing many “stair climbs” to stash coats, as well as to run to the basement to check on visitors down there, and lots more.  When you’re entertaining 100 friends over 14 hours, it can be quite a lot of exercise.

I actually measured the exercise I got on Thanksgiving by placing a pedometer on my belt when I got up at 4am, and set it to zero.  When I finally collapsed into bed at 9pm, I casually looked at the pedometer, and it registered 65,042 steps!  By using a steps-to-miles calculator, using an average man’s stride length of 1.5 feet, I figured that I walked 17.5 miles (28.1km) on Thanksgiving Day!  Whew!  No wonder I was so sore and tired at the end of the day!

Because I successfully avoided my weaknesses and did not snack, despite many pies, cakes, and a million cookies and other treats being around, I found that I lost seven more pounds since the day before Thanksgiving.  Gosh, this beats a gym membership for sure — and is cheaper, too!

How I really noticed my more recent weight-loss was that I put on a pair of favorite leather jeans to wear yesterday, and the jeans were riding so low on my waist that I realized they were falling down because my waist had shrunk.  I took them off and weighed myself.  Much to my delight and surprise, I had lost another seven pounds from the last “milestone measurement” taken two weeks ago.

I tried notching my belt a little tighter, only to realize that I had no more notch to tighten it to!  I went to my dresser and found a belt that I used to wear ten years ago, when my waist was 6″ narrower, and it fit.  I put the old belt on those leather jeans and they’re now riding on my waist where I want them to be, though they now look a big baggy.

Hmmm… is it time to have my leathers altered?  So suggests my brother-in-heart.  This isn’t such a bad situation, as I now can wear (or re-wear) some of my older leathers that I haven’t been able to wear in a decade.

Now, if I can only keep this up through Christmas….

Life is short:  celebrate self-set goals!

No Website Updates?

Someone sent me an email asking why my boots and leather website has not been updated since November 12.

Answer is:  I haven’t had time.  I had surgery to have a hernia repaired on 12 November, then a week to recover.  After that, I began working at my new job.  Then we had the Thanksgiving holiday this week, which found us entertaining 100 senior pals.

While I haven’t had time to update or add to my website, but that doesn’t mean that I have given up on it.  I will update it from time to time, as there are things to do, or new photos to add. 

I have to admit, though, that I did take Northbound Leather up on a huge discount for some formal leather a while ago.  I should have the gear by Christmas and will post pictures then.  Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, I will be traveling to Seattle on 1 December (through the 6th) for a series of work-related meetings, but I’ll have time on the weekend to do some exploration as well.  If you’re in Seattle and want to meet up, let me know.

Life is short:  time is, unfortunately, limited.