For reasons that I do not want to say in searchable text, this post has been removed.
Monthly Archives: April 2011
Temporary Change of View
Yes, this is Alaska, USA. Yes, I happen to be in the same town made famous by someone saying (and later spoofed on national television) “I can see Russia from my window!” No, I cannot see Russia from here, but I can see America the Beautiful.
“Up” here to teach a course this week for work.
Meanwhile, the blog will go on “auto” until the course is over and I return home.
This is my personal Moose. He is keeping me company and keeping me safe. Admiring the long hours of daylight (before I pulled the blackout curtains shut so I could get some sleep!)
Blog Comments
Lately, several attempts to leave comments on various posts on this blog have had to be deleted. A ding-dong from India has been commenting using a fictitious American-sounding name, leaving compliments on certain posts (with bad grammar and incorrect English) with an embedded link to a cheap leather goods website. Someone else from the Philippines attempted to comment on a post and had a link to a motorcycle vendor in Australia. Someone else from Pakistan has been active, leaving comments with links to cheap Pakistani leather vendors. A while ago, an operator of a gay resort in Mexico also attempted to leave a comment. The comment was good, but the link back to the resort was not.
Once again, I remind readers that I welcome comments, but I have a firm blog comment policy: 1) you have to use a name (screen name is okay) and 2) you can NOT embed links to commercial websites. That link could be within a comment or I have also found them in the “screen name” of the person leaving a comment.
When you go to my comment area for any post on this blog, you will see this:
All comments are reviewed prior to posting. If you do not have a Google ID or Blogger ID, you may use the Anonymous ID option, however, you must type your name with your comment. Comments without a way to know who wrote it may be rejected or deleted. Comments with embedded links to commercial websites WILL BE DELETED–NO EXCEPTIONS!
I don’t know how much clearer I can state it. Please comment, but please do not attempt to use this blog to promote commercial websites.
All comments are held in moderation for me to review prior to posting. I will approve comments that add to a post’s content or share opinions about it, even if opinions are different or contrary, but not rude, racist, homophobic, or malicious. I delete posts that violate my blog policy. As it says above, “no exceptions.”
Life is short: follow the rules.
Soured on International Boot Sales
Oh rats, what a dilemma. Back in March, someone contacted me expressing interest in an old pair of Wesco Boss boots that I had on my website. While I say, “none of these boots are for sale,” I did have a note on the page about that particular pair of boots that they were small on me and I would entertain a bid to buy them.
A guy from the U.K. and I exchanged several email messages, and agreed on a direct sale. He offered to pay me in two payments, splitting his payment over two paychecks. I agreed. He said that he wanted them before going to a boot party in London on 25 March. He sent me a deposit, and we agreed on the amount of the remainder to be paid the following week.
In a gesture of good heartedness, I offered to send him the boots before I went on a business trip, which would have been during the week that he would have sent the last payment. That way, he would have the boots in time for his desired date. I felt assured that everything would work out, so I shipped the boots, then went on my trip… then didn’t hear a thing.
I contacted him last week. He said that the boots were not received. I went to my post office and they showed me the tracking number (which I hadn’t noted correctly) and validated that the boots had been shipped and delivered (but only says “delivered – Great Britain”). However, the guy to whom I shipped the boots said that he never received them.
I don’t know exactly what’s going on here. I accept the buyer’s word that he hunted for the boots but couldn’t find them. He’s blaming our U.S. postal system for not having a record of their exact delivery — other than “delivered Great Britain” on (date.)
I’m not out of money, directly. That is, I received a deposit which adequately covered the expensive shipping charge.
This whole fiasco has completely soured me from entertaining any thought of selling any more boots to anyone outside the U.S. or Canada. I am not saying that I will never do that again; however, I will insist that the buyer pre-pay all of the money, and also pay for a higher-cost but assured delivery process, such as by FedEx which has a much better process of assuring delivery and getting a signature of the recipient than the U.S. Postal Service.
By the way, if you are in London and see anyone wearing these boots, ask him where he got them. More photos of these boots are here. Seriously, if you see someone wearing them, let me know. Be assured, I will keep your confidence. I just want to find out what’s going on.
Life is short: learn from your experience.
