How do you like my new Spring image? I was tired of the gray hair, so I had my stylist use a male hair coloring product to return my hair to its original medium blond shade. I thought the hair gel product was just the thing to use, too. Doesn’t my hair look great all spiky? The light fuzz on my face is by design — so many men these days do a light shave, but let facial hair in a full beard show. Not a big fuzzy one, but a light beard — it’s, well, so sheik. I’m sure all the guys will notice my new look.

While I was laid up with a broken leg, I began to study men’s style websites and magazines. Man, those style guys sure know how to put it all together, from the new Spring suits, dress shirts, colorful ties, and even pocket squares to add just the right touch. Everybody I follow on Twitter is all abuzz about this year’s new men’s styles. I can’t wait to try on a new pair of dress oxfords that I got at Neiman Marcus. Man, they were a “steal” at only $495. Hmmm, I should consider getting another pair in brown and alternate wearing them.

While I was at NM, I had a long talk with the guy at the men’s “product’s” counter. This term became popular when the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was on television a few years ago. I am amazed, there are so many from which to choose! Hair gel, mousse, facial wash, body splash, and lots of fragrances, too. And oh! This really neat book on how to groom my new beard!

Okay, I can’t stand it any longer: APRIL FOOL!

You wouldn’t honestly believe that I, Booted Harleydude, the quintessential masculine gay man into boots, leather, mud, and motorcycles, would fall for this stuff, would you? Sheesh… gag me, will ‘ya?

Don’t get me wrong: a full beard looks great on some men. Being partially Native American, I can’t grow one. However, these “light fuzz” beards that require hours of daily grooming are a bit beyond me.

I hope, though, since I parodied all this crap that I won’t have to turn in my gay badge. Oops, where did I put that thing, after all?