This is the final post in my series describing my life after high school, through college, in the working world, and in finding my calling for caregiving.

This post is about the other half — the non-working — world of my life. Experts say that…

…there is more to life than work. I learned that the hard way, and I guess most everyone does eventually.

In my 20s and early 30s as I was establishing myself, rebuilding my first house and starting my career, work — both physical repair and construction work as well as income-producing work — occupied 99% of my life. I had very little free time. I didn’t date or socialize much.

During that time, I got established in my community, volunteering with my local fire department and running with a rescue squad. I also wanted to learn how to ride my motorcycle safely, so I took a motorcycle riding course, then eventually (like I often do), became an instructor and taught riding courses for several years. I even progressed to helping with motor officer skills training for a while. That was cool (and how I first learned about patrol boots when I bought my first pair.)

While I never was an athlete or gym rat, I also got involved in competitive skydiving. That was a lot of fun but also a lot of physical exercise. I won’t say how I placed, but my name appears in some ancient, dusty record books.

By my mid-30s, I had a yearning to figure out who I was as a man, and whether I would ever marry. I knew by then that I was gay and that marrying a woman was not going to happen. I observed a gay friend go through having a sham marriage with a woman, and it destroyed his and her life in rather short order. I explained in Part 6 of this series that at age 35, I met the man of my life: my soulmate, my bestest friend, my lover, my snuggly stud, my bikerbeef — one guy all rolled into one.

Besides work, which I was doing a LOT of, my partner and I went on many motorcycle rides two-up on my first Harley. We rode across the country twice and rented a Harley and rode through Australia and New Zealand. We have many fond memories of many rides, my feeling his tap on my leg while giving me directions on where to turn, laughing at my navigational disabilities, and enjoying many sights.

I continued to volunteer with the fire department, but running with the rescue squad was coming to a close because I was traveling so much for my job that I could not participate in required qualifying re-training.

I was interested in transportation, zoning, development, and became a minor local policy wonk. I actively testified before county government and our planning board. Doing that engaged me deeper with the community where I was born, grew up, and loved. Eventually, at the encouragement of other elected officials as well as neighbors, friends, and family, I ran for a four-year term of non-partisan office. I was elected with a 70% margin. I worked hard in that position, but it was always my intent to hold the office for only one term. I mentored a friend who ran for the same office after me and was elected by even a wider margin.

I got involved in several political campaigns. Mostly doing grunt-work of building websites, but for my old friend who gave me leads for my first and fourth jobs, I served as her campaign manager for her fourth and fifth terms of office. I loved working for her. Our friendship and collaboration was very long and enduring. Unfortunately, that friend died suddenly in 2008. Broke my heart, especially when speaking as one of the eulogists at her funeral.

In the mid-90s, my partner and I were looking for a home. We could not find one that met our requirements for affordability, location, size, and style. Eventually I managed to buy a small farm smack-dab in the middle of my geographic “home” area, subdivide the land, sell the lots sans the best lot for us, and have a house that my brother-the-architect designed built on it, meeting all of our specifications.

However, I never, ever, EVER will go through that process again. The bureaucracy was legendary. The expenses were enormously more than anticipated. The decisions were a million-a-minute. If anything tested my patience, resilience, and relationship with my partner, it was the home site / development / home building process. I lost most of my hair, and what remained turned grey. My mild and occasional intestinal illness blew up into a full-fledged chronic illness that I still deal with today.

Yes, “I made it happen,” but I suffered the consequences. My so-called “charmed” life was rolling full thunder, but it wasn’t always perfect or pretty.

Our first five years in our house were great. My partner’s health was good, I was in a steady okay-paying position that I enjoyed. I was sorta at the top of my game, but didn’t know it.

By the mid-2000s, my partner had his first of several surgeries on his hips. Results were not that good. As a result, he still has trouble walking. He cannot be seated on my Harley (old or new) without having severe pain. For that same reason, he cannot sit in an airplane. Thus — no more pleasant two-up motorcycle rides and no more travel by airplane anywhere.

Sure, I could travel without my partner (now spouse), but I will not leave him alone while I go galavanting around having fun while he sits home alone. It is not my nature to do that to the man who means the world to me.

