Category Archives: Gay Issues

Boots Look Gay

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Oh cripes, there goes Google again, directing visitors to this blog and my website when they enter phrases such as:

  • All motorcycle boots look gay
  • Is it gay to wear tall boots?
  • Dudes in boots look gay

All this indicates, to me, is that some guys have a lot to learn and have some serious “issues.” I mean, they are obsessed with perceptions. They do not want to be perceived as having anything to do with gay culture, and for some silly reason, they have connected boots with being gay.

Come on, guys, get a life. I know that a colloquial saying, “that’s gay” is a euphemism for a number of things, mostly negative. Straight people don’t want to be associated with “gay” things. But come on! Boots of all things? Sheesh…

There was a discussion on the “Boots on Line” board recently about that issue — how men in tall boots historically were perceived as powerful, commanding authority figures. Then it seemed to change in the ’60s as tall boots were made for women as fashion items. Fewer men wore tall boots, and those who did began to wear shorter boots, like tactical boots. About the only men and authority figures these days who wear tall boots are motor patrol officers, riders of horses (police, polo players, etc.), and palace guards.

Sneakers took over as the choice of personal footwear in relaxed settings, such as at home. The number of brands and varieties of sneakers boomed in the 80s and continues in huge production today. Many guys who wear sneakers like them because they are comfortable. As we age, any form of comfort is appreciated.

But back to the topic… as tall boots became a fashion statement for women, then tall boots became associated with feminine attire. Thus … the common misconception, especially among poorly educated men, that tall boots are “gay.” They associate anything feminine with “gay.”

Oh cripes, guys. There are masculine gay men and there are less masculine gay men. Some gay men wear boots, some do not. But associating the two — boots and being gay — does not make sense. It indicates fear of an association. Revisit your thinking: what do boots have to do with being gay? … nothing. If you believe that wearing boots, especially tall boots, would cause others to believe that you are gay, then really look at how you act and how you behave. It’s more mannerisms and behavior that others make judgments about; not what you have on your feet.

Life is short: wear tall boots (if you’re man enough!)

You Are Who You Hang With

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A friend posted a guest blog series about being a straight guy and enjoying leather. In that series, one thing he said is, “you are who you hang with.” This is an American expression, but is descriptive of the idea that the company one keeps strongly influences who he is and how he perceives himself.

I looked around and asked myself, “who do I ‘hang’ with?” Well, generally speaking, I do not socialize much. My life these days is spent with my partner as we go about our daily life, with my 95-year-old aunt for whom I care, with a group of elderly friends who I help out by taking them grocery shopping and doing home repairs for them, with people in my community where I am engaged in various public service activities, and for fun… with my motorcycle riding club. Occasionally, but not very often, I’ll go visit a friend who I grew up with, or befriended in college or from one of my previous jobs.

As I looked around, I got to thinking: who I ‘hang with’ are my life-long friends from school, as well as neighbors who I work with in civic activities. (I have rarely socialized with people with whom I have worked on my day-job.) A few of my friends are gay, but most aren’t. I have very few gay friends. Not by design, but by the choices I have made about what I do and where I go. I do not purposefully choose to seek out other gay men to socialize. I avoid venues where gay guys may gather, like bars. I have no problems with gay bars — I just don’t have any reason to frequent a bar. I don’t drink alcohol, and I have always had problems remaining awake past 9pm.

Am I perceived as resisting being gay? Perhaps by some gay guys who don’t understand that, to me, one chooses his friends based on shared interests. I am genuinely interested in helping others, so the majority of the ‘hanging’ I do is nailing up a picture hook (giggle.)

Shared interests is not the same thing as shared sexual orientation. So I’m gay. So what? It means that I have chosen a man as my mate. But it doesn’t mean that I will change who I choose to serve, to care for, and with whom to enjoy activities like motorcycle riding.

I fail to understand why some gay guys only ‘hang’ with other gay guys. There is much more to life than one’s sexual orientation.

Life is short: hang up the hang-ups!

Overcoming Gay Male Stereotypes

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One of the most viewed posts on this blog is my post titled, “Where Do You Find Masculine Gay Guys?”. It was posted on July 10, 2009, and search engines direct about 20 visitors to it each week.