The Alpha-Male, Boots and Leather
A friend sent me a guest blog post which appeared yesterday, titled, “Is the Alpha-Male a Real Person?” He described his emergence through youth to adulthood, and pondered a question that I have asked myself a lot — does wearing boots (and in my case, leather garments as well) indicate anything about one’s self-perception of his masculinity?
Like my friend, I wasn’t good at “guy things” when I was a kid. Throw a ball to me, and I would miss it. When he talked about “being beamed by the ball in dodgeball,” I could so relate. Last picked for any team in physical education classes in school, picked on and bullied by others who felt a need to demonstrate their self-perceived superiority, and being interested in activities like cooking — all of these things were “me” in my teen years, too.
Also like my friend, when I was a kid, I found a pair of boots that belonged to an alpha male. In my friend’s example, the boots he found and tried on were his father’s. In my case, the boots that I found belonged to a ranch hand on a family horse ranch in Oklahoma where I spent a lot of time as a kid. The boots I found were an old pair of well-worn, dirty cowboy boots. Man, I admired those boots for the ruggedness that they presented by the the Marlboro Man who wore them.
I have said that I got into boots when I was ten, and haven’t worn other footwear since then. I just liked to wear boots. Made me feel a bit taller, and a bit more proud. I guess one could say, boots made me feel more masculine, too — though as a teen and 20-something, I continued to have doubts.
I got into motorcycling in my very late teens, and have enjoyed riding ever since. I was influenced to learn to ride a motorcycle by an alpha-male friend who was a year older in high school — the taller, leaner, graceful and athletic guy who befriended his “little buddy.” He wore engineer boots to school with a Levi jacket with the sleeves torn off, white pocket t-shirt, shoulder-length hair, and in many ways appealed to my inner sense of “coolness” as a guy. He was admired by many, dated a lot of girls, and usually was the center of attention though he didn’t seek it. Yet he took time to spend with me to take me as a passenger on motorcycle rides and then teach me how to ride when I was old enough (and helped me convince my Mom to let me.)
Becoming a “biker” meant adopting certain attire — the leather. First a leather bomber jacket, then chaps, then some vests, then I took the real plunge and got a pair of leather jeans and a leather shirt. Man, I loved how the gear felt — and used the “excuse” that I had to wear the gear for my protection when riding my motorcycle. My Mom “bought it” in that she actually bought me some leather gear for Christmas and some birthdays during my first few years of motorcycling.
As I often say, I wear leather garments regularly, not just for once-a-year events. I ask myself (and have been asked by others,) “do you wear leather because you want to project a masculine appearance?” Come to think of it, the answer to that is “yes” — but it is not the main reason why I do. I return to restating that I like how it feels, keeps me warm, protects me from road hazards when I ride my Harley, and is so versatile.
Sure, most guys do not wear leather as much as I do. And these days, there are some perceptions from some people that guys who wear leather all the time are always gay. I think that comes from perceptions still held from the campy performances of The Village People and the tune, in particular, Macho Man. One of the performers was always dressed in full leather, and they all were gay. Thus, the linking of wearing full leather and being gay stuck in the minds of many men and women who grew up when The Village People were popular.
In converse to this, there are some guys — particularly motorcyclists — who probably would like to wear leather more often, but choose not to do that because they do not want people to think they are gay, or they themselves believe that wearing leather is a “gay thing.” Thinking aloud here, perhaps I am fulfilling that prophecy by showing up in full leather at all my straight-biker events.
Regardless, I have learned that there are differences in what makes a man a man — not by the choice of what he wears (boots, leather, etc.), but by how he behaves and interacts with others. To me, a “real man” is a guy who is successful in his work and in his relationships with people. He demonstrates that he cares by the actions he takes. Fortunately these days, one’s masculinity is not questioned (much) if a man takes care of children, pays attention to his parents and elders, and is involved in community groups like the PTA or civic organizations.
Yes, I choose to wear boots and leather, but that’s a reflection of the person who I am, as well as my disdain for dressing in suits & ties or gym clothes or wearing sneakers.
According to many websites and blogs, an alpha male is comfortable in his own skin, doesn’t care what other people think about him, can and often does put his ego aside and knows that only insecure men need to protect their ego at the expense of learning and growing, has a good sense of humor, and is dominant.
