Is the Choice a Message?

I am tagging off a blog post I read on the ‘net written by a man I have not met, but whose analysis was interesting to me.

What he said and also from a comment he received on this post is this:

It is once again the time of the year when motorcyclists begin to populate the roads of Finland. More often than before I find myself pondering whether a leather-wearing motorcyclist is trying to hint at his fetishistic interest in leather. Modern non-leather riding gear with all the technical innovations (Gore-Tex, Kevlar et cetera) is very practical. Choosing leather gear is no longer the obvious default choice it may have been in the past.

Further, the comment he received said:

anyone still wearing the old style gear raises the question of fetishism.

The observations shared in the blog are interesting to me, especially when it is pointed out that more men these days wear riding gear made of practical technical innovations, and not leather.

I got to thinking, then, when I wear full leather, from motorcycle jacket to leather breeches and tall boots, am I attempting to signal my interest in leather? Is such an interest “fetish”?

I point out as I have before, that by definition, fetish means a sexual admiration of an inanimate object. Yeah, I have had sex in leather with my partner. But he’s animate (especially in that situation!)

But I wear leather regularly on my motorcycle (and off) because I find it warm, protective, and I think it looks good. Plus, I have a closet full of biker leather gear, and I want to get the most use out of it. I call it “functional” leather gear, because it performs a function to provide protection and warmth while I ride. I also like the tall boots for the same reason.

Is this a message about a fetish interest? To me, it’s different from that. The message I feel I may be giving is that, perhaps, I am old enough to be among the “old guard” bikers (as well as leatherman) and prefer to wear leather, that’s all. I don’t really care what other people think about me being in full leather when I ride on a cool day. No one says anything anyway. I know I am warm and protected in the gear, and feel that I am getting the value from it for the investment I have made acquiring it.

Your thoughts?

Leather in Chicago

Greetings from the Windy City: Chicago, Illinois, USA.

I am here to give a short presentation and to attend a conference. It’s been really busy, from morning to night — sorry, Chicago buds, no time to visit. I have been meeting and strategizing and such from early morning breakfasts through the conference during the day to way-too-late pizza at Lou Malnati’s. (Chicago is definitely a pizza town, and Lou’s makes a great one, or two, or three….)

Chicago is also a leather-friendly town. While I am in professional meetings and business clothes during the day, after the official meetings ended, I returned to my room and took off the business duds. I put on leather jeans last night with a regular shirt, and tonight, I went “all leather” with the leather jeans and a leather shirt that’s cut like a regular shirt. Accompanying the leathers were my Chippewa Hi-Shine lug-soled Engineer Boots.

No one in my group attending the conference or with whom I had dinner last night or tonight when I was wearing my leather said a thing. No one. Not a word. Nada. As I have said often, nobody really cares. And believe me, if someone had anything to say, this group probably would have. I had the confidence in myself enough to wear my leathers and take my jacket off for someone in the group to take these pictures. She just smiled and snapped the pics, then said, “lets go eat.”

The only person who said anything was a bellhop at the hotel. The hotel where I am staying is the same one where International Mr. Leather will be hosted in late May. He said, “here kinda early, aren’t you?” He gave me a wink and a smile. I just said, “been here for that… (my partner and I attended in 2007)… not this year.” Then he helped someone with his luggage and that was it.

I return home to my man early Friday, and to enjoy a nice anniversary weekend with the man who means the world to me.

Life is short: wear your leather, confidently and proudly, wherever you go!

Leather Suit Goes To The Prom

It’s interesting as well as somewhat amusing to me that my blog post yesterday about “smart leather” and the leather suit I assembled out of leather garments I had in my leather gear collection generated a flurry of visitors to my blog. (It is also amazing and somewhat scary to me how fast Google works, but then again, Blogger is owned by Google, so content on my blog is autoindexed or something like that… but I digress.)

Yesterday, over 500 unique visitors viewed one or more pages of my blog — over 1,700 pages in all were viewed (perhaps even read?) — by visitors from all over the world. That’s a new record.

Someone who told me that he googled “full black leather dress suit” wrote an email to me that said this:

“I read your blog and looked at your website where you described a leather suit. I really want one of those. I think it’s cool. I am going to my high school prom in a few weeks. I want to be the guy who shows up in a full leather suit or tux. Do you know where I can rent one?