Someone recently posted a comment to that post anonymously. While he didn’t include his name, I kept the comment because what he said was interesting to me and contributed to the content of what the post was about. He said:

I like what you wrote and I’m glad you found someone. I’m still looking, but I can never tell when to ask a guy if he is gay or not. I’m not into gay acting guys. They’re cool and everything, but I kind of want someone that I am more of buddies with but having a relationship as well. It’s so hard to find. I live in an area where there is nothing around so there aren’t many places to go. You’re right though. When I look online or in gay bars, there are very feminine guys there and I’m afraid that I will have to fake being straight in order to be happy. The stereotypical gay relationship scares me. Its not that I’m in denial, I just don’t want to be with someone that likes Madonna and wants to go shopping all the time. I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was just the music, but if I want a guy that acts girly then I’ll date a girl. Good site though. Thanks.

I wish to comment about some things he said.

  • I can never tell when to ask a guy if he is gay or not

    I could probably make some quip starting with, “if you have to ask…” but that wouldn’t be nice. Generally, I have found in my experience, if you hang out with a guy and get along very well, then enjoy the company and the things you do together. Okay, you want to have a relationship beyond being buddies that includes intimacy. There are ways to figure that out.

    How does he look at you? How does he respond to touch? I’m not saying groping his crotch, but does he touch you like placing an arm around your shoulder, or accept that in return? Does his hand linger when you shake hands? What about his physical proximity to you? That is, does he sit close, or side-by-side? Is he comfortable with physical closeness such as being seated on a sofa with legs touching?

    In my opinion, the more a guy accepts being physically close, the more likely he is to accept an interest on a more intimate level. I agree, though, sometimes you have to be more direct about it. Rather than blurt out, “are you gay?” — I suggest you talk about yourself. At the right time in the right setting, tell him that you like guys, or more boldly, come out of the closet and explain that you’re gay. If he is gay, he’ll admit it. If he is not, but is your friend, he will say something like, “I’m not” and as long as you don’t get aggressive in your behavior, he will remain your friend.

  • I’m not into gay-acting guys.

    Oh goodness, here we go again. I’ll say this once more: not all gay men act the same way. “Gay Acting” is a social stereotype, and nothing more. Get over it. What you don’t like is a gay man who displays effeminate behavior. Okay, I understand that. I don’t either. So don’t go for what you don’t like.

  • I live in an area where there is nothing around so there aren’t many places to go

    Having lived in a very rural area of Oklahoma for a while, I understand this point, too. As I said in my original blog post: you won’t find that many masculine gay men in profiles on the internet. Why is that? In my opinion, masculine gay men are secure in themselves and don’t advertise for mates — though some do on some gay dating or fetish websites like Gearfetish, Recon’s family of websites, and a few others. You won’t find that many masculine gay men on the ‘net, so that’s why I recommended getting out and becoming involved in activities that masculine gay men enjoy: hiking, camping, sports, and so forth. You may have to drive a while to another town to find a regular softball or volleyball league, attend a rodeo, or to hike with a group.

  • When I look online or in gay bars, there are very feminine guys there.

    That is often true. That’s why I recommend looking elsewhere. It’s unfortunate, but there are not specific places that masculine gay men hang out. I wish it were that easy. Even at leather-oriented gay bars, there is quite a mix. I recommended in my original post to go to pubs, restaurants, or bars frequented by general society. Yeah: “straight bars.” Masculine gay men do not feel a need to hang out only with gay men, contrasted with more effeminate gay guys who tend to hang out with only gay people. Masculine guys are secure and self-confident. They enjoy friends regardless of sexual orientation. So if you choose to go to a bar, don’t go to a gay bar — go to a straight bar. Believe me, there are gay men there, too.

  • I’m afraid that I will have to fake being straight in order to be happy.

    Fallacy: ‘fake being straight’ means what? Lying. Hiding. Not good for the soul and not good for the psyche. Don’t fake anything. Be yourself. If you have masculine mannerisms, then you’re not ‘faking being straight.’ You are being who you are. I assure you that many masculine gay men look and act ‘straight’ because their behavior is what society has taught us about how straight people behave. How one carries himself in front of others has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the two issues are the same. They’re not.

  • The stereotypical gay relationship scares me. Its not that I’m in denial, I just don’t want to be with someone that likes Madonna and wants to go shopping all the time.

    I could probably make an entire blog post out of that line… in my opinion, social stereotyping is clouding objectivity. Okay, I don’t like Madonna either. My partner does. I don’t like Lady Gaga. My partner and some of my masculine gay friends do. So what? We just have different tastes. And the part about going shopping all the time? Gimme a break. I hate shopping, too. My partner, however, is good at it. Does he go shopping all the time? Nope… but when shopping has to be done, we divide the duties and he does the shopping and I go renovate a house. (Well, not specifically…) but where I’m going with this is that different men have different interests and if I initially judged my masculine “better half” (my partner) on the fact that he likes certain pop music and shopping, then I never would have developed a life-changing relationship with him and never would have taken that first step on the Bootprints of Our Journey.

