Monthly Archives: March 2011

What Is Wrong With Regular Old Email?

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I registered Booted Harleydude on several websites years ago. Some of them (Recon, for example) have internal message systems. That is, you can send another member of the site a message. Then it requires the person to log on to the site to read it.

Unfortunately, most of these sites do not notify the recipient that a message is waiting. The only exception is Blogger (host of this blog) and YouTube. Both of those systems are owned by Google, and both send a message via direct email to let me know that a comment is ready to be reviewed and approved, or a message is waiting.

I say very clearly on my Recon and other profiles that I do not check their sites every day. In fact, I probably only check them once a month. The reason why I registered BHD on those sites is to preserve my screen name. So contrary to what Recon says “the world’s largest hook-up site for men into fetish gear” — I did not join that site to “hook up” with anyone, but to share and see others in gear that I enjoy wearing and using on a regular basis (and to keep nefarious scoundrels from committing cyber-identity theft.)

Well, anyway, lately I have received some messages, such as:

  • Send me a text and let’s skype
  • Let’s chat. What’s your IM name?
  • Meet me in the chat room.
  • I have some questions about [brand] of boots

Here are some answers for ‘ya….

1. I don’t text and I don’t Skype. Sorry, but I’m not into texting and have even blocked that feature from my cell phone so I don’t have to pay for data that I do not use. Skype is interesting, but again, I do not use it and don’t see why I should. I communicate with my twin brother in France via this funny old thing called a “hard-wired telephone.” I know what he looks like. I don’t need video to add to it.

2. Gosh, I am really old-fashioned, as I do not use instant messaging at all, nor do I have time to visit chat rooms. I tried I.M., and was annoyed with it popping up during my work day. I did not want that distraction while I was working. I do not use the computer much when I am off the clock (except, perhaps, to post on this blog! LOL!) and when I am composing a blog message, I do not want to be distracted by I.M. Contrary to what some may think, I have a life and a lot of my life does not involve using a computer or surfing the net or exchanging messages with other people. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m an old fart so forgive me. (This is another way of saying that I took I.M. off my computer and do not use it.)

3. Chat rooms? They are ubiquitous now. There’s “boot chat” on hotboots.com and many others on all these various forums. Chatting on-line requires time — that I simply don’t have. Or don’t want to spend on it. My partner asked once, “don’t you want to talk with me?” He’s right — he is my main “chatterer” and focus of my attention. If I spent time chatting on-line and not with him, it gives a mixed message that I don’t want to give. Plus, honestly, I really do not have the time.

4. If you have questions for me about boots or leather, why put such questions into a tiny little text box in an on-line program’s communication box? Wouldn’t it be easier if you sent me an email and we could exchange messages? Honestly, I don’t get it….

This all boils down to my asking again, “what’s wrong with regular old email?” Am I just so old-fashioned that I am communicating with the proverbial tin can and a string?

Just wondering….

Addendum: someone sent me an email recently and I replied. I received a response two days later advising me that my email went into his spam folder. I suggest that if you send me a message via my website or this blog, to make sure that you ‘whitelist’ the domain bootedman.com so email from me will reach you without being screened as possible spam. I do not know why that happens, and it seems to happen inconsistently with various email systems — Comcast email being the worst.

Life is short: communicate via methods that work for the person with whom you are communicating.

Blog Post 1100

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Quickly enough, I have reached the 1,100 milestone for blog posts. Interestingly, five of my previous posts continue to rank highest in overall views. The data hasn’t changed much since I posted about that before.

Number One: Bulges and Breeches. Often people use a search engine to look for images from Tom of Finland, and end up here.

Number Two: Where Do You Find Masculine Gay Guys? Searching for masculine gay men is a common occurrence, and this blog post is most frequently found. It does not provide all of the answers, but addresses issues about masculine gay men that some people may not have thought about.

Number Three: How To Tell If You Have Vintage Frye Boots. There are a lot of searches for information about those classic and nostalgic boots.

Number Four: Cowboy Boots and Jeans. I am convinced: there is an obsession among many people about how to wear cowboy boots with jeans. Lots and lots of people use search engines to inquire whether someone should or should not wear jeans tucked into cowboy boots, as well as what “stacked jeans” means and what kind of jeans to get.