By hook or crook, perhaps practice, or due to my upbringing, I have most of those characteristics: I am definitely comfortable in my own skin (and the skin of cows), I don’t give a rat’s patootee about what other people think of me (personally) or what I’m wearing, and I do not have much of an ego. I would not say that I am dominant, but in a way if you observe me in a group, I am usually in the center and serve in leadership rather than following roles. I guess the only alpha male trait that I don’t have is a good sense of humor. I really struggle with that; my humor is more like bad puns, corny jokes, and double-entendre.
But I am not self-centered nor think that I am superior to others. That’s just not me. I work hard at caring for other people, and consider most people my equal (save for the few who feel that they have to take shots at me, this blog, my videos, or my website because they have issues of their own to resolve. People who behave like that are below my standards and I choose not to associate with them if I can avoid it.)
As my friend summed up in his post yesterday, “be who you are, and be proud of who you are.” I have learned to be who I am and proud of it as I have matured and have become self-confident. I give no credence to what other people think (or sometimes say) about my wearing leather or boots. Those in my life know the man I am. I would hope they would say, “he is a caring, thoughtful man.” That’s it — my “manliness” is defined by my actions and behavior, not by the costume I wear or trying to be someone I am not.
It took a long time for me to learn that. And it also took a long time for me to learn that one can be a Man — and be gay. One can carry himself in a masculine manner — and be gay. To me, the two are not related.
Life is short: know yourself and be yourself.
Is the Alpha-Male a Real Person?
This is another guest blog post from a friend whose experience and background is similar to my own. The photos of the boots shown in the post below are from my friend’s collection.
By: the Only Booted Man in Town
In a previous guest blog, I talked about why I wear cowboy boots in a US state where doing so is an oddity. Not unheard of; just a rare occurrence. Here I delve into the correlation between boot-wearing and that scary thing called Masculinity.
Let me talk about my own personal story a bit before I jump into generalities. I grew up in a stable home. No dysfunction, or no more dysfunction than is found in typical families. I had a happy childhood. But I was a loner for the most part. I did have friends, but a lot of times, when I got a good friend they moved away. Or they started playing with other kids. I was bullied in elementary school (sound familiar?) because I wasn’t that typical boy and didn’t do typical boy things, and wasn’t good at sports. Picked last on the team, beamed by the ball at dodgeball — you name it, it happened to me. I was a crybaby — don’t know why I did, but the waterworks opened uncontrollably without warning and oftentimes for no great reason. And the things I where I excelled were things that weren’t manly back in the 1970s, like cooking and baking.
I longed to be a guy and to be good at guy things.
As the years went by, I did find my niche among other kids. I stopped dressing like a nerd and had friends. We weren’t the most popular kids at school, but I held my own and didn’t get picked on any more except by one or two bozos. I learned to play the bagpipes in my 20s, and bonded with a pretty wild bunch of guys — it takes a lot of balls to wear a kilt in public, and don’t mess with a group of rowdy pipers. We carry knives. I learned to weave and work with textiles — and felt guilty that those things that I liked to do weren’t manly enough. It took years before I realized that weaving is okay, and that most professional weavers were men.
I turned out okay. I got married and have two sons. I teach cooking classes at a living history museum where I work. Those classes, filled to capacity, are for boys only. I still can’t ride a bike or throw a baseball. But I am starting to realize that that is okay too. Yet, still, there is that part of me still searching for a masculine identity that escaped me as a child. And I don’t want my kids to go through what I went through.
How do boots reflect my struggle with Masculinity? When I was younger, I fell in love with boots because of their rough manliness. I remember finding a pair of my dad’s rubber boots in the basement one day when I was about 5 and putting them on, and suddenly feeling more manly. I have talked about getting my first pair of cowboy boots in a previous guest blog. When I put them on, I felt more manly too.
And now I wear cowboy boots all the time. I admit that I wear them in part because they make me feel manly and powerful. Like a cowboy. Silly, well, yes, but so be it. But I have come to realize that it is okay to wear boots because they make me feel good. It took a lot of inner struggle to come to this realization. The questions kept popping up in my head: am I being TOO male? Don’t only gay guys wear boots? And if a guy looks at my boots in “that way,” won’t it bother me? All those questions come up in my mind from time to time. The answer is no, gentle reader, to all of the above.