I exchanged several email messages with this guy. I described for him how and where to get the gear that would compose a full leather suit, from the garments to the boots to the gloves. However, I told him that he would probably have to buy all the leather gear because I didn’t think he could rent dress leather pants, as well as a leather shirt, tie, and jacket. I suggested that he discuss his dream with his parents, because “going leather for the prom” would be much more expensive than just renting a tux and buying a corsage for his date. He seemed disappointed, but thanked me profusely for the information.

I thought that was the end of it, when lo and behold I received another email from him. He said that he talked with his father, who agreed to get him the gear if he really wanted it. He said that his father understood the practical and ongoing value of durable leather gear. (This kid has a really cool Dad!)

What caused me to have the biggest smile was the closing of his last email to me:

“Thanks for all those recommendations. My Dad said that I could get the leather clothes to make a full leather suit if I promised to wear it more than just to the prom. I really want to. I like it. I think it’s cool. Like you.”

Aw shucks. I’m just trying to help out an emerging leather dude. Hey, Straightjacketed: see what you started over on your blog? Great going! We’ve got more guys emerging in their leather in public from our mutual efforts. Who would have thought that would happen as a result of a few blog posts?

Life is short: wear your leather!

Smart Leather: Dress Leather

I was reading Straightjacketed’s blog post about “Smart Leather” and commented on his blog that wearing neckties isn’t something that I enjoy doing. I am happy that for the most part, I usually can avoid having to have one of those nooses around my neck at work. I also made a side comment about ties making me feel bound and how I don’t like that feeling. That was an expression I have used for a long time. However, I must remember to be careful about making such commentary on the blog of a bondophile (smile). This past blog post explains why I don’t like bondage, but also explains why I do not have bad opinions about those who do. The subculture of gay leathermen has room for everyone’s preferences and tastes.

Nonetheless, the blog author is a good sport, and joined in the commentary on his own blog which redirected it back to the direction he was posting about. The main focus of his blog post was in response to yet another blog: the concept of suit and tie being is a fetish for some guys.

Wearing ties or the suit-and-tie concept has never been a fetish of mine. As I grew up, I resisted any occasion where I had to dress up. I just didn’t like it. My twin brother, on the other hand, loved to dress up and still does. As I have often said, he got the “suit genes” and I got the leather jeans (LOL!).

My fellow blogger posted images from the on-line Northbound Leather Catalog of a nice looking guy in a full leather suit. I have always been impressed with the quality of the leather gear from Northbound. I perused their website and thought to myself, “hmmm, a full leather suit might be nice.”

Then I had one of those moments where I slapped myself upside the head and said, “you’ve got all the pieces — a dress leather shirt, dress leather pants, dress leather tie, and even an old black leather blazer — so put it all together and you already have your full leather suit.” I put it all on and took a series of photos for a new page on my website titled, appropriately enough, Full Leather Suit.

I realize that I do have to get a better fitting dress jacket (mine is over 10 years old and too small), and probably a newer dress leather shirt because the one I have shrunk when it got soaked once by a surprise storm when I was wearing it while riding my Harley. But what I have will do, for now.

Is this “smart leather?” It will work for those rare occasions where I have to wear a suit for some other occasion than for a formal business meeting related to work. Now I’m thinking this will be just the outfit when I go out to dinner with my partner for our anniversary next week.

Life is short: wear your leather! (And thanks to my buddy in the U.K. for this blog post inspiration!)

Leatherman Transformation

How it is when I get home from work and don’t have to go to an evening meeting.

And yeah, I built the shelves in the background and my partner finished them. Since I built our house, we put in a lot of built-in features throughout, which makes it comfortable, livable, and practical. People have asked, “where do you store all those boots?” When you build your own house, you plan for storage, so the boot closet was part of what we constructed, as well.

Of the many reasons why I love my partner, two things come to mind: he enjoys and welcomes my many “leatherman transformations” at home, even if he isn’t into leather and boots as I am. Second, he supported my decision to take a five-month leave-of-absence from my old job when I was building our house and developing out our small neighborhood, and provided me the financial and emotional support I required during that process. I’ll never, ever, do that again (dealing with the bureaucracy in developing a small neighborhood took five years and cause me to turn gray among other things), but I couldn’t have done it without his partnership, love, and all those many back-rubs.

