Monthly Archives: June 2010

Pop Music Conundrum

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The other day, my fellow blogger StraightJacketed posted a video by Lady Gaga that featured men dancing in boots and leather.

Also a few days ago, my buddy Clay remarked about being excited to watch something that Lady Gaga performed.

Last week, another gay friend remarked how much he enjoyed music by Madonna.

… and all you heard from me (if you heard anything) was a low grumble. I can’t stand pop music that most LGBT people like. Screeching by Gaga and Madonna is like nails on the chalkboard to me. Arrrggghhh!

Since the advent of rap music, with occasional pop music additions like I mentioned above, I have pretty much stopped listening to anything. Rap is awful throbbing garbage, IMHO. Pop music doesn’t do a thing for me but give me a headache.

I grew up in a very musical environment, and learned to play banjo (since all other instruments were “taken.”) I love music, but “real” music. Classical music played and/or sung well is relaxing. But I have a wide and eclectic mix of music I will listen to on occasion: country, rockers of the ’70s, vocalists like Anne Murray and Tony Bennett, … but not Pop that the vast majority of LGBT people enjoy.

I guess once again I’ll have to turn in my gay card.

Oh, that’s right! I’m not gay! I’m androphillic!

Biorhythmic Conflict

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I am convinced that I am strange. Or shall I say, “very different” in a number of ways. I like people but don’t like to go to parties, restaurants, or bars. I wear leather often, but do not like to go to Men’s leather events (been there, done that… enough is enough.) I own a cell phone, but I hate the cell phone for its cost and seldom use it. I also don’t text, and block that service as a money-saving measure. I am in a wonderful relationship with a great guy, but “we” don’t have guests over to our home or go visit others, because my partner is very antisocial.

But most of all, what has made me “most different” for my entire life, is that I am a morning person. I mean a “very early” morning person. It is quite common that I rise during the week at 4am, and crash no later than 9pm, or earlier if my partner will allow. On weekends, I may sleep a little later, like until 5am (what a lazy bum I am!)

Living on the biorhythms that dictate my being awake, functioning, and active so early in the morning directly conflicts with how most others (gay or straight) are “wired.” Most of my family and friends are on a schedule of rising with great reluctance at about 6:30am, plod to the kitchen and make coffee, then go to work and arrive about 8:30 or 9, work until 4:30 or 5, get home, and have dinner about 7pm. They stay awake until 10 or 11pm.

For me, I bounce out of bed, frequently with a song (seriously, I am one of “those people” who sings in the morning!) — and don’t drink coffee. Can’t stand the stuff. I am mentally alert and full of energy in the morning, anyway, so the added caffeine isn’t needed. When I was working, I was in my office for about two hours before most others. I arrived home early enough to prepare a home-cooked meal each evening, and serve it by 6pm. (That way, I can leave to attend community meetings that begin at 7 or 7:30.)

When there are times when I have to stay up late, I try to find time to take a nap, because I actually have fallen asleep in a restaurant, or while riding in a car late at night. (Fortunately, I have not fallen asleep while driving, but I know “drowsy driving” is a huge hazard, so I take all measures to avoid it.)

I am so very thankful that my partner is an earlybird, too, or we would be like ships passing in the night.

I wonder, though, if more gay people are typically late risers (and stay awake late into the night) than straight people. I ponder that on two levels — for how typically gay people show up at bars or restaurants very late (much later than straight people). Second, I get a huge spike in visitors to my website late at night from U.S. visitors who are surfing the web between 11pm and 3am. The volume of website visitors who surf my site that late at night never ceases to amaze me. Are gay people sleepless and surfing? I haven’t a clue, but wonder about it.

Nonetheless, I recognize that I am different, and I am okay with it. I realize that I don’t engage when others do, and miss some opportunities sometimes, but that’s how things have been, and how things are.

Life is short: live.

Androphilia and the Gay Man

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My partner and I recently watched the movie titled, “The Butch Factor.” The film was released in 2009 and just became available on Netflix, which we can view by streaming video at home. It was recommended to me by my friend Kevin.

This movie interviewed a number of masculine, homosexual men who behaved and engaged in rather rugged activities, sports, hobbies, and jobs, as well as contrasted some of these men’s opinions with two other gay men who were more effeminate in their nature.

We found the movie interesting and it sparked an excellent conversation, both right after it was over as well as on Sunday morning when we were snuggled closely watching the sunrise.

