Having a website and a blog inevitably results in receiving the occasional email from guys who are interested in more than my boots or leather. Receiving such email on these rare occasions is flattering. However, they miss the note in my profile that clearly says that I am in a monogamous relationship.

I do not intend to mislead you — I really do not receive much email at all, and very few email messages making “certain suggestions.”

A few years ago if I received a suggestive email message, my first response was to say to myself, “what, this guy can’t read?” Then I thought about it for a while, and realized that most read a few pages, and do not see the pages that describe my relationship. Nowadays I reply to say, “thanks, I am flattered, but I’m ‘taken’.”

I enjoy camaraderie with lots of people. I enjoy exchanging email with people from all over the world. I learn a lot. I appreciate the comments and different ways of thinking. But that’s my limit: no clandestine meet-ups, no traveling to meet other men, no playing around behind my partner’s back… none of that.

Yep, I’m taken. I remain in love with one man. Bound by our hearts, we continue to make bootprints of our journey.

Life is short: love is sweet.

Every summer, my partner drives to his old hometown where his mother lives, picks her up, and brings her back to our home to visit for a week. There they are, Mom & Partner.

I’ll be quite busy this week keeping her fed, entertained, fed, informed, fed, and fed. Did I mention that she eats a lot? Noisily? Three meals a day, plus snacks… and she still weighs less than 90lbs (41kg).

Oh well, life is short. This week will be long, but life itself is short. I keep reminding myself of that.

Within the past week, I have received five email messages asking me how the writer could find a love like I have found. I presume these messages were driven by the reader finding some recent posts on this blog where I have attempted to describe the relationship with my partner, and how much even after 17 years of being together, we remain truly in love with each other.

Our relationship isn’t all sunshine and roses. We have difficult times, too, borne of misunderstandings, misdirected anger, competing priorities, and different interests. But overall, we work it out and recognize that we are different men who have different priorities and ways of accomplishing tasks.

Anyway, the email messages have commonalities: * I want to find a man who shares my interest in boots and leather; * … my interest in (certain sexual activities); * … my interest in (certain sexual fetishes). The list seems to center on looking for a man who will share sex or sexual-related interests in a certain way.

Let me ask: are you looking for a man for a fun fling, or are you looking for a man to share your heart, your soul, and your life? There is a big, big difference. The fun fling you may enjoy today may not be the same kind of fun you will enjoy in a few years. Believe me, your sexual interests will change as you age. That’s not a bad thing. It’s reality. (Nobody wants to admit that things like that will change as he ages).

Sure, I admit, I was first attracted to my man by his strong, masculine appearance in boots and leather. His physique. His smile. His beautiful blue eyes, and his cute butt. He captured my attention, and my libido responded. However, as I spoke with him, I learned that there was so much more “there” there. I also learned that the boots and leather thing was more of a costume for the activity on the day we met than a lifestyle choice, as it was (and still is) for me.

At the time we met in 1993, I was not dating nor seeing anyone. I was too busy with my work which required a hell of a lot of travel, and didn’t have time (and was somewhat afraid) of going out to look for a man. Also, remember, this was before the Internet was widespread and available, so the only methods of finding anyone was going out to a bar and/or listing an ad in a gay newspaper — both of which did not appeal to me.

The theme of the email messages that I received reminded me of the song that Johnny Lee wrote and was made famous in the movie Urban Cowboy. The song is “Lookin’ for Love” and some of the applicable lyrics from the chorus are as follows:

I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places
Lookin’ for love in too many places
Searchin’ her his eyes, lookin’ for traces
Of what I’m dreamin’ of
Hoping to find a friend and a lover
I’ll bless the day I discover,
You – lookin’ for love.
What I was reading in the email messages was that guys are looking for something that is a lifetime thing, but they are limiting their exploration by first deciding to have an interest in someone if he shares a similar proclivity toward sexual activities only.

In my opinion, they’ve got it backwards. I truly feel that the guy who will become your mate has to have a solid head on his shoulders. He needs to be smart, financially sound, and honest. He needs to demonstrate his commitment to his mate which can be measured by other commitments he has made: to his family, to his work, to his community, and if involved, to his place of worship. His financial stability can be measured by how and where he spends his money, and if he is overextended on credit, or lives in a shack.

I have no magic formula or advice on how to find the right guy. You’ll know him when you find him. The hearts click, the brains click. You just know. But don’t focus on the sex part — the part that makes the man a good, honest, wholesome and trustworthy, man is so much more important. That is what is going to carry you through your life. Not the sex. Not the toys. Not the short-term good times.

I know that from experience, which I share with you.

Life is short: look for love for the right reasons.

