Yearly Archives: 2009

The Big Day

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Yesterday was a big day. I was officially presented the award that I blogged about in January. I’m on such a high that my silly grin still won’t be wiped off my face, and I am still floating on air, boots and all.

It began with a surprise upgrade to First Class on the flights to the city where a conference was being held and at which the award was presented. It continued with being picked up at the airport and escorted to the hotel in a huge Suburban with two bike cops clearing traffic. For lil’ ol’ me? Who woulda thunk?

It continued when I got to the hotel and was given a key to a suite, complete with a 5,000-pound fruit basket, compliments of the host committee.

Dinner with old friends — well, shall I say “really long-term but not-that-old”) — on Tuesday night was a hoot. If I weren’t such an early-bird, I could have stayed up all night. But I was a good boy, and got to bed by 9.

I tried to give away the fruit at a breakfast on Wednesday morning, but the hotel had provided more and more fruit. I had to bring the basket back to my room… unpartaken (except for a couple bananas that I ate).

I spent most of the morning attending the conference that brought me, and enjoyed listening to the presentations and thinking, “my, my, my, how things have not changed.”

Then the big event — the awards lunch. I can’t/won’t go into detail, but let me say that it was truly special and I am deeply grateful and honored. The standing ovation was more than I expected, and the acknowledgments for the contributions to my profession were beyond belief. I am just a man who was in the right place, at the right time, and who had the freedom to extend his passion across a broad spectrum. That couldn’t happen today as the organization where I did that work is a mere shell of itself now (and its decline is a main reason why I left), but was wonderful in the heyday of enabling such accomplishments.

The part of the event about which I was most anxious was a celebratory dinner last night. It was hosted by a well-regarded media outlet and one of its most well-known “gurus.” He razzed me, joked around, made up stories (no, I didn’t go bald before he did! I still have [some] hair!) The event was more of a roast, but all in good fun. I was able to relax, laugh, and have a great time.

My only regret if I have one is that my partner wasn’t with me. He joined me at the January presentation, but he said that this event was “your time with your people.” He knew that I would have to continue to introduce him, and he didn’t want any attention. He hates crowds. Funny, he likes to dress up, and I don’t. I like crowds, and he doesn’t. Oh well, we share many other things in common.

I’m winging my way back home as you read this, and will return to some semblance of “normal life.” My twin brother arrives late tonight to spend Easter with us. I love having him around. We have something special planned for the kiddos this weekend. Te he.

By the way, I found a good use for the fruit basket — there was a homeless shelter not that far from the hotel, and I donated it to them. They were very happy to get it.

Life is short: You gotta love it!

Meeting The Right Guy

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I have been asked from time to time how to meet a guy who has the qualities that I have described in my own partner: honesty, integrity, romance, intelligence, and terrific & tender with intimacy (not necessarily in that order!)

I am “of the age” where when I was single and looking around, the Internet was not available. Websites dedicated to social interactions and networking did not exist. The only places available to meet other guys were bars, clubs, social groups, and the workplace. We could run a personal ad in the local gay rag, but that didn’t work very well and took a long time. Or, there were occasional gay-oriented events, like rallies, trips or cruises, but those trips didn’t occur with the frequency back then with which they do now.

I know that I was exceptionally fortunate to have met my partner through a club that we both had joined for different reasons, but about the same time. The other members of the club turned out to have a lot of “issues.” My partner and I figured that out fast, left the club, but kept each other! We are approaching 16 years of true partnership, and I am thankful for each minute I have had with him.

These days, using the Internet to make first contacts is how many men meet other men. But using the Internet exclusively has severe drawbacks. I have learned from my on-line activities (blog, website, occasional posting on BOL, etc.) that a fair number of the people who respond to on-line postings have “issues.” A guy may sound normal in writing but then when you meet him, you find out that (a) he is married to a woman; (b) he has someone at home he calls a partner yet he is playing deceitfully behind his partner’s back; (c) he was smart enough to analyze your posting to repeat what you wanted to hear, but when you spoke with him one-on-one, it turns out that you have nothing in common; (d) he is demanding for sex and not much else; (e) he doesn’t have much “upstairs”, (f) he wants your money, or (g) some combination of these things.