    As they say, “opposites attract.” I’m not really saying that a gay frilly-froo-froo guy is the right choice for a guy looking for a masculine man, but I am saying that one should not make snap judgments based on stereotypes.

  • if I want a guy that acts girly then I’ll date a girl.

    Me too. ‘nuf said. If you want a masculine man, then go find one.

This was an interesting exercise to me. I’ll sum up by saying one very important thing: finding the right guy takes time. They won’t come flocking to your door or flood your email with proposals. You have to take the initiative to get out there and get involved in activities that other masculine gay men enjoy. Take your time. You’ll know it’s right when it happens. And it does… not fast, not overnight… but it does.

I also feel compelled to say that far too many gay men develop intimate relationships because they feel the need to do so. The bio-clock is ticking. The physical attributes change with age (weight, appearance, etc.) But just like in the straight world, you might get together with someone as a “settle for” and find out as time moves on that it’s not right, so you split and suffer consequences of a broken heart, damaged ego, and hurt feelings. Like a very close friend has had to do recently, he broke off a relationship because he figured out that it wasn’t right, and didn’t want to waste the other guy’s time or his own. He’s still looking, but is patiently confident. The point that I am trying to make is that one should take his time to develop a solid relationship and really get to know the other guy before moving in together, getting married, etc.

Life is short, but invest the time in finding what works for you.

Coming Out

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Guest Blog Post by ‘The Cop’

I was invited by BHD to write a guest blog post about my experience as a police officer who happens to be gay, and the processes and trials in coming out.

I write it that way because I am a cop first. Being gay has nothing to do with it. I am a cop. I am gay. So be it.

It was very hard for me to be myself, although I have been a police officer for over 10 years. All of my fellow officers thought, naturally, that I was straight, interested in women, and such. In fact, for some social events, I would invite female friends to go with me as a date. No one thought the wiser … so I thought.

Then a fellow officer came up to me one day and said, “you’re gay, aren’t you?” I was shocked. I thought I hid it very well. I never once looked at anyone else on the job, said anything, or posted anything anywhere on the internet.

I gave him my best “cop stare” and asked, “why did you say that?” His response was informative. He simply said, “well, you are a very private guy, but after a few years, you just figure things out. That’s okay. I won’t ‘out’ you.”

My head was spinning. I was afraid about what other people would say. I had a reputation to uphold. I was in line for a promotion, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that.

I went home that night and began searching the internet for information. That’s how I stumbled upon BHD’s blog. He is respectful to cops and others. I sent him an email, and in that first message, I just asked if he knew any gay cops.

He replied, and said that he doesn’t give out other people’s information, names, or email addresses. BHD told me later that some people have asked him to connect them with gay cops for liaisons. I wasn’t interested in that. I wanted to know others like me who I could talk to.

He referred me to Blue Pride, which is an organization of law enforcement officers who are gay. I joined, and learned a lot. They helped me figure out how to maintain my integrity, and they helped me come to terms with being honest in the workplace. I mean, after all, we enforce the law every day. We demand honesty and integrity in what we do. I felt so torn that by keeping the fact that I was gay to myself (being in the closet) that I was lying to my fellow officers. I thought that what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. But then I learned that by hiding my sexual orientation, that a form of distrust was building among fellow officers. More of them had talked about me than I thought.

I communicated with BHD on-and-off for over a year about this. I am still reticent to communicate with others. BUT…

I approached the officer who first asked me about whether I was gay, and asked if we could have coffee after work. We sat down and I told him what was on my mind.

All he said was, “finally, you’re being honest with me and with yourself. Don’t you feel better?”

I was expecting something else. I don’t really know what I was expecting. But I wasn’t expecting such a casual response. Like, “no big deal.”

I then screwed up my courage and told my boss. Again, her response was pretty much, “so what?” All she was concerned about was that I was doing my job well and working effectively with my fellow officers, the chain of command, and the community.

I realized that much of my concern was self-developed. To the point of keeping me awake many nights, fearing the unknown.

Thanks, BHD, for being such a supportive guy. I appreciate your friendship, your candor, your honesty, and advice. What I appreciate most is that I can say whatever is on my mind, and you don’t beat me up for it.