Today marks our 17 year anniversary. Yep, 17 years ago, I met the man who fundamentally and profoundly changed — and improved — my life.

I wrote a rather sappy but sincere blog post about him titled Bootprints of Our Journey on March 31. I decided to post it then rather than wait until now. It gives a rather strong description of just what I think about my better half, and would serve as an appropriate anniversary tribute. My brother’s blog post yesterday was much appreciated by both of us (thanks, J!)

I debated about writing another long, sappy blog post, but decided against it. Not because anything is wrong or has changed. I sense that visitors to this blog know darned well that I am committed to my partner, and that I love him with all of my heart, and every fibre of my being. Another long sappy post spilling out my inner-most feelings gets rather boring for readers. I mean, it is my partner and I who share these feelings. We know it, that’s enough. But if you wish, you can read my previous anniversary tributes for 2008, here and for 2009, here.

So, just what DO you say after 17 years of a strong partnership? “I love you” seems inadequate. “Bend over” strains the limits of the G-rated nature of this blog (giggle.) “What’s on TV?” is probably more like it.

I think what has led us this far is mutual trust, respect, and feeling secure and appreciated. We ensure our finances are sound, and we owe no debt. We take care of each other and our home, and those in our lives whom we love. We have worked hard to earn what we have, and have worked equally hard to earn each others’ commitment in the true sense of what a partnership — for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish — truly means. Yeah, we’re as equivalent as being married. It’s a nice feeling.

I will spend the day with my beloved better half. We will probably do what he considered to be fun: work around the house. But I will also take him out to dinner. We rarely go out, but we’ll make an exception. I will dress in my leather finest, and he will dress comfortably (it’s a casual restaurant). We will raise a glass (of Coke) and give a toast to our partnership and another year since that memorable moment when I met the man who has become my heart, my soul, … my “better half.”

Happy anniversary, my love. I LYAWM!

Life is short: celebrate!

My partner arrived home yesterday after spending several days visiting his mother who lives in Pittsburgh.

I arrived home from yet another physical therapy session for my ankle soon after he did. He looked tired and sore. We had a lot of catching up to do, so I though what could be better than to take a break and go soak in the hot tub. It will help relieve his soreness and will help my ankle feel better, too.

I stripped him and he stripped me, and we carefully got into the tub and turned it on.

The rest is our business, but let’s say that getting reacquainted was FUN (and wet)!

Life is short: show those you love that you love them!

My wonderful partner,

A buddy sent me an email message recently, commenting on your walking with me on my first day returning to work after being confined at home with a broken leg.  You rode with me on the Metro into the city and walked with me to my office. My buddy said, “Love walks with you.”

I smiled when I read that. It caused me to think about my relationship with you. You have walked by my side now for 17 years. You aren’t out front, you’re not behind. You are right by my side. You are my teammate on my life journey.

I look a bit more introspectively at my relationship with you, and your relationship with me. It has taken us a while to achieve this level of understanding. There are certain tasks at which I am better suited to complete, and other tasks that you do better. That’s normal and understandable.

But it’s more than that. When it comes down to the tough issues, requiring hard work and “hard thought,” we do it together. We ask questions, and talk it through. We make a plan of action, and follow it. We reconsider our plan if it isn’t working and redouble our efforts to achieve our goals.

I think this is descriptive of what makes a good relationship: we respect each other and engage the other’s natural talents. Further, we talk it through. We identify what components of a task are daunting, and how we can resolve them, whether we do it ourselves or if we have to hire a professional. It’s a joint decision.

I guess that summarizes a lot about our relationship: “it’s a joint decision.” Often as I am pondering a question, I find myself thinking, “what would you think about?” or “what would you say?” or “what are the questions that I want to ask you?” You are always in my mind, and I benefit so much from your intelligence.

There are lots of stories and fables over time about how couples walk side-by-side on their life’s journey. The poem by Mary Stevenson about the man who was angry with God because there were only one set of footprints in the sand at the low points of his life’s journey, and he thought God had abandoned him. God replied, “that’s when I was carrying you.”

This parallels my last couple of months. If you look at the figurative bootprints of our life journey, you’ll see only one set of bootprints during the past couple months. That is when you were carrying me.

I won’t quote clichés. Instead, I reflect on my lifemate, my partner, my best friend, my soul, and say, “love, walk with me.” You smile, take my hand in yours, and say, “let’s go, it’s our journey.”

I am so humbly appreciative of you. But you know what, if we’re going this strong after 17 years, I think we’re on to something (smile.)

I love you. Today, always, and together as we make bootprints on our life’s journey.

Me 🙂