Monthly Archives: February 2009

USAirways: Shove that pillow where the sun don’t shine

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Back in the good old days, that is prior to Sept. 11, 2001, flying on domestic US airlines was tolerable, and even sometimes enjoyable. The complaints back then were about weather delays and on-time arrivals. The number of flights from which to choose, and with my preferred airport at BWI having a number of choices, I was a happy bird when I had to fly. I flew so much that I got some perks and upgrades that were pleasant.

Oh how I long for those days. In my previous job, I flew over 100,000 actual air miles every year, mostly within the domestic U.S., but occasionally to international destinations. I would try to concentrate my air miles onto USAir if I could, so that I could fly them again for holiday travel with my partner to such places as Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, or South America. I even had an affinity credit card that would boost my mileage on USAir.

Oh the good old days. Now they nickel-and-dime you to death with trying to make you pay fees for a seat in front of the wings, fees for checking luggage, outrageous charges for something they call a “snack,” and what really burns me is their ransom of $2 for a soft drink and now they just announced a $7 extortion attempt for a pillow and blanket.

They can shove that pillow where the sun don’t shine.

That’s it. I just called to cancel my affinity credit card relationship. I will use the last of my miles to visit my brother, and then take another trip later this year to see a very dear old friend out West, and then that’s it. My relationship with that airline and its nickel-and-diming policies is over.

And it’s so sad. It once was a great carrier. Now its full of crap. I hope this time and in this economy when they are in financial trouble, they just go out of business. Screw USAirways and its bottom-of-the-barrel scumsucking nickel-and-diming extortion attempts. I have listened enough to my friend AZ to convert me to using another airline from now on.

An Emotional Week Ends On A High Note

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Real quick, added blog post: I had a rough week in saying goodbye after the death of a friend who I helped to get elected to assume the office that his wife, who was my mentor and very close friend, held for 17 years until her death this past February.

Upon return to work today, I was informed that I was selected for a position for which I had applied at my current employer. This is a big promotion for me! I won out over several other outstanding candidates.

Like Sally Field said long ago: “They like me. They really like me!”

Whoo-hoo! A celebration will occur in our household this weekend!

Keeping a Relationship Going

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I have blogged before about my relationship with my partner, and thought I would say something again about that wonderful man of mine and how we have held each other close all these years.

I was dialoguing with someone via e-mail who has shared comments about some things he has read on this blog. He has expressed his opinions and views about what he would or would not tell his partner.

Gosh, I’m so old-fashioned. I truly treat my partner as my spouse, as if we were married. I was raised by observing that married couples always tell their mate what’s going on, things they are doing, what they are thinking, and such. And that’s what my partner and I do. We talk all the time.

I could probably tell you more about the history of one of our country’s major grocery chains than you ever would want to know. But this is interesting to my partner, and I listen. My partner could probably tell you about every style and manufacturer of boots because he has heard that from me. I could tell you what’s the latest news in his mother’s household, and he could tell you the latest news in our local civic activities and politics. I could tell you about what he likes to watch on television, read in literature, about his musical interests, or even what websites he views regularly. My partner could do the same about me (though I don’t really care for television).

To be honest, I am not all that keen on the latest goings-on of that grocery chain. Some of the television stuff bores me silly. I’m sure that web-geek talk and boots this-n-that, or who may run for what local office is not quite on the top of the list of my partner’s interests.

BUT: if he is interested, then I am interested. If I am interested, then he is interested. Seriously — we talk A LOT. We share everything with each other. Who I talked to about what, where I am going next, what position I may take on some issue, what TV show or actor is up for an award, and the gist of email that we receive. We are honest, open, and sharing.

We don’t hide things from each other, or do anything that could be perceived as operating behind the other’s back. That doesn’t mean that we do not have our own “space,” or our own relationships with others. Goodness, the volume of phone and e-mail communication in which I am engaged with my family and friends is astronomical. My partner doesn’t care and doesn’t really want to know about all of that. But if AZ calls or Clay writes or John, Wes, or Kevin drop me a note, more often than not, I’ll tell my partner about it. And that’s okay, because he trusts that my relationship with my best friends, family, “bootbuds” and community associates are all top-notch, above-board, and honest.

My partner and I communicate. We keep the dialogue going. That is why, I believe, our relationship has lasted as long as it has (almost 16 years), and why it will endure.

Do U IM?