One of the interviewees was Jack Donovan (aka Jack Malebranche) who wrote a book titled, “Androphilia: A Manefesto” in 2007. This was the first time we had heard of this man and his book. While he had the shortest interview during the entire film, some of the points he made rang close to the thoughts that both my partner and I have: that we have a healthy male-male attraction, and that we reject some of the labels and stereotypes brought with the label “gay.”

We believe that the male-male relationship that we have is consistent with our own behavior and masculinity, which Donovan described as “androphilia.” That word is derived from the Greek, “Andro” (Man) and “philia” (Like). Donovan’s contention is that “gay” is:

…inseparable from connotations of effeminacy and “a whole cultural and a political movement that promotes anti-male feminism, victim mentality, and leftist politics.”

While I don’t agree about the swipe at “leftist politics,” I do generally agree that the label “gay” causes lots of negative thoughts (and actions) by the straight world. In particular, many (not all, but many) in the straight world have a common misconception that all gay men are frilly-froo-froo queens, and cannot look, act, or behave in a typical masculine manner. My partner and I, among several of those interviewed in this film, are here to disprove that notion. (And let me tell ‘ya, being a masculine man whose sexual orientation is male-male, I have encountered a number of times when straight guys are confused as heck by me. So be it, they need to learn that not all “gays” are the same.)

Kevin said to me, “I think he proposes that there is no gay archetype or identity for that matter and to attempt to build one’s self perception around something as basic as who one is sexually attracted to is limiting.” I absolutely agree, as does my partner.

The narrator in the movie said that “Androphilia” caused a lot of controversy in the “gay community” (however defined.) Perhaps gay people who read it didn’t like the opinion that “gay” is a label or “catch-all” phrase whereas people who are male and like other men do not all fit in one certain “catch-all” mold.

My partner and I never quite knew what to call ourselves, and generally used the term gay for lack of something else. Face it, we’re “homosexual” and a label by any other name is just as sweet (pardon the mixed metaphors.)

Life is short: continue to learn about yourselves.

Boot Stare Funnies

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This is how I was dressed and booted yesterday whilst running some errands. Two funny things happened along the way.

1. A guy in a car next to me pulled up and stopped so his window was next to where my boot was on my bike. He stared gape-jawed. He was staring so hard at my roughout brown/burgundy Wesco harness boots that the guy behind him had to beep his horn at him when the light changed, because the guy was so distracted (mezmerized?) by my boots! LOL!

2. I went to a grocery store and walked down the aisle featuring canned goods. There was a nice-looking guy (wearing well-worn work boots) stacking cans. He turned and looked at me, then my boots. He also became gape-jawed and knocked over the pile of cans he was stacking! LOL! I stopped to help him capture the cans rolling this-way-and-that. He thanked me, and then complimented me on the boots.

Life is short: Boots happen!

The Day of a Dozen Pairs of Boots

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On Saturday, I just couldn’t get the boots right. When I first got up, I pulled on my Champion Attitude ostrich/biker boots, but then decided, “nahhh, I’ve been wearing them a lot” so I pulled them off and said, “I haven’t worn Wescos in a while!” So I pull on my tall black Wesco harness boots.

No sooner had I walked into the kitchen to make breakfast than my legs felt hot. Ooops, these boots just aren’t good in hot weather. Even in air conditioned comfort, my legs were getting uncomfortable. So off with those boots! But I thought, well, perhaps it is that pair of boots, so let me try my tall brown Wesco Harness boots. They fit a little less tightly on the legs.

However, during breakfast, my legs began to feel just as uncomfortable as they did when I was wearing their black brothers. I quickly pulled them off and put on the closest boots available — an old pair of Justin Palamino cowboy boots.

I pulled those off right after breakfast. My feet hurt. Today just wasn’t going to be my day!

I then put on my tall black and blue Olathe buckaroo boots. They looked good, and felt okay. My partner and I picked up some senior pals and went to the grocery store. I also checked in on my beloved aunt who I look after. But I have to be honest, by the time I got home three hours later, my feet were sore again! Off with the boots!

I was planning on padding around barefooted, but my partner asked me to grill some burgers for lunch. Since the grill is outside, I had to put boots on again. So I grabbed a pair of Frye campus boots. Ooops, wrong choice. They felt fine in the foot, but the right boot was very tight on my once-broken leg, so I had to take it off and try again… this time, with a pair of Nocona Rattlesnake boots.

