Category Archives: Gay Issues

When Did You Become Gay?

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I received an email the other day from someone with whom I grew up, but after high school, we had lost touch. We saw each other at high school reunions and shared pleasantries, always with the closing comment of “let’s keep in touch…,” but for one reason or another, we didn’t.

Anyway, my former high school classmate wrote to me the other day and told me that a Google search revealed this blog, and in it, my classmate recognized my photo, then read the lines that I state in my profile, “I am just your average monogamously partnered gay guy next door…”.

The email asked, “when did you become gay?” Like it was a chronic affliction. Reading between the lines, I saw some degree of puzzlement, concern, and inquiry without trying to be judgmental. Taking this question directly as written, there are a number of ways I could go with it.

I decided before I responded to ask for more information — what did my former classmate want to know? The response was quick and more direct: “when did you know you were gay? Were you gay in high school? Did you have a [relationship] with [former classmate known-at-the-time-to-be-gay]?”

I could answer all of those questions:

  • I didn’t really understand that I was gay until later, when I reached my early 20s.
  • Yes, I was gay in high school, because I believe I was born gay; however, I didn’t act on those interests. I really didn’t know at the time what my sexual orientation was.
  • While [former classmate referred to] and I were in several of the same classes, no, I did not have sex with him. I just treated him like anyone else — a friend with whom I grew up and with whom I shared some classes.

The only question that my former classmate asked that I could not answer without being rude or snarky was, “why?”

Why? Why am I gay? That again resulted in my asking for more information so that I didn’t take it the wrong way. And his response was rather direct: “Why Did You Become Gay?”

I decided to reply with a clinical response: It is genetically related to chromosome Xq28, according to this study.

I did not hear back from my former classmate. I am uncertain if I will. I hope I answered the question without being critical or sounding offended at being asked. Since email lacks tone and visual cues, it is hard to interpret what was being asked and how to respond. I decided to remain non-judgmental, not take offense, and just answer the question. However, I can’t help but feel that this former classmate is among the misinformed who believe that being gay is a choice. I really do not believe that I could “become gay” as much as I could “become” someone of another race. My sexual orientation is that innate (to me.)

Life is short: be who you are.

Afraid of "Looking Gay"

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Like a lot of people, I surf the internet and use Google as my guide. Sometimes I find the most amusing writings posted on various forums.

Most internet forums allow people to go by anonymous screen names, so they say a lot of things without fearing that people will know who they really are. But what they say reveals more about who they are than their name.

Among the biker community, there are a lot of people who express some form of fear that by being seen wearing a certain type of motorcycle clothing (chaps, for example), or having a particular brand shown on the clothing implies that one is gay. So they use a slur “that’s gay” to associate their negative opinion. Here is a cut from one such forum:

I see a lot of people on here who are more worried about being considered a “HARDCORE” biker, instead of just riding and enjoying life. These same guys absolutely won’t ride ANYTHING else except a Harley, yet claim they won’t wear anything Harley, cause then you look gay and are a billboard for the brand. Content Source

What is it about straight guys who make blatent statements such as “wearing a Harley-branded jacket looks gay?” I guess it’s alright to wear Harley T-shirts; man, there are zillions of them and bikers (even riders of other brands of motorcycles) wear them.

I’ll tell you what it is about straight guys who make such statements:

  • They are insecure.
  • They are immature.
  • They are afraid of what they don’t know (gay people)
  • They reveal that they sit on whatever brains they have.

I was also going to say that they are young, but unfortunately I have read or heard such statements by people older than I am, and who should have matured by now and know better.

I do not own much Harley-branded gear, but that’s because I have found alternatives that have a better value for the price paid. I have taken time to get measured for and buy top-quality, custom-made leathers that fit me well. Most Harley-branded gear is overpriced for the name. A lot of it is made in China, where quality control is suspect. I tell ‘ya, leather fetish stores like Mr. S., 665Leather, or Northbound have surpassed leather-for-the-masses retailers like The Motor Company (Harley) in producing superb, functional, and good-looking gear. After all, I own and wear a lot of leather gear so I know what I’m talking about.