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R U Kidding? It took me the longest time to figure out the short-hand code that frequent users of text messaging and instant messaging systems. I do not use either of these systems.

Texting drives me nuts. I really can not explain why, but I guess I am “of a certain age” where texting is not a preferred method of communication. I know that “texters” use abbreviations of certain words to keep the message short so it does not take as long to write as well as not take up as much room on a cell phone display. However, those abbreviations so abuse the English language that I can’t stand it. Just call me old-fashioned.

Instant Messaging systems are also something I choose not to use. I tried it for a while two years ago, but became annoyed with it rather quickly. What I disliked was that I would be working on my computer, and some message would pop up. At first, I would reply and continue a conversation, then lost track of what I was working on.

Then I decided only to respond when I was not busy, but even then, I found those who sent me I.M. messages would expect me to reply if I were on-line, and would get annoyed with me if I did not reply when I did not want to or have time to do so.

Then I decided to change my settings on I.M. to be “invisible” only for the certain times of day when I might have time to communicate. Turns out that there were fewer and fewer times when I had the time to have I.M. conversations. And my partner gets annoyed with me when I spend too much time on the computer when I am at home. He is right. He is my number one man, so I should be paying attention to him and not fooling around with the computer all night (on the nights I am at home and not at a meeting.)

At work, I discovered that my subordinate staff were spending hours and hours using I.M. to communicate with their friends, and not getting any work done. So eventually management persuaded the I.T. staff to block all I.M. systems at our place of employement. That is just as well. When I am working, I should be working, not I.M.’ing with people.

Anyway, when someone asks me to “text” them or if they can “message” me, using a text or instant message system, I say, “sorry, I don’t have it. Send me an email or do something really weird: pick up the phone and call me.”

Do I IM? Nope. It hasn’t proven useful to me, and has been more of an annoyance than a help. Am I old, and am I the only one who feels this way? (My partner doesn’t count. He doesn’t even use the telephone, much less other communications systems.)

Family and Friends

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Family and friends: this is what it’s all about. This is an additional blog post for today, to say that I feel so blessed to have friends who care, and family who wrap their arms around their little brother and go out of their way to extend their love.

My twin called me the other day as I was in a melancholy mood, reflecting on the life of a friend who just died. His call lifted my spirits a whole lot. He always knows just the right things to say, and really be my soulmate in spirit.

My partner has been calm, soothing, caring, and a great sounding board. Lots of things are happening right now, and he just sits, listens, and only offers advice if I ask. If I don’t ask, he just lets me rant, ramble, and recompose. He knows when to speak and when not to speak — which is quite an art in dealing with me when I’m an emotional wreck.

A buddy from Alabama reached out to me and shared some thoughts and feelings which helped me understand that he truly knows how I am feeling. His outreach to me when he realized I was down was so much appreciated. He is a wonderful, thoughtful guy.

Early this morning, my best friend AZ called me. What a treasure he is to my soul. He restored my flagging confidence and got me back on track. This man is such a warm spirit, thoughtful and caring.

Today a friend who I worked with on several local political campaigns came to get me, drive us to the church, and sit by my side at the funeral. Frequently she just would hold my hand, and say things to help me deal with my emotions. She’s such a wonderful human being. I’m so glad I have gotten to know her.

As I was speaking in the church with several elected officials as we were leaving, I saw my sister in the back. She came to be there just for “me.” I wish she would have come to sit with me, but I guess by the time she got there, the pews had filled. I was right behind the pew with all of our local elected leaders, and sitting among those who are treasured friends of the deceased’s family, right up front. My big sister told me that she didn’t want “intrude” and could see that I was in “good hands.” Frankly, that’s when I “lost it.” But only then.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them, and love ’em back. Hard! I love life, even at sad occasions such as this, because as the priest said during his homily, you can’t mourn unless you love. You know, it doesn’t matter if I’m gay. It doesn’t matter if I am a bit out of the mainstream in how I choose to dress or what I wear on my feet. What matters to the important people in my life is me — just silly ol’ me. I am indeed truly blessed.

Preparing to Testify in Leather

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I am planning to go to my state’s Capitol next week and the week after to appear before a state Senate committee to testify on two bills. The first one, which is a perennial issue for me, is on a bill to ban using hand-held communications devices while operating a motor vehicle. In short: a “cell-phone ban.”

While I was speaking on the phone yesterday with my district’s Senator who is sponsoring this legislation, I asked, “should I show up in my biker leathers?”