I got that promotion by the way. But have things changed for me at work? Yes-and-no. Some people are more formal, or distant. Maybe I am over sensitive. But most people treat me the same. The expect me to do my job, and after knowing me all these years, they know that they can rely on me to help out and stay focused on our duties.

Now, off to fight the battles of law-and-order, honestly, with integrity.

Note from BHD: this blog post was long in coming. When my friend Kevin wrote me an email where he described coming out to close friends and gave me the okay to post a part of his message, that is what caused the officer whose words are above to send me an email with this guest piece in it. I never really know how my blog posts are received or thought about by others.

I wish my friend well as he continues to serve the public, and be himself. He has asked me not to give out his email address, but if you wish to write, you can write to me and I will forward it to him.

A Coming Out Nudge

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I received an email from my friend Kevin in response to yesterday’s blog post titled, “Why Are Gay Men Insecure?”. His words express a lot of thoughtful insights about “coming out” (revealing his sexual orientation) to others. I had no idea that my writings would inspire him in this way. I’m truly touched.

I [was] thinking how blessed I have been by a close friendship over the years and decided that I was doing that friendship a disservice. There would always be this part of myself that I would keep hidden. It wasn’t the fear that we would no longer be close friends, I don’t believe there’s anything that would change that. But it was fear that [coming out to her] would forever alter her perception of me.

My greatest regret is that I didn’t have the courage or wisdom to share this with my mother while she was alive. When I realized that it was the very same fear that kept me from telling my mother, I knew things had to change. I had to face this insecurity, move past it, and deal with life honestly and courageously.

So, better than any critique I could give about the points you so very eloquently made in your post, I simply say your words have touched my heart and moved me off the fence and into action. I thank you for that. I’m choosing not to delude myself any longer. If you truly care for family and friends, keeping this simple fact from those you care about harms the relationship you have with them. You never give them the opportunity to love you and not the false representation you’ve given them.

Life is short: be yourself, and have confidence that true friends will not forsake you if you come out to them. Family, if they love you as they proclaim, won’t either. (I know; been there, done that… and while there is no t-shirt for it, the immense sense of relief that you feel when you confide your sexual orientation to those who love you is tremendous, and immeasurable.)

Why Are Gay Men Insecure?

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Another question entered into a Google search and landed here on this blog. Good question, but bad presumption.

I’m here to say that not all gay men are insecure. The question could have been phrased better. Nonetheless, among the straight community, there is an assumption that all gay men are the same. They all act and behave the same. They like the same things, and hang out with the same type of people.

… none of those assumptions are correct. I can attest, being one….

There are as many different behavior traits among gay men as there are in the whole population. Some gay men are indeed insecure. They worry about what other people think of them. They worry about how they appear to others by what they say and what they choose to wear, among other factors.

Think about it: scientific studies affirm that being gay is not a choice, but most boys are raised with the expectation by their parents and society that they are heterosexual. But as boys mature and some of them are interested in others of the same sex, they worry about why they are “different.” Social stereotyping plays a big role in that. Boys are expected to act and to behave in masculine ways, so they adopt (or try to adopt) masculine mannerisms that are expected of them — and also to hide behind the mask of being a guy. (This is sometimes confused with “living in the closet” which is not the same thing, but related. A gay man who lives in the closet is not disclosing publicly his sexual orientation.) A gay man who puts on a facade of “acting straight” is doing that mostly because he believes that is the way he should behave and appear to others.

So back to the point: what makes some gay men insecure? In my opinion, mostly it is fear. Fear of “being outted.” Fear of reprisal from those they hold most dear — parents, family, and respected others in their lives (teachers, clergy, bosses at work, etc.)

What gets a gay man over his insecurities is to become comfortable with who he is. Like I have said about myself before, I’m a guy. I am also gay. I behave in a masculine manner because I’m a masculine man. I don’t like all things that society expects masculine men to like — such as sports. I don’t like sports because I was ridiculed by my early-year gym teachers because I’m a klutz and seriously deficient in athletic skills. Okay, so be it. Does that make me insecure?

I admit, it once did. I was afraid what other people would do or say about me.

Then I grew up. I realized that most educated people don’t give a flying frig about my sexual orientation. They were more concerned about me in ways that other people are evaluated: what I did for a living, how I carry myself among others, if I lived a decent life (measured in various ways from being financially responsible to being good to others.)

