I wrote a post the other day titled Keeping the Marriage Strong, where I provided what I thought were the best tips from other bloggers who comment about married life.

I have additional, personal, actions that I have done since the first days of developing my relationship with my spouse, long before we married, that I thought I would add.

1. Be honest.

Above all else, be honest with your partner. If you have any regard for your relationship, you won’t keep secrets. There IS a difference between a secret that results in a pleasant surprise, like when I buy a gift for his birthday or Christmas and pretend that I don’t know what he is talking about when he hints around about what he wants. But things like that are not what I am talking about.

It is likely in your adult life you met and had “relations” with someone else before you met your partner. Tell him about it. Perhaps not quite all the gory details, but don’t try to hide that you didn’t have past girlfriends or boyfriends, or had dalliances with someone else, testing the waters or exploring your interests. If your partner is your intimate lover, he or she should know that he or she wasn’t the first, but is the best.

Honesty above all else makes you a man (or woman) of unquestioned integrity.

2. Be truthful.

Being truthful is similar to being honest, but truthfulness is tested every day, almost every minute of every day. How you answer questions among anyone you speak with reveals volumes about yourself and your integrity. Just know this: casual acquaintances may not know you are lying, but your partner does. He or she can always tell. Don’t lie. If you make a mistake or do something wrong, it is far easier to fess up and honestly admit what happened than to get trapped in a rabbit hole of telling a lie to cover another lie and on and on.

3. Explain your fears.

This is a novel twist on honesty, but when your partner knows what you are afraid of, then he may be in a position to help you deal with it. For example, I am scared to death of needles. When it comes time to get routine vaccinations (such as the shingles and flu shots scheduled for us this month), my spouse makes it as easy for me to deal with as he can. He stays with me in the doctor’s office and even holds my hand. He watches me closely for signs of lightheadedness or fainting. He explains to the nurse what is going on and keeps me calm.

My spouse is afraid that he will never regain his agility, strength, or full health since he contracted those awful illnesses that he had for the past 3 years. He is better able, now, to handle his emotions because he has been honest about being afraid of a drastically different future from what he envisioned.

4. Discuss finances openly.

I hear about so many couples who fight about money and sometimes break up as a result. Being honest and truthful, discuss your income AND your expenses. Keep a budget; balance your checkbook and know where your personal as well as joint funds are. Do this by more than just glancing at a bank or credit card statement or your bank and credit card accounts on-line. Sit down with your partner and go over your finances.

Most adult couples (married or in long-term relationships) usually have a joint checking account, joint savings, and a joint credit card or two. Those things are easy to review. But add to that your personal accounts. Your “me” funds. Everyone has them. So you have a “boot fund?” Let the spouse know your passions and interests and that you are budgeting wisely for personal fun. That’s okay. The problems occur when you are overdue on the rent and a new pair of boots shows up. Fix the priorities, because when financial priorities get out of kilter, that’s when fights happen.

By all means, avoid using plastic for little expenses. Swipe the debit card for a coffee, again for lunch, again for a couple things at the grocery store. Before you know it, your bank account has incurred hundreds of dollars of expenses any given month. Ya know, you spend less on indulgences when you use cash. Just sayin’…

Also, avoid the niddling extra fees for … well almost everything. Fees for a plastic bag in a grocery store, fees for excess data on mobile devices, fees for on-demand movies… it goes on and on. Managing or budgeting for those fees you will accept is important — or like my spouse and I do: we don’t incur these fees. I read somewhere lately that “hidden fees” rob the average adult in the U.S. of more than $100/month! Wow! I have plenty of other things to do with those nickel-and-dime stupid fees.

Know your routine monthly expenses. Pay yourself first each pay date by contributing to your household emergency fund. If funds are left over after paying the monthly living expenses and contributing to the emergency fund, then discuss openly what you want to do with it. It is okay to spend some of your money on yourself. It is also okay every now and then to splurge by having a date night at a nice restaurant or going to a concert or something.

I keep the books for our household. I make my spouse sit down with me at least once a month and I go over everything. He knows where “our” money has been spent, what the cost of the utilities are, which bills are paid when and by what method (auto-deduction, on-line bill pay, or the old fashioned manual method of writing a check and sending it in the mail.) He even knows the amount in my “boot fund”. It is fun to discuss with him what I am looking at, boot-wise, and gives him a chance to offer his opinions.

5. Listen

Take time to listen to your partner. So your partner may prattle on and on about something and you could care less. It is important to her or him, even if you could give a sh*t. Just listen. Part of keeping a relationship strong is to listen when your partner speaks. Truly listen and respond with comments or questions that indicate you are indeed listening and not letting it go in one ear and out the other.

6. Communicate

Communication begins with listening (#5), but also is about really saying what you think, how you feel, and what’s on your mind. Turn off the external noise (TV, mobile device, radio, … whatever.) Put the kids out(side). Take time — even 10 minutes a day makes a difference — and communicate with your partner. Each day, every day, have a thoughtful and honest discussion with your partner. The more regularly you communicate, the stronger your relationship.

Life is short: keep your relationship strong.