A guy looking to meet another guy on the ‘net needs to be astute enough to know that not everyone is who he portrays himself to be. That if you do choose to meet in person, to plan the first meeting in a public place, like a restaurant or a bar, rather than invite him to your home immediately. Have a conversation before letting your libido take over your mind. Keep your mind straight — at least as straight as it can be for a gay guy — by not confounding your thought processes with drugs or alcohol. After all, meeting someone else for purposes of a longer-term relationship than a one-night stand means that you have to be able to listen and think.

While the Internet is an often-used tool to meet other guys, what I continue to observe and hear from friends is to “get out there.” Get involved in things. Find out if there are brunches or other social functions organized by a group that you would enjoy knowing better. If you enjoy playing sports, join a volleyball, softball, or other local sports team. Get involved in community or church activities. Go rock climbing or hiking with people. Join a club or group that does things you enjoy — like I do with motorcycle riding and civic groups. These days, gay men are “out there” and active in a number of groups because they like what the group does. They enjoy doing things like helping out at the shelter, singing in the choir, playing a sport, and all sorts of things.

Because gay men are more integrated than ever before in community events, activities, and sports, it is common to find that while there are a bunch of straight people in the group, there very well are gay people in it too. They are like me: they don’t wave the rainbow flag, come swishing into a room with a squeaky voice, or have an HRC sticker on their car’s bumper. That is, they generally blend in as a part of the fabric of the community, and not associate only with other gay people. After a while, though, you usually can find out (by using “gaydar” or simply asking) if a guy you like might be interested in going out with you. If you find a man you like in the group, you already have something in common, which is the activity that the group does. You already have something about which you can begin a conversation. And let me affirm that it is conversation that builds the foundation of a long-lasting quality relationship.

Getting out and involved seems to me to be one of the most overlooked “resources” for finding a mate. Yet that process is as age-old as going to the church social or the barn-building for a neighbor of years past. (And in years past, that is how a lot of gay men actually met each other because they never could think of revealing their sexual orientation.)

Keep at it, keep looking, and know in your heart that if you really want to meet that special man, there are guys out there that you will like and who will like you as well as be compatible in bed. But I know it doesn’t happen like it happened with me but once in a blue moon. But it can happen. It does happen. Think positively, keep looking, keep true to yourself and your convictions. And also: keep smiling! Nobody likes a man who scowls.

Life is short. Spending it with someone who will remember your name and forgive you when you put your right boot on your left foot when you’re 70 is worth it. 🙂

Pennsylvania Connections

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My partner loves to sit in our gardens in the back yard and relax. He watches the birds flutter around the feeder, the squirrels play “catch me if you can,” and soak in the marvels of Mother Nature in her glory. He worked very hard to make our backyard retreat the quiet, soothing, comfortable place that it is. He says that in some ways, it reminds him of “backwoods” where he grew up, in Western Pennsylvania.

I joined him on a bench back in our backyard retreat the other day. This was one of those times where we sat, relaxed, and had a quiet conversation. During that particular chat, I spoke about some guys I have gotten to know who also have connections with his home state.

My best friend, AZ, was born in the same hospital where my partner was (albeit a decade later), and lived in Pennsylvania for quite a while until he moved for a new start on a new life in Arizona, where he is well-settled and happy. My partner knows all about AZ, as we have talked about him and our friendship a lot. My partner appreciates that AZ and I have such a strong bond of friendship, because he knows that AZ is a quality man.

Within the last year, I have “met” (via email) two other fine men from Pennsylvania. I choose not to reveal too much about them out of respect for their privacy. But I can say a little bit.

One guy lives and works in the central part of the state. He has a responsible position with a well-respected employer. He travels a lot. He likes boots, but admits that his boot-wearing has been limited to a few favorite pairs. He travels a lot for his job. He is really smart and introspective. He is gay, but lives a quiet life and has kept his interests in other men pretty much to himself. Lately he has begun the process of coming out by getting involved in groups and meeting people. He has told me that my blog has helped him be more comfortable with being himself and who he is as gay man. I have learned a lot from him, and really enjoy our frequent email exchanges and discussions.