As the original author of the post I quoted above began his statement, there seem to be a lot of people on internet forums who are much more concerned about portraying the image of a “hardcore biker” than by just getting out and riding to enjoy life. There are stereotypes that they have been brainwashed to believe that, to them, implies that the “tough-guy bad-ass biker image” (a “hardcore biker”) is the opposite of “gay.” By extension, these are some who believe that it is not possible that some bikers can be “homosexual.” (oooohhh, “that” word!)

I have said before and I will say again: Bikers can be gay and gay men and women can be bikers, as the two are not mutually exclusive.

Ignorant and fearful forum posters should get over it, and get a life. Get out and ride, and enjoy it. That is what it is all about.

Life is short: ride and have fun!

Where I Am Not Today

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Today is the day for the National Equality March in Washington, DC, USA. It is supposed to attract hundreds of thousands of supporters for the LGBT movement, and particularly those interested in marriage equality — a civil marriage is a civil right.

I have somewhat of a nostalgic point of view regarding events like this. It was during the March On Washington held on April 25, 1993, where I met the man who fundamentally changed and improved my life: my wonderful partner. If it were not for that event, I am uncertain if I would have met him, nor how the rest of my life would have turned out.

I hope attendees find the event interesting and have opportunities to voice their opinions and share in an experience that can only occur in Washington, DC, during a mass gathering such as this one is supposed to be. Personally, I hope some people meet each other, figure out that they are interesting to each other, and begin a relationship that may produce a partnership for them that has been as wonderful as the one I share with the love-of-my-life.

Alas, attending such events for my partner and me is a thing of the past. I have personal reservations about the effectiveness of such efforts. There is a lot of controversy about today’s event, with various differences of opinion about how it was organized and managed.

But, to us, the controversial claims and counterclaims are not an issue. My partner and I will not be attending this event. Not because we don’t support the various issues that will be addressed (particularly marriage equality), but because we are at my mother-in-law’s home taking care of things for her. I will be doing some home maintenance and yard work, while my partner will be taking her shopping and do what a son should be doing for his elderly, lonely mother: just paying attention to her.

Why did we choose this weekend to go to Pittsburgh? Because we both have a three-day weekend (Monday is a federal holiday in the U.S. for Columbus Day), so we have more time for a trip like this. We have been going to Pittsburgh on Columbus Day weekend for many years.

Why not just reschedule our trip to Pittsburgh and go to the Equality March? Well, “been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the sunburn.” We would rather not deal with the hassle of the crowds. Standing for long lengths of time is very difficult for my partner due to his disability. Also, he just hates crowds (and I’m not fond of crowds, either).

Anyway, we wish the attendees well, hope for the best, and again, I personally hope some guys will meet their lifemate guy, and some women will meet their lifemate woman. That chance occurrence of meeting my partner at such an event fundamentally changed my life so much for the better. I cherish those memories, and sincerely hope identical memories are formed in the younger generation.

Life is short: march on!

I Am Who I Am

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I received an email the other day, generated from this blog, which said, in part, “it is gratifying to know that there are decent, well adjusted, friendly gay men like you. Honestly, I have been struggling with ‘coming out’ for years. … Just wanted you to know that I have enjoyed your insights and interesting discussions in your blog. It has been quite therapeutic.”

Wow… who woulda thunk? I mean, I am just a regular guy with some specific interests and passions that a blog is well-suited to use as a medium to talk about those interests. Also, I just like to write 🙂

I am uncertain how my musings can serve to be therapeutic, but if it helps, I am happy to do so.

It really all boils down to one thing that makes me the man I am: my parents and family raised me well. They helped me to develop self-confidence and a self-assured nature. I was always a klutz, athletically disinclined, and more interested in reading books than throwing a ball. I saw my older brothers and other men in my life and wanted to be like them, but knew that I was different. I tried to do things that they did, like play sports or date women, but it never worked. And you know what? My family didn’t make fun of me or mock my failures. Instead, they accepted me for who I am and asked me, “what do you like? How can I help you fulfill your interests?”

Perhaps they didn’t ask questions exactly like that (I can’t remember), but I never once felt ridiculed for being “different.” I always felt loved and accepted for who I am. They let me try various things, and when it didn’t work out or I goofed up, they just smiled and said, “okay, let’s try something else.” Honestly, never once did I feel humiliated or belittled by my family.