In the mid- to late 2000s, I went through a flurry of job changes. That required many adjustments, but ultimately ended up okay. I also bought a new Harley in 2008, retiring my old and first Harley after 14 years of riding fun. I bought a new bike with a much larger and comfy back seat that I thought would accommodate my partner so he could ride with me again, but unfortunately, his days of riding with me are over. He cannot sit on a motorcycle seat without having a great deal of pain and nothing we have tried has made that situation better.

It was also in the mid 2000s that I started building my boots and leather website so I could demonstrate to my partner: “yes, I really DO know what boots I have!” Just as a hobby, but intriguing to learn new skills. (Funny/odd to me that while I enjoy building and maintaining the website, I abhor cell phones and smartphones. I can’t quite explain why, other than I can’t stand making rich companies richer by paying monthly ransoms for service.)

Also in the early 2000s, I got heavily involved as a caregiver for my uncle and cared for him until his death in September 2005. I promised my uncle on his deathbed that I would look after his wife, my lovely aunt.

My aunt was an amazing woman. College educated during the Great Depression; spoke four languages fluently; and was incredibly independent. Then I observed some behaviors that were troubling, including forgetfulness and significant trouble recalling common vocabulary. After a battery of tests, that dreaded Alzheimer’s Disease was diagnosed.

Between 2007 until her death in January, 2011, I became increasingly involved in caring for my aunt. Doctor’s appointments, shopping, cooking, paying the bills and balancing the books. All the way until she required round-the-clock in-home care during her last seven months of life.

This was a difficult but fulfilling caregiving mission. If you care to read more about my experience with this journey through the winter of my aunt’s life, read this post.

Let’s move on… my life certainly did.

In the local and state elections of 2010, I was actively involved on a couple local campaigns, then got seriously burned by someone who I thought was civil, but threw me under the bus. That whole situation was quite distasteful, and local politics was becoming as ugly and dysfunctional as national politics, so I promised my partner that I would not get involved in any more political campaigns again. I have upheld that promise. My only involvement in politics today is to educate myself about candidates, then vote.

In 2011, my partner first displayed symptoms that took months for us to figure out what the cause was. For three very long years through 2012/13/14, we pursued treatments, dealt with setbacks, struggled with managing highly variable symptoms, saw over 40 specialists, had a ton of tests done, managed many medications and supplements, had brief remissions and several relapses, and I did all that I could for my beloved partner/spouse. His life was a living hell, and mine wasn’t that great, either. Juggling full-time caregiving with a full-time job was intense.

In 2013, during a brief period of time when my partner was feeling mildly okay, we went to the courthouse in the county of my birth and were married. We were living “as married,” but we finally were able to actually “be married” and live as one in our hearts and as treated by state and federal governments. As it should be.

In early 2014, my spouse retired after 40 years of service. I am still working. Why? Partially because I am a bit younger than my spouse, and also, I am a glutton for punishment: I like to work. But also partly because I can leave the house each day and get out of my spouse’s hair. He needs his quiet time while he pursues a second bachelor’s degree entirely on-line.

Here I am, up to 2015. I am working. The spouse is retired and caring for his mother as well as working on a (“for-fun”) degree. We don’t go out socially, to restaurants, or to see friends. My spouse has no friends other than me as his one-and-only best friend.

All-in-all, I have had quite a life until now. Who knows what the future will bring.

Summary: good things can happen. Bad things will happen. Good things result from turning bad lemons into lemonade — that is, rolling with the down times and making the best of it. I could not have done what I have accomplished without–

* A strong, loving, caring, thoughtful, and terrific family (especially my twin brother). My older brothers and sisters (and their spouses) who have stood by me through thick, thin, and everywhere else along my life’s journey.

* aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and dozens of cousins. I am truly blessed with a very large, loving, family.

* A terrific network of supportive “real-live” friends in my community, many of whom I grew up with.

* Having a solid emergency “rainy day” fund created by good budgeting and self-discipline instilled in me by my parents.

* A natural curiosity and ability to learn quickly — again, I credit my parents and the supportive environment in which I grew up that encouraged learning.

* Being patient, kind, and resilient. These characteristics truly helped me through life, especially to overcome adversity.

And most important of all–
* My partner, spouse, best friend, lover, hunk, and husband … all of him (makes all of me…). He is my rock and the man who makes me, “me.” Always, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do we part.

Life is short: MAKE IT HAPPEN!