Maybe this whole tale hits a nerve with some of you. Maybe not. But I think we all try as men to be the best men that we can be, regardless of sexuality or whatever. We all struggle with that ideal picture of the great testoterone-filled Alpha Male that we wish we were. Society’s latest penchant for male-bashing doesn’t help, either.
As I get older, I realize that I am who I am, and will be who I will be. I have started to understand that that testosterone-laden, cigar-chomping, booted leather-clad Alpha Male never was a real person, and only serves to cause us problems when we pretend he IS real.
It isn’t bad to wear boots or leather or whatever if it makes you more in touch with Masculinity. But don’t let that dreamed-up image overcome reality.
So, we press on.
Be who you are, and be proud of who you are.
Something to ponder in your own struggles in this thing called life…
Note from BHD: thanks again to my friend for sharing great insights and sharing some more photos of his great boot collection. Return to this blog tomorrow for my thoughts on this matter.
Dress of the Day
Being the self-assured, confident, “leatherdude” that I am, I thought I’d show my loyal blog readers what my “dress of the day” was on Tuesday. Here I am, in my long-sleeved leather shirt, biker vest, side-laced leather jeans, and a pair of Wesco boots. Okay, for this photo, I’m wearing a Muir Cap and shades, but didn’t have the cap or sunglasses on as I went about my day.
The day? Began early at the usual 4am time by getting up to bake not one but two birthday cakes for two senior pals. While the cakes were baking, I prepared lunch for my partner and saw him off to work. I began my work day by answering email for about an hour. When the cakes were done, cooled, and iced, I drove over to my pals’ homes at 7am. (No, I wasn’t on my Harley — it was raining!) These pals are early risers, so I appeared at each of their doors, singing a song and giving each one her cake. Warm smiles and hugs started my day off right!
I returned home and got to work. I work from home most days. I left to go to lunch with a colleague and discuss some pressing issues. Again, I drove my truck because it was still raining. But there I was, in full leather. No.big.deal. (Ball cap, though, not a Muir. I did take a step back from the “full leatherman” depiction).
I stopped at the grocery store on my way home to get some things that we needed at home, plus a few items for a neighbor. I dropped off the neighbor’s groceries and she invited me in for some cookies (she called it “coffee” but she knows that I don’t drink the stuff, so I restrained myself, ate one cookie, and had some water.) Then I went back home because my work day was not over by a long-shot!
I worked and worked some more. Many telephone calls and emails and writing and reviewing and such. Keeps me hopping.
My partner came home, and I prepared our dinner, as usual. I always prepare a home-cooked meal. This time it was home-made ravioli, salad, and a sliver of cake. Milk for me, juice for my partner. (We don’t drink wine or alcohol.)
After dinner, I attended a meeting at a county office building. No change in clothing (or even boots for that matter; these Wescos are comfy.) Ball cap again.
Came home, chatted with my partner about the shenanigans that went on at the meeting. I am sooooo glad I’m not chairing those sessions any more. It’s nice to be the “emeritus” past President and not have to negotiate the results. My mentee who was elected last year to my former position did splendidly, and has a lot more patience than I do.
Off to bed by 9, as usual. That’s when I finally pulled off the boots, carefully hung up the leather, and crawled into bed to snuggle with my hunk, and slept soundly.
I went into all of these details to describe that I really do wear leather regularly, in public, and not only when I ride my Harley. No.big.deal. My Harley can be used as a side-story for why I have the gear, but the leather-wearing for me is commonplace, comfortable, and appropriate for the coolish, wet weather we have been having lately.
If you wondered — nope, nobody said a thing about the leather. Not at my senior pals’ homes, not at lunch, not at the grocery store, not at the neighbor’s, not at the meeting. There were people in all these places who do not know me, yet none said a thing. If you think someone might make a snide remark, think again. It really doesn’t happen and the concern is more in your mind than anywhere else.
Life is short: get over your hang-ups about wearing leather in public and get a return on your investment! Wear it!
Leather Pants: Inside or Outside Boots
Search engines drive interesting results to this blog and to my website. Recently, someone from Sacramento, California, searched a question, “Do leather pants go inside the boots or on the outside?”