Number Five: Best Motorcycle Boots. Again, it is my opinion that Chippewa Firefighter Boots serve superbly as motorcycle boots, and fit the current custom and style of today’s biker.

It has been fun blogging, and I’ll keep at it. I notice what others look for, but my life is complex and fulfilling, so I blog about a lot of different things — not just leather or gay life or cowboy boots or motorcycle boots. As I was telling someone via email recently, “I have a life.” Yes, I do, and it is reflected, in part, on this blog.

Thank you, my loyal blog readers, for visiting. Come back soon!

Life is short: keep blogging!

Negotiation and Barter

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Americans as a whole tend to abhor negotiation and barter. They see something that they like, and often just buy it for whatever price is listed. Sometimes people shop around and compare prices for the same (or similar) things on various websites, but usually people “go with what they know” and buy from vendors they have dealt with before at whatever price is listed.

I admit, I have done that too. But having spent a year in my college days in Europe, living with local families and learning about life in situ, I learned a lot about barter and negotiation.

Barter: trade something of value for something considered to be of equal value. Think about it, kids barter all the time. Why do we forget that technique when we become adults? I do a lot of barter with services. I need contractors who can replace a tub in a rental house. In exchange for their labor, I have done some electrical repairs for them. Barter applies well to both services as well as goods. While I do not trade boots or leather gear, I know others who have done that and such exchanges generally have worked out well.

Negotiation: the old adage, “you don’t ‘get’ unless you ask” applies. If you see something you like — such as a leather jacket or a pair of boots — it is perfectly fine to ask the seller if he/she would accept a different price. That’s called negotiation.

One very important thing to remember: “MSRP” means “Manufacturers Suggested Retail Price.” It does not mean “final” price.

When approaching a negotiation, don’t be stupid and offer, for example, $200 for a pair of new stock Dehner boots that retail for twice that. No retailer in his right mind will accept such a low-ball offer. However, many retailers will match prices offered by other vendors if asked — and even if they do not offer to do that on their website.

I have saved between US$25 and US$200 on a new pair of boots simply by asking for a different price, and giving specifics. “That pair of boots is on sale here … ” (and provide the link.)

I have avoided turning my website (or this blog) into a sales gimmick — promoting one vendor’s products over others so that I can get free stuff or reduced prices on goods and gear. My website is a personal hobby, not a vendor forum. However, I will state where I obtained a product and how others interested in it can get it. In exchange for that, I sometimes have offered data (website visitor logs help) and asked for a reduced price on something. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I do not. But again, if you don’t ask, you don’t “get”!

A lesson that I learned (and that’s darn hard for many Americans for reasons that escape me) is “when to walk away.” That is, if you want something and you think you made a reasonable offer for it, be prepared to say “no” if you do not get the price you want.

Back in the day, that is how people bought automobiles. They would go into a dealership and get a price, then walk out if the price were too high and go to another dealer to see if that dealer would beat the first dealer’s price. Some people still buy cars that way, while others think that comparative shopping on the internet is sufficient. Remember: the listed price (including the price that appears on the internet) is what the vendor wants for the item, not necessarily what he/she will ultimately get for it (this is particularly true for automobiles, trucks, and motorcycles.)

By the way, that’s how auto dealerships fool you. They all will negotiate, but most people fall for their “no-haggle pricing” policy by stating prices on websites. Don’t be a sucker. I saved over US$2,000 on my last truck by negotiating hard for a good deal, and by visiting six dealerships in the process. It was a lot of work, but was well worth it!

Anyway, if you make a reasonable offer and can’t get it, then just suck it up and say, “no, thanks” and walk away. Most of the time, the deal ends there because most vendors either think that you’ll come back and say, “okay, I’ll pay what you want” or they simply will not negotiate.

I have some experiences where a vendor said, “no, we will not give you your price” and I said, “no, thanks.” Several days later, the vendor contacted me again and said, “do you still want this?” and I replied, “yes, but my price is [same one as before].” The vendor then replied, “okay, you can have it at that price after all.” That did not happen all the time, but more often than not, so it is valuable to learn to say “no” and be prepared to stick to your guns.

Negotiation is not hard to do, but requires some courage. Americans on the whole have become spineless in even thinking about negotiating for a price. But as I said above, “you don’t ‘get’ unless you ask” — so ASK! The worst that can happen is that the response will be, “no.” Then you are no worse off than before.