Life is short: wear your boots and leather!

Closet Cases

A “closet case” is defined as follows:

Derogatory term for someone who is homosexual but refuses to admit it to himself or to associate with other homosexuals. Usually he publicly and vigorously denounces homosexuals, both in an attempt to camouflage his sexual preference and as a reflection of the inner conflict he has with his own desires.

It can also be used is a slightly less derogatory way for a homosexual who is unusually careful to prevent family, friends and co-workers from discovering his homosexuality. He will, for example, refuse to live with a male partner, and may keep a phony girl friend.

I can relate in a way. In my previous job, I had a number of supervisors who were retired from the military. Historically, active and retired military are notorious for being homophobic, and several of my former supervisors proved the point. I knew that if they really knew that I was gay and lived with a man, my life at work would be hell. So I never revealed my sexual orientation. It wasn’t anyone’s business. And being a big bad booted biker, commuting on my Harley to work, that image and my usual masculine behavior diverted attention. I kept my home life at home and my work life at work, and tried hard to keep the two separated.

There are many, many men who live in a situation where they fear that revealing their sexual orientation to others will bring pain and mental anguish. Even indicating that they prefer the company of men over women can put them in a bad spot.

But some of them overreact. They assume an identity that is hypermasculine. They share wild tales of (female) sexual exploits that are purely concoctions of the mind and diversions for others. Some make up families and tell tales of married life. Some have jobs in fields where macho-bravado is the norm, such as construction trades, law enforcement, firefighting, the oil industry, and so on — so they tell stories (lies) that fulfill the image of the masculine man in that job.

However, when they’re alone, they visit various websites such as Recon, Gearfetish, Boots on Line, and others as voyeurs (sometimes called lurkers). They may have a clandestine rendezvous with another guy. But they would never admit to anyone else — family, friends, and especially co-workers — their true feelings and sexual orientation or preferences.

While I understand situations that people get into where they fear negative repercussions from being “out” or revealing their sexual orientation, I feel badly and sad for them. I know how it hurts. I know the feelings of anxiety, and like one is living a constant lie. The inner turmoil continues ad naseum.

Some men in this situation and who feel that ongoing anxiety react quite negatively toward someone — like me — who has completely “come out” and is comfortable with it. Yes, I am very fortunate that my current employer isn’t filled with homophobes. I just got a major promotion over many others that I would not have gotten if homophobia were the indiginous thought pattern.

I regret that some “closet cases” feel that they have to lash out when their repressed thoughts and anger erupts, and they feel that they have to write nasty, childish comments in reply to something that confident masculine gay men may write or say. And, typically, guys who write those silly comments do not provide a way to reach them by e-mail. They just hide behind their computer and behave like grade school bullies taunting someone. Well, “sticks and stones” and all that. I have looooong gotten over feeling hurt by such attacks. Rather, I feel sorry for those guys, and pray for them. God loves ’em anyway, even if they can’t love themselves.

Let me say once again that I realize that my personal situation is not that common. I have “grown up” to be a confident, mature masculine man. It took a long time to relax and “be myself.” I live in a community that accepts me for who I am. I am employed by a company that respects my skills and knowledge, and doesn’t judge me because I’m gay. I belong to groups and organizations where I do a variety of things, from performing repairs to improve home liveability for seniors to leading the charge against rampant development without adequate infrastructure to riding motorcycles with groups. I am fortunate that the community where I was born has evolved into being open, accepting. It has a mature sense of “live and let live.” That’s why my partner and I built our home in Maryland where I grew up, because where he lived — Virginia — was much less accepting of “us” as “us” and has become even more hatefully homophobic-by-law.

To summarize: I do not think that people who chose to live in the closet (that is, not publicly reveal their sexual orientation) are bad. I realize that for various reasons (employment, family, geographic location, etc.), they can not be more open with others and honest with themselves. I do ask that as I respect their situation, that they respect mine: that I am a masculine man who likes to wear boots and leather, rides a motorcycle, gets involved in civic life, and who doesn’t cloak his sexual orientation. There is room in this world for all of us. Live your life and I’ll live mine. (But keep the silly comments to yourself.)

