Someone with whom I am having an intriguing email dialogue asked me this question:

I remember reading an old blog post of yours that mentioned that you had always worn leather for riding a motorcycle, and that therefore, no one suspected that you were a gay man into leather. When you finally wore full leather all the time, did you ever feel like you had a second coming out experience since it was admitting that you belong to a subculture within a subculture?

Excellent question! My response (after the jump):

Yes, for almost 40 years, I have chosen to wear some form of leather, be it a simple vest, jacket, and/or motorcycle chaps. Back when I first started riding a motorcycle, these were pretty much the only easily available leather garments around. (Not to mention boots, but boots are a completely different — yet related — story.)

Key words: “easily available”

For a guy who was “discovering” leather and who did not know he was gay, choosing motorcycle leather gear was what I did. Period.

Context: I began to ride a motorcycle regularly when I was 18 years old. I did not fully realize that I was gay (that is, “came out” to myself) until I was about 23. So for about 5 years, I had no known sexual orientation yet I liked leather. I liked how leather gear looked, how I felt while wearing it, how it protected me from cold & rain, and the self-image that wearing leather projected.

When it finally dawned on me that I was gay, I still did not identify with a gay leather subculture. Back in those times, gay subcultures were completely unknown to me. I was among those who did not buy porn, hang out in bars, or otherwise “explore” my sexual identity. Really, from about the time I was 23 until I was 33, I kept my gay feelings to myself. I was too busy to do otherwise with my first post-graduate “real job”, rebuilding my first new-to-me house, and settling down in my community. I did not date anyone and I only socialized with large groups of friends.

Then it all sort of changed when I was about 33 years old. I had settled into a routine at my job, I had earned all the college degrees I was going to earn, and I began to seek something more meaningful to me, relationship-wise.

Also about that time, I had visited San Francisco once or twice, and realized that there was a gay leather fetish subculture. I more fantasized about it than anything else, but I began — timidly — to explore other leather garments. I began with custom-fitted leather jeans, a long-sleeved leather shirt, then a Muir Cap (because I really liked the image — not because I had any fantasies of being a “leather Master.”)

I discovered that other “more kinky” leather gear was available — for a price — but easy to get. I quickly learned that sales people in leather stores wanted your business and would not laugh at any question you asked. They answered all of my questions — as many and as ignorant as they sounded. I asked a LOT of questions, no matter how dopey they seemed. I learned a lot — more than I really wanted to know sometimes — about leather as well as about what men did while wearing or using certain leather gear.

I also learned a lot by reading different magazines and — admittedly — by looking at some hard-core porn mags (easily found, once again, in SFO). I learned what intrigued me as well as what scared me to death. This is a G-rated blog, so I won’t describe that — just know that some “activities” that some leather-oriented men enjoy are absolutely activities that I would not. Period. I knew then (and know now) my limits.

Also, by my mid-30s, I grew up. I realized that I could wear what I wanted to wear within reason. For example, I ain’t gonna wear codpiece jeans to work. I won’t wear chaps without pants while operating a motorcycle. I absolutely will not have any part of my body pierced or tattooed. (Fine for some people; not for me. I HATE needles!)

But yeah, I could wear boots with a pair of leather pants and a leather shirt — i.e., “full leather” — out and about in the community when I went grocery shopping, visited family or friends, or even while attending some community meetings among neighbors and even elected officials — and no one said a thing. (Well, sometimes someone may have said something, but I don’t remember. Whatever they said was innocuous or I had a simple comeback: “Yeah, I like this gear. Isn’t it cool?”)

I met the man I eventually married when I was 35. He also felt the same way about leather as I did. So when he was more interested in going out, we would “leather up” in some fetish wear and visit bars, clubs, and attend leather events like MAL or IML (once.)

But that was about “it” when it came to wearing fetish leather in public. Most of the time, my choices of leather to wear were more reserved — such as a leather shirt with denim jeans OR a flannel shirt with leather jeans. Some mild combination, but seldom “all leather all the time.” (Sorry, my friend who wrote to me — I may have given the wrong impression.)

Yeah, I like to wear leather and I believe in using my investment. I wear leather regularly — but not necessarily everywhere, every day.

Since my spouse has pretty much retreated to being a homebody since his disability has become so severe, our choices of wearing fetish leather are reserved for “home use.” However, my “public use” of leather — motorcycle gear — remains a regular choice that I make.

Therefore, back to the subject of this post — I consider myself to be “a man who wears leather” rather than the gay subculture definition of a “leatherman.” As an old married fart, doing things that gay Leathermen do is not my choice. I am not judging them — they enjoy and do what they do. I ask that they not judge me for my choices equally.

Life is short: be comfortable with your choices — and by all means, if you have leather garments, wear them!