This was the single word that my Italian grandmother used when any of us kids became impatient with something. This was her way of saying, “patience is a virtue.”

That’s a virtue that is difficult for me to achieve. When I see something wrong and it is within my means to try to fix it, I certainly try.

Lately, my patience has been tried on various fronts. Fortunately, after several trials, I’m pleased to say that for the most part, some bad things are now rectified. Like the monopoly telephone company in our area that wouldn’t fix my 93-year-old aunt’s telephone when it shorted out due to rain last Saturday. Navigating that company’s horrid automated answering system is a test of anyone’s patience. I think they make it so difficult simply to drive people away from even registering a complaint. Excuse-after-excuse didn’t wash with me. Finally, after being deliberately disconnected more times than actually getting through to a human being, the phone got fixed and my aunt can move out of our guest room back to her own home. (There was no way she could stay at home alone without a working phone.)

Or the complete nitwits on some internet sneaker forum (and other forums too) who say silly, stupid things and link to my website. I hope it makes them feel better to be so nasty. They sure prove their ignorance, and that their momma didn’t bring ’em up right. I have tried to block them, as well as install a system to record every IP address from every visitor to my website linked from those forums. Next script to write and install is one that takes those IP addresses when they visit my website and automatically re-directs them to a … (hmmm, still thinking about where; perhaps the FBI’s website? Might they get a message?)

My patience was worn very thin when I saw someone fall in a store parking lot yesterday. After checking to make sure there weren’t any neck or back injuries, I helped him up, but needed some more help to get him stable. No one would stop — people literally ran past me. I finally got some more help, but it took much longer than it should have taken.

Then a challenge with my new ISP at home. We went with a new fiber optic internet service. It’s fast, that’s for sure. But when you register and accept the mandatory terms of service, they force you into signing up for entertainment services that you don’t want. No opt-out option is available. Now I have to call them and waste more time navigating through their horrible automated answering system to have them remove those auto-added, expensive services. I also will be spending time on writing a firm and formal complaint to our state’s regulatory agency and the State AG about deceptive business practices. (That’s me, “rent-a-kvetch”. I’m pretty good about writing formal complaints on behalf of myself and others when a company is clearly in the wrong.)

When my partner’s patience is tested, he repeats a phrase from time to time which comes from his Western Pennsylvanian roots: “hooray for me, to hell with you.” He says he hears people say that where he grew up, and behave that way. That tends to reflect how unfortunate it is that more people care about themselves than take a minute out to do anything for anyone else, or even consider how someone else may feel. I just can’t do that. It is not how I’m wired, or how I was brought up — nor my partner. Thank goodness we share the same values this way.

Life is short: show those you love, as well as those you don’t know but can help, that you care. Act. Responsibly. With thought and consideration for others.

Now that I have your attention, this is just a reminder that if you have smoke alarms in your home that use batteries, if you have not replaced the battery in the last year, DO IT.

If your smoke alarm is more than ten years old, replace it. Smoke alarms lose sensitivity with time. All responsible fire safety agencies and organizations in the U.S. recommend changing smoke alarm batteries once a year, and the entire alarm every ten years.

Don’t fall for the catchy marketing phrase that a certain battery manufacturer began in the 1980s: “change your clock, change your battery.” This phrase was invented to sell more batteries. You only have to replace smoke alarm batteries once each year — not more frequently. It is environmentally unsound to dispose of perfectly good batteries in the trash more than once a year. Also, since (in the U.S.) the time changes occur in April and November, the difference between the time changes is not half a year. It just doesn’t make sense to change batteries when you change your clock (if you are in a state where time changes from daylight to standard time; not all do).

This weekend marks our tenth anniversary in our house. Today, as a present to our house (and to ourselves), my partner and I replaced all of our smoke alarms with new units. All nine of them! We got new alarms that have easy-to-reach battery compartments, but are still hard-wired into the home. The new alarms also have a “hush” feature. That means that if I set off the alarm when I’m cooking, for example, I can press a button on the alarm and it silences it for about 15 minutes. This feature is great, because people who have it will be less likely to take a battery out of an alarm when it goes off for a nuisance situation, such as cooking smoke. The battery back-up feature is great to have in case the power goes out. All of our smoke alarms are interconnected, so if one goes off, all the rest of them do. (This was a code requirement and one that we think was a great idea.)