Another guy lives with his partner in Western PA. He comes from a strong, supportive family. He also has done a lot of civic work in helping to protect and care for his small town and surrounding areas. He likes boots, too, but usually only wears them casually (and he is quite attractive in his Wranglers and boots!) He works in a specialty field but in a corporate environment. He travels a lot, too. We have exchanged many emails and some phone calls, and I have learned a lot about his qualities, intelligence, wit, and charm. His nature of being a confident, masculine man has helped reaffirm much for me, as our outlooks on the nature of “gaydom” are identical.

I have blogged about some of the conversations I have had with these friends. What brought us together, perhaps, was a mutual interest in boots, but what built bonds of friendship with all of these guys is more than that. We have mutual interests and outlooks on life. It is not surprising that we have formed solid friendships. These guys are down-to-earth, intelligent, thoughtful, and pleasant men who have a lot to share. They know how to be a good friend. They are forgiving of my occasional lapses in communication. They ask insightful questions. They give support when they sense it’s needed (and they are quite able to sense that need without my having to say so.)

As I was having that conversation in our garden with my partner, he remarked to me — and he’s right — there’s something about those Pennsylvania connections. Sure, I have friends here at home in Maryland and all around the world. I treasure, though, my “PA Connections” which first brought me my partner, and ongoing have introduced me to quality men who have brought joy, calm, and fun to my life. Thanks, guys!

Missing My Riding Buddy

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As I have blogged about before, I witnessed a great friend and fellow motorcycle rider get killed by a cell-phone-yapping yuppie. Six years ago today that horrible crash happened. Rick died on the scene. It was an awful sight, and I still have nightmares.

I haven’t stopped riding, but I am still quite nervous, especially when statistics continue to show that more and more people use cell phones all the time, and many continue to yap-and-talk while driving. Worse nowadays are those who text-and-talk.

The Commonwealth of Virginia finally had a little bit of courage to pass a bill that the Governor signed into law to make texting while driving a secondary offense. This watered-down bill is better than nothing at all.

My own state’s legislature (Maryland) has no guts, no courage, and no intelligence, particularly those who serve on the Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee before whom I testified, but who couldn’t pass the bill out of committee this year. SHAME ON THEM!

They all yap on their cell phones all the time. Even when the committee was presented with strong evidence compelling the reasons to pass a measure to make talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving or texting while driving a primary offense — and even with the support of the Maryland State Police (this year was the first time they got behind the legislation) — the darn fools once again won’t pass the bill. What a crying shame. And I am ashamed of each and every one of the committee members who voted against the bill. SHAME SHAME SHAME! BOO! HISSSS!

I commend my district’s state senator for drafting the bill and getting co-sponsors for it. He is, at least, trying to do the right thing, even if some of his colleagues won’t support him.

Meanwhile, I spoke with Cindy last night. Cindy was Rick’s wife. She is doing okay. Their children are growing, and doing okay. But she was melancholy, and I can understand why. She moved out-of-state about a year after Rick’s crash, but we have kept in touch. She misses Rick so much. The kids still ask about him from time to time, but their memories are short, and they don’t know who their Daddy really was: a man of integrity, intelligence, political savvy, and who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. In many ways, he was my political soulmate, whose absence continues to be felt deeply.

I’ll keep fighting for what’s right. You would think that legislating common sense is unnecessary. Unfortunately, there are so many people who have no common sense at all, and continue to yap-and-drive lethal weapons down the highway.

Hang up and drive. The life you save could be your own.

Clang Clang Clang Goes the Trolley

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My partner seldom wants to go anywhere and it is even less often that he comes up with an idea of something he wants to do. Yesterday was an exception.

We joined a group that went to Philadelphia for a “rail fan” tour. In the morning, we toured the 30th Street Station in Philly and learned about its history. We then got to see Amtrak’s operations center which is also located there. It was an interesting behind-the-scenes insight into how Amtrak’s operations run.