Hmmmm… let me take you to an auction sometime. That’s always a barrel of laughs.

Life is short: it’s always a negotiation.

Random Boot Shots

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While organizing photos on my computer, every now and then I see some pics from the past that for whatever reason, recapture my attention. Here are a few which have appeared on my website and this blog in the past. I am reposting them for no reason other than I like ’em.

Above, my Chippewa Firefighter Boots, which are a favorite for hot-weather motorcycle riding.

Above, Chippewa High-Shine Boots with Lug Soles that I saw on a cop in May, 2008 (this photo). I had lug soles added to a pair of them for myself. Great boots!

My old Wesco Boss Boots that still look and feel great, even after 20 years.

My newest pair of custom Wesco Roughout Harness Boots that are burgundy and brown in color. Very different boots that get many comments when I wear them.

My All American “Blue Knight” patrol boots. Very well-made and rugged boots made completely of leather.

My newest pair of Dehner Field Boots that a buddy thinks are “the bomb.” I like them too!

My Dehner patrol boots with Vibram 100 lug soles. While these boots have shafts made of that plastic stuff called “Clarino Leather” (aka “Dehcord”), they still have a classic appearance that I enjoy wearing from time to time.

A random pair of Dehner motorcycle police patrol boots that I have seen among hundreds of pairs at police motorcycle competitions.

Life is short: wear boots!

Lonely Saturday Night?

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This is just an observation.

Saturday nights must be a night for web surfing. For the past ten weeks, Saturday visitors to my website spike by about 25% (more than the daily average on other days of the week), particularly from the hours between 7pm and midnight US-ET. I hope whatever you’re finding, dudes, you’re enjoying it!

Life is short: surf the web for leather and boots!

Gay Dude in a Huge Family

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I have written some blog posts from time to time about being gay, being the only gay sibling in a large family, and about my family in general. I received a few email messages this week inquiring what it is like to be in this type of family, and one asked, “what’s like to be a gay dude in a huge family?”

While I have talked about that before, I will approach this question again from a renewed perspective, and try not to repeat myself (too much.)

First of all, I did not know that families were any different from mine. Think about it — when you are born, all you know is your own family and how it functions is just how things are. You do not realize that families are different until you get a bit older and spend significant time at a friend’s home, or have to change living arrangements due to death, divorce, abuse, or other factors.

I was born #14 among 15 siblings. My twin brother being four minutes younger (I’ll never let him forget! LOL!), that means that J and I were last. That also means, then, that 13 other rug rats were tearing up the place long before we popped out of Mom’s womb. So how things “worked” and “who did what to whom and when” as well as all the usual routines of our home had long been established before J and I were born.

My father also comes from a very large family. He had 21 siblings (yeah, 22 kids in one family from the same two parents, believe it or not!) My Dad loved large families, and my Mom was fertile… so… ta-dah! Here we all are.

My life as I was growing up was, as far as I knew, quite normal. It was only later in life that I realized that my family life was not comparable to the family life that my friends had.

Each of us kids were treated as unique individuals. We had our own bedrooms, clothing, and preferences for things to eat and friends to play with. We never were forced to wear “hand-me-downs” or share bedrooms or birthdays, for that matter. Our parents wanted us to be individuals, and we were treated that way. I understand, upon reflection, that this was quite unusual as well.

I have written before on this blog that I didn’t know that I was gay until much later in life — when I reached my mid-20s. I’m not like one of those kids you see on popular TV shows who is out to everyone at a much younger age.

When I lived at home with my family, I didn’t experiment sexually with anyone. To my knowledge, neither did my twin brother. The “house rules” said that we couldn’t bring anyone home to “sleep with.” While J and I tested the house rules on other matters, we never did on that one.

J would date various girls in high school, and I went on dates, too. I knew, even back then, that J’s dates were much more “involved” while mine were strictly platonic. That is, J would “make out” with his girl-of-the-night while I would be more of a friendly kinda guy, but never put myself in a situation where “making out” was expected. I didn’t date girls who expected that, either (or so I thought.)

What I’m saying is that even back in high school, I behaved in ways to avoid sexual interactions — even the most simple (i.e., “first base”) with females — because something inside me kept telling me that I really wasn’t interested. Further, I knew I liked guys better, but didn’t know why. I would find myself hanging out with other guys just to watch them, see their Frye boots, and admire. Not act on anything… just watch. Now that I am older, I realize what I was doing — gay voyeuring. At the time, I had no clue in my conscious mind that I was interested in guys as something else other than just as friends.

