My spouse has been in Pittsburgh caring for his mother for the last two weeks, going on his third week today. I spent five days with him up there, but I had to return to work last week.

I am rattling around our house…

…doing things to keep busy like washing and cleaning all of the baseboards (actually I wanted to do that because their dirt was driving me nuts), repairing and replacing the stair treads on our deck, watering all of my spouse’s many plants, cleaning and washing all of the windows (inside and out!) and lots of other stuff.

I spent several hours each day revising code for the files that compose my website to make it more mobile-friendly.

I realized that I was doing most of these activities to keep busy and my mind diverted from my spouse being away. I also realized just how much I have grown to live my life with him always in it — to talk to, do things with, and just “be” as a couple.

My spouse and I have been together the better of 22 years. We have not been apart except for occasional times when I go on business travel. This is the first time that I have been at home without him in years.

I was thinking that I would enjoy some “me” time, “bachin’ it” so-to-speak. Yeah, it was nice for a while that I didn’t have to pick up my socks from the floor or put the newspaper in the recycling bin the minute I finished reading it. But the hole in my heart is growing each day. I realize how much I am the lesser half of a whole — the whole being the “us” as a couple.

I speak with him two or three times a day, but it is not the same.

I had no motivation to go out and be with other people. In the evening after dinner, once again… I was alone and feeling lonely. I read a book and hit the sack early.

I decided to surprise my spouse for a quick weekend visit. I left Saturday at 5am and arrived there by 9:30… excellent time. He was so surprised to see me!

I spent much of my time running errands, buying groceries, and cooking. My spouse and I had about 10 minutes of “us time,” then the rest was doing things for and with his mother.

I drove back on Sunday because I have to return to work on Monday. But it was great to see my spouse, even for just about 26 hours.

I will be driving to Pittsburgh again later this week to take MIL to see another doctor, and hopefully by then my spouse will have people coming to care for his mother in her house so I can bring him back home.

My spouse has been working with four caregiving companies, but none of them so far have been able to recruit caregivers who can actually get to her house since her area is not served by public transportation, and most caregivers do not own their own car (or are willing to drive to that location.) The situation is quite a challenge, to say the least. I wish we could relocate MIL to a facility better equipped to care for her, but she absolutely, positively, refuses.

Life is short: show those you love how you love them — even with a short-duration surprise visit.