Category Archives: partners

Patience Pays Off

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If I have learned anything in my 15+ years with my partner, is that patience with him when he becomes stubborn eventually results in things working out.

When I got my new Harley at the end of May, my partner pitched a fit about the new bike being so much bigger than my old one, and that he couldn’t park his car in our garage because there wouldn’t be enough room if the bike were parked against the back wall where the other one had been parked when I had it.

When I built the house, I intentionally built a garage that was 5′ (1.6m) wider and 6′ (2m) deeper than standard. Our garage has always been able to accommodate my truck, my partner’s sedan, and my old Harley.

But Mr.-insists-that-it-won’t-fit would not permit me to even try to park my new bike against the back wall. He wouldn’t hear of it. I know when he gets like that, just to let it go. (A word that my family uses for this condition is “testadura” — hard headed.)

So all summer, I parked the Harley in the bay where my truck went, and left my truck in the driveway.

Well, eventually my partner re-thought his position, and we had a calm conversation about it this past week. He agreed that if we re-arranged some things, including some shelving and storage, that perhaps we could return to keeping all three vehicles in the garage.

So that’s what I did this afternoon. I built some more shelves, took down some others, and reorganized everything so there is room for what we have to store in the garage, plus the Harley, plus our two vehicles. Now it all fits. Best yet, we got rid of some junk that just had to go, and had been accumulating.

With time, patience, and a cool head, I’m happy that everything worked out as I had hoped. I won’t have to scrape frost, ice, or snow off of my truck this coming winter. My Harley will be warm, dry, and secure, yet available when the weather is suitable for a winter ride.

I have learned that when this “testadura” characteristic is demonstrated — either by my partner or some others (perhaps in my family sometimes or with others in the community with whom I meet)… to step back, take a deep breath, and let it go for a while. Revisiting later may produce a better, more optimal result. Fighting about it certainly won’t resolve anything. In fact, arguing may cause the other person to become recalcitrant and refuse to consider compromise. So taking a pause, letting the fire cool, and allowing (in this case) my partner to think that the change in position was his idea resulted in a positive outcome for both him and me.

Life is too short to fight about stuff like that. I knew that if I waited quietly and did not push matters, that eventually, things would turn around. They did. He’s happy, I’m happy, and life is good.

Happy Birthday, My One and Only

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A shout-out loud and clear to my partner, my best friend, my one-and-only:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

November 12 marks a very special day in your life, and I’m here to celebrate it with you!

Words can not express the depth of my love for you. Today, and on all days, I wish you only the very best. And I’ll show ‘ya at home later! Guido’s guidance will help me produce yet another culinary Italian masterpiece from our chef’s kitchen to tantalize your taste buds. And I have just the outfit in which to serve it to you!

From an e-card that I sent to you:

Today, you are a little wiser,
truer to yourself,
and more confident and comfortable than you were the year before.

You are stronger and deeper on the inside because of the experiences life has given you,
and softer around the edges because of the things
you have let go of along the way.

You are clearer about your dreams and your purpose…

…and richer because of the laughter, love, and friendship you have shared.

And the gifts you have gathered just make you all the more beautiful.

From my heart of hearts to my man of men, I LYAWM!

Lazy Bums

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When I was growing up, if I happened to have a rare day to sleep later than my Mom, she would call me a “lazy bum” when I awoke. It was always used as a light-hearted expression, not meant to express anger or that she was upset. Usually, I was awake hours before others.

To this day, I rise well before dawn during the week, and usually my partner and I rise at dawn (or by 6:30am) on weekends. And we are usually in bed by 9:00pm, as we were last night. We both were just beat after a long week.

Today, Saturday, it was rainy and dark as dawn broke. My partner and I got up to use the bathroom. But it was cold and still dark. We crawled back into bed. We intended to snuggle for a little while, then get up and go about our day.

Well, um… we fell back asleep, nestled in each other’s arms, all warm and cozy. When we finally awoke, it was after 9:00am! Oh-my-gosh… I haven’t slept 12 hours in … I can’t remember when.

We showered and dressed (me in a pair of leather jeans and boots, naturally). We went to visit a dear old friend. A mentor, of sorts, who looked after me 30 years ago when I had begun service on a Board of Directors of a major local non-profit organization, and with whom I have remained close. My partner adores her. The two of them just gabbed away. My partner generally detests social situations and talking with anyone. But it was a pleasure to watch him interact in such an animated way with one of my oldest friends.