I don’t go around waving the rainbow flag and pushing the fact that I’m gay in other people’s faces. I know that most people aren’t gay and some are uncomfortable with even the thought of a same-sex relationship. Okay, fine. Their problem to resolve. I help them figure it out by being “me” and doing what I do in my work, my community, and my life, then they find out that I’m gay. By then, it’s a moot point. They have already figured out that I’m a normal guy living a decent life, who happens to live with another guy in a stable, monogamous relationship. So what?

The point that I am trying to make is that yes, indeed, some gay men are insecure, because society has taught them to fear acts and words from others who are not gay. Once they realize that the world won’t end and their life will continue as it always has, then they can feel more self-confident and therefore, more secure.

Life is short: be who you are, and be secure with that.

Gay "Lifestyle" vs. Sexual Orientation

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I do not hide the fact that I am a man and am in love with a man. That is my sexual orientation: male-male. I was born that way. Of course, I didn’t know my sexual orientation as a child, but as I grew older and explored my sexuality, I realized that I liked men for more things than just being buddies. I liked women, too, but kept the relationships as friends, but had no sexual interest in them.

Recently, I received and read an email from someone I know who is going through a tough time in his life. In that message, he said that he was going to “live conservatively and be straight.” He said that years ago, he “crossed to the other side” when he lived with a man as his partner. But now he has “nothing against the gay lifestyle (for me) BUT he is now going to live straight.”

Oh criminey. This guy is confusing issues which probably has to do with what he reads and hears from media reporting about sexual identify, sexuality, and sex. In my opinion, he was saying things that confuse two basic human characteristics: one’s sexual orientation and one’s choice of how to live — one’s lifestyle.

My lifestyle, as I described it to him, is that I am “a fairly conservative living, politically liberal-leaning, community-oriented, faithful family-oriented caregiver who happens to enjoy riding a Harley and likes to wear boots and leather.” This has nothing to do with my sexual orientation and that a man is my mate, and I choose to have sex only with him (that choice is called monogamy).

He had no idea how offensive it was to me for him to refer to someone’s sexual orientation as a “lifestyle” as if I could have chosen to “be” gay or “be” straight. I am who I am and my sexual orientation is what it is.

I think this is the fundamental core of the ongoing debate and rage in society, where Bible-thumping conservatives think that one can choose his sexual orientation, or that someone who has a same-sex sexual orientation can have it changed to an opposite-sex orientation. I truly do not believe that is possible (or healthy) — at least with me (and my partner.)

I do make the choice to be in love with one man, and to have sex only with him. There are other gay men who play in wider circles. That’s not for me to judge, as I request that they not judge me for the fact that my partner and I keep our sex lives to ourselves.

Life is short: don’t refer to something that someone is born with as a choice, when it is not.

Pop Music Conundrum

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The other day, my fellow blogger StraightJacketed posted a video by Lady Gaga that featured men dancing in boots and leather.

Also a few days ago, my buddy Clay remarked about being excited to watch something that Lady Gaga performed.

Last week, another gay friend remarked how much he enjoyed music by Madonna.

… and all you heard from me (if you heard anything) was a low grumble. I can’t stand pop music that most LGBT people like. Screeching by Gaga and Madonna is like nails on the chalkboard to me. Arrrggghhh!

Since the advent of rap music, with occasional pop music additions like I mentioned above, I have pretty much stopped listening to anything. Rap is awful throbbing garbage, IMHO. Pop music doesn’t do a thing for me but give me a headache.

I grew up in a very musical environment, and learned to play banjo (since all other instruments were “taken.”) I love music, but “real” music. Classical music played and/or sung well is relaxing. But I have a wide and eclectic mix of music I will listen to on occasion: country, rockers of the ’70s, vocalists like Anne Murray and Tony Bennett, … but not Pop that the vast majority of LGBT people enjoy.

I guess once again I’ll have to turn in my gay card.

Oh, that’s right! I’m not gay! I’m androphillic!

Biorhythmic Conflict

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I am convinced that I am strange. Or shall I say, “very different” in a number of ways. I like people but don’t like to go to parties, restaurants, or bars. I wear leather often, but do not like to go to Men’s leather events (been there, done that… enough is enough.) I own a cell phone, but I hate the cell phone for its cost and seldom use it. I also don’t text, and block that service as a money-saving measure. I am in a wonderful relationship with a great guy, but “we” don’t have guests over to our home or go visit others, because my partner is very antisocial.

But most of all, what has made me “most different” for my entire life, is that I am a morning person. I mean a “very early” morning person. It is quite common that I rise during the week at 4am, and crash no later than 9pm, or earlier if my partner will allow. On weekends, I may sleep a little later, like until 5am (what a lazy bum I am!)