Life is short: be true to yourself. No one else knows you better.

Old Guard – New Guard?

I have received two email messages recently from younger guys exploring their own interests in leather. Each has said that he has found my website, in particular, my Guide to Leather Gear, helpful to him during his explorations.

The image on the right has been floating around since Al Gore invented the Internet: it shows a younger guy decked out in “Old Guard Leatherman” gear — Muir Cap, leather biker jacket, gloves, breeches, and tall boots — all in black. He’s a fine specimen of “LeatherManhood” as some might say.

Younger guys see pictures like that, and then look around at other guys their age who may be exploring leather, too, and don’t see anything quite like that any more. The “new guard,” according to Wikipedia, embraces a greater variety in approach to eroticism.

I have asked around, been around, and have seen the newer clubs and bar scenes. The line about “variety” is right: lots of younger guys are wearing all sorts of stuff, trying it out, exploring interests, seeing what he likes. This seems to involve rather spontaneous choices, such as “I left the latex pants on the floor next to the bed; I’ll put them on,” or “t-shirt and jeans, like I wore in college,” and things like that. Whatever suits the current mood.

“Old-Guard” Leathermen, back in the day (I can remember), would be rather fastidious about choosing exactly which leather garments went with what gear. He would never ever consider wearing sneakers, a t-shirt, or anything made of rubber or latex when he was gearing up to go out. It was always (mantra…): thick black cowhide leather breeches, black leather shirt, Sam Browne belt, black leather jacket, black gloves, and knee-high tall black engineer or patrol boots. Sometimes, for “leather-dressy” occasions, a black leather tie would complete the outfit.

Each generation sets a pattern of its own. The younger guys are establishing their own — definitely different from what I grew up with. For example, when I was in my 20s and 30s, the only choices for leather garments was like what Henry Ford offered for Model T’s: “the customer can have any color he wants so long as it’s black.” Nowadays, leather is dyed almost any color of the rainbow.

Muir caps are hard to find — nowadays younger guys wear ballcaps or buzzcuts.

Tall boots? In my day, a Leatherman had to have at least one, if not more than one, pair of tall black boots — a pair of beaten-up engineers or harness boots, and a pair of well-shined patrol boots for dressier affairs or wearing with a uniform. Today, there aren’t many younger guys who have tall boots, or choose to wear them. They’re happier in their black sneakers or shorter, less expensive, tactical lace-up boots.

Economics plays a major role, too. Back in my day, fewer college students had as much debt as many do nowadays. Many younger guys working their first job can’t afford to own or rent their own home to begin to establish their independence. While paying down massive debt, they don’t have the money to buy quality leather gear and boots that cost much more now than it did when I was their age. Plus, as I’ve blogged before, I think some have misguided thoughts about personal finance — spending money on eating food from restaurants and buying toys that aren’t necessary to live. Economics both in the income/expense ratio as well as economic priorities are quite different between younger guys and us old-guard guys.

While I embrace change, the only major change in the scene that I can’t tolerate is the thrumming noise blasted loudly inside gathering places like bars. They say that each generation comes up with music that drives the next older generation crazy. This is quite true. My partner and I can’t stand the noise we hear in bars. The repetitive loud vibrations give me a bad headache, even if I wear ear plugs. I guess that’s another reason why we choose not to go out any more. The noise (music) keeps us away.

Is there anything wrong with the emergence of “The New Guard?” Nope. They’re setting their own style (if you want to call it that.) While I personally still choose to dress “old guard” (if you will,) it is because I like the look, it serves me well, and I have a lot of the boots and gear that fit the image. I’ll stay with what I have, thanks. And to the younger guys — try it — you might like it — or try something else. Whatever, enjoy.

But also, “whatever,” be safe. Damn, the HIV/AIDS rates of infection continue to climb because the young guys didn’t have the experience we had when we were their age and we watched our friends die horrible, painful deaths. The feeling of “youth invulnerability” pervades. The perception that “the cocktail is a cure” — all b/s. Play safe. Have fun, but play safe — for both yourself and your partner.

Life is short: wear your boots and your leather, and play safe!

Mommy, the Burglar!