Well, that’s been our day… being lazy bums and giving attention to someone we admire and love. I’m sure we will make up for it tomorrow when the rain has stopped, leaves will need to be raked, the lawn will require a trim, I’ll need to take my aunt and some of her friends grocery shopping, and lots of other stuff. But taking time to rest (thoroughly) and spend quality time with a dear old friend was important too.

As I often say: Life is short — show those you love that you love them.

Could I Have This Dance?

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I’m a helpless romantic. So is my partner.

Last night as I was driving home from my family dinner, I was thinking about the stories that I heard at the dinner to relate to my partner, since he didn’t go with me. My preferred method of travel is to ride my Harley. Last night, however, I had to drive my truck since I promised a niece that I would bring her a piece of furniture that my partner had refinished for her.

I decided to turn off the blather on the all-news radio station and pop in a CD to listen to some music for the remainder of the ride home. I hadn’t driven my truck or used the CD player in ages, so I didn’t remember what CD was in the player.

Anyway, here I am, thinking of my partner, when “our song” starts to play. Yeah, it’s a romantic number, made famous by Anne Murray, that always brings tears to my eyes because I truly believe each and every word, as it applies to our relationship. Here goes (you’ll have to hum the tune along in your head):

Could I Have This Dance? by Anne Murray

I’ll always remember the song they were playin’,
The first time we danced and I knew,
As we swayed to the music and held to each other,
I fell in love with you.

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner every night?
When we’re together, it feels so right.
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I’ll always remember that magic moment,
When I held you close to me.
‘Cause we moved together, I knew forever,
You’re all I’ll ever need

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner every night?
When we’re together, it feels so right.
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

… When I got home, I put that CD in our system at home, grabbed my honey, and rest my head on his strong, broad shoulder as we danced, once again.

Life is short: show those you love that you love them.

Focusing on Priorities

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I’ve mentioned in some past posts that living with me can be like living with “Taz” — the Tasmanian Devil from the Looney Toons® cartoons. Here’s an example.

Yesterday after work, I was asked, expected to attend, or invited to five functions, meetings, and a public hearing. While none of them were essential to my community leadership position, nonetheless, I was ‘expected’ to be there… everywhere… at about the same time.

Tonight, there is yet another public hearing (that I would just attend and share some thoughts, not preside over)… then some of my bike cop buddies are setting up for a skills competition that will start in earnest tomorrow. They asked me to come help out. I also have an ongoing, regular meeting of a Board of Directors of an Association that I am supporting that is meeting tonight, too. And to top it off, an elected state official asked me to “drop by” for a cookout — and perhaps to twist my arm to get involved in yet another activity? (Likely).

Well, it all comes down to priorities. I gently declined or just didn’t show up where some people thought I might be.

Last night, my priority was my partner. I had been so busy over the last several weeks that he wasn’t getting much attention. The most critical thing in a relationship (gay or straight) is paying attention to the one you love, your “other half,” your soul-mate, your best friend. I hadn’t been doing that, and he has been showing that he noticed. Rather than run off to another meeting, I stayed home. I prepared a nice steak dinner on the grill and we sat on our deck, enjoying the cool, “autumn-tease” evening. My partner and I had a good conversation, and our relationship is back on track (not that it was falling apart, but shouldn’t have been ignored.) After dinner, I took just a few minutes to indicate availability of my “Real Bikers Wear Boots!” bumper sticker, but then turned the computer off and just sat with my partner, doing what he wanted to do (watch TV, which bores me silly but that’s what he enjoys).

Tonight, my priority will be my lovely elderly aunt, who needs more help these days. At 93, she is doing exceptionally well living independently, but she’s having some problems. So instead of playing local or state politics, or riding with the cops, or attending yet another meeting, I will be spending time with her, to prepare her for some next steps in her life. It won’t be easy for her, nor for those who love her, but my priorities remain solidly with family. That’s what’s important.

Keeping focused on priorities and those you love … that’s what I’m doing. Life is short — sure, enjoy your boots and leather, but remember to show those you love that you love them, each and every day!

