These past two weeks have been unusual for our household in that my partner and I have been more separated than together. I had to take a lengthy business trip. When I returned, my mother-in-law was there. My partner brings her to our house for a visit each summer. He arranged her visit to occur mostly while I was away. Her visit continued for two days after I returned.

I care for my mother-in-law, but she is not easy to be around. As a product of her upbringing, she has developed bigoted attitudes which are difficult to hear. She is recognizing that her vocal statements bother me a lot and stops herself when she sees me grimace when she makes unreasonable comments about her neighbors back home. And her eating habits are, well, challenging to observe. I won’t go into more detail, but it’s not pretty.

My partner drove his mother back home last Friday. He stayed the weekend and returned on Sunday afternoon. While I enjoyed some “me time,” and having a weekend reprieve from the long list of “honey do” projects, I was missing my man.

Prior to his arrival back home, I changed the linens on our bed, dusted and cleaned a lot of the house, and even vacuumed. That is not something I ordinarily do in our division of household labor, but I know he likes a clean house and he cleaned it up before his mother’s visit, so I returned the favor by doing it this time.

I also drained the water from our hot tub, thoroughly cleaned it, replaced the filters, and refilled it. I knew that my partner would be miserably sore from his long drive back home, and a relaxing soak in the hot tub would help.

I also got busy in the kitchen. My partner loves to eat whatever I cook, so Guido (my chef’s assistant, pictured) and I got busy and made a loaf of Italian bread, a pasta salad with fresh ingredients from our “deck garden” (cucumbers, tomatoes, and peppers), and then prepared a zucchini casserole. We have tons of zucchini ripening, so a casserole would use a lot of it. Too bad I can’t eat it, but my partner loves it. It was all for him.

When I heard his car pull into the garage, I went out to greet him. I winced as he was obviously in a lot of pain from driving — as I expected. I unloaded his luggage and got his clothes into the wash. He hadn’t eaten lunch, so I fixed him a sandwich with our fresh bread, then sat with him at our kitchen table and caught up.

Then we relaxed in our hot tub, and soaked for a whole hour. It helped him immensely with his pain. It did wonders for my spirit. We had a long conversation about our relationship, and how much we think of one another, and how much we remain deeply in love.

We dried off, and went inside where my partner became amorous. He asked me to bring him a pair of boots and asked me to “get booted,” then… (big evil grin)

Dinner was an easy fix, as a portion of the casserole was quickly heated with a zap in the microwave, and the pasta salad and bread side was all ready. I had a sandwich, as the veggies do not agree with me.

After dinner, we kept the TV and computer off, and cuddled in each other’s arms. We didn’t say much — we didn’t need to. Just being there, holding each other… lovingly, closely, fondly. I had blogged before about the importance of touch, and it’s so true. Soon enough it was bedtime, ending with a long snuggly back scratch. Ahhhh… perfect end for our reunion day.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

I was commenting on a buddy’s blog the other day. He wrote about the sorry state of affairs of residents in “old folks homes.” He was referencing the difference between “residents” and “inmates,” and stated that it was his perception (shared by others) that a home for older people is more of a restraining facility, with many restrictions and fixed times for activities. He concluded by stating that living in such a facility is living the life of an “inmate.”

This is what I wrote in my blog comment to him:

I have befriended hundreds of older people and can relate to what you are describing. My observation is that while a few older people are childless, for the most part, older people who have had children no longer receive much attention from their offspring. The older parents are left to rot; to be cared for by others.

It hurts me so much when I see the bright smile and glow on the face of a senior whose home I visit — perhaps to repair a squeaky door, compute a tax return, or to take her out grocery shopping — to know that often my brief visit is the only younger person he has seen all day, all week, or in a month.

It just galls me that older people are abandoned, left to being cared for by facilities such as “old folks homes,” nursing homes, assisted living centers, or the like. Sure, some of the older people need more assistance with daily living (bathing, eating, taking meds on schedule) than others. But they should never be left to rot in abandonment. Children who haven’t said as much as “boo” to their parent, or who have not visited in years, should be ashamed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… you’re “busy” raising children, working, and dealing with the hassles of daily life. I’m busy too and still make time in my schedule to take some older people grocery shopping, drop in to pay a visit, do some light home repairs, or whatever. Don’t give me “I’m busy” … it doesn’t wash. As they say, if you want something done right, give it to a busy person. The right thing to do is to pay attention to parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older friends.

In the U.S., we have too much of a “throw-away” culture. I get incensed when we throw away our elders. That is perhaps why I volunteer so much, and care so much. After all — soon enough — I will be one of them.

I admire people, like BBA and some other guys I know, who have totally reordered their lives to care for elderly parents as they have aged and need help. It is a huge inconvenience, but to tell you the truth: when you were a baby, you were not all that “convenient,” either. Love conquers all, and it works on both sides of the aging continuum.

