Category Archives: Gay Issues

Living in Guppyville

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I’m surrounded! Aaaaaaaack! Okay, I live in one of the wealthiest counties in the nation. It is easy and comfortable to live and let live, and to be open as a gay couple among your neighbors, or as I do, as a civic leader.

I’m not alone by any means. While there is no formal census, it is clear to me that among the almost-million residents of my county, there are a huge number of LGBT people.

There are also a huge number of yuppies. You know, the guy who thinks he is saving the planet by driving a hybrid vehicle when meanwhile he makes 200K a year working for a conglomeration which buys goods from foreign countries employing 12 year-olds who rip out their own rain forests for raw goods. (I borrowed this reference from the urban dictionary.)

Or the gay guys who are attorneys and buy suits and dress shoes galore from the high-end retailers, getting to-and-fro in their latest new upscale car. Or… whatever, you get my drift.

Combine the two — gay + urban professional = “guppy.” We’ve got so many of them around here that if you laid them all end-to-end, you could probably reach San Francisco with ’em! (Now I divert… who would want to “lay” a guppy? And which end? On top of each other? Would they squeal? I am ROFL!)

Anyway, I received an invitation to yet one more wonderful fundraising dinner-dance, this time to benefit the statewide LGBT non-profit. Okay, it’s a good non-profit organization, and advocates well. Good and hard-working people are affiliated with it. They need to raise funds to keep doing their work. I understand all that.

Their “Spring Formal” (as it were), being held right here in Guppyville, is priced high at $125/person, or more for such wonderful designations as “power couple” for a mere $600. And it goes up from there for various sponsorship levels along with that special “opportunity” to attend the “VIP reception” with the guest speaker du juor.

What wine are these guppies drinking who come up with this?

Actually, I’ve asked, and have been assured that they do quite well in appealing to the “cocktail-attire” guppy-set of my home county, and raise a lot of funds with this event.

Well, more power to them. It isn’t going to include us. Too rich for my blood (well, the “ask” is too high for us to feel comfortable with. We have other priorities). We will continue to make a modest charitable donation directly to them, and bypass all the froo-froo.

Also, the event is on a Sunday night — starting at 6pm for the wonderful pre-event “VIP Reception” followed by a “silent auction” then the dinner with speeches by TBD and award-winners, then dancing to music played by an unknown DJ following. My partner and I get up at 4-in-the-morning for work the next day… but apparently the guppy-set doesn’t rise early, or as early as we do. Or lives on less sleep. Or will take the next day off work… or a combination thereof.

Oh puh-leeze, gimme a break. Marketing to guppies has never resonated in our household. And it never will. We’re just not part of that set, and feel ill-at-ease and uncomfortable around it.

The night of that event will be late Spring, so hopefully the weather will be decent enough that my partner and I can enjoy a nice meal at our favorite place to eat out, “Deckview, Maryland.” We will grill a couple of steaks, bake some potatoes, whip up a garden salad, pop open a couple of Coke Zeros, and sit back to watch the sun gently set on our trees while we are dressed in blue jeans and boots. That’s our style, and our comfort level. The peace and quiet will also be appreciated, too.

Closet Cases

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A “closet case” is defined as follows:

Derogatory term for someone who is homosexual but refuses to admit it to himself or to associate with other homosexuals. Usually he publicly and vigorously denounces homosexuals, both in an attempt to camouflage his sexual preference and as a reflection of the inner conflict he has with his own desires.

It can also be used is a slightly less derogatory way for a homosexual who is unusually careful to prevent family, friends and co-workers from discovering his homosexuality. He will, for example, refuse to live with a male partner, and may keep a phony girl friend.

I can relate in a way. In my previous job, I had a number of supervisors who were retired from the military. Historically, active and retired military are notorious for being homophobic, and several of my former supervisors proved the point. I knew that if they really knew that I was gay and lived with a man, my life at work would be hell. So I never revealed my sexual orientation. It wasn’t anyone’s business. And being a big bad booted biker, commuting on my Harley to work, that image and my usual masculine behavior diverted attention. I kept my home life at home and my work life at work, and tried hard to keep the two separated.

There are many, many men who live in a situation where they fear that revealing their sexual orientation to others will bring pain and mental anguish. Even indicating that they prefer the company of men over women can put them in a bad spot.