The Gay Genes

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It’s kind of a joke around our household — whenever my partner gets excited about a home decorating show on TV or something like that, I just zone out and say, “I didn’t get those gay genes.”

Yesterday, I was glued to various TV stations watching news about the impact of the most recent hurricane off the Gulf of Mexico, while my partner was reviewing the newspaper ads in the Sunday inserts. I noted that this Cat 2 storm had a surge of a Cat 4 hurricane while he noted that Jacklyn Smith designs have replaced Martha Stewart at KMart.

Today I decided to try out a new video camera that I received, and it took me a while to mount to my Harley for the right “boot shot”. Meanwhile, my partner is watching the latest Candice Olsen home design show, and was all excited about some product she was featuring. I’m changing into cop breeches and boots, and he’s going on about just where such-and-such an object would work with the decorations in our basement rec room. We might as well have been on different planets.

I just never got those “gay genes.” That is, provided, that gay men are supposed to be oriented more toward fashion and design. I really leave all that stuff up to my partner. I admit it, I’m clueless when it comes to design, color schemes, what “works” where, etc. And on top of that, I don’t really care. (But I don’t have to care since my partner is so good at it.) My genes remain oriented to more typical male things, like boots, bikers, and leather gear.

Oh well, my partner and I are quite different in our interests, but not our goals and values. That’s what’s important, ultimately. Who cares if Martha Stewart’s towels are no longer in KMart, other that Martha? Meanwhile, I’ll keep focusing on hurricane recovery efforts. I know that this is where I will be spending a lot of my time at work over the next weeks and months.

Help others as best you can. If you want to help those affected by the hurricane, donate cash to a trusted charity. Don’t send canned goods and used clothing. Believe me, I have seen how much of a disaster it is when unrequested donations pile up, get wet, then moldly, then have to be dumped in a landfill. Instead, donate money that helps people get what they need wherever they are, as well as support the economy of the affected areas.

Meanwhile, keep your boots on the ground (or on a motorcycle) and enjoy life!

We’re Taken

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You know, it’s funny, but when you do something like have a new profile posted on hotboots.com, you’re going to get some attention. That’s fine, that’s what it is there for. I like boots and wear them every day.

A bunch of guys wrote to me to compliment me on that profile. I have to thank my best “boot bro’s”, AZ and Clay, for helping me with it. It is more representative of who I am.

However, about a dozen men have written to me in response to it suggesting things that are sexual in nature. I have had to reply and say that I am in a permanent, monogamous, happy yet closed relationship, and I am not interested. My partner and I don’t play with others, period, end-of-story. We enjoy playing with each other, but consider our relationship the equivalent of a marriage and therefore, we are true to each other and don’t stray, openly or behind one another’s back.

A booted attorney with whom I consulted, and who is active on that board, said that simply having a profile there, as well as a website and blog, suggests to some that I may be open to sexual liaisons. Thus, I have changed some wording in my intro in this blog, on my website, and asked Larry to add a sentence to my profile on hotboots — all to make it clear where I stand.

I love to make friends with guys with whom we share similar interests in boots and leather from all over the world. I am very pleased to have conversed with more than 500 guys over the years who I have met through hotboots.com, and met some of these wonderful men in person. But being friendly and talking about shared interests is my limit.

Since so many gay relationships are open, or guys play behind each other’s backs, or in multiples, etc., it may be hard for some people to understand that in our case, we are exclusive to each other. Thanks for understanding. Write if you like, because I enjoy a good conversation or answering questions. Just don’t ask for anything sexual. Ain’t gonna happen with this guy who remains head over bootheels in love with his one-and-only man.

His Heart

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I have had a bit of a rough time with business travel over the last few days. But things were made much more tolerable and better by my partner. His heart shows in all he does.

… from allowing me to sleep as late as possible on Friday morning before I had to get to a meeting in the city;

… for saying, “since it will rain and you don’t want to drive your Harley to the Metro, don’t worry about trying find a parking space for your car — I’ll take you.” what a relief!;

… while I was away, for doing things around the house that I ordinarily do, from taking out the trash to sorting and putting away the laundry;

… for having taken in all things from outside that could get damaged by wind and rain, taking down our hanging plants, and otherwise preparing our home for the anticipated high winds and rain from Tropical Storm Hanna;

… for calling me on my cell when my aunt called and was very confused. (You don’t know what a big deal it is for him to call me on my cell phone) and for looking up her doctor’s phone number for me to save me the trouble of having to search for it;

… for picking me up from the Metro after my meeting in the city was over, but giving me a “by” on having to go with him to do the weekly grocery shopping as we usually do on Friday afternoon. I was just way too exhausted;

… for suggesting that I take a nap when we got home, saying, “let’s wait a while on dinner”;

… for seeking out television programs that he thinks I will like to record for later viewing (I generally despise TV, but he enjoys it, and wants us to enjoy it together. So he records shows that I will like over his own preferences.)