Sure, there were bullies in school and short-sighted nobodies in my adult life who were insecure about themselves, and felt better if they could belittle me to make themselves feel bigger and better. Sometimes their actions hurt me, both physically and emotionally. But my family — and as an adult, my partner — always and without fail point out why they love me for who I am and that my inner strengths make me a better person overall, encouraging me to rise above the hurt and anger and respond with sympathy, kindness, and compassion.

Actually, it is intriguing to me as I look back that my family never said bad things about other people, but only highlighted the good things in me and others around us. Their optimism, sense of hope, and strong belief in me inspired and empowered achievements beyond my wildest dreams. I became who I am and achieved what I have done because of how they transferred their strength to me through positive support.

I realize how fortunate I am. Not everyone has a family like mine. Not every gay person lives in a community where diversity is a way of life, not something to be “celebrated” on a particular day of recognition. Not every gay guy has a partner who is his equal in intelligence, financial security, and savvy. Not every gay guy has friends he’s known for life (and some less long) who form the fabric of a rich net supporting him and his goals, failures, and fun regardless of his sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is appreciated by a cadre of seniors and neighbors for being “that guy who knows his stuff,” rather than “that gay guy …”. Not every gay guy works for an employer that evaluates him based on skills and abilities, and doesn’t make judgments based on sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is in a situation as I am to be able to “let go” and be who I am, out and open, free and honest, secure and confident.

In summary, I guess what allows me to be a decent, well-adjusted, and friendly guy is that I can freely be who I am. I can make mistakes, and be forgiven. I have learned to “let go” any concerns about what other people may say about me (boots, leather, being gay, or my appearance). I have learned that being honest (and not living in the closet) is absolutely refreshing and invigorating. I can learn, and adjust from my learning. I can do what I do best, and choose not to do what I don’t do well. And that’s okay. I am who I am.

Life is short: Love me for who I am, ’cause I am not someone else.

Guppies

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What do you see in this picture? (Click on it to enlarge it if you want.)

It was sent with an email from my state’s LGBT advocacy organization. The organization is promoting acquisition of license plates that show the organization’s symbol and by displaying the plates on your car, you are therefore supporting the organization and its mission. Okay, fine, I get it.

But what my partner and I both noticed immediately in the photo of these guppies is their vehicles — a late-model flashy Mercedes coupe and a Jaguar. Oh come on, gimme a break!

Sorry, guys, this has no appeal to us. We may live in Guppyville, but we find the image a display of “see my expensive toys, fellas? Haven’t we ‘arrived’?” (I have deleted other comments muttered under my partner’s and my breath, but I think you get the point.)

I wonder what the guppy term for “keeping up with the Joneses” is. I guess I don’t know, because we don’t.

Life is short: Basta!

Oh, You Must Be Gay

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One more story about my recent trip and then I’ll move on to other topics.

Airport security screening has settled into an understandable routine, and is about the same in each airport through which I have traveled in about the past year. That’s a good thing, because the unpredictability about what one would be asked to do next — from placing no more than three ounces of liquids such as shampoo and toothpaste in a resealable plastic bag to taking off one’s footwear while going through the magnetometer (sometimes called a “metal detector”) — was frustrating to many.

Infrequent travelers still hold up the line, but signage and explanations that are ubiquitous in airports helps a lot. “1-2-3” directions (show ID and boarding pass, take out liquids and laptops, remove footwear and jackets) have pictographic directions that are easy for almost anyone to understand.

So there I am on a Monday morning, which is a time when airports are crowded with business travelers, waiting for the screening agent to look at my boarding pass and driver’s license. He is trying to be jovial and friendly, which is better than a surly attitude I have experienced sometimes.

I have learned that when dealing with officials in this capacity, it is better not to try to initiate conversation. A pleasant “hello” or “good morning” is enough. So in Phoenix I said, “Good morning!” and the agent smiled. Then he said, “well, it’s not a good morning if you saw the [football] game last night. Wasn’t it awful when [name of player] … [did something wrong]?”