He laughed, and then realized I was serious, and said, “sure… that would be different.”

I know that most people who show up to testify on various legislation pending before our state’s General Assembly are attorneys, and many of them are registered lobbyists. They are paid by various interests, such as the wireless industry, to show up in their bland, boring pin-striped suits and wingtips to take positions on bills. They aren’t really interested in the legislation, but on what they are being paid to say.

I am a different kind of person. When I show up, it is because I truly care about the issue about which the legislation is addressing. My position on a cell-phone ban remains solid: make using a wireless communication device while driving a primary offense, and give some teeth to the resulting penalty for the offense.

Why do I care so much about this particular issue? I witnessed a riding buddy get creamed on the road by a cell-phone yapping SUV-driver. The crash happened right before my eyes. I could have been me…. worse, it was someone I truly enjoyed riding with, and worked with as a local community activist. Now his voice isn’t by my side when we engage our elected officials. I am doing this for him, as well as for myself, and for all bikers out there who are in peril from thoughtless people who believe whatever they have to say on their damn phone is more important than paying 100% attention to operating what easily can become a lethal weapon.

So yeah, I am a different kind of “lobbyist.” I am not being paid by anyone to be there. I am taking leave from work to go to our state Capitol and express my concerns to our elected officials. And I’ll be there in leather — for a reason. It demonstrates that bikers are a constituency, too. I won’t be representing my club or any organization. Just myself. Because I care.

This is what is truly wonderful about our country — our right to petition the government for redress. Our right to speak freely about our concerns. Our right to freely elect representatives in our local, state, and federal legislative assemblies and then persuade them to support legislation that addresses concerns of us commoners. That’s one reason why I truly love this country. Right or wrong, good or bad. Engage, cajole, persuade, extoll, speak up. That’s what it is all about.

And today, I go to the funeral for a dear friend to say goodbye. I worked hard on his campaign to get him elected to local office. (This is another way I engage as a civic activist: supporting good people for public office.) What a sad day for his family, and for those of us who loved him. Godspeed, my friend. I’ll sure miss you.

Not Me!

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Man, the whirlwind of speculation about who will run to fill the vacancy that was created on our county council by the death of my friend is driving me nuts. Heck, we haven’t paid our respects yet to my friend who died! The volume of my email is incredible, and distressing!

Well, to make it clear, I invoke the Sherman Pledge: “I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected.” LOL! Actually, all who know me know that I am not a politician and I will not consider running for office. To do that would require A) losing what’s left of my mind, and B) getting divorced. My partner has vowed to disown me and run for the hills if I ever run for public office.

So rest assured, I’m not running. But I’ll be involved. From the sourpuss look on my partner’s face, he knows that I am already caught up in the whirlwind of political speculation and activity, with many turning to me to listen to my thoughts and ideas. Oh gosh, my partner detests it when I get so involved in local politics. But to avoid actually running for office, then I have to get involved otherwise. I have been involved on the inside of several local campaigns in county and state races. It’s been fun and interesting, but also very time-consuming. Just what my partner doesn’t want….

However, for now, we will properly and appropriately pay our respects to my friend at his viewing and the funeral, and give a little time for things to settle down. I will meet with my Board, associates, fellow politicos, and process a few thousand more email messages… then decide. We’ll see.

But this is why I’m not blogging on this board right now about boots and leather. My life is “temporarily diverted.” I’m still wearing my boots and leather, just talking about other things for the time being. I was invited to, and submitted, a guest post on the most well-read, well-respected political blogs in our state. That post went “live” yesterday. It was a tribute to my friend who died. I heard from a lot of people, including some in rather high places, that they thought it was about the most touching, sincere, and heart-felt tributes they have ever read. I’m glad to know that. The least I could do for my friend and his family.

Oh Brother, It’s My Brother (Again)

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Guest Blog Post by BHD’s Twin Brother

My “big” brother, all of four minutes older than me, is going through a rough spot right now. As you read on his blog, he is grieving for the loss of an elected leader with whom he worked in his volunteer civic activities where he lives. This sudden death struck quite a blow to his emotions. He cares so much that he hurts really bad inside when life takes a turn for the worse.

I called him on Sunday and we had a really long, long talk. What rang through so clearly to me as we talked was how much of a big heart my brother has. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he gets hurt sometimes. But that’s what makes this guy so special, to all of us who love him.