“Mommy, the burglar walked in the front door!”

“The burglar? Where did he go?”

[I enter the family room where everyone is gathered. I see the ‘excitable’ kid who is a friend of my great niece running into her own mother’s arms while my great niece runs up to me and yells, “it’s my uncle!”]

“… oh don’t worry, sweetie, he’s my brother!” [says my sister to the fearful friend there to celebrate my great niece’s party].

“He’s dressed in all that black leather stuff. Don’t burglars dress that way?” [This kid has been watching waaaay too much television]

… so began a visit to my great niece’s tenth birthday party last Saturday.

I was wearing what some may call, “casual leather.” That is, a nice pair of leather jeans, a long-sleeve t-shirt, and a leather jacket. Oh, and boots, of course (Chippewa engineers.)

The house was filled with lots of people. My great niece and a bunch of her young friends, some of their parents, my niece and nephew (the birthday girl’s mother and father), my sister (grandma) and her husband (granddad). Sheesh, it makes me feel so old to have a great niece who is 10 years old, a niece who is 44, and a sister old enough to have several grandchildren already. (I am almost the youngest in our family).

I wear boots and leather regularly as I go about my daily life. What I wore on Saturday is but one example of my regular casual leather wear. But this is the first time anyone has really said much of anything — and to be called a “burglar!” I was bursting with laughter, as was my sister. Both of us got to laughing so long and hard that we couldn’t catch our breath, and had tears rolling down our cheeks. The rest of the adults were rather speechless watching the two of us “lose it.” We get that way sometimes.

While my sister and I were guffawing away, my niece piped up and said to the other adults who don’t know me, “don’t worry, they just get that way. Just let them be, they’re return to normal eventually.” Then she muttered something that sounded like, “well, it depends on how they define normal!”

I love my family…

Life is short: wear your boots and leather!

Leather Weekend

On Thursday, I received a new pair of All American Blue Knight Patrol Boots, (photo left) followed by a delivery on Friday with a pair of traditional Wesco Motor Patrol Boots. (photo right).

The LAPD uniform and leathers came on, which I wore all weekend — including as I went about my daily activities, visiting family, doing grocery shopping for some elder buds, and even attending a meeting related to a local political campaign. One nice-looking guy at the grocery store complimented the outfit, as I stood in line to pay. He is a fellow biker, so we might go riding together when the weather breaks. One of the store clerks who I know rather well complimented me on the leathers, and said, “new boots? They’re nice!” But that was all the boot talk I heard, not that I expected anything else.

Unfortunately, the grocery store was packed because the weather predictions are for accumulating snow — so everyone and his sister was raking the store shelves bare. Good thing was that I got through rather quickly.

My partner and I are having a spirited discussion about boots — with laces (The AA boots have a bal-laced instep) and without. He says both look good on me, but from his “excitement” on Friday, I think he likes the AA boots better.

Being a true “Bootman,” I wear boots for their functionality, as well as design and appearance. I really like both of these new pairs of boots. As soon as the weather breaks, they each will get tested while riding in my leather breeches on my Harley.

I had a good weekend. Got lots of stuff done. I updated my website quite a bit, computed six more tax returns for senior friends, and did some work with my partner on our small business. We even had time to do some batch cooking of some pasta dishes and home-made sauce for the week ahead.

I enjoy hangin’ out in leather — just wish I could transport myself to my various destinations on my Harley. Soon enough, though… soon enough.

Life is short: wear your boots!

Wearing Leather Around Town

It’s interesting, I was preparing a blog post in my mind about two encounters last night when I read on Straight-Acting’s Blog (no longer on-line) that he was commenting on the same type of thing: wearing leather in public and what people may say or do. I have blogged about this before, but this bears repeating in a new context.

While he specifically mentioned me as being “a brave soul,” (thanks, man!), I really do not consider that wearing leather while going about my daily business is as much “brave” as it is in recognition of the fact that I really don’t care if other people say anything or have an opinion about the leather garments I choose to wear on my personal time. People are as much entitled to their opinions as I am entitled to wear leather in public. As long as my leather does not directly imply sex — such as wearing codpiece leather jeans, or a jock with chaps, for example — then wearing leather is considered something more like fashion that never goes out of style. And, as I have often said, leather garments are practical. They provide warmth, comfort, as well as style.