I replied, “sorry, I didn’t see the game.” I thought that would change the direction of the conversation, but the screener continued, “well, when [name of player] … [did something wrong], I thought he should have [done something else] and the coach should have [done something about it or to him].”

I just shrugged. He continued to examine my driver’s license, even by pulling out a magnifying glass to look more closely at it. I guess they don’t see that many Maryland licenses in Arizona and he had to check the date to ensure the license was valid. Then he remarked, “What do you think about [name of player on the local football team]?”

I said, “I don’t know. I don’t follow this team.”

ooops…

“I guess you’re a [Baltimore football team] fan, being from Maryland.”

I replied, “umm… uhhh…” I just tried to mumble and not say much, hoping he would just give me back my driver’s license and scribble whatever he has to scribble on my boarding pass and let me go. This was taking much too long.

“Or do you watch the [team from Washington]?”

Finally, I said, “not really. I don’t watch football.”

Then he said, “oh, you must be gay, but you don’t look it.”

WHAT????

Instead of making a federal case out of it and filing a written complaint — the guy wasn’t really trying to be difficult as much as he was trying to make a very bad joke which, to him, was funny, I said this:

Yes, in fact I am gay. But tell me, do you think that all men who do not care for football are gay? Really? Is that what you believe? And what do gay men look like?”

His response was both amusing and telling. He stammered, then profusely apologized. He said that he was “just talking” and didn’t mean anything bad. He quickly gave me back my driver’s license and boarding pass, and escorted me personally to a magnetometer station that was just opening so I could go through first, ahead of others. He kept glancing around. I guess he was looking to see if other people overheard us and if he were going to get into trouble if I made a scene.

This happens from time to time. Straight people just don’t get it, and sometimes say really stupid things without thinking. It happens more often after straight guys have been drinking alcohol which loosens their tongue and clouds rational thinking, but I have had it happen on several occasions in the most unusual circumstances where alcohol isn’t involved (such as this situation.)

This guy works long hours and in a difficult job. I am sure that he gets his share of grief from various passengers who think nothing of yelling and screaming if they become upset. Rather than go nuts, I took a deep breath and calmly said:

Thanks for getting me to this line. And remember, everyone is different, and you can’t make assumptions that if a guy looks like me that he is a football fan and that all football fans are straight. I know a lot of gay guys who enjoy football. I don’t happen to be one of them, but it doesn’t mean that it’s fair that you can make broad generalizations like that. Be careful.

He meekly apologized again and returned to his station. I pulled out my liquids and laptop, pulled off my boots, and put these things and my carry-on bag on the belt, sent them through the x-ray, walked through the magnetometer, gathered my belongings, pulled my cowboy boots back on, reassembled my carry-on, and walked to a restaurant to have some breakfast.

I thought all was said and done when a man in a suit came up to me and asked if he could sit at my table. Sure… though it wasn’t crowded, but I was at a table for four all by myself. He sat down and introduced himself. He said that he worked for the federal agency that oversees the airport security screeners. He said that he observed what happened, and listened to what I said. He commended me for my patience and calm demeanor. He also said that he documented the incident and will follow up.

I told him that I didn’t want that screener to get into trouble. He said that training is offered to screeners on how to talk with passengers and how to respect differences and be tolerant of diversity. He said that he would refer that screener for more training. Well, okay… that’s fine.

Life is short: patience is a virtue.

How has being a biker impacted your life?

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That’s a great question. A regular reader of this blog asked me this question, so I pondered it and I thought I would post a public response.

I guess I can say that being a biker has made my life more fun. It has given me a good reason to wear boots and leather often, and it has introduced me to some really great people who have become friends with whom I enjoy a shared passion. Riding a motorcycle is a heck of a lot more fun than driving a car. I go crazy cooped up in a cage (as bikers call cars.)

Before my partner became disabled, we rode together frequently, with him as my passenger. We loved riding two-up, and went to some interesting places. Riding together drew us closer so motorcycling impacted our lives by helping to build a strong bond built from having fun together.

Motorcycling has also brought sadness to me, when I witnessed a very close friend get killed by someone who was talking on a cell phone while driving and ran into him, killing him instantly, right before my eyes. That incident has made me very passionate about banning the use of cell phones while driving, which I advocate for before our spineless state General Assembly every year, and will continue to do so until the law passes.