Answer: yes.
I am not being flip. Well, yes I am but let me explain.
The choice to wear leather pants inside or outside boots depends on two things:
1. The look that you want to have.
2. The thickness of the leather.
I’ll tackle this in reverse, because ultimately whether it is possible to wear leather pants (jeans, breeches) inside tall boots depends a great deal on the thickness of the leather from which the garment is made.
If you have very thick leather pants, then stuffing all that leather inside tall boots will likely cause it to bulge or bunch up at the knees and look dorky. You just can’t get it all in there. The calf circumference of the boots you choose to wear (sometimes called “calf width”) has a lot to do with that, too. If the boots fit you tightly, there will not be enough room for leather, particularly thick leather, to fit over your lower leg and allow you to pull the boots on so you end up with a smooth appearance of where the leather pants fit into the boots.
Ultimately, that’s what you want: smooth, clean lines of leather meeting leather. This is what I referred to above by “the look that you want to have.”
Wearing leather isn’t rocket science. If the pants fit into boots smoothly, and that is the look that you are going for, then wear them that way.
Leather pants made as breeches are specifically made to be worn inside tall boots. Breeches become more narrow at the ankle, and usually have a closure like a zipper to fit them closely at the ankle. The tapering leather and closing holds the breeches down inside boots.
If you have leather pants or jeans with a regular opening at the bottom (that is, about 16-1/2″ to 17″ around), and if you want to wear them inside tall boots, then you have to wrap the leather at the bottom of the leg carefully around the ankle. Most guys pull socks up over the leather at the ankles to hold it wrapped there. Essentially, a sock wrapped around the leather serves a similar purpose as tapered legs with zipper closures — it forms a way to hold the leather down smoothly so boots fit over the legs neatly.
If, however, the leather pants are long (that is, come down to your foot) and the leather is thick, you probably can’t do that. You end up with a 1″ to 3″ mass of leather bunched up at the ankle. When you pull boots on, the extra leather presses against the foot, and may cause some pain.
A trick that I learned when I want to wear tall boots over leather pants is to pull the pants on, but leave them open at the waist while wrapping the leather at the ankle, pulling the sock over it, and smoothing it out. Then I will pull on my boots, stand up, and then pull up my pants, tuck in my shirt, close the fly, button or snap the pants at the waist, put on and close my belt.
I know this is not the usual way that men pull on their pants — they put them on, close them up and tighten the belt, then they put on their boots. However, if you do it the way that I described, when you pull your pants up after pulling your boots on, the leather will smooth out at the knee and won’t bunch up. The result is a cleaner, smoother appearance, which is ultimately what you want.
Now, to explore the searched question further: DO leather pants go inside or outside boots, with my answer being, “yes,” not only does it matter what kind of leather pants you have and how thick the leather is, but it also depends on your confidence and self-perception. If you are afraid of what other people may say, call you “gay” or make jokes like, “playing cop today, are ya?” — then you either need to develop more confidence and be prepared to respond to comments like that with a well-rehearsed reply, like: “yeah, aren’t the pants and boots cool?” or “I like how they look” or “you know I’m not a cop, but I like the appearance” and just chill out.
If however, you are unable to develop that confidence level or are truly afraid of what other people may say, then put the leather and boots away, and reduce yourself to wearing jeans and sneakers and call it a day (but by all means, do not ride a motorcycle in sneakers!)
Life is short: wear leather!
Back to My Blog
I have enjoyed having guests post things on this blog for the past several days. I expected three of them, and the one from my local Community Hero was not expected, but appreciated.
Now, back to my blog. Content: hmmm, what to blog about.
Things on the gay scene are typical and moribundly boring. Same old stuff with no new news to reflect on. (At least from this monogamously-partnered gay guy’s vantage point.)
Things on the “amusing google searches” still show up. I have captured a few which I will blog about in the future. It amazes me that the more technologically-advanced toys that people use (a lot of Android processors showing up), how absolutely awful their spelling and grammar is. It’s not just short-hand text-speak. It’s fundamental stuff like not knowing the difference between “wear” and “where” and things of that nature. I fear that the more texters use their gadgets, the grammar and spelling of our language continues to go into the toilet.
