This was an interesting search that landed a visitor from South Carolina on this blog, “Cities with the most masculine gay men.”

I do not know if any city in the United States, or the world for that matter, has more masculine gay men in it than any other. Honestly, I do not think masculine gay men use sexual orientation and masculine behavior preference to choose the location where they will live.

Study after study shows that people choose to live in places with which they are familiar, such as where they grew up, went to school, and/or have family. In my case, it’s all three (I live where I grew up and near where I went to school, including my undergraduate university. It’s also great to have family nearby, too.)

While some people relocate to a new town for a job or an adventure, demographic studies show that most people choose the familiar, though economics causes people to choose places to live where they can find a job. For example, I have a fondness for a small town in Oklahoma where I spent a lot of time as a kid and where my mother’s family is from, but the place is dead — no jobs to speak of on my level of expectations and experience. I wouldn’t live there.

I know some gay men choose to live in states or cities within those states that are gay-friendly, or at least “gay-tolerant.” As I have mentioned before on this blog, there are some U.S. states that are downright hateful toward same-sex couples, such as my neighboring state of Virginia. But the choice of where a gay person will live has nothing to do with masculinity. It has to do with his interest in living openly among his neighbors and not having state laws discriminate against him (and his partner if he’s in such a relationship) compared with states like Virginia that have many laws that directly discriminate against gay people.

Recognizing that masculine gay men have the same responsibilities as any other man, gay or straight — then he may choose out of necessity to live closer to parents or elder loved-ones — because he has become the primary caregiver. So many adult children these days are making difficult choices about where they live so they can be closer to aging relatives in order to care for them. This is another reason, therefore, that masculine gay men may be living anywhere — choices made by other factors important to him and his values.

I have said before that masculine gay men are secure in themselves that they do not feel a need to associate in “gay-only” social circles. They have a lot of straight friends and they engage in activities with a mixed crowd — playing or watching sports, riding motorcycles, hunting, fishing, attending birthday parties or other social functions.

Because of that, you will not see many masculine gay men at traditional “gay hangouts,” such as gay restaurants and bars found in the major cities. Most masculine gay men are not interested in going to those places, because (if they’re like me), they prefer to mix with a wider circle whose friendships are based on common interests, not sexual orientation. If he does go to a restaurant or bar, you’ll more likely find him at the neighborhood sports pub than downtown in the city gay bar.

I do not think any particular city or town is more or less attractive to a masculine gay man than any other. He will choose where to live based on other, more important needs — availability of affordable housing; proximity to work, family, and friends; and activities that are interesting to him to do.

These days, as well, I should recognize that the working world is changing rapidly. There are many jobs that are “relocatable” or can be done from any location that has access to the Internet. I know of several masculine gay men who have chosen to live in rural areas, avoiding city life altogether. It’s a choice made more available today and will be more the norm in the future.

Life is short: masculine gay men live everywhere. Read this post for more about masculine gay men.

A search appeared on my blog reading (sic): what masculine gay men find attractive?”

I found that very interesting, and a different take on the usual search for where to find masculine gay men.

So, as a masculine gay man, let me describe what I find attractive in a masculine gay man:

• He is secure, confident, and comfortable in his own skin. He doesn’t worry about what other people think or may say about what he wears or what he does.

• He doesn’t worry about the latest fashion or what’s in style. He wears what’s functional and what works for him, based on where he is going and what he is doing. Anything from a business suit to blue jeans, from sneakers to boots (and he doesn’t wear sandals or flip-flops).

• He communicates well, but doesn’t try to be the center of the universe or the conversation. That is, an attractive masculine gay man does not have a “need” to be an alpha male, or an “A-Gay”. He deliberately avoids those roles.

• Physical characteristics that are attractive to other men vary. Some like guys with facial hair, and some do not. Guys who are fit and trim are more attractive to others, as well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but an attractive masculine man will have physical characteristics that work for him, and with which he is comfortable.

• Many masculine gay men have said that they are attracted to other masculine gay men who do not feel as if they must socialize only with gay men. Masculine gay men prefer to socialize with the wider world.

• Masculine gay men are capable, active, and “do-ers.” They can do various things from repairing a car, riding a motorcycle, or playing sports, to activities like watching the game with the guys, being a good uncle, or to volunteering at a community organization or church.

Masculine characteristics vary, just as people vary. Some guys have more observable physical characteristics of “maleness” than others. A masculine man is secure and confident, capable, active, and independent. A masculine gay man behaves that way as well. What masculine gay men find attractive, therefore, is someone who behaves like he does.

BTW, I am deliberately leaving out much of the stereotyping of gay men in general. Let’s suffice it to say that all gay men are not the same. Some behave in a more effeminate manner while others do not. Just like in the straight world: women are different. Not all guys like all women. Same is true in the gay world: gay men are different. Not all gay guys like all other gay guys. Our world is that much better for the variances of the diversity of our population.

Life is short: remember that everyone is different, and some characteristics that some people display are more attractive to some people than others.