That incident, plus training I have had over the years, has made me much more aware about what is going on around me. I am more vigilant not only when I am operating my Harley, but also when I am driving my truck, or just when I am out and about in general. I pretend that no one else can see me. I try to keep a lot of distance in front, in back, and on both sides of my vehicle. Then if another driver does something stupid, like turn in front of me, weave while yakking, or stop short, I have room around me in which to maneuver or take evasive action.

How has being a biker impacted my life? I do not really know any other ways in which it has. Being “a biker” is only one facet of a complex personality. Sure, I may arrive at a public hearing on my Harley, and I may dress a bit more casually than attorneys who are there in pin-striped suits and dress wingtip shoes and who arrive in their expensive luxury automobiles. But that is how I am anyway — I have often said that my twin brother got the “suit genes” and I got the “jeans genes.” Even if I did not learn how to ride a motorcycle and operate one for over three decades, I think I still would be wearing boots and jeans and shunning dress clothes anyway.

There are some people who apply stereotypes to bikers as they apply stereotypes to gay men. Some ill-informed, closed-minded people expect all bikers to be loud drunken savages who speak derogatorily about women and make boastful comments (positioning their masculinity.) Honestly, most “real” bikers — at least those with whom I hang out — are not like that at all. They are thoughtful, caring, concerned men and women who enjoy the same passion as I do — riding a motorcycle and having fun while doing so safely.

Yes, there are some bikers who behave in ways that fulfill the stereotype. There are gay men who behave in ways that fulfill a negative stereotype as well. We are all different. Some bikers ride with a helmet, boots, and appropriate gear all the time, even if not required by law. These are the responsible bikers who do not drink alcohol if they’re going to ride a bike. These are the bikers with whom I enjoy riding.

There are gay men who work hard, and contribute to society in a number of ways. They care for their families and friends, and help their communities by working as a civic leader (as I do), or serve in a publicly elected position (as I have.) Then there are some gay men who are irresponsible, and expose themselves to serious harm and risk. I won’t describe it — you can figure it out — and these are the gay guys who do not read this blog anyway.

What I am saying is that we are all different, and we as individuals are complex. We have multiple interests, talents, abilities, and approaches to life. Bikers can be gay men and gay men can be bikers, as the two are not mutually exclusive.

Pardon the tangent… how as being a biker impacted MY life? It has brought me fun; it has taught me to be more vigilant; it has helped me to demonstrate to others that the “biker lifestyle” and the “gay lifestyle” are not mutually exclusive.

Life is short: be who you are.

Sexual Identity, Sexuality, and Sex

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Let me share some of my thoughts on this subject, which include reflections from a fellow gay man who reviewed this post for me and shared great insights. I preface this post a statement that I have no professional, medical, or academic background on sex, sexuality, or sexual identity. My background is from these sources:

  • personal experience in living as an open gay man in a committed relationship
  • having loving, caring, and supportive family and friends who helped me along the way to become a well-adjusted and socially responsible man
  • knowing gay men who have shared their experiences and outlooks. Much of how we view ourselves is compared and contrasted with the viewpoints of others. Even the things we might flatly reject leave an impression on our outlooks.

I realize that if my family were not supportive during my “coming out” process, or if my friends abandoned me, or if I were in an environment at home, school, or work that was restrictive, demeaning, or socially isolated, then things would have turned out much differently. If, for example, my father were a James Dobson-esque closed-mind religious zealot filled with hate, or my mother a Regina Griggs-like ultraconservative bigot, then I probably would have become a nutcase suitable for long-term lockup.

I have stated in previous blog posts that I was born gay, but didn’t know it. I think that’s fairly true of most gay men. Males behave as they are expected to behave by society: that is, go out on dates with girls, have sex with women, talk and think about women sexually, and things of that nature. Men who possess feminine qualities, whether gay or straight, have a much more difficult time in society than the stereotypically butch male.

The problem is that a guy usually goes through puberty and is able to be sexually active before he comes to terms with his sexual identity. I don’t think I am any different from a lot of others — I experimented sexually (with females, males, myself, and fetish interests) long before I accepted the fact that I was gay.

