Guest Blog from BHD’s twin brother

I spent a great Easter weekend with that big lovable non-wuss of a brother of mine. Then I attended a series of meetings in Washington for work. I will soon return to Europe where I work and live with my wife.

What my brother’s blog readers do not see is how hard my brother works to care for the world. I’ve said this before, but every time I see it, I remain in awe. Yes, I caught him in a moment of quiet reflection in his back yard on Saturday morning, but it was a rare time when he was caught sitting still. This guy NEVER sits still.

I have not observed anyone who can renovate a house to make affordable housing available to those who work in the public sector while almost simultaneously taking old ladies to the grocery store, help some other seniors compute and send in their quarterly income tax payments, patiently explain to our elderly aunt one more time that her bills are all paid, converse on the phone about shenanigans in local politics, yet … remain calm, reserved, and still have that silly grin on his face.

He is always smiling. Mom always told us that if we scowled long enough that it might remain stuck on our face, so he does the opposite. What a warm feeling I have every time I look at that big, broad, smile on his face. He makes me smile, too.

The little things he does which he nonchalantly says “aren’t a big deal” ARE a big deal. He knows that I have a secret weakness for marshmallow “peeps” — those little sugary Easter treats. I found a peep on my pillow each night (and a whole box of them in my luggage)! I caught him signing and sending birthday cards to several of his friends. He cheats — he buys the cards all at once and puts them in a card organizer, carefully filed by date. But even to think of doing that is an amazing feat, much less carry it out.

I honestly don’t know how he does it all. He tells me that he paces himself. I see that. He’s up well before dawn, but don’t plan anything that goes on past 8 or 9 at night; he just fades out. It was funny last Friday night when he did just that — propped up on a pillow on our sister’s sofa, he was out like a light while everyone else was still loudly chattering away.

It is also evident to me just how deeply he loves his partner. Sure, our siblings are devoted to their spouses, and have remained so over many years. My brother’s devotion, concern, and care for his partner remains as strong as ever, and it’s a great thing to see. He has set the standard that I follow in my relationship with my wife of 20 months (today is our 20-monthiversary!)

I love this big lug of a guy, and thank him for his hospitality, as always. I admire the love he extends to me and to all others for whom he cares. As he says, “life is short! show those you love that you love them.” He is right, and he lives it each day. May God smile on this man, who I am very honored to call my brother.

Guest Blog Post by BHD’s Twin Brother

My “big” brother, all of four minutes older than me, is going through a rough spot right now. As you read on his blog, he is grieving for the loss of an elected leader with whom he worked in his volunteer civic activities where he lives. This sudden death struck quite a blow to his emotions. He cares so much that he hurts really bad inside when life takes a turn for the worse.

I called him on Sunday and we had a really long, long talk. What rang through so clearly to me as we talked was how much of a big heart my brother has. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he gets hurt sometimes. But that’s what makes this guy so special, to all of us who love him.

He told me that each and every single one of us brothers and sisters called him once they heard the news and the email began to flow on our family grapevine. That’s such a neat thing. You’d think all of us as adults who have our own lives and things going on might be busy or not think that our brother may need some attention. It really makes both of us smile warmly to know that after all these years, the lessons Mom and Dad taught us continue to be demonstrated today.

During our conversation, he put me on hold a couple times when the doorbell rang. When he returned to the phone, he mentioned all too casually that kind old ladies dropped over to bring him some of his favorite cookies and a cake. He told me that his closest friends have been checking in as well — some we grew up with, and some he has befriended and made close through things he does in the community where we grew up, on the ‘net, and elsewhere. I don’t know how many or who all of these people are; my brother makes me dizzy with all he does and all the people he knows. I tell you, my brother cares about the whole world, but it is so gratifying to us who love him to know that the world “cares back.”

We believe in having a wide net to support us. When my brother does his high-wire act to work full-time at a job he loves, to care for his partner, to serve his community, to support the older folks who need help from time to time, and to care for our Aunt and our extensive family, everyone tends to think that he never needs any help or attention. Well, there are times he does. We in the family extend our love, our support, our thanks and our praise, as do his friends.

Stringing the net of compassion and caring builds a network upon which my brother draws strength. Thanks, everyone — many of whom I do not know — for caring for this big lug of a heart. He really appreciates it, as do I.

He is still my number one cheerleader, but at the moment let me cheer him back, with love and all of my heart. What a special man, who I treasure each day I have the esteemed honor to call him “Brother.” Let’s hear it for this guy!

Guest blog written by BHD’s Twin Brother

Hi, it’s a pleasure to have been invited to be the first guest blogger for my brother, BHD. Just call me J.

I have been following my brother’s blog since it started, as well as the million other things he does. To tell you the truth, I can’t keep up with the guy. I have always called him “Taz,” which is the name of the Tazmanian Devil in the Road Runner cartoons that were popular when we were growing up. He’s always running off somewhere, stirring up a lot of dust. But he leaves the world a little bit better in his wake.

We are fraternal twins, meaning I got the looks and he got the brains. Well, not quite like that, but we have kidded each other like that for a long time. But what it does mean is that we are different. Often when we are together, people look at us and say, “you’re twins?” We really don’t look much alike. Our voices are different, too, but when we are together, we complete each other’s sentences sometimes. It’s weird that my lil’ bro’ knows exactly what I am going to say, and how I plan to say it. What’s even more scary is that he knows what I’m thinking.

I call him my ‘lil ‘bro because he is so short — six inches shorter. But I am 193cm (six foot, four inches for people who still use that backwards measurement system in the U.S.) But he will not let me forget that he was born right before I was, so he and all of our siblings still pinch my cheeks and call me the baby of the family. I hate that….

I have been working and living in Europe for most of my adult life. It is different, but rewarding. I met my wife over here, and we were married last year in Italy. Of course, my ‘lil ‘bro in his boots was my best man. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Oh — speaking of that — let me say publicly that I am NOT the Imelda Marcos of shoes as my brother is the Imelda Marcos of boots! But that is again where we are different. He likes boots — he always has. It is as he says on this blog, “the way he is.”

What I want for my brother is that he continue to enjoy his life, and continue to offer fulfillment of needs he sees in the community, and with our family and his friends. That he lives comfortably with his life-mate partner, who is a great guy and asset to my brother’s life. He keeps him grounded (else he would go flying off on yet more activities and tangents.) I want him to live free of discrimination and injustice — as happened to him as recently as this week. We must remain open and accepting of our gay family and friends, and value the contributions and benefits we receive from them. Heck, he wants to marry his partner, and I’m all for it! I think it’s a great thing! Why this world has to be so narrow-minded is beyond me. But I’ll leave the political work to “my ‘bro the ‘pro.”

I am impressed with all that my brother does, but I will not go into more detail here. I don’t want it to go to his head. But what I want to say is that I love him very much, and always have. He is thoughtful and kind, warm spirited and more loyal than a Boy Scout. His energy and zest for life is uplifting and endearing. If you are fortunate to have him as a friend, you will know what friendship really means. He shows it in all he does, as he does with me and our other siblings and family.

I love you, you big bad biker dude! Keep the rubber side down, and your heart set on all the right things, as you have it. I continue to be amazed by you! So, ‘lil ‘bro, how’d I do? You never thought I would write a guest blog, did you?