Almost every day we read stories in the newspaper about people who have died in the place they feel safest: in their home — because of a fire. I often read that there was no working smoke alarm in those fires. In fact, ongoing studies show that about one-third of smoke alarms in homes don’t work on any given day.

Don’t let your home be unprotected. Test your smoke alarm once a month by pushing the test button. Replace the battery once a year. Replace the whole unit every ten years.

In a future blog post, I’ll explain why we also have residential fire sprinklers in our home. These were not required by law, and we paid extra to have them. But our peace-of-mind was well worth the cost.

Now, I’m off to my aunt’s home and several of her friends with new batteries for their smoke alarms.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them — replace the batteries in their smoke alarms!

I have spent much of the day listening. I have visited with five older people who live in a retirement community near me. Each of my older friends lives alone. They get lonely. Sometimes, I just go visit, and listen. I learn a lot, and enjoy providing a way for my friends to share their stories, background, history, and occasional advice or insights.

I might lift a hammer, wrench, screwdriver, or a can of WD-40 and fix something while I’m there. That’s why I tell them I’m coming. But the real reason I am there is to give them someone to talk to, in person. It makes a world of difference — to them and to me. Meanwhile, that squeaky door gets fixed, or the light bulbs get replaced, and that ding-danged leaky faucet stops leaking.

Just a way to spend some time with some important people in my life. And a great thing to do on a rainy day. Kick off my boots at the door, give a warm smile, a big hug, share a cookie, fix something, and just listen.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them, each and every day.

I guess it’s how I was raised and how I am wired. It’s a foundation of my deep, personal faith. It’s how my Mom and Dad expected us to live, and how they demonstrated through their own actions that what’s more important is others before self. Simple as that, and sometimes as hard as that.

This morning as I dodged commuters rushing onto the Metro train, pushing people out of their way so they could be first, I thought, “others before self.” As I was getting off the train, I blocked the way for an older person to get off the train before I did, and protected her from the thundering, thoughtless, masses streaming toward us.

Last night as I was mulling over a decision on a local development project in my role as a local community activist. I thought that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, but then again, I thought “others before self.” What do those most affected think? I asked, and we formed a position that was more inclusive and better focused. (Thought I must say that I have little tolerance for NIMBYs).

When the local water utility painted their water tower and lowered the antenna for a cell phone provider that was on top of the tower, thus causing poor signals in the area and people not being able to connect to their service, I thought, “so what?” Personally, I detest those annoying devices. But then I thought, “others before self.” There are others who truly felt that they had a serious problem. So I in my role as a community leader, I helped the affected neighbors negotiate with the cell carrier for a COW (cell on wheels) to be brought in until the antenna can be raised back to its former height.

When my uncle was in the winter of his life and had made the decision to stop taking his meds and suffer the consequences which would lead to certain death, I initially tried to talk him out of it. I didn’t want my uncle to die; I truly enjoyed every minute I had with him and selfishly wanted more. I hadn’t finished writing the book about his life. I didn’t want to let go. But then I thought, “others before self.” My uncle had lived a rich and wonderful life, and now he had made the decision to die. Five days later and with the support of home hospice care, he passed away. I was holding his hand as he took his last breath. He died with dignity and honor, at home, with his loving wife of 64 years nearby. “Others before self” had never been so hard, but never felt as good.

When my sister was dying and needed a kidney transplant, all us siblings were tested. I was a close match. I was warned about potential future health consequences if I donated a kidney (and certainly I have suffered those consequences). But “others before self” … my sister is fine now. (Though I suggest to the doctor during our annual checkup that he knock her out and we switch kidneys, because she got the “better” one, and now I can hardly eat anything anymore without either getting sick or gaining weight or both).

I’m no saint. I have many faults, failures, and foibles. But thinking about how things affect other people is more important to me than how things affect me. There are so darn many conceited, ego-driven people in the world, I often wonder how we manage to survive. Fortunately, I know that I am not the only one who takes time to think of others before self. Certainly my siblings do, and those who I call my close friends do, as well. And my partner deserves a medal for how he thinks of “others before self” as he demonstrates his care and concern for his mother, and for me.

Life is short: wear your boots, and give a little thought to someone else today, and remember to smile — that’s the easiest and least costly way to think of others before self. A smile brings sunshine and makes everyone around you feel better.