If your parents or grandparents are alive, how lucky you are. All of mine have died; however, I have no regrets. Each of them were part of my life until they passed away, and they knew how very deeply I loved them. Go visit your elders, or give them a call. Show them that you are thinking of them. After all…

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

I took this photo last night from my window seat as I was on the plane on my way home. It’s nice to be home, in my own bed, in the arms of my man, snuggled warm and close.

I even was happy to see my mother-in-law who has been here while I was away. I prepared a nice breakfast for her and my partner, and enjoyed listening to them catch me up on what’s been going on while I was away. I even was amused, rather than annoyed, at my mother-in-law’s sloppy eating habits. Nothing has changed.

A day of rest, recovery, de-poopification, and doing laundry, before returning to the working world back in DC tomorrow. Ahhhh…

I hate shopping. I really do. I do not like crowds, salespeople, or browsing. When there are things that I have to get, I make a list, and either find it on-line at a good value, or buy it in a store. Go in, get it, pay, get out. Period.

I definitely do not fit the gay stereotype of enjoying shopping. Yuck. I have lots of other things I would rather do with my time.

Therefore, I was pleased when I completed my shopping for Christmas 2009 already. There’s one good thing about a large family — we do not buy Christmas presents for each other, else lead to personal bankruptcy. I have about ten people I buy presents for, including my partner, my aunt, my mother-in-law, and a few special senior friends. That’s it.

Recently I made some time to go to a card shop and bought the cards for my annual gift for the card organizers for seniors. Birthday cards, anniversary cards, and a few general all-purpose cards for special occasions that may arise. I carefully stored the cards away at home in a safe place. I will organize them come December, but don’t have to get out into the crowds during the busy holiday buying season.

I have also purchased a few items via the internet. Those items arrived last week, and also have been carefully tucked away.

My partner insists that he doesn’t want a present. He never really had a childhood Christmas where the kids tore open the presents and played with toys all day. Christmas, to him, is rather quiet and he calls it peaceful. Therefore, what I bought for him, which is a surprise, is something that is “peaceful” and that I know he will enjoy.

Well, anyway, all of my Christmas shopping is done. I will be happy come December when everyone is fretting over needing time to go shopping, dealing with crowds, long lines, and items being out of stock that I can sit back, bake breads, and try to relax a little bit. That makes my Christmas that much more joyful.

Life is short: plan ahead to relieve stress!

Yep, and it’s just about my speed, too!

This 1920 replica roadster was a prize that the local supermarket that my partner likes so much was giving away as part of a promotion during July. My partner talks so much about this grocer, its history, and operations.

We shop there often. From mid-June through mid-July, we would get an entry coupon for the store’s giveaway each time we shopped. My partner always wrote MY name on the coupons — never his own. He is such a private guy.

Anyway, I received a call last Saturday from the store manager advising me that I won this prize! I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

My partner and I went to the store last night to claim our prize. I not only got the car, but also a bag full of groceries. The store manager took my picture and we “drove off.” LOL!

N.B.: I am donating this car to a worthy local children’s charity in a few weeks. Meanwhile, my partner is enjoying it!

There are a lot of news reports and feature stories about the Apollo 11 moon landing on TV today. The moon landing occurred 40 years ago at 10:56pm EDT on July 20.

Back then, I was an eager 11-year-old who, like most kids my age, was fascinated by all things “space.” I had a model LEM (Lunar Module), and an Apollo 11 patch that I wore on a jacket.

Our family had been following news of the launch of Apollo 11 and its subsequent lunar orbit, then the landing of the lunar module on the surface of the moon. My mother let my siblings and me stay up to watch Neil Armstrong bounce down the ladder onto the moon’s surface and say his famous line, “one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.”

I read an article in The Washington Post about how to take photographs from television, limiting the strobing that occurs on TV. I took a lot of black-and-white pictures from our black-and-white television set. I remember watching the fuzzy live television beamed back to us Earthlings, and marveling at it.

I got to stay up long enough to watch the President speak by phone to the astronauts, then reluctantly went to bed.

The next morning I got up and developed my film. I printed dozens of fuzzy black-and-white enlargements which I shared with family and friends. I brought them to my father who was in the hospital. He smiled and complimented me on my photo development skills.

Where were you 40 years ago?

People around my office are gearing up for a major conference that our organization puts on. This year, it will be in a southern U.S. city. Without a rental car, I’ll be trapped at the conference hotel and wherever I can walk from there. I’m not looking forward to being stuck in a very expensive hotel property, but I don’t have many options… that is unless someone drops me a note and says, “let me take you and your boots away….” (LOL!) [If you write to me, I’ll let you know when and where I’ll be.]

After the conference, my office will be a ghost town as many will be going on holiday during August. A lot of colleagues are asking, “where are you going on your summer vacation?” They presume that I’ll take off during August like most others.