Further, my twin was tall, dark, and handsome, and developed early. I was short, klutzy, and funny-lookin’, and developed late. I think the fact that our physical development was significantly different, it had something to do with why J became quite a “ladies man” and I was the “left-out kid,” but I am under orders from my twin brother not to discuss these differences further, as he thinks I am putting myself down while I truly felt out-of-place and dorky.

When I realized that I was gay, the first person that I “came out” to was my twin brother. His reaction: “dude, I’ve known that for years. Tell me something new.” I wasn’t expecting that reaction. I then began to tell my siblings, and my Mom (by then, my Dad had died).

Each of my siblings took the news differently. The older sibs who were married and who are practicing Catholics had the most difficulty with the news. Some of my other siblings said, “no big deal” while others said, “are you sure?” or “how do you know?” or “did (female name) just dump you and now you want to give up on women?”

I think my Mom took it the hardest. She had figured out that I wasn’t quite the same in how I related to women … and dating … and sex. But she really only began to understand and accept that I was gay when I brought the man who I call my partner home to meet her for the first time. She knew… she could tell… I was in love!

Various family members adjusted to knowing that their brother was gay over time. Some did right away, like J did, and some took years. My Mom researched and studied, talked to others, and listened. Fortunately, she didn’t have some crackpot church trying to tell her that I was living in a “deadly lifestyle” and stuff like that.

I was also happy that my Mom accepted my partner after a few years, because she realized that he was going to take care of me for the rest of my life, and love me unconditionally. Isn’t that what parents want for a spouse for their children — someone to take care of their child? My Mom and my partner grew to love each other, and I am so happy that happened, because my Mom died just five years after I met my partner, so the time to develop that relationship was limited.

I think what made things work out and facilitate healthy adult relationships with my siblings is that fundamentally, all of my siblings and I loved and respected each other from Day 1. Our parents demanded that we behave as a family and support one another — and we did. Sure, mostly due to age differences, we look at things differently. Some of my siblings are more conservative, often due to influences of their respective spouses. I get it.

I have been “fully out” to my family for about 30 years. It took some of them several years to “get over it” but now they don’t think a thing about my sexual orientation. I laugh and enjoy their kids, and now their grandkids, like any uncle would. I see them frequently, and they come to see me. We have dinner together (most of us, at least, who still live in Maryland) once each week. When I go on a business trip that may bring me close to any of them, I definitely take time to see them. And vice-versa.

After all, as they say: blood is thicker than water. I am truly blessed that my family functions well, loves each other, and sticks together through thick and thin and for all the right reasons — regardless that one of their brothers is gay and lives in a same-sex relationship.

I know that I am fortunate, as several people have told me that their families have not been as supportive, accepting, or tolerant. I credit my parents for those characteristics which they taught to us from Day 1.

…and some day, I’ll tell you about my first cousins–all 169 of them. Yes, I know who all of them are. But as I said, that’s a different story for a different time.

Life is short: understand your family, and embrace them!

Dad

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My Dad was born 100 years ago today.  I only knew him for 12 years before he died. We made many memories during those years, and I’m sure we would have made more had he lived longer.  He was a diplomat, an exceptionally intelligent man, spoke 22 languages and loved all of us kids so deeply.  Gosh, even after all this time… he died 41 years ago… I still miss him.

So this is just a note to say, “Happy Birthday, Daddy!”  I hope I turned out okay. Your legacy leads me in many ways, both professionally and personally, and I am grateful for having you in my life, even as short as our time together on this earth was.

For those of you who still have a Dad — give him a call, go pay a visit, and let him know you care.  You are fortunate to have the ability to do that, as I do not except through prayer.

Life is short:  remember those you love and show them that you love them.

If You Have Boots

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I swear I’m not making this up.

Another google search landed a visitor to this blog.  The search was (copied directly):

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU HAVE BOOTS HOW DO THEY WORK

—————
What do you do if you have boots?

Well, wear them!

How do they work?

They serve as footwear.  You know, covers your feet and legs and lets you walk on pavement without injuring your feet or getting them dirty.

I really do not have a clue what else to say. “What do you do if you have boots?”

WEAR THEM!

