I mentioned in a recent blog post that I attended a biker’s conference. That event was different from something like a club run, where motorcyclists ride somewhere and party. No, this was an actual conference, with speakers, breakout sessions, and a rather demanding two-day schedule. Yeah, there was one social function on one evening — but anyone who attends any major conference knows that a social event is usually included as a part of an overall conference experience.

I belong to an organized motorcycle riding club, whose name I am not specifically saying on this blog because I do not wish to draw readers googling the name of the group to this blog. This riding club sponsored this conference. It is very serious about riding, and training leaders to manage the affairs of its local chapters well, lead fun and enjoyable rides, support members, and encourage growth and development of officers. I have participated in a lot of training events over the years from various perspectives and providers. This one was done very well; better than most.

There were about 800 participants in this conference, coming mostly from states in the eastern third of the United States. Each participant was a leader or emerging leader of a local chapter of this organization, and most were like me — middle-aged men and women who fit a certain profile. (I’ll let you figure that one out!)

What draws us to participate in this organization is that we share a common bond of enjoying the passion of motorcycling, and affiliation with a particular brand of bike. Our common bond, therefore, is “being a biker.” We come from different backgrounds and professions, but the bond of “biker brother/sisterhood” is what opened the lines of communication.

I have portrayed myself on this blog (and personally) as being a “biker who happens to be gay” rather than a “gay biker.” To me, the “biker thing” is more who I am than the “gay thing.” Yeah, I’m gay, but others are straight. You don’t hear straight bikers go around saying, “hey, I’m a straight biker.” They say, “hey, I’m a biker, meet the wife.” The relationship and sexual orientation is always second, as it should be. Of course, in this world, it is assumed that the sexual orientation is heterosexual. It’s rare to find others in this group whose sexual orientation is homosexual, like me. I believe there are others in the group, and who serve in leadership positions, who are gay. I don’t think many of them, though, are out. Many hide their sexual orientation and are closeted.

When I attended the conference, I wore the clothing that I usually wear when riding — my club colors vest, t-shirt, and a pair of leather jeans. While I probably was the only guy who had the courage (or cajones) to wear leather jeans, I didn’t give it a second thought. Wearing leather is just a part of who I am.

I participated and spoke up in breakout sessions about various topics of concern, asked questions, shared answers, and listened to others who described situations similar to what my club at home has had to deal with. I did not intend to say anything about my sexual orientation because it was never an issue — until one session toward the end of the event where someone made a homophobic comment that I just couldn’t let go without confronting its negativity and stereotype. A guy said, “if a gay guy showed up in his tiara, I wouldn’t let him ride without putting on a helmet first.”

I know this is out of context, but the overall topic was about safe riding and required gear. The organization has a mixed position when it comes to helmet-wearing, because helmets are required by law in some states, but not in all of them. Members of this organization who ride in states where helmets are not required do not want anyone to come close to suggesting that they must wear a helmet. (Though in my personal opinion, anyone who operates a motorcycle on public streets without a helmet is begging to be the winner of the next Darwin Award.)

I digress… back to the topic. I got the floor right after that guy said his stupid remark about gay guys wearing tiaras. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but remember that I told him that this session was about safe gear, and the overall conference was about recruiting and retaining members. There’s no way that he can know, or should know, the sexual orientation of all of his club’s members. But when stupid things like that are said publicly, it would cause some people — both gay and straight — to withdraw. Saying silly things like that which have no purpose or meaning (other than a failed attempt at humor based on ridiculing others) offend more people than he thought.

I also remember closing with something like, “I am a biker, like you are. I also happen to be gay, which I presume you are not. My point is that I am a biker who happens to be gay. There are a lot of us out there, and I betcha you didn’t think that was possible. I prove that stereotypical assumption is untrue.”

I got a loud round of applause, and the guy apologized. That was the end of it, until the end of the session where the guy came up to me and apologized again. I told him that I appreciated that he apologized, but the more important point was to remember and apply what he learned from this lesson when he got back home. He said that he would.

It’s everywhere — stereotyping, failed attempts at humor, and outright homophobia. I deal with it every day in many aspects of my life. I have dealt with it in my own local motorcycle riding club. I know there are some guys (and women) who are very uncomfortable with the fact that I’m gay and live in a relationship with a man. That’s their problem, not mine.

Life is short: be who you are, and draw stereotypes to attention when necessary.