I am taking one week in the middle of August off work — for a “staycation” at home. My partner and I have quite a major project lined up for that week with contractors coming to do some renovation work in our home that I might be able to do myself if I had four months. Alas, as my eighth brother (AZ) keeps chiding me, “stop killing yourself! Hire somebody!” … we are. But someone needs to be home to keep an eye on things. So that’s my “summer vacation.”

A few colleagues make assumptions that when gay people go on holiday, they go to “gay destinations” like “P-Town” (Provincetown, Massachusetts, on Cape Cod.) Some have asked me if I am going there. Sure, I enjoy spending time at the ocean, but I’m one of those weird guys who actually likes to swim in the ocean, float on a raft, or go body surfing. The water up there is too cold for that. I have my eye on the Gold Coast of Australia… but that’s a different story for a different time of year, and probably won’t happen since my partner is unable to travel.

A few have asked me if we would go on a gay cruise. No way — yuck. Without offending the diverse Gay Community, let me just say that the clientele and what the cruises have to offer (destinations, activities, and food) do not appeal to my partner and me.

I resent that straight people assume that gay people always go to gay destinations for vacation/holiday. I’m just as happy with going to my Maryland Atlantic beaches or nearby Delaware, where I spent many happy times as a kid through adulthood. But I don’t like crowds — crowds of gay queens or crowds of screaming kids. When I go to the beach, I prefer late September or October, when the kids are gone (back to school), the ocean water is still warm, the sun and heat is not as intense, and the hotel rooms are less expensive. I can spend hours watching my partner laying on a beach blanket. I love just to gaze at him. (I’m still deeply in love with that hunky stud.)

I do have a few extra days of time off planned for the fall, for a very special visit with some very special friends. But I am the superstitious sort, so I won’t announce it yet. I don’t want to jinx the chances of one of these guys not being able to join us. My travel is already set, since the vacation time follows a commitment that I have confirmed for work.

I will concentrate most of my time off at the end of the year to enjoy Christmas with family and friends who live nearby.

Alas, I once had quite the wanderlust, and would take weeks at a time to travel to Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or Africa. But with the economy the way it is, and with my partner’s inability to travel, most of my vacation time is a day here-and-there where I may saddle up on my Harley for a nice long ride, or stay at home to get things done.

Life is short: make the best of it!

Happy Birthday, America!

Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

… this is what I will be singing, as off-key as I do, when two friends who I have mentored and who passed their citizenship test are sworn in to become U.S. citizens today. I am so very proud of them, their hard work and accomplishments, and what this day truly means. And nowhere could be a more fitting setting than at Ft. McHenry, which protected Baltimore harbor from British attack in the War of 1812. The “rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air” about which Francis Scott Key wrote were set off from ships in this harbor, and form some of the words which serve as lyrics to our National Anthem.

Yeah, I get kinda patriotic, but that’s what Independence Day is all about.

Aside: Today is Independence Day! The fourth of July is only a date on which our country’s independence is formally celebrated, but in reading history, we could easily have selected July 2 (the date when Congress approved the resolution of Independence) or August 2 (the date when most delegates signed the Declaration of Independence).

After the patriotic and moving swearing-in ceremony, I will bid my friends adios. They plan to stay in Baltimore and tour Ft. McHenry and enjoy the sights of the city. I’ll hop on my Harley and ride to my brother’s for a Maryland crab feast. Ahhh… that’s what this day is all about. Citizenship, family, fun, and crabs! Woo-hoo!

Life is short: share your joy!

Tomorrow, my country will be 233 years old. Happy Birthday, America!

Because our Independence Day Holiday, July 4, falls on Saturday, we get the Friday before off of work. Today begins a three-day holiday! Yippie!

Well, I should be saying “yippie,” but “the list” at home is huge. However, I promised as recently as yesterday that I would embrace my partner’s non-ending “honey-do list” and not complain.

Instead, if you see me out and about today, I will be smiling. I promise! Despite warm, sunny, motorcycle-friendly weather, I’ll be driving in a cage from place-to-place-to-place, shopping for carpet, kitchen countertops, appliances, resilient flooring, and other stuff on my partner’s list of required materials for home renovation.

My partner “sees” what he thinks would fit our budget, our space, and our lifestyle in his mind. My trick is to translate his “vision” to actual by visiting stores with him and looking at and touching various items. So while you’re enjoying the first day of your holiday, imagine me dragging from store to store all day long. So help me… of the many things I dread, shopping is about #1 on the list. But I promised! Smile! No complaining!

Further, I “negotiated” by agreeing to give up all day today to assuage my partner’s shopping demands in exchange for having most of the day tomorrow to do something really special. Check back tomorrow to find out!

Life is short: show those you love that you love them! (by relinquishing your soul to the shopping-devil!)