But some of them overreact. They assume an identity that is hypermasculine. They share wild tales of (female) sexual exploits that are purely concoctions of the mind and diversions for others. Some make up families and tell tales of married life. Some have jobs in fields where macho-bravado is the norm, such as construction trades, law enforcement, firefighting, the oil industry, and so on — so they tell stories (lies) that fulfill the image of the masculine man in that job.

However, when they’re alone, they visit various websites such as Recon, Gearfetish, Boots on Line, and others as voyeurs (sometimes called lurkers). They may have a clandestine rendezvous with another guy. But they would never admit to anyone else — family, friends, and especially co-workers — their true feelings and sexual orientation or preferences.

While I understand situations that people get into where they fear negative repercussions from being “out” or revealing their sexual orientation, I feel badly and sad for them. I know how it hurts. I know the feelings of anxiety, and like one is living a constant lie. The inner turmoil continues ad naseum.

Some men in this situation and who feel that ongoing anxiety react quite negatively toward someone — like me — who has completely “come out” and is comfortable with it. Yes, I am very fortunate that my current employer isn’t filled with homophobes. I just got a major promotion over many others that I would not have gotten if homophobia were the indiginous thought pattern.

I regret that some “closet cases” feel that they have to lash out when their repressed thoughts and anger erupts, and they feel that they have to write nasty, childish comments in reply to something that confident masculine gay men may write or say. And, typically, guys who write those silly comments do not provide a way to reach them by e-mail. They just hide behind their computer and behave like grade school bullies taunting someone. Well, “sticks and stones” and all that. I have looooong gotten over feeling hurt by such attacks. Rather, I feel sorry for those guys, and pray for them. God loves ’em anyway, even if they can’t love themselves.

Let me say once again that I realize that my personal situation is not that common. I have “grown up” to be a confident, mature masculine man. It took a long time to relax and “be myself.” I live in a community that accepts me for who I am. I am employed by a company that respects my skills and knowledge, and doesn’t judge me because I’m gay. I belong to groups and organizations where I do a variety of things, from performing repairs to improve home liveability for seniors to leading the charge against rampant development without adequate infrastructure to riding motorcycles with groups. I am fortunate that the community where I was born has evolved into being open, accepting. It has a mature sense of “live and let live.” That’s why my partner and I built our home in Maryland where I grew up, because where he lived — Virginia — was much less accepting of “us” as “us” and has become even more hatefully homophobic-by-law.

To summarize: I do not think that people who chose to live in the closet (that is, not publicly reveal their sexual orientation) are bad. I realize that for various reasons (employment, family, geographic location, etc.), they can not be more open with others and honest with themselves. I do ask that as I respect their situation, that they respect mine: that I am a masculine man who likes to wear boots and leather, rides a motorcycle, gets involved in civic life, and who doesn’t cloak his sexual orientation. There is room in this world for all of us. Live your life and I’ll live mine. (But keep the silly comments to yourself.)

Life is short: be true to yourself. No one else knows you better.

WYSIWYG and Confidence

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“WYSIWYG” is an acronym for “What You See Is What You Get.” I was sharing this with a buddy via email yesterday when we were exchanging thoughts about self-confidence.

So what you see in this picture is what you get, or would have gotten (or seen) if you trailed me around on Sunday when I was going about activities in the community. I went to one elderly man’s home to replace a hallway lighting fixture so that it can accommodate a much brighter bulb, so he can see better. I went to another elderly woman’s to replace a hinge on a door that had broken and was preventing the door from closing. I went to a third home to install a grab-bar in the bathtub/shower, so the woman could be safer as she entered and exited to bathe.

And I was wearing Wesco harness boots and a leather shirt. Why? Comfort. Preference. That’s it. (I wore the jeans over the boots. Wearing jeans inside my boots while visiting older folks’ homes to do repairs is a bit “much.” I also didn’t don the Muir Cap. Even this Bootman/Leatherman knows his limits.)

My friend with whom I have been exchanging email further said this: Although the journey of self-discovery never ends, perhaps our confidence in ourselves grows as we age to the point where we care little about attempting to be something that we’re not.

He was referencing how he is feeling about mingling with other gay men, and feeling more confident in coming out as a gay man. I understand that, and appreciate his insights. You know, it’s interesting, but another confident, masculine gay man from the same state has characterized himself as “WYSIWYG” — and he is wonderful to behold. Truthfully, to me, the “what-you-see” stuff is related to outward appearance of self-confidence. (Perhaps boots improve that? I’m not sure, but many feel that a man wearing boots exudes a confident appearance.)