When attempting to think of women sexually doesn’t work, as with me when I realized that I was looking more at the guys than the girls and discovered that my plumbing worked in a particular way… then a guy figures out he is gay and works through a whole lot of “attitude adjustments” both internally and with those around him. That process, often called “coming out” is, to me, a process of coming to terms with one’s sexual identity.

My family always loved me, even if they didn’t understand what “gay” meant. That love was the foundation that made my “coming out” process easier since it lead to my family’s support. Coming out wasn’t easy, and took many years. In many ways, given the closeness of my family, my coming out process couldn’t have occurred in any other way since my family’s love for me wasn’t contingent upon my compliance with a certain set of imposed rules and obligations.

It all boils down to the fact that yeah, I like guys. However, I have to say that sex is not the driving factor for my being gay. Sure, I enjoy sex like any other guy. But there’s more to my sexuality and my gay identity than sex. It’s how I look at and think about my partner. It has a lot to do with love.

Sex is about biology and mechanics. Sexual organs respond favorably in certain conditions whether or not the same or opposite sex pushes those buttons physically. Self-identification as gay, straight, or somewhere in between is more than just who one sexually responds to…it involves the total package of feelings and other issues that attracts us to each other as human beings.

I am so in love with my partner, that being intimate with him is one way that I can demonstrate to him that I love him. Intimacy is a private thing, but an important factor for an ongoing, long-term relationship. But it’s not all sex. There are other things that my partner knows about me that no one else knows. There are fundamental things that we agree on without even having to talk about it. That’s part of intimacy. It’s a deep, abiding bond that holds us together.

I like guys, but since I have been in a monogamous relationship for so long, I’m not interested in sex with anyone else. I might find some guy attractive – after all, just because I am monogamous doesn’t mean that I am blind. Straight guys who I see socially or at the office or around my community or with whom I interact on-line have nothing to fear by interacting with me as a gay guy — I’m not interested in having sex with them. I am interested in what they have to say as a person, and how we might share something together, like go on a motorcycle ride, craft testimony for a public hearing, repair something in an older person’s home, or talk about boots and leather. It is my commitment to my man that that prevents me from having sex with anyone else. It’s no different than any other couple who makes that vow and truly honors it.

In summary, to me, sex, sexuality, and sexual identity are different things. They are related, but not one and the same. I’ll always be more attracted to men than women, but I’ll only have sex with one guy. Does that make any sense?

Life is short: be who you are.

Thanks to “K” for his invaluable insights and ongoing friendship

Amusing Google Searches

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Every now and then, I look at the stats linked to this blog to see what draws new visitors to it. Most new visitors (not the “regulars” who are followers, friends, relatives, or google “friend connect” users) come from searches using Google.

Here are some of the searches that landed up here, categorized by topic. I copied exactly what people entered into a search, including typos, misspellings, and grammar (or lack thereof).

1. Gay issues

  • why gay men have those squeaky voice?
  • can a gay man be masculine
  • can you be gay and masculine
  • boots outside jeans gay?
  • gay boots and jeans

Response: some gay men speak with a distinctive sound. I described it recently here. But honestly, most do not. Most gay men sound like anyone else. It’s a stereotype that all gay men speak with a squeaky voice.

Gay men and masculinity? Yep, I have blogged a lot about that. It is quite possible, speaking from personal experience, that there are masculine gay men. Again, not all gay men are prissy queens. Gay men range in masculinity as straight men do. However, many unenlightened straight men fail to recognize or actively deny this range.

Does a man who wears his jeans inside his boots mean he is gay? Um… no. Again, another stereotype. Just go ask a rodeo cowboy in Buckaroo boots that question.

The funny: “gay boots and jeans.” I have yet to find such a combination….

2. Cowboy Boots

  • how can men wear cowboy boots
  • how to wear cowboy boots with jeans
  • what boots to wear with blue jeans
  • what jeans do you wear with cowboy boots
  • can you wear cowboy boots with a suit?
  • boots outside jeans cool?
  • how should a man wear cowboy boots
  • how to wear cowboy boots to work
  • how do cowboys iron their jeans?
  • what kind of boots do cowboys wear?