Wow! They felt great! I thought I had the boot-feeling-foot-sore problem solved. Then I decided to run to the wireless phone store and get rid of the Blackberry and downgrade to a regular old cell phone, which I am only keeping because it’s a requirement when leading rides for my club, or otherwise I wouldn’t have one. I decided to go to that store using my Harley… so guess what? The smooth leather-soled cowboy boots had to come off.

On came an old pair of tall Chippewa engineer boots. Off I rode, exchanged the phone, and returned home a half-hour later.

Keeping score? eight pairs… so far, and by then, it was only 1:00.

The Chips felt just fine so I thought that I would wear them the rest of the day. Then “oops” … I was using the hose to water the garden, and believe it or not, the nozzle came off and the hose fell onto my leg, filling my left boot with water. Honestly, I didn’t do that on purpose!

I pulled off the boot, drained it, and hung it upside down to dry while I went inside to find another pair of boots. I put on their brothers, my non-steel toe engineer boots. They felt just as comfortable as their steel-toed brothers.

I ran some more errands, looking after some of my elder buds, when one of them asked me to meet him on the Bocce course. Time for another change! Engineer boots wouldn’t cut it for Bocce. I needed something more “tactical.” So I quickly changed to my Chippewa Firefighter boots, met my buddies, and had a great game while chattering away in Italian.

When I got home, my partner muttered, “you’re dropping dirt clods on the carpet again!” Oops… I picked up dirt from the bocce course. Mud and grass were embedded in the thick lug soles. Off with the boots, to the laundry sink for some cleaning! On with a pair of Dan Post black cherry cowboy boots that I wore while preparing dinner.

All was well until my partner suggested that we watch a movie called “The Butch Factor” on TV after dinner. He suggested that we “get ready” and handed me a pair of boots that he wanted me to wear. So my All-American Patrol Boots were pulled up over a pair of chaps. Those boots look great with leather, and have wide enough of a calf circumference to accommodate leather tucked into them.

Life is short: wear boots — many of them!

Dude, that’s basically awesome

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“Dude, that’s basically awesome,” so said the kid who once occupied the workspace outside my office when he saw a photo of me on my Harley. (Anyone less than half my age, even if he is a college graduate, is a “kid” in my opinion if he continues to speak as if he is still in junior high school.)

When he’s not abusing “basically,” every other word is “awesome.” They say that the younger generation always comes up with meaningless expressions that drive the older generation nuts. This is one such experience.

The word “basically” has replaced “umm” and “ahh” as a space-filler when speaking. Most people are, like, basically, afraid of, basically, dead air when they speak, so they like, basically, fill the void with “basically” just to have some noise. Isn’t that awesome?

I know that I say expressions such as “that’s great” or “that’s neat” instead of “awesome, dude.” Used sparingly, “awesome” isn’t basically so bad. But “basically” is. Hardly anyone uses “basically” to mean “fundamentally.” It’s just awesome, however, when they do.

Life is short: basically be comfortable with a pause of silence if you need to think while speaking. That would be basically awesome, dude!

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Pride

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There I go again… the gay police are gonna come get me for sure… I forgot that it was “Pride” time again in DC. I had to check the website when a good friend who lives in Pennsylvania sent me an email and mentioned that he might be dropping by the Pride Festival on Sunday, June 13.

I dunno why I didn’t remember it was Pride time in DC. I am a plain old disassociated gay guy, I guess. Perhaps it is a result of living with a recluse. Or perhaps it is because I don’t like to stand around among crowds. Capital Pride has events scheduled from June 4 to June 13.

On the last day of this series of events, tens of thousands of people gather in downtown Washington, DC, at the Capital Pride Festival. They listen to speeches and watch stage performances, mill about various booths and displays, and check out the other people there. Usually, it is hot, sunny and unpleasant (weather-wise). My days of wanting to watch lithe young things with shaved chests wearing boots have passed. Frankly, I would rather be out riding my Harley.

Actually, my forgetting about Capital Pride has more to do with the fact that I am an out, open, regular guy. I don’t need a day, week, or set of activities in which to “be proud.” I am a proud man as I am — proud of my accomplishments and my service to my community. And I’m not talking about the LGBT community. I am talking about my neighbors — the area where I live. The area where I provide service by engaging as a civic leader. The area where I am respected for who I am and what I know, not because I am gay, but regardless of my sexual orientation (or the boots or leather that I wear). And that’s how it should be.

