While in San Francisco for one night — last Sunday — I arranged to have dinner with two good friends who live there — Larry of “hotboots.com” fame, and Ken, the owner of Stompers Boots. Both Larry and Ken invited their husbands, Bill and Walter, respectively, to join us.

Yep, husbands. There I am, also a married man, with a ring on my finger indicating that I’m in the same relationship.

What things to married gay men talk about?

… same things that any other married couples talk about — life, concerns about family, and catch-up on the activities and interests of your visiting friend.

Really, there are no differences at all between what gay and straight married couples talk about. And there shouldn’t be! However, I had one person write to me to ask “what kinds of things do gay married couples talk about?” — implying that our conversations would be different from the conversations of straight folk.

We’re middle-aged, nearing- or fully retired men. We are settled with our spouses into a life we have made with each other. Just like any other couple, our lives have their moments, joys, challenges, and so forth. No different from anyone else.

Come to think of it, we did not talk about anything gay-related, even though the restaurant where we were dining was in the heart of “the Castro” — the foundation of the “gayest” neighborhood in the City of San Francisco. We know we are gay. We are married. So what?

The only “gay-thing” we talked about was observing a nice-looking young man arrive, dressed in head-to-boot leather. Tight leather. Well-built guy filled out his leathers “woofy-well.” I know that I was not the only married man at our table watching this dude walk by. But isn’t “man-watching” the same for a gay man as “woman-watching” is for a straight man? Our marriages reflect commitment to our spouses, but do not mean that we cannot appreciate seeing some eye candy every now and then. All guys do that; normal.

As I thought about our dinner, I reflected, “man, isn’t this something, though. Here we are, married men, having dinner and enjoying life as any other couples would be doing — and not being treated any differently. Times have changed for much better and rather quickly.”

Being “of that age” and also out of respect for my need to continue with adjusting to jet lag, we met for dinner early (6pm) and were done by 7:30, and for me — back to the hotel and off to bed. No play… no stray… no going to a bar… just to bed. I guess *that* is the difference for older married gay men — we poop out and do not party.

Life is short: the normalcy of normal behavior and conversation is quite normal.