For me, I give a huge tribute to my parents, who encouraged me to be a confident person, starting back in grade school where I was narrator in the second-grade play, in junior high school when I gave a speech to our state’s General Assembly about an issue about which my peers and I were concerned, and in high school when I ran — and lost — then ran again the next year to win a student government position. Same is true through college where I ran and won positions on various student organizations. Continuing to this day, where I serve in various public service positions.

It all comes down to self-confidence. I was a confident guy long before I knew what “gay” meant. I thank my parents and my siblings for instilling that in me. (Guess it’s one good thing about being among the youngest in the family — you have to learn how to stand up for yourself!)

I no longer give a darn about what other people may think about my physique or looks. All that is outside stuff. I am who I am. My parents, family, and true friends taught me that what’s on the inside is what counts most. Further, I see being confident and being gay as independent things, and I am both.

My inside is confident. My outside, is, well: WYSIWYG!

Wesco Boots and Gay Culture

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There seems to be some interest and a bit of mystery about Wesco Boots and gay culture. Several internet searches using the keywords “Wesco” and “gay culture” have landed searchers on this blog. [UPDATE: As a result, I received some comments and blogged about this issue again, here].

I am a confident, secure, masculine man. That’s how I was raised, and how I behave. I enjoy typical “guy things” like riding my Harley and wearing clothing for the activity, including sturdy motorcycle boots and leather. I also enjoy home remodeling, repair, and construction. While I am not interested in organized sports, that’s just a preference — or lack thereof. It is the objective of this post to describe more about how preferences, stereotypes, and culture are not one-and-the-same.

And yeah, I am gay. Am I “attracted to” Wesco boots because I am gay? Nope. I like Wescos because they are the sturdiest boots around, made to exceptional quality standards, and present a great appearance on my feet. They fulfill the type of image of the guy that I am — a confident biker. That’s it.

As my friend Maf said the other day:

Gay is only who you are programmed biologically to desire sexually and to love. People whether straight, gay, male, or female span a great spectrum that goes way beyond stereotypical traits.

He is absolutely right. Because I love a man and choose to live with him as my partner, treating him as an equal and a mate equivalent to a man-woman marriage — that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I am a masculine man who likes sturdy, rugged boots.

There are a lot of men who like to wear Wescos. Some gay men have a fetish for them, some — like me — like the boots because of the utility and protection that they provide when I engage in my preferred outdoor activities of riding my Harley and working on construction projects or around the yard. Other men wear various styles of Wesco Boots for activities like logging, working on utility lines, wildland firefighting, and serving as a motor patrol officer. To them, the boots are more like “required” footwear; a part of a uniform — not anything else.

There is a range of traits and preferences that each person has. Some straight guys don’t like boots at all, and choose to wear sneakers in their off-time. Some gay men wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of sturdy, rugged boots. Similarly and in contrast, I would feel very uncomfortable (and sick to my stomach) if I had to wear dress shoes. I’d rather go barefooted than wear dress shoes or sneakers.

It is really a matter of preference, not having anything to do with whether one is programmed biologically to love a male or a female. People just have to get over trying to apply stereotypes to link preferences for certain things like boots and being gay. The stereotypes cause people to respond in ways that don’t help matters much, and sometimes cause strife, negativity, and attacks borne from fear and insecurity.

Masculine men who engage in activities that require solid protection for their feet may choose to wear Wesco Boots. That’s really about it… what you see is what you get, no more, no less.

Pet Peeve Relief: The company that makes the boots that are the subject of this post is the “West Coast Shoe Company” of Scappoose, Oregon, USA. They go by “Wesco” and emboss “Wesco” on each pair of boots they make. Guys refer to their boots as “Wescos” — NOT “Wesco ‘ s”. My pet peeve is seeing an apostrophe used to make a word plural.

Life is short: Wear your boots and enjoy your Wescos!

What Defines a Person

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I have been enjoying a renewed conversation with a gay man who is coming out now to his friends and family. It’s been a long process for him. What he’s going through reminded me of what I went through when I came out — starting when I was in college (photo shown, circa 1977).

The guy with whom I am communicating is deeply thoughtful and introspective. He has asked me questions that have caused me to think. He shares analogies to experiences in his own life that are strikingly similar to things I’ve gone through — and also some experiences that I haven’t had.

