If any one set of words is searched on the ‘net more than any others that lead to visitors to this blog, it is “masculine gay men.”
Yes, it is possible to behave in a masculine manner as an ordinary guy, and also be gay. Not all men behave the same way. Not all “gays” behave the same way, either. Unfortunately, social stereotyping portrays gay men (mostly in the media) as being swishy queens with high-pitched voices and who are completely unable to do anything other than fuss, get flustered, hang out at Starsucks in shorts and flip-flops playing with their mobile devices, or plan the next “fabulous” party. That stereotyping drives men like me crazy.
There are indeed gay men who are fussy and frilly and effeminate. But there are also straight men who are on the more effeminate side of the bell curve, too. You can tell who they are — but I will not fulfill more stereotypes by stating what those characteristics are. Betcha though there are just as many straight guys who hang out at Starsucks in shorts and flip-flops playing with their mobile devices, too.
People tend to judge, compartmentalize, and marginalize men who are not like them. “Oh, he’s gay” is an expression heard from some men who quickly judge another guy they don’t know, but who is different from them.
Gay men do that too — have you heard of “gaydar?” — that is supposed to be a method that gay men use to identify each other. Let me tell ya’, it doesn’t work. Frilly queens aside, there is no way for one gay man to identify another man is gay other than doing the same thing that everyone else does — guessing (and judging) by observing verbal and nonverbal behavior, including listening to speech and observing styles of dress.
I am here to affirm that it is possible to be gay and to behave in a masculine manner. That’s just how I am, and how my partner behaves as well. The internet search results that drive visitors to this blog indicate to me that there are a lot of guys looking for guys who are masculine, too — strong, virile, and so forth.
We are out here, but we don’t wear a sign. Where do you find a masculine man? Read “Where Do You Find Masculine Gay Guys” on my blog — a post I wrote in 2009 which receives many visitors to this day.
Obviously, there are a lot of guys looking for regular guys who do not demonstrate behaviors of the typical gay stereotype. Where do you find them? In brief — anywhere other than traditional gay hang-outs (gay bars, on-line forums, etc.) Masculine gay men are comfortable in their own skin and at ease with who they are. They don’t feel the need to socialize only with other gay men. You’ll find masculine gay men mixed in with everyone else — at a sports game (playing or watching), at a neighborhood pub or restaurant, or in local social or activities groups — such as hiking clubs, motorcycle riders groups, environmental clean-up organizations, and on and on.
“Seek and you shall find” — but remember, it takes time and patience. Read that previously-reference post for some ideas, too. Or leave comments here if you have other suggestions. Point is, masculine gay men are out there, and it is possible to find a similar guy who matches your interests. Take it from me — my partner is the man I had always sought, and am blessed to have him paving my way on my life’s journey.
Life is short: patience pays off in finding the one for you.