Living on the biorhythms that dictate my being awake, functioning, and active so early in the morning directly conflicts with how most others (gay or straight) are “wired.” Most of my family and friends are on a schedule of rising with great reluctance at about 6:30am, plod to the kitchen and make coffee, then go to work and arrive about 8:30 or 9, work until 4:30 or 5, get home, and have dinner about 7pm. They stay awake until 10 or 11pm.

For me, I bounce out of bed, frequently with a song (seriously, I am one of “those people” who sings in the morning!) — and don’t drink coffee. Can’t stand the stuff. I am mentally alert and full of energy in the morning, anyway, so the added caffeine isn’t needed. When I was working, I was in my office for about two hours before most others. I arrived home early enough to prepare a home-cooked meal each evening, and serve it by 6pm. (That way, I can leave to attend community meetings that begin at 7 or 7:30.)

When there are times when I have to stay up late, I try to find time to take a nap, because I actually have fallen asleep in a restaurant, or while riding in a car late at night. (Fortunately, I have not fallen asleep while driving, but I know “drowsy driving” is a huge hazard, so I take all measures to avoid it.)

I am so very thankful that my partner is an earlybird, too, or we would be like ships passing in the night.

I wonder, though, if more gay people are typically late risers (and stay awake late into the night) than straight people. I ponder that on two levels — for how typically gay people show up at bars or restaurants very late (much later than straight people). Second, I get a huge spike in visitors to my website late at night from U.S. visitors who are surfing the web between 11pm and 3am. The volume of website visitors who surf my site that late at night never ceases to amaze me. Are gay people sleepless and surfing? I haven’t a clue, but wonder about it.

Nonetheless, I recognize that I am different, and I am okay with it. I realize that I don’t engage when others do, and miss some opportunities sometimes, but that’s how things have been, and how things are.

Life is short: live.

Androphilia and the Gay Man

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My partner and I recently watched the movie titled, “The Butch Factor.” The film was released in 2009 and just became available on Netflix, which we can view by streaming video at home. It was recommended to me by my friend Kevin.

This movie interviewed a number of masculine, homosexual men who behaved and engaged in rather rugged activities, sports, hobbies, and jobs, as well as contrasted some of these men’s opinions with two other gay men who were more effeminate in their nature.

We found the movie interesting and it sparked an excellent conversation, both right after it was over as well as on Sunday morning when we were snuggled closely watching the sunrise.

One of the interviewees was Jack Donovan (aka Jack Malebranche) who wrote a book titled, “Androphilia: A Manefesto” in 2007. This was the first time we had heard of this man and his book. While he had the shortest interview during the entire film, some of the points he made rang close to the thoughts that both my partner and I have: that we have a healthy male-male attraction, and that we reject some of the labels and stereotypes brought with the label “gay.”

We believe that the male-male relationship that we have is consistent with our own behavior and masculinity, which Donovan described as “androphilia.” That word is derived from the Greek, “Andro” (Man) and “philia” (Like). Donovan’s contention is that “gay” is:

…inseparable from connotations of effeminacy and “a whole cultural and a political movement that promotes anti-male feminism, victim mentality, and leftist politics.”

While I don’t agree about the swipe at “leftist politics,” I do generally agree that the label “gay” causes lots of negative thoughts (and actions) by the straight world. In particular, many (not all, but many) in the straight world have a common misconception that all gay men are frilly-froo-froo queens, and cannot look, act, or behave in a typical masculine manner. My partner and I, among several of those interviewed in this film, are here to disprove that notion. (And let me tell ‘ya, being a masculine man whose sexual orientation is male-male, I have encountered a number of times when straight guys are confused as heck by me. So be it, they need to learn that not all “gays” are the same.)

Kevin said to me, “I think he proposes that there is no gay archetype or identity for that matter and to attempt to build one’s self perception around something as basic as who one is sexually attracted to is limiting.” I absolutely agree, as does my partner.

The narrator in the movie said that “Androphilia” caused a lot of controversy in the “gay community” (however defined.) Perhaps gay people who read it didn’t like the opinion that “gay” is a label or “catch-all” phrase whereas people who are male and like other men do not all fit in one certain “catch-all” mold.

My partner and I never quite knew what to call ourselves, and generally used the term gay for lack of something else. Face it, we’re “homosexual” and a label by any other name is just as sweet (pardon the mixed metaphors.)

Life is short: continue to learn about yourselves.