One thing he said recently was this:

Through the example you’ve provided you’ve reinforced my belief that being gay doesn’t totally define your existence and there’s not a predefined mold you have to fit in. Sexuality is as natural as breathing and just as some people are tall and others are short, some are gay and others straight and some are in the middle. Although I don’t feel the need to made any grand announcements, I also won’t skirt the issue of my sexuality in conversation with friends and family.

I totally agree with his statement, and with his permission, I reproduced it here. I have never felt that being gay defined my total existence. It’s just a part of what makes me who I am.

While I appreciate the compliment in that whatever I have said or shown as an example, I’ve learned that coming to terms with what defines a person is complex and not related to one specific thing. It’s not related only to being gay, or only to being male, or only … to … anything!

As I have conversed with another masculine gay man (who happens to be from the same state as the man who inspired this particular post)… one defines himself in a variety of ways. How he lives, with what activities and people he engages, with what he does for a living, how he conducts himself, and many other factors. My buddies about whom I am writing share similar traits with me in having self-confidence, maturity, intelligence, and just being regular guys — not trying to be someone he’s not, nor hiding from being who he is. He just “is”. I admire men like that. No pretenses. What you see is what you get.

Thanks, guys — for reaffirming that guys can be guys and being a gay guy doesn’t define who that guy is. While you have said that I’ve helped you, you have helped me, too. I don’t “have” to identify as or with any particular identity, because what makes my identity as a masculine gay man is a combination of things. Just like for my friends. (And we like to wear our boots, too! That’s great!)

Life is short: be who you are, and wear your boots! (LOL!)

Consequences of Gay Marriage

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This chart was provided by a Delegate to my state’s General Assembly. Too bad I don’t live in her district! Thanks, Adam, for the “mainstream” post on your blog!

Much more work to be done in my district with our Delegates. One is great, one is retiring, and one is awful. 2010 is just around the corner!

The Gays Aren’t Convincing Me

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Today, December 10, 2008, is International Human Rights Day. The organization “Join the Impact” proposed (again, on short notice) that gay people are supposed to call in “gay” to work, and donate their time to voluntary service.

While I’m all for voluntary service, donating about 20 hours each week to serve others publicly and privately, the idea of “calling in gay” doesn’t wash with me.

I read the “A Day Without A Gay” website (now defunct), and didn’t find anything of much value to justify calling in to work to take the day off in protest of violations of human rights. My employer doesn’t violate human rights — why punish them? More on that below.

In the past eight years under this President (whose name I can’t even write because it makes me ill), the United States went from being a champion of human rights around the world to joining the league of the world’s worst abusers of human rights. We’ve got A LOT of work to do on that front. Banning same-sex marriage in state constitutions, while homophobic and mean-spirited, isn’t nearly the same thing as holding “detainees” in Guantanamo indefinitely because we think they knew where the WMDs were in Iraq. (Okay, I’m treating this with levity, but you get my drift.)

Then in reading the “day without a gay” website more deeply, there was one thing that really made me angry: it suggested that one way to “volunteer” today was to try to give blood. Man, that suggestion makes my blood boil, but before I explain why, some readers may not be aware of the regulations surrounding the situation. Here it is, quoted directly from their website (but also widely published elsewhere):

In response to the AIDS crisis of the 1980’s the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) banned any man who has had sex with another man since 1977 from giving blood. This 1985 provision argued that men who have sex with other men are at higher risk of contracting and transmitting HIV and hepatitis, posing a health risk to potential recipients.

While I find this FDA ruling to be absurd, particularly in 2008, nonetheless, you won’t find an FDA representative at any facility that collects blood. So it places an exceptionally unfair burden on the poor intake worker at a blood collection center to have to turn someone away by enforcing a rule that they didn’t write or have anything to do with.

A better option for service would be to stage a well-organized and coordinated protest with letter-writing campaign to people who can influence the new FDA Commissioners, when appointed, to change the rule. But don’t send people to waste their time (gay men trying to donate blood) and cause a poor intake worker to have to enforce a rule that he/she had nothing to do with creating. It’s just not fair.

Finally, I’m not participating in “A Day Without A Gay” because I like my work, I like my employer, my employer likes me, and treats me fairly. I work in an environment where it’s known that I’m gay, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am respected and valued for my professional skills and knowledge, my strengths and capabilities, and my leadership. Further, in this day-and-age with the poor economy, the last thing anyone should do is take a day off. This is a time to be seen as working harder, working smarter, and being there.