He told me that each and every single one of us brothers and sisters called him once they heard the news and the email began to flow on our family grapevine. That’s such a neat thing. You’d think all of us as adults who have our own lives and things going on might be busy or not think that our brother may need some attention. It really makes both of us smile warmly to know that after all these years, the lessons Mom and Dad taught us continue to be demonstrated today.

During our conversation, he put me on hold a couple times when the doorbell rang. When he returned to the phone, he mentioned all too casually that kind old ladies dropped over to bring him some of his favorite cookies and a cake. He told me that his closest friends have been checking in as well — some we grew up with, and some he has befriended and made close through things he does in the community where we grew up, on the ‘net, and elsewhere. I don’t know how many or who all of these people are; my brother makes me dizzy with all he does and all the people he knows. I tell you, my brother cares about the whole world, but it is so gratifying to us who love him to know that the world “cares back.”

We believe in having a wide net to support us. When my brother does his high-wire act to work full-time at a job he loves, to care for his partner, to serve his community, to support the older folks who need help from time to time, and to care for our Aunt and our extensive family, everyone tends to think that he never needs any help or attention. Well, there are times he does. We in the family extend our love, our support, our thanks and our praise, as do his friends.

Stringing the net of compassion and caring builds a network upon which my brother draws strength. Thanks, everyone — many of whom I do not know — for caring for this big lug of a heart. He really appreciates it, as do I.

He is still my number one cheerleader, but at the moment let me cheer him back, with love and all of my heart. What a special man, who I treasure each day I have the esteemed honor to call him “Brother.” Let’s hear it for this guy!

Football "Widower"

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If a male widow is a widower, and if a wife is abandoned because her mate is caught up in the hype and hysteria over a football game is called a “football widow,” then you can call a guy abandoned by his guy, a “football widower.” Honestly, I could care less about sports.

I’m not quite sure why I feel that way, but it probably dates back to grade school, where I was the smallest, most uncoordinated kid in class. Last picked for teams, always fumbling around, slow to run, and not understanding the rules of most sports. I would inevitably do the wrong thing.

I was in school during the time when gym teachers treated kids who were uncoordinated klutzes like me very badly. The gym teachers would make fun of me publicly, and make me feel rotten. I especially remember having the same gym teacher in fifth grade through eighth (he followed me to Junior High). His poking fun at me was the highlight of fun for the other boys in the class. He caused me to resist and shun having anything to do with athletics and physical fitness. I’ll never forget Mr. Tucker and his nastiness. It took me a long, long time to get over that, and return to a gym as an adult, where now at least I enjoy swimming regularly.

My twin brother was the “jock’s jock.” My gym teachers seemed to enjoy making comparisons, often saying, “why can’t you be like your brother, or at least try?” They were implying that my abilities could be improved if I only tried. They never knew how much time my brother practiced with me, trying to help me get better. I just never “got it.”

Fortunately, my twin brother never betrayed me, ridiculed me, or made me feel badly. In fact, if I were just an ordinary short klutz, I probably would have been teased unmercifully by the jocks in high school. However, his strong bond of brotherhood and obvious love for his “little brother” forced his fellow jocks at least to accept me. If any one of them made a nasty or rude comment, they had hell to pay. My brother loved me unconditionally.

In return, I would always show up to cheer him on when he was Captain of this-or-that team. He was very talented. He called me his “#1 cheerleader,” which was quite a courageous position to take, since he was surrounded by a lot of girls who had eyes for him (and him for them). But he never, ever, treated me poorly, or made a joke or off-color reference to me and my lack of sports capabilities or knowledge. He just would give me a signal to say “we go that way now” so I would know which direction was “good”.

Well, anyway, I never developed an interest in sports. I had other things to do. I always cheered for my brother in whatever sport he played, showed up for his awards banquets, and was the first on my feet to give him standing ovations.

Which brings me to today, when I’m living with my partner who hails from Pittsburgh, and whose team is playing in the Super Bowl. I’ll be preparing snacks and game-night foods for my partner to enjoy — then go curl up with a good book and go to bed early.

I’m still in somewhat of a state of shock at the loss of my friend who died on Friday, and remain in a quiet mood. But I’m okay. The outpouring of love and compassion from my partner, my family, and my friends has been very heartwarming. So don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I have a strong net holding me up. I’m just sad, but I’ll move on to better feelings and a brighter smile soon enough.

Meanwhile, whatever team you may support, good luck… enjoy and have fun!