Nota bene: I was forwarded a resume to review by a colleague as we were looking for short-term professional technical help on a project. The resume was one page, and had 38 spelling, grammar, and other major gaffs in it. 38 of them! My colleague and I both decided to pitch the resume in the electronic trash. If the person can’t write, he should at least have had someone proofread his resume before submitting it. Embarrassing!
I sat in on two interviews last week, observing and taking notes. One person actually answered his cell phone during the interview to take a personal call. Another kept fidgeting. We realized that she was texting under the table. Needless to say, these characters didn’t make the final cut.
As far as boot-oriented matters are concerned: I remain happily booted. The weather is warming, so I am changing boots more often, several times each day. When I hop on my Harley, I wear boots with solid tread, not smooth leather soles. I had to dress up for those interviews last week, so I wore good-looking, polished cowboy boots. Over the weekend, my partner and I did a lot of work on our house, including building a memory garden in honor of my aunt who passed away. I wore Timberland work boots and my newly-acquired Air Force tactical boots for that.
Which reminds me of a sorry web posting that I saw over the last weekend. Some guy wrote on a public board to ask if Timberland boots were acceptable for “white guys” to wear. He continued with his statement that it appeared to him that only black guys wore “Timbs.” Oh, gimme a break. Timberland boots are work boots. Work boots like for doing labor — construction, etc. I like my Timberland boots because they are comfortable and durable, and I don’t care if they get dirty or messed up with garden mud. So be it — that’s what they’re for!
One thing, though: my partner preferred that I wore my AF tactical boots instead of the Timberland boots because the AF boots have waffle soles, so mud and dirt don’t get caked up in the lugs, they way it does on Timberland boots. After a hard day’s back-breaking labor in digging that garden last Saturday, my Timberland boots had quite a bit of mud stuck in the soles. I had to hose them off with a jet stream, and even then, not all the dirt came out. So now I have created some outdoor boot storage just for gardening boots. Hell to pay if I wore those boots in the house and dropped dirt clods everywhere. (And my partner has a right to get upset when that happens, because he works hard at keeping the floors and carpets clean.)
On the leather front: yeah, I got a new leather shirt. It’s really cool-looking. I bought it on sale while I was in San Francisco a few weeks ago. I’ll describe it and show it to you in a future post on this blog.
Not much new news. I remain very busy with work, which is both fun and consuming. My partner remains busy planning our Spring gardening chores, which I vow to make as enjoyable as I can. This is something that my partner loves to do, and is a hobby that we both can share.
Oh, one thing: my twin brother chided me to “chill” on a recent post on this blog. Okay, bro’. I did. I took a few hours off on Sunday afternoon, cuddled up next to my partner, and we watched a streaming video full-length “tear-jerker” movie. Usually I am the one to break into tears over the littlest things in movies, but I caught my partner drying his eyes when it ended, as well.
Life is short: keep busy, and keep blogging!
Chill!
Guest blog post by BHD’s twin brother, J
Okay, bro, I’m joining in, too, and then we will let you take your blog back tomorrow. (giggle.)
You say “life is short” then give a little quip about what the particular posts means. To me, life is short and you show us how to live. How to really live. Your exuberance is exhausting, man! I don’t know how anyone can do all the things that you do and still get 8 hours of sleep each night, take care of your partner, your senior friends, your home, and still appear at a public hearing now and again… board meetings, community events, and so forth and so on.
Embracing life is a wonder, and I wonder each day about it. I wake each morning and ask, “what would my brother do?” … then add three more things on my “to-do” list! (Smile.) Seriously, you have taught me how to make priorities to engage in things that I might not have done otherwise — outside of work, of course!
Meanwhile, I have one strong recommendation for you: Chill! Go sit out in your backyard park with your partner, lie on the hammock, and just chill.
You were telling me the other day that you have picked up two more seniors in your cadre to care for. It’s not the same as taking care of our beloved aunt, and I know you are trying to fill the hole left after her death. But you need to take care of you. Go ride your Harley, take a walk with your partner, read a book. But not all at once as you are wont to do! Chill!
Meanwhile, I’ll embrace your joy and how you love to live, and share it with us.
Loving you from afar, ore e sempre. J.