That’s my two cents (much as that’s worth in today’s economy). Today, for me, is as always, “a day WITH a Gay”.

More on Masculine Gay Men

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I have received several messages in response to my post yesterday titled, Do Masculine Gay Men Scare Masculine Straight Men?” From what I’m reading, there are a number of masculine gay men who have been subjected to taunts, negative comments, and ridicule from straight men when the straight guys find out that they’re gay.

So I did a little bit more research, and found a fascinating article titled “Straightjacketed.”

Several things in that article hit home:

  • Growing up, men are faced with the continual threat of being seen as gay and the continuous challenge of proving that they are not gay. In short, boys and men are kept in line by homophobia.
  • Masculinity is strongly molded by homophobia, the widespread fear of and contempt for homosexuals.
  • Homophobic beliefs are deeply embedded in our society. Even the many books about men largely ignore the fact that mainstream masculinity is heterosexual

I contend that masculine straight men behave as if they are afraid of masculine gay men only because when a guy looks, behaves, dresses, talks, and otherwise appears “as a man,” it goes against what men have been taught by society since they were born. Straight men expect all gay men to behave the same way — with effeminate characteristics, a high squeaky voice, limp wrists, and other characteristics enhanced by the social stereotyping process.

I know more than a few gay men who are not masculine in their behavior at all, and who serve as the role models for the social stereotype that all gay men are “queens.” Well, not all are. Not all straight men are rugged outdoorsy-types, either. Many men these days take on what was considered not too long ago as feminine roles with regard to caring for children and/or elderly parents, cleaning the house, cooking meals, and such.

I also know gay men who are afraid of masculine gay men. Heck, I observe that right where I work, and in my neighborhood. But our differences have nothing much to do with whether we behave as masculine men or not. It simply has to do with being interested in different things. I’m interested in riding my Harley, and wearing boots and leather when I do so. Some of the gay men to which I refer are more interested in going to movies and to clubs. Does either behavior make either one of us more or less “gay?” I think not….

Then the same is true about straight men and gay men — neither one of us is more or less of a man due to the biological expressions of our respective genes that determine whether or not we are hetero- or homosexual. (Yeah, I am clearly among those who believe that gay men are born gay, not “made” gay.)

It all boils down to the focus of the article that I summarized: homophobia is “taught” indirectly by society and men (and some women) react in ways to reject homosexuality because society expects them to behave that way. What some of them may be afraid of is to reject society’s normative instruction — that is, they are afraid to reject homophobia. It is quite possible for men to be straight, but not narrow.

I think it is important for gay men to help straight men learn about who we are, to accept us, and to become our allies. They are more likely to do that if we as gay men behave in ways that don’t fulfill social stereotypes which frighten more men than we may know.

My two cents. What’s yours?

Do Masculine Gay Men Scare Masculine Straight Men?

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I have been following links back to sources of internet content that link to my website or this blog. Some of what I am finding is amusing, some of it indicates that the writer is nothing more than a grade-school dropout, some of it is rants from the Internet Generation, but some of it indicates to me that masculine straight men are afraid of masculine gay men, especially masculine gay men like me who ride a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and who enjoy wearing boots and leather.

I can’t quite figure it out, but I am observing that there are a lot of people — gay and straight — who are insecure.

Insecure gay men demonstrate their insecurity by behaving in a way that gay people refer to as “drama queens.” And man, there are many of them out there. But by referring to them as drama queens, that’s how gay people put them in their place — just little twits who should be ignored.

Masculine straight men demonstrate their insecurities by how vocal they become to ridicule gay men who choose to wear masculine attire, such as boots and leather. Some of these insecure men also have demonized gay men who ride a Harley (or any motorcycle, for that matter). They make broad generalizations about gay men who are confident in their choices of motorcycle to ride and biker attire to wear.

Some have written that gay men only like motorcyclists who are clean-cut and wear designer jeans. Oh, gimme a break. That’s another indicator of stereotyping, which is a sure sign of intellectual ineptitude (or just plain old lack of any intelligence), as well as insecurity.