Life is short: wear boots … preferably, on your feet.

Family Support Where It Counts!

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When I went to my state capital yesterday to talk to some elected officials about a same-sex marriage bill pending before our House of Delegates, I was joined by six siblings, 22 nieces and nephews, seven great nieces and nephews who got out of school with a note from their parents, and 24 — count ’em — 24 cousins!  This all came about by the action of my twin brother who lives in France. He sent an email (without my knowledge) to the family and look who showed up to support me!  I was completely flabbergasted. An “army” — literally — of my family makes a formidable presence! Grrrrr!

Here is how I discovered the family entourage:

Since public parking is not available anywhere near the capital building, visitors are directed to park in a remote parking lot and take a shuttle bus into town. When I parked in that remote lot and walked to the bus shelter, standing there were 10 of my family. Huh? Where’d you come from? Why are you here? “We’re here for you.” I tell ‘ya, tears began to well up.

When the bus dropped us off in front of the Capitol Building, I saw more of my family. I turned around and there were even more walking toward me. The next bus rolled up and more of my family got off that bus. My family is not the political-action-oriented type, but there they were.

It was crowded and ugly on the streets of our state capital yesterday. Hundreds of people had been bussed in from out-of-state to lobby against this bill. Okay, wasn’t it in yesterday’s post that I was waving the flag and saying how great it was to live in a messy Democracy? Yeah, that may be true, but I get hugely annoyed when people who do not even live in our state are brought in to try to influence legislation that affects residents of our state and not them. It’s downright unfair. It’s legal, but unfair.

Well, anyway, my family asked me, “what do we do now?” … off we went to the House Office Building, through security, and then knocking on doors of the offices of our respective Delegates while dodging negative noodles everywhere we went. I swear, one guy was speaking neanderthal-ese, he sounded so confusing and his bigotry was only exceeded by the vile hatred dripping from his nostrils. Ugggghhhh….

We had our say… with as many of our Delegates as we could see, or their staff if the Delegate wasn’t available (or not interested) in seeing us.

Despite the negativity surrounding me while I was there, I still had a very positive charge about my family being there to support my partner and me. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I have a large family and even though we have had our differences, they show up when it counts. They support us and by being there yesterday, they showed us that they care. Their passionate pleas are not self-serving as my pleas could be interpreted.

How blessed I am to be embraced by such a warm, wonderful, thoughtful and caring family. Especially by my twin brother, who lives far away but is always closest in my heart.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them!

Breaking a Promise (for a good reason)

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When I gave up serving as webmaster for a political campaign this past summer (due to some uber-ugly political tactics that my candidate lowered himself to doing), I told my partner that I was done.  Done with politics, done with “advocacy,” done with the whole ball of wax.  I got a new job which consumes a lot of my time, and is enjoyable and is non-partisan.

However, as you have been reading on this blog, there is a bill that passed our State Senate and is now before our House of Delegates that would afford my partner and me the same rights, responsibilities, and benefits that my (straight) married siblings have:  marriage.

I thought my help, encouragement, or active involvement in this matter was not needed this time.  Things were moving along rather well, in my opinion.  Plus, I’ve been awfully busy caring for my aunt, dealing with her death & belongings & estate, and working like crazy.

But… I was wrong.  A Delegate in our state assembly who represents our district and who I supported for election is having a change of heart.  Pressures are mounting from the religious zealots and other neanderthals, many of whom do not even live in my state.

So today, as you read this, I am taking a day of leave from work and going to our state capital to patiently advocate, meet, and if necessary, bang someone upside the head (figuratively speaking, of course!) and ask, “what are you thinking to have reservations now, especially since you are a co-sponsor of this bill?”

Political action and advocacy from a grass-roots level is not something I take lightly, but get involved in when it matters.  It matters — a lot.

Return tomorrow for more regular stuff, but know that I remain vigilantly active to ensure that my elected representatives see the faces of their constituents who care about what they do and how they vote.  That’s what I love about America — Democracy as crazy and messy as it can be — is a cherished and powerful form of government, and it’s my right and my duty to express my opinions and share them with those who I elected to represent me and to hold them accountable for their actions. In this country, they are accountable to me (and my neighbors) but not some king or mullah or whatnot. (Okay, see me waving the flag and singing our national anthem, but I truly believe this stuff!)

Life is short:  take action when civic duty calls.