Response: It amazes and amuses me how many, many people inquire about how to wear cowboy boots, what jeans to wear with them, what stacked jeans are, if one can wear cowboy boots with a suit, and so on. I do not know the reasons why so many inquiries of this nature are searched, but ever since I posted the tutorial Cowboy Boots and Jeans on my website, it is continually the second-most visited tutorial on my website. (See below for links to the first).

Funny #1: “how to wear cowboy boots to work?” Answer: on your feet.
Funny #2: “how do cowboys iron their jeans?” Answer: it depends if you’re straight or gay. Straight cowboys don’t iron their jeans. Gay cowboys send them to the dry cleaner.
Funny #3: “what kind of boots do cowboys wear?” … um, how about, “cowboy boots!” LOL!

3. Motorcycle Boots

  • do I need motorcycle boots
  • difference between biker boots and cowboy
  • the best motorcycle boots
  • how to break in leather motercycle boots
  • how to put on 17 motorcycle boots

Response: yes, if you are going to ride a motorcycle, you need to wear boots designed for that purpose. Wearing sneakers or worse — flip-flops — is just stupid. I have blogged a whole lot about motorcycle boots and wrote the tutorials on motorcycle patrol boots and motorcycle boots. These tutorials are tied for the most-visited on my website. It is no wonder many searches about motorcycle boots end up on my website and this blog.

How to break in motorcycle boots? Train the ankles, then put on good, thick socks and wear them while riding.

Funny: “how to put on 17 motorcycle boots.” Answer: grow 15 more legs and feet!

4. Leather

  • leathermen who wear thier leathers 247
  • is it illegal to wear a uniform if you are not a cop
  • does leather hurt?

Response: I for one can’t wear leather 24/7. While I enjoy wearing leather often, I wear it when the weather is suitably cool enough. I don’t like to sweat. I guess there are some guys out there who wear leather all day and all night. I’m not one of them, and do not know any.

As for uniform wearing: yes, it is legal to wear a uniform if you are not a cop. Just don’t wear one within the jurisdiction of the agency being represented, and don’t try to act like a cop by making certain comments to other people, or carrying a weapon such as a gun or baton (night stick). It is all explained here on my website for those who are curious (and I have blogged a little about it, too.)

Funny: “does leather hurt?” Answer: yes, the cow who donated it for human use probably would say it hurts.

5. Funniest of all

  • shoes for cocktail attire

I just about died laughing when I saw this search ended up on this blog. It goes back to my April Fool’s Day joke where I spoofed about shoes to wear with cocktail attire to attend the latest guppy gathering in my area. I laughed because I am about the last one to be consulted on shoes and cocktail attire. I care for neither.

Summary: I hope you enjoyed this brief tour of what people enter into search engines and how or why they ended up on this blog. And before you worry that I have gone all “big brother,” no worries, I do not know who you are. I just see what you are looking for and where (the town) you are coming from.

Life is short: search on!

Gaydar

Posted on by

Updated — the original posting was uncharacteristically critical, and I changed it.

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Gay men sometimes intuitively guess if someone else is gay by engaging in a guessing game using “gaydar.”

What’s “gaydar?” Well, according to an article in Wikipedia:

Gaydar … refers to the intuitive ability to assess someone’s sexual orientation as gay, bisexual, or straight. The function of gaydar relies on usually non-verbal sensory information and intuitions. These include the sensitivity to social behaviors and mannerisms….

My gaydar went off as I observed this young man texting away on his cell phone while he was seated at National Airport across from me.

I did not talk to the guy, but heard him speaking when his cell phone rang. His voice had a distinctive “gay sound.” According to another website, the sound is called a lisp, though not actually a lisp. It is described thusly:

The markers of this speech pattern include higher than normal pitch that changes frequently and rapidly, a breathy tone, long fricatives, and a very careful pronunciation style.

He waved his other hand a lot while speaking, and generally gave off many signals that made my gaydar go off.

Is there anything wrong with that? No… and I never said the guy was or was not gay. It was behaviors I was observing that are similar to behaviors I have observed in some gay men I know. It doesn’t matter if he is or is not gay. What I’m describing is that there are some behaviors that some men do that give signals that other gay men can read.