Face it, straight guys — there are masculine gay men out here, too. Some of us are the proverbial “guy next door” who happens to live with the man he loves. I am one of those guys. I care for my family, neighbors, and friends. I have a full-time job, a home, and a life. I volunteer a lot to serve my community in various ways. And yeah, I ride a Harley in boots (always) and leather (when it is cool/cold.) And I love my one-and-only man.

Did I choose a Harley because “it’s the gay bike?” Ha… like most bikers, I moved up to a Harley after riding Japanese bikes for years, finding them to be unreliable. Great training wheels, but when one is a serious motorcyclist, then he’s going to choose a serious bike: a Harley.

And I know I’m not alone. I’ve made some great friends who are masculine men, who live with their partners, have a life, and contribute to their community in various ways. I’ve met them through a mutual interest in boots, but that really was only a thread that led to an introduction. My masculine friends (you know who you are) have nothing to prove, yet demonstrate their confidence and security each and every day by living with (and sometimes coping with) others who are insecure and attempt to ridicule them, or engage in being negative. I gain strength from their friendship and their positive, secure attitude toward life and those they love — gay and straight.

So that’s about it: I conclude that some masculine straight men are afraid of masculine gay men, but that is because they are insecure, and won’t admit it. So go ahead and link to my blog or my website and ridicule me. I’m man enough to take it. I quit worrying about school-yard bullies in second grade.

The Gay Comfort Zone

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I am continuing to enjoy an ongoing dialogue with a partnered gay man who inspires me to think. He’s a smart guy who writes exceptionally well. He lives in a state north of me, one with which my partner is quite familiar.

Lately, he wrote:

Many gay people I know are what I refer to as “separatists.” They don’t keep close straight friends and spend their time either at the gym or with gay friends. Their conversations are about gay issues. It’s like there’s an invisible wall between them and the rest of the world that they just don’t seem to want to pass through.

He acknowledges that he is generalizing and that it is a particular segment of the population to which he is referring, not the whole. But I have noticed that, too. The few gay people that I know around the area where I live tend to behave that way — they only socialize with other gay people, go to the gym or out to eat only with ‘their own.’ I rarely see them with ‘straight’ people.

For me, on the other hand, the vast majority of my friends and people with whom I socialize are ‘straight.’ I love to ride my motorcycle, and several years ago, I rode with a gay motorcycle club. But just like my buddy said, all the members of that club talked about was whatever ‘gay drama’ was going on at the time, themselves, and gossip about other people. They did not pay much attention to what was going on in the world around them. Sometimes they chided me for being so involved in my community with issues related to development, planning, zoning, schools, and transportation.

Having little patience with gay drama, I left that club and joined another motorcycle club in which I believe I am the only member who is openly gay. The club members like to ride; I like to ride. That’s it — we ride! No drama, no ‘issues.’ But I observe during conversations with club members that they are keenly aware of the world around them, and some, like me, get involved in trying to make our world a better place.

My buddy and I both feel that perhaps we do not have the same feeling of “solidarity” with the gay community as the other gay people we respectively know. We both understand that our respective upbringing and masculine outlook undoubtedly affects the way we relate to other gay men.

We live, for all intents and purposes, as straight men when it comes to the every day. It is just who we are. Both of us are not pretending or in any way avoiding any part of what makes us who we are. Take it or leave it, what you see is what you get.

My friend continued:

I have to remember that just because I live this way, many others do not and that’s fine. But because I do, I believe I tend to see things from a more global perspective and not from a corner of one very small segment of the population. I believe in the statement “think globally, act locally.” Unfortunately, I think man gay people pledge their allegiance to “think locally, act locally” (or “think within the community, act within the community”).

I have shared with my buddy, and all who know me, that I am a community activist — but I define my community as the neighborhoods and geographic region where I live, not ‘the gay community’ as some may think. He replied, in kind, as follows:

It is noble and responsible of you to speak out at meetings in your community. I find your conviction in politics and community welfare refreshing. So much of “our” community (by that I mean gay people in this country) concern themselves with things that are quite frankly self-centered, or gay-centric, and don’t stop to think that they might be able to use their energy for the “greater good”.

I was humbled by the demonstration of my buddy’s respect for my community involvement, and appreciate it.

So my buddy and I muse, “is there a lack of willingness in the gay community to reach out to the greater community? Are they afraid of not being accepted, or of being taunted or rejected by others? Do men in the gay community feel uncomfortable, or spurn, getting involved in issues outside their gay comfort zone? What do you think?”