Martin Luther King, Jr., said in his famous “I Have A Dream” speech that he desired that his children would “not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” This dream is a reality for me as a gay guy. I don’t hide in the closet. I don’t run around waving the rainbow flag, either. I am who I am, regardless.

… and that’s how it should be.

Life is short: be proud of who you are, as you are, where you are, 24/7, 365 days a year.

Cowboy Boots at the Office

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I am still asked from time to time by curious and perhaps self-conscious men questions like, “do you wear cowboy boots to the office?” or “how do you get by wearing cowboy boots at the office?” or “you’re a manager of other people. Don’t you think wearing cowboy boots to work sets a bad example?”

This blog post came to light when I found a discussion on the professional social network “LinkedIn” titled, “Do you wear cowboy boots to the office”. The responses on that discussion were about as I expected: a few respondents said, “yes, I do,” but most said that they did not, or do not recommend doing so, with a few having very strong opinions about it.
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How To Put On Cowboy Boots

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One might think, “why does anyone want to know how to put on cowboy boots. I mean, you just sit down and pull them on, right?”

Yep, that’s right. However…

… not everyone can pull on cowboy boots all that easily. Recently, I received an email from a guy who is not accustomed to wearing boots. He bought a pair of boots via a reputable on-line merchant. He even got instructions on how to measure himself for boots before he placed the order. Trouble is, the vast majority of internet boot retailers only give instructions on how to measure the foot, not the calf.

The guy who wrote to me said that he received the boots, took them out of the box, pointed his toe into the boot and pulled … and pulled … and pulled, and the boot wouldn’t come on. He further described that the boot shaft (calf circumference) was too narrow.

He wrote to me for advice on what to do. Short story: I suggested that he return the boots and go with another brand, or better yet: custom boots made to his specific measurements.

The guy contacted some others for advice, and someone told him to use plastic grocery bags on each foot. Put his foot in a bag, then into the boots, then pull on. Well, that works for a few people, but only to get the boot on the leg. But the bag doesn’t just pull out once you get the boot on. So what do you have? Roasted ankle and foot! The plastic will not allow natural body heat to dissipate, nor sweat evaporate. Soon enough, your foot begins to heat up, sweat, and then … da da da dum … swell. Uh-oh! You could barely get the boot on, and now you’re foot is hot, sweaty, and swollen, so you won’t be able to pry the boot off with a crowbar! This is NOT a good idea! Don’t believe that old folklore. It doesn’t work!

If the shaft is slightly narrow — that is, you can get the boot on but it is a tight squeeze — then it may be possible for a cobbler to stretch the boot shafts for you to accommodate your leg. But most boots can only be stretched at most 3/8 of an inch. Sometimes that can help, but most often, it’s not enough.

Some cheap boots have narrower shafts that higher-quality boots. Check the manufacturer. I have found that Dan Post, some Tony Lama, some Justin, Nocona, Lucchese, and a few others have a slightly wider instep and calf, which are more forgiving to guys with muscular (or large) calves. Word of warning: if the boots cost less than US$140, expect narrow shafts and other manufacturing short-cuts which is why they are cheap, but also may result in the boots not fitting properly.

The best bet, overall, is not to give up on wearing cowboy boots, but rather, have them made custom to fit you.

Alternatively, try regular harness boots. While it may seem that the harness strap would make the instep tight, it does not. Harness boots generally have a wider instep and calf circumference, so that style of boot may fit you, while traditional 13″ cowboy boots would not.

It is best if you can go to a western store, or even a well-stocked motorcycle store, and try on a pair or two of different styles of boots. That’s really the only way to know if the boots will fit.

Life is short: wear boots!

"Bizzarro Rider" — WTF?

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This guy was on a police-escorted ride to Rolling Thunder held May 30, 2010, in Washington, DC. I’ve seen some riders dressed in some bizarre outfits in my day, but this one takes the cake.

Words can’t explain…. Just what are those things on his feet? Mid-length leather jacket … shorts … foot-thingies that give no ankle protection??? Open-faced helmet with sunglasses and no windscreen??? Bug or rock ===> OUCH! And this is all whilst going 60mph on the Washington Beltway!

Life is short: get in gear and get booted!

Photo from someone who was on the ride, lifted from his Facebook posting. I intentionally blurred the profile, as I didn’t know this person and didn’t take the photo. Note: this IS a male rider. Note the hairy legs. Unblurred facial image confirmed as well.