… for listening to me describe some challenges with a local development project I am reviewing, and using him as a “sounding board” for responses to anticipated questions during a public hearing. He is a superb listener and adviser, and has helped me avoid putting my foot in my mouth hundreds of times.

… for being so snuggly last night;

… for being so snuggly this morning;

My partner has a very warm and caring heart. It shows in all he does. From caring for the birds and squirrels in the forest, to relaying the story about how he found “Hanna” (a small stuffed bear which is very cute). He felt sorry for her in the store and brought her home to join us. He just does little things that mean a lot, and that show what a warm and wonderful person he is. Most of all, he reveals his heart to me. Without fanfare, without announcing intentions, without seeking acknowledgment. I am so very blessed.

These are the reasons why I can overlook some of his shortcomings and short temper, as he overlooks my faults and weaknesses. I truly am so very blessed to have a man in my life whose actions demonstrate his love, concern, and caring.

Life is short! Show those you love that you love them!

The Importance of Touch

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This photo is not my partner and me, but it could be. We both believe in the intimate feeling of touch. When we greet, it’s through touch, often including a full bear hug embrace. When we sit near one another, our hands intertwine, naturally. Heck, I’ll even play “bootsie” (that’s “footsie” but since I always wear boots, I have adjusted the term.)

Saturday morning is my favorite time of the whole week. We don’t have to rush to do anything (usually), and this time of year when I have a summer recess, I don’t have to run out to meetings or public hearings first thing in the morning.

As dawn awakens us naturally, my partner and I just lay next to one another in bed and watch the sun’s glow light up the trees. We feel each other’s touch, from shoulder to toe. Often, we just lay there holding one another without saying a word. This is incredibly important to both of us. It is a way we continue to show our love for one another, and to enjoy each other’s warmth and tenderness.

How blessed I am to have a man who enjoys cuddling as much as I do. A man who shares his deepest thoughts and ideas during these times, when we have quiet but often future-shaping conversations. But most of all, I appreciate that I have a man who values the importance of touch. Our touch with one another often expresses more than words can ever convey.

Next time you see someone you care about, greet him or her warmly with an embrace, the touch of a two-handed handshake, and a big smile. Life is short: show those you love that you love ’em.

Arrested!

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As threatened in yesterday’s blog post, when my partner arrived at home yesterday, I arrested him. The charges? Being kind, gentle, sweet, and thoughtful. For giving me the very best birthday present I could ever want — being “biker-napped.” For being my soulmate and best friend, for caring, and most of all, for forgiving my faults and weaknesses. Heck, I’m still head over bootheels in love with my guy, 15 years and going strong.

So when he got out of his car, right there in the garage, I read him his rights and gave him no choice but to surrender. He willingly obliged. I had my way with him, and he with me, and we both laughed and had a heck of a lot of fun.

Now don’t get me wrong — the handcuffs didn’t come out. I don’t get into bondage scenes. But he called me, “Officer, Sir” throughout our playtime and kept asking me if my “baton” were registered with the state. These times of spontaneity don’t happen often, as much as perhaps they once did. But when he’s “up for it” (which he was!) and I’m relaxed and being playful, we sure can have a great time!

Then he was surprised with a wonderful home-cooked meal, with all of his favorites. A lasanga that I baked fresh, accompanied by a salad fresh from our garden with a dressing that I make and he enjoys. I even made some yeast-raised dinner rolls that take hours, but the time is well invested to see his enjoyment and smile. We finished it off with a home-made lemon meringue pie, which he loves. He made this all possible, with my chef’s kitchen and his care in supporting me as I built our house (and turned grey in the process.)

I love my man. I am so blessed.

Life is short! Be joyful, show those you love that you love ’em.