The encounters to which I referred last night was with two members of a club to which I belong. We met to plan out the season’s schedule for motorcycle rides that the club will offer to its members. One of the guys at my table asked me, “do you wear anything other than leather?” The tone of his voice implied some form of … I don’t know … perhaps one might say, “indignation.” Not wanting to respond defensively or get into an argument with this guy, I gave him a very bright and warm smile and said, “not if I don’t have to!” I was so positive about it, he stammered as if he did not know how to respond. I guess he wasn’t expecting that type of “peppy” reply. He then changed the subject.

During a break, another guy came up to me and said that he was “mad at me” because he is is a big and tall man, and has had trouble finding leather gear to wear for motorcycling that fits, provides flexibility, allows for ease-of-movement, is made of quality leather, and looks good. He made his comment lightheartedly, and not with anger. He said that he had found my website and reviewed the various leather gear and boots that I own. He was “mad at me” because my gear fits well and looks good. (Implying that if it looks good on a big guy like me, then he can find leather that will fit him well, too.)

He said all of this without sounding judgmental whatsoever, which is something that I listen for when talking about leather with straight bikers. I know I am fortunate that the straight bikers with whom I ride are easy-going and accepting of having an openly gay leather-clad and tall-booted guy in their midst. I know from slams on some public forums that few straight bikers are as open-minded.

My fellow club member said that he had tried to order a leather jacket from a company whose products are made in Thailand, but was disappointed with the product when he got it. He described to me what process he went through in deciding where to order leather gear over the internet and the challenges he has encountered.

I explained that well-fitting leather gear for motorcycling is related to two main issues:

1) Fit. One size does not fit all! Sizes on the internet of jackets and pants are widely variable. The sizes of leather garments does not correlate with the size of a pair of blue jeans or a shirt. These are estimates, but not something to be used to choose leather gear purchased over the ‘net. For us big and tall guys, the only way to go is to be measured properly and have gear crafted custom to fit. Having done that, as well as purchased gear estimated to be my size, I know first-hand that “going custom” is not that much more expensive. After all, you’re buying something that will last a lifetime, so the investment is worth it.

2) Quality. As in quality of the hide used to make the garment. If the leather is made in a country where the skins are subjected to harsh chemicals in the tanning process and have scratches, abrasions, or holes from insect bites (after all, leather comes from a once-living animal), then the gear made from it will look bad. And, regretfully, there is a correlation between leather garment manufacturers who choose to use low-quality hides and the quality of the resulting product during production. Cheap threads, single-stitching, thin hides that stretch: all of these factors go together.

Ultimately, I explained, “you get what you pay for.” If you buy cheap, expect poor quality. I don’t like to slam any earnest business person in another country, but it is rather obvious from seeing leather garments made in Thailand, India, and Pakistan that the stuff is inexpensive because inferior quality leather is used in the first place, along with less attention to quality production methods when the gear is cut and assembled.

I explain all of this in my Complete Guide to Leather Gear on my website.

While I do not consider myself courageous to wear my leather investment in public, I recognize that few choose to do that for various reasons. They have concerns about what others may say or do, or how they will respond if asked or challenged, such as Straight-Acting was queried by the London Tube Police.

I appreciate the freedoms that I enjoy in the United States, where self-expression is considered a birthright. There are many pressures to conform to society’s norms, whatever those norms may be. When you realize that these norms are conceived by a certain group of people — straight people who often have very narrow viewpoints — and then choose to ignore the norms because they are baseless conformations, it is very liberating. That truly is how I feel.

Why let others’ stereotypes and self-conceived perceptions cause you to act, dress, or behave in certain ways? If you are not hurting anyone, then as they say in New York, “fuggetaboutit”… be confident, stand tall, choose your leather wisely, and wear it where you like within the limits of respect for others and the environment where you are. For example, the only leather I wear to work are boots and occasionally a leather blazer, jacket, or vest. But I do not wear leather shirts or jeans to work. It’s not appropriate there. However, on my own time, out and about in my community at meetings and events, or even at the grocery store, there I am in leather… and (of course), boots!

Life is short: wear your boots and leather!