We had lunch at the station, and boarded a bus which took us to a trolley car barn operated by SEPTA, the authority that runs public transit in Philly. We boarded a chartered PCC II trolley car for a delightful trip all over the city. We stopped several times for “photo ops,” which I did a few times, but honestly, to me, one picture of a trolley car looks pretty much the same as all others. We rode for hours and hours all over Philadelphia. The smile on my partner’s face was endless. He has always had a special fascination with trams, trolleys, and street cars since he remembers them from his days as a kid. We have spent days and days riding trams in Melbourne, Australia; Christchurch, New Zeland; Munich and Frankfort, Germany; Vienna, Austria; Toronto, Canada; and New Orleans and San Francisco, USA. In fact, back in the day when we traveled, half of our time playing tourist was just to ride the trams.

I enjoy it when my partner is happy. He works so hard and does so many things to help me that the rare times he wants to do something for his own happiness is only my pleasure to support.

Life is short: keep smiling! Show those you love that you love them.

Cherry Tree Time Again!

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I got a chance to take a walk over by the U.S. Capitol yesterday to see the cherry trees in bloom on the Capitol grounds. It was delightful … and not too crowded. Most of the tourists coming to see the trees in DC go to the Tidal Basin, and don’t know that there are cherry trees in other places in the city that are just as gorgeous.

I generally avoid going to tourist places in DC during peak tourist season, which has started in earnest. However, I work in the city and there are so many things that are nice to see during Spring that I still try to get out to see them. DC is such a walkable, beautiful city, especially in springtime.

I posted more pictures that I took here on my website.

Leatherman Transformation

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How it is when I get home from work and don’t have to go to an evening meeting.

And yeah, I built the shelves in the background and my partner finished them. Since I built our house, we put in a lot of built-in features throughout, which makes it comfortable, livable, and practical. People have asked, “where do you store all those boots?” When you build your own house, you plan for storage, so the boot closet was part of what we constructed, as well.

Of the many reasons why I love my partner, two things come to mind: he enjoys and welcomes my many “leatherman transformations” at home, even if he isn’t into leather and boots as I am. Second, he supported my decision to take a five-month leave-of-absence from my old job when I was building our house and developing out our small neighborhood, and provided me the financial and emotional support I required during that process. I’ll never, ever, do that again (dealing with the bureaucracy in developing a small neighborhood took five years and cause me to turn gray among other things), but I couldn’t have done it without his partnership, love, and all those many back-rubs.

Life is short: wear your boots and leather!

Tears of Romance

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My partner is such a romantic guy.

I had a hectic day at work yesterday, with one thing after another going on. Nothing was wrong, but I didn’t have a break all day. Then after work, I dropped by that house I am renovating to put in another hour of electrical work while it was still daylight. (The house doesn’t have the power turned on, so I have to work when I can see what I’m doing.)

When I got home, I changed out of my dirty jeans into some leather, just ’cause. I then got to work preparing dinner for my partner and me.

As I was preparing our meal, I heard the door open in the basement, then close. I saw my partner out in the back yard. I didn’t think much about it, because he likes to stroll in the gardens.

I was absorbed in my cooking tasks, and heard a noise. I looked up, and there was my partner, reaching toward me with a huge bunch of daffodils cut from our garden. He smiled, handed me the flowers, and said those three simple but powerful words, “I love you.”

My reaction was to smile, embrace him, and then feel tears stream down my face. The tears welled up because my partner still brings me flowers and shows he loves me … after all these years. I have such deep, true passionate love for my one-and-only. He is such a romantic man. I am so richly blessed to have someone in my life who loves me so deeply.

Life is short: show those that you love that you love them!

Dress Wingtips and Cocktail Attire

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So, how do you like my new shoes? They are, according to the Esquire “Best Dressed Real Man” contest, the hottest thing for men this Spring.

When I was asked to enter the contest from several people who are always in awe of my innate sense of fashion and style, I saw that these shoes were on the list of what was considered the ultimate in men’s fashion, and I had to have them. Since money isn’t an object for the guppy set, I used my cell phone to call the valet to bring ’round my newly-leased Lexus LX09 Hybrid SUV and drove myself over to Neiman Marcus to get a pair. I mean heck, they were only $495 a pair. I purchased a pair in black, too, since they were such a great buy. (You don’t just get these shoes, you go through a purchasing experience at their sales event). And while I was there, I got fitted for three new suits and picked up a half-dozen new fine silk ties. My old suits and ties were getting a little tattered. I’ve been wearing them for a few months now. Time for Spring duds and also time to donate my hardly-used clothing to the Planet Aid bin in the grocery store’s parking lot.

And what a pleasant surprise! They gave me a set of men’s hair and skin products as a gift for buying the suits (wow, a $100 value!), consisting of green tea face wash (that’s the latest thing, fellas!), herbal skin softener, under-eye toner, and ginseng hair rinse. Oh, and bottle of ode-de-realman cologne, too! Wow!

In reviewing on-line articles about cocktail attire, where it says that “boots under trousers are an abomination,” I know a new suit, tie, and expensive dress wingtip shoes will be the hit of the party at the latest gathering in Guppyville!

After the great shopping experience, I dropped into a nearby Starbucks. I began Twittering on my laptop. While sipping a java chip frappacinno, admiring the new shoes, I sat back and said…



OH MY GOD! WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

April Fools!

Living in Guppyville

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I’m surrounded! Aaaaaaaack! Okay, I live in one of the wealthiest counties in the nation. It is easy and comfortable to live and let live, and to be open as a gay couple among your neighbors, or as I do, as a civic leader.

I’m not alone by any means. While there is no formal census, it is clear to me that among the almost-million residents of my county, there are a huge number of LGBT people.

There are also a huge number of yuppies. You know, the guy who thinks he is saving the planet by driving a hybrid vehicle when meanwhile he makes 200K a year working for a conglomeration which buys goods from foreign countries employing 12 year-olds who rip out their own rain forests for raw goods. (I borrowed this reference from the urban dictionary.)

Or the gay guys who are attorneys and buy suits and dress shoes galore from the high-end retailers, getting to-and-fro in their latest new upscale car. Or… whatever, you get my drift.

Combine the two — gay + urban professional = “guppy.” We’ve got so many of them around here that if you laid them all end-to-end, you could probably reach San Francisco with ’em! (Now I divert… who would want to “lay” a guppy? And which end? On top of each other? Would they squeal? I am ROFL!)

Anyway, I received an invitation to yet one more wonderful fundraising dinner-dance, this time to benefit the statewide LGBT non-profit. Okay, it’s a good non-profit organization, and advocates well. Good and hard-working people are affiliated with it. They need to raise funds to keep doing their work. I understand all that.

Their “Spring Formal” (as it were), being held right here in Guppyville, is priced high at $125/person, or more for such wonderful designations as “power couple” for a mere $600. And it goes up from there for various sponsorship levels along with that special “opportunity” to attend the “VIP reception” with the guest speaker du juor.

What wine are these guppies drinking who come up with this?

Actually, I’ve asked, and have been assured that they do quite well in appealing to the “cocktail-attire” guppy-set of my home county, and raise a lot of funds with this event.

Well, more power to them. It isn’t going to include us. Too rich for my blood (well, the “ask” is too high for us to feel comfortable with. We have other priorities). We will continue to make a modest charitable donation directly to them, and bypass all the froo-froo.

Also, the event is on a Sunday night — starting at 6pm for the wonderful pre-event “VIP Reception” followed by a “silent auction” then the dinner with speeches by TBD and award-winners, then dancing to music played by an unknown DJ following. My partner and I get up at 4-in-the-morning for work the next day… but apparently the guppy-set doesn’t rise early, or as early as we do. Or lives on less sleep. Or will take the next day off work… or a combination thereof.

Oh puh-leeze, gimme a break. Marketing to guppies has never resonated in our household. And it never will. We’re just not part of that set, and feel ill-at-ease and uncomfortable around it.

The night of that event will be late Spring, so hopefully the weather will be decent enough that my partner and I can enjoy a nice meal at our favorite place to eat out, “Deckview, Maryland.” We will grill a couple of steaks, bake some potatoes, whip up a garden salad, pop open a couple of Coke Zeros, and sit back to watch the sun gently set on our trees while we are dressed in blue jeans and boots. That’s our style, and our comfort level